Incorrect Silmarillion Quotes

The Silmarillion we know is pretty uptight and dignified. THIS is the real version.

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Morgoth: We've had a few minor differences over the years, but I can't imagine my life without him. So when you talk to him, you talk to him with respect! Sauron: Oh, my Lord. I don't know what to say... Morgoth: Shut up!

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I don't know who suddenly watched a lot of Vicious, but you are 100% correct that the silm characters should bitch at each other like that

I came across it by accident, and I got hooked. Ian is amazing in it. And I agree, it fits the Silm characters perfectly.

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Fingolfin: I've been looking for my very own Nerdanel my whole life. Fëanor: Oh, Nolo...Please, don't compare your filthy relationships with ours!

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Morgoth: Sauron still thinks I almost had an affair with Tulkas. *calling into a room* Morgoth: Hurry dear! We don't want to be late to the battle! Sauron: Don't rush me, you cheating slut! Morgoth: And he's being so decent about it.

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Some random servant: I want the kind of love my Lords have one day. Sauron: Where is that miserable piece of shit?! Morgoth: I'm right here, you walking corpse!

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Indis: I see Fëanor's not here yet, Finwë. Finwë: No, not yet. Fingolfin: You'll know he's arrived when you hear the gates of Hell creaking open.

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*During a family party* Maglor: Well, I think I'm going to have another glass of wine. Anybody else like one? Caranthir: I think if we're gonna get through this night, we'll each need our own bottle.

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Fingon: So, who's the letter from? Maedhros: My father, if you must know. He's very upset. Fingon: Why, did you finally tell him about us? Maedhros: I'm waiting for the right time. Fingon: It's been 1000 years! Maedhros: And there has not been a right time!

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Andreth: *After Aegnor left* This is the last time I let a man toy with my emotions. From now on, it's strictly physical!

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Finrod: The REAL problem is YOU, Celegorm. You are selfish!

Celegorm: Oh, please! Everybody always says what a giving person I am!

Aegnor: He's talking about when you're in an upright position!

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*During a party*

Celegorm: I think I have a little more endurance than you.

Finrod: Celegorm, we are not dancing on our backs.

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Angrod: Caranthir! I want to explain about last night. When I was a little boy one summer there was a terrible thunderstorm...

Caranthir: Excuse me Angrod, have I given any indication that I care?

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Celegorm: My whole life is an open book.

Curufin: Your whole life is an open tunic!

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Finrod: You know, Bëor, you don't look good.

Bëor: I'm short and I'm old. What are you expecting, some kind of Prince?

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Caranthir: Well, I am stunned. Stunned is the only way to describe how...stunned I am!

Maedhros: Just a minute, just a minute, Caranthir. Are you trying to tell us that you are stunned?

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Curufin: *about Celegorm* Wherever he goes, he finds a man!

Caranthir: So do hookers.

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Celegorm: *to Aredhel* Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.