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matthew knies: that goal was so sick. he defied the apple guy.

joseph woll: the apple guy????????

kniesy: yeah dude, like the apple fell on him??

woller: do you mean….. isaac newton? newtons law of motion?

kniesy: apple guy!

bobby mcmann: apple guy is steve jobs.

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john tavares, pregame against the blackhawks next season: are we seriously betting this entire game on domes’ ability to flirt?

max domi, winking: double down

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easton cowan, walking into the room: hey, dude.

fraser minten, flipping him off: sup

cowboy, with double middle fingers up: well, okay, fuck you too then??

minty, staring at his hand: that,,, is meant to be a peace sign, and the second finger just didn’t??

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matthew knies, staring at the shots against on the scoreboard: i think joe needs a holiday

bobby mcmann: yeah, probably.

kniesy: or like. a handgun

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mitch marner, trying not to laugh: i forgot i was allergic and my hands are shorty.. fire-

marns, losing it: fire burning on the dance floor

auston matthews, doubled over: *cannot stop laughing*

marns, finally holding it together: wooaaahhhh

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matthew knies: is it still elder abuse if i don’t even know the old guy?

bobby mcmann: i think probably

kniesy: god damn it

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mk23@bm74 ; i couldn’t fix him but i think i could top him

md11@tb59 ; ‘i could fix him’ well i could watch him fall into bloodlust and madness instead. it would be significantly more fun

sb2@jm22 ; this man can’t be fixed. i can fuck him though. maybe that will calm him down

mm16@wn88 ; ‘i could fix him’ ‘i could make him worse’ why?????? why all this diy???? i just wanna stand over his shoulder and see what he could possibly fuck up next

am34@rr75 ; ‘i could fix him’ yeah? well i could accept him as he is. you don’t like the murder? grow up. the atrocities are part of him and i’ve decided they’re funny

jw60@mk23 ; ‘i could fix him’ ‘i could make him worse’ i could paint his fingernails black.

am34@mm16 ; i wouldn’t fix him i would put him in a small cardboard box and shake it very very hard

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matthew knies: wait, what do you mean i commit tax fraud?

john tavares: you were only gonna make like three dollars, it wasn’t worth the trouble!

kniesy: and that’s fraud???

jt, smiling calmly: no, evasion!

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auston matthews: we did a charity thing and i taught two girls to skate yesterday

william nylander, smirking: did y-

am34, deadpan: they were fifteen.

willy: -yyouuuuuuuuuu- tell them not to take candy from strangers ..?

am34, smiling fondly: one of them just got her permit. i told her speeding is only illegal if she gets caught.

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tml dcore: i know he doesn’t look like it, but this is one of the most dangerous beings in existence,

simon benoit: :)

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matthew knies, over text: i just wanted to say i have a massive crush on you

bobby mcmann: oh

bobby: who’s the other guy?

kniesy: i added him for moral support

bobby: LMAOOOO ARE YOU SERIOUS

jospeh woll: i’m here for you man

woller: do your thing

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sheldon keefe, watching blankly as links and links of chain spill from william nylander’s locker:

keefer: part of me wants to ask. the other half says knowing will be more disturbing than anything i could ever imagine….. so- i’m just gonna walk away.

willy: s’ good. that’s a wise choice, coach.

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matthew knies, squinting at his phone: johnny, what does P-O-S mean?

john tavares: point of sale.

kniesy, face scrunched: mitchy says auston is such a point of sale…?

jt:

jt: piece of shit. it means piece of shit.