Incorrect Schitt's Creek quotes

stuff the Roses absolutely said

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I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack, and I haven’t arranged for anyone to clear my internet history!

David Rose

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David Rose: What does it take to keep you safe? What’s the matter with you? Don’t you realize you could get killed?

Alexis Rose: David, I’m not gonna die.

David Rose: What?

Alexis Rose: I’m seventeen.

David Rose: And so you can’t die?!

Alexis Rose: I just don’t see it happening.

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David Rose: Aw, babe, you had a crush on me? That's embarrassing.

Patrick Brewer: We're married.

David Rose: Still.

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Stevie Budd: You know, in a weird way, I'm going to miss our little motel.

Moira Rose: Yes, and in an even weirder way, I think I might actually miss you.

Stevie Budd: And in an even weirder way, I want you and Johnny to be my parents.

Moira Rose: That is weirder.

Stevie Budd: Yeah, I got stuff.

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Love you? My dad never said that. My family loved each other. We just didn’t say it. We showed our love through criticism and micromanagement. So if you said ‘I love you’, you were probably hiding something

David Rose

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Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower, I spend too much time volunteering. Sometimes I’ll hit somebody with with my car, so sue me.

Alexis Rose

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Jocelyn Schitt: Wait, are you drunk?

Moira Rose: Please, off of 12 drinks?

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Alexis Rose: You said that if you were ever going to do same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me.

Stevie Budd: I have never said that to you.

Alexis Rose: It's been implied.

Stevie Budd: By you.

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Johnny Rose: It’s not my fault you’re hungover.

David Rose: Yes, it is your fault! If I lived with a normal family, there wouldn’t be so much to block out.

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If it were easy, everyone would be hot.

Alexis Rose

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I'm late because I care! Do you know how long it takes to put THIS together?

David to Patrick

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Twyla Sands: I thought you were seeing someone.

Alexis Rose: His fingerprints grew back. He had to leave the country.

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Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.

Patrick Brewer

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Johnny Rose: Where's Alexis?

Moira Rose: She went out.

Johnny Rose: She's grounded.

Moira Rose: Are they not allowed out when they're grounded?

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I've eaten nine birthday cakes, and I still feel empty.

David Rose

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Johnny Rose: Stevie, tell us about your family.

Stevie Budd: I... have one.

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David Rose: Patrick, I just need to tell you this. I’m in love with you, and I know you don’t feel the same--

Patrick Brewer: David, I’m in love with you, too.

David Rose:

David Rose: I don’t know what to do with this information.