Halcyon's Most Eligble

[ask-martin-callahan]

I often wonder how many people have been killed with the guns I've sold. I hope one day I'm killed with a Spacer's Choice gun.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Captain: What crimes have you committed?

Phineas: Would you like a list Alphabetically or chronologically?

credit: @why-are-u-here

[incorrectouterworlds]

Vicar Max: But listen, you would consider me a pretty methodical person, wouldn’t you?

Ellie: Oh, yeah, like a serial killer.

Vicar Max: Serial killer. I like that, I like that. It’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but I see your point.

Ellie: Yeah.

Vicar Max: And I like it.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Chairman Rockwell: You know what? I think you’re full of shit. I think I could walk out, and you wouldn’t do anything. I think you’re bluffing.

Captain: Oh, you think I’m bluffing? Then bluff this. Nyoka, hurt somebody!

Nyoka: [stabs the Captain]

Captain: No, you’re supposed to hurt one of them! You hurt one of them!

Nyoka: My bad.

Chairman Rockwell: That is one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever seen in my life.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Captain: You can’t kill someone ‘cuz they're retired!

Chairman Rockwell: Oh, don’t give me that liberal bullshit.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Parvati: I have something big to tell you.

Captain: You know you can say anything to me, Parvati. We’ve known each other forever and there is absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.

Parvati: I have a secret girlfriend.

Captain: You’re dead to me.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Felix: Hello, I’m Felix Millstone.

Vicar Max: The answer to a question I never asked.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Ellie: Why should I listen to you, anyway? You’re a virgin that can’t drive.

Felix: That was way harsh, Ellie.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Captain: Don’t forget to lift with your legs, Nyoka.

Nyoka: I know how to lift, jackass. I’ve been carrying this team the entire time I’ve been here.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Vicar Max: Did you know I also collect books?

Captain: Really?

Vicar Max: Yes, I’m a man of limited interests.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Felix: You like me? You like my personality?

Captain: I was surprised, too.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Parvati: This may come as a shock, but I’m not very good at talking to girls…

Captain: Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?

[incorrectouterworlds]

Nyoka: You scoundrel, is that brandy?

Felix: Oh no, just water.

Nyoka: Water? Oh, I never touch the stuff. Fish fuck in it.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Captain: If elected chairman, my first act will be to kill the lot of you, and burn your board to cinders!

Chairman Rockwell: The mic’s on.

Captain: I know it’s on!

[incorrectouterworlds]

Ellie: Felix, don’t talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street.

Felix:

[incorrectouterworlds]

Graham: My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure.

Vicar Max: My strength will be the strength of eleven if you don’t shut up.

[incorrectouterworlds]

Ellie: Teamwork is overrated. Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what’s all this crap I’ve been hearing about tolerance?

Vicar Max: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.