Incredulous Eyes of First Love

More than eighty years had passed since Carlisle had found Esme, and yet he still looked at her with the incredulous eyes of first love. It would always be that way for them.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

Yo, just letting everyone know, I'm planning on slowly phasing out my sideblogs to throw it all on my main, so I'll be reblogging everything from here to there, and from now on everything Twilight/Carlesme will be posted to my main and not here

You can follow me over at thetruthbetween

My queue is being loaded with Twilight, The Conjuring, Star Trek, Supernatural, and lesser amounts of various other fandoms. Check the pinned post!

[incredulouseyesoflove]

do you have carlesme nsfw headcanons?

Do I ever!

Gonna put 'em under a cut for, y'know, obvious reasons LOL

[Note: I found this in my drafts and I have no idea why I never posted it, so here, have some Carlesme headcanons.]

Carlisle doesn't have any particular interest in BDSM, but Esme is submissive, and he would do anything for her, so now and then (probably averages once a month or so) they do a scene or a weekend where he just takes complete control of her.

They didn't break the bed on their wedding night. In fact, they didn't break anything at all until about 2 weeks after Edward left. Which also happened to be when Carlisle and Esme realized that Esme turns to sex for distraction when she's upset. (Esme spent the first couple weeks anxiously waiting for him to return, and once she realized he wasn't going to, she threw herself head-long into distraction tactics. The house barely survived. Repairs were necessary.)

Esme is pansexual and very, very polyamorous. She usually has at least one other lover in whatever place they live (if not in the town, then nearby. Forks is too small for her to have a lover there, but Seattle is close enough and big enough for her to see someone there), as well as having an on-going relationship with Tanya. Carlisle, while monogamous himself, has a strong sense of compersion, and is happy to see Esme finding joy wherever and with whomever she can.

(Also tho, they had a threesome once with a human woman. Carlisle enjoyed it, but found it awkward and vaguely uncomfortable and it made him feel a little guilty, so it only happened the one time. That said, when Carlisle found out Edward had feelings for Bella, his first thought was "the temperature difference" with a wash of pleasant memories.)

Carlisle really, really likes anal sex. Like. Anything involving the ass and he's ready to go. Giving, receiving, doesn't matter, he's here for it. (Esme was the one who suggested it. Carlisle spent a couple hundred years with "sodomy is a sin" in his head. It was Esme who pointed out that the issue was with cleanliness, and since they're vampires, cleanliness isn't a concern. It's been like 50 years and he's still obsessed with the 'taboo' of it.)

[incredulouseyesoflove]

Do what I find extremely disappointing? Not only do we get only one book (as opposed to four) from Edward’s POV, but according to SM’s FAQ we won’t be getting any retellings of the series from any other character’s POV, either. Like there is just so much to explore and learn if every Cullen/Hale + Jake got to tell us their version of the series (to keep things fair, Nessie’s could be 4 books like 20 years later). It’s just seems like a waste. Do you know any authors that’ve explored this?

IDK dude, I kinda felt that retelling a story that's already been told, just to get into another character's head to be a waste ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (especially when the author then goes and retcons a bunch of stuff like what?)

I mean, if you like Midnight Sun, that's great and all, I just don't see the point, myself. I'm still probably gonna read it at some point, because I'm that desperate for Esme and Carlesme content, but I'm not like, champing at the bit to get to reading. (I've had a copy for a few months now and still haven't started it yet LOL)

Anyway, as for your actual question... I've seen it in fanfic, but I can't recall any other published author doing it, at least not in the sense of publishing one book from one character's POV and the same book from another character's POV. I've definitely seen authors repeat key scenes from different characters POVs in the same book tho.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

Have you read Life and Death, where everyone is genderswaped? How do you think Carisile and Earnest would handle falling in love with each other?

I have not, and probably won't, because I don't enjoy genderswap. I also don't ship m/m like at all.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

Might sound dumb, but it’s pretty obvious that Carisile and Esme consider all of their adoptive children to be their children (including Bella), but do you think that all of the “kids” see/love them as their parents? And each other? Do they see/love each other as siblings? Maybe not Bella, at least not yet.

I mean. I'm not even convinced that Carlisle and Esme consider the "kids" to be like, their children. Not in a true sense. Edward and Rosalie, yes. Probably Emmett. Possibly Alice. Questionably Jasper. (Bella literally only because Bella Is The Center Of The Universe, but realistically, probably not.) There's just not much evidence that they view them in that way. I definitely think they view them as family, but their children? Not convinced.

I don't think any of the kids see them as actual parents. Edward very well might, but even he straddles the line between treating them as parents and as peers. Rosalie I think has some leanings toward them as parental figures, but not like, actual parents. Emmett maybe? But like, in an in-law sense. Alice, Jasper, and Bella definitely not. Not only is there no indication of them seeing Carlisle and Esme as parents, but none of them have any reason to. All Alice knows is being a vampire, so she has no personal concept of parents. Jasper was a whole-ass grown adult living a grown adult life (same with Emmett, but Emmett's wife is their "daughter" so he vibes into that). Bella has parents, and they may not be as present, for lack of a better word, as Carlisle and Esme are, but she doesn't really need more, y'know? She's good.

As for siblings... Edward and Rosalie absolutely see each other as siblings. Edward and Emmett, again an in-law thing. Emmett and Rosalie seem to have gotten together very quickly, so I think Edward wouldn't have had the opportunity to see Emmett as a brother instead of a brother-in-law. Alice and Jasper... ehn. Maybe? @panlight has referred to them as cousins, and I really think that fits. I could maybe see Alice and Edward considering themselves siblings, they seem to have that vibe/banter, but also they could just consider themselves good friends, y'know? Could go either way. Definitely family, tho. Bella very much as an in-law feel with everyone. Family, but through Edward.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

Hey, here another prompt for you. Would you consider writing based on a song? Have you listened to Troye Sivan’s Angel Baby? Could you do a prompt based on this song? Thank you!!

I have never heard it before, I haven't even heard of him, but I just listened to it twice and stopped the other thing I was writing to write this. Also I'm gonna go follow him on Spotify after I finish. (I take it back, I followed him and put the song on repeat to write with it on)

Warning for blood, but really, Esme's just a messy eater the first time, don't judge her LOL

[AO3]

*

Esme's eyes opened and she could see everything.

She was cool -- cold, really -- but it didn't bother her. Her throat burned, and that did bother her.

"... Miss Platt?"

Her eyes snapped to him almost before he started speaking, and by the time he'd finished, she was on her feet, in front of him, staring into those golden eyes in wonder.

"Doctor Cullen." Her voice felt rough, dragged through the fiery shards that filled her throat, but it came out sounding soft and smooth in a way she'd never heard it before. Breathless in a way she'd come to expect when thinking of the man now standing before her.

She watched his Adam's apple bob, heard the muscles of his throat working as he swallowed. "Please, Carlisle," he said.

Her eyes sparkled, she could feel it. "Esme," she returned. She wasn't Miss Platt anymore, anyway.

"Esme."

Her eyes fluttered closed, she savored the sound of her name on his lips. And then she sighed, and the fire in her throat flared. Her eyes flew open, glancing around instinctively for something to sooth the burn.

She only half listened as he explained what he'd done to her. She remembered the words from before, a lifeline amid the fire her existence had become for those three days. Then he took her outside, introduced her to the lurking teenage boy that followed them into the woods, but didn't seem to want to get too close.

The next thing she was aware of was the warm liquid that somehow cooled the fire inside her.

She drank, until she could barely stomach to swallow more, until the out of control burn had dimmed down to sleepy embers.

It was like being drunk, she thought, staring down at the dead elk before her, her head spinning, a giddy wooziness making her grin.

The wind shifted, bringing a new scent to her nose, sharp and sweet and dangerous and soothing all at once. She whirled around, and he was there, watching her.

Carlisle.

She was covered in blood, a messy river down her chin, smeared across her front, her hands sticky and red to match. She could feel it slick in her mouth still, drying on her lips. She licked them.

"Esme," he said, and took a step toward her.

It welled up within her. The giddiness, that drunken joy, like the champagne she vaguely remembered having once, bubbles slipping up her spine to pop in prickling shivers in her brain.

She was in front of him before she could think of it, registered the startled surprise on his face, heard the anxious, quick footsteps of the boy running to them.

And then she pressed her lips to Carlisle's, sticky hands leaving half-dried smears across his neck as she pulled him closer to her. His hands came to her hips, flexed against the fabric of her skirt, and she opened her mouth against his, lips parting and tongue slipping out to lick the seam of his lips when he didn't immediately respond.

After a moment, she whimpered, a needy sound as she bit at his lip. She was on the verge of begging when he finally melted against her, and she hadn't realized how rigid he'd been holding himself until his body relaxed into hers. One of his hands left her hip to cup the back of her head, his fingers sliding into the tangled curls, and with a ragged groan, his lips parted to her.

It could have been hours that they stood there in each other's arms, lips locked together as the taste of blood and venom blended on their tongues.

It was Carlisle who finally ended the kiss, pulling back slowly and resting his forehead against Esme's. "Edward has left us," he said quietly.

Esme smiled dreamily, sighed, "Oh," and kissed him again.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

If a human isn't strong enough to shift vampire flesh, gravity isn't, either.

Vampire tiddies don't bounce

[incredulouseyesoflove]

Been seeing this going around and been thinking of which of these Carlisle would like on Esme. I mean, besides all of them because he's her biggest simp.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

Thinking about this again today. Specifically thinking about Esme lounging around in an oversized hoodie down to her upper thighs, over-the-knee socks, and nothing else

[palmofafreezinghand]

Your take on the changes between Carlesme’s relationship when Emmett and Rose become a thing has killed me off. It’s amazing.

But of them, I wondered if you wouldn’t mind expanding on the scene where Edward leaves in the first place?

Man’s on an entirely different note, how do Carlesme debate and argue? Because the thought of them having a discussion while completely emotionally vulnerable and Carlisle still kissing his wife is just such a phenomenal image.

You really be shelling out the Gold 😍😍😍

Thank you so much omg!! 💖💖 This is already obscenely long so I'll answer the second part of your question in another post but for now here's an expansion on Edward leaving. 

But first here’s an image that pretty much encapsulates how I felt explaining this “theory” or plot line realizing how absurd my ideas really are: 

- Heavy content warning for discussions of sexual assault and domestic abuse -

So Edward leaves in the first place: I’ve lovingly referred to it as the “1927 debacle” in pieces before but I’ve never actually explained it.

I want to first note a lot of people have written this and Edward’s rebellion so much better than I ever could but I feel weird just randomly referencing someone else’s work within my own work, it feels so close to plagiarism so I needed a scene to reference and the ridiculous “1927 debacle” was born.

First off, Edward left to kill Charles and stayed gone. He didn’t leave to go kill murderers and rapists he went to kill Charles ‘Lee’ Evenson. Now the question is why did he go off to kill Charles after 6 years?

I think @gisellelx is a genius for the argument that Edward killed Charles to stop Carlisle from doing it and not to protect Esme. (the post in question, here).

Edward has been feeling like a third wheel for a while. Through no one’s real fault, he feels like Carlisle’s discarded him, he hasn’t, and that Carlisle no longer loves just him, which he does. So in all his abandonment issues and mental turmoil he’s considered Siohban’s words about a better life thousands of times. A life where he’s not some child.

Without even trying he tries to preemptively build the distance by retaliating: he picks fights with Esme for no good reasons, picks fights with Carlisle for very good reasons, tries to see how far he can drop the cover in public, starts extending his hunting trips by a day or two. He gives them space, he gives them distance, he sees how they’re always happier after he’s been gone (this is because they’re happy to see him but he’s not smart enough to realize that). He knows they’d be so much better off without him; but he’s always happy to see them, he loves them and he’s never known another life and maybe he is a child and what would he do without them and so he stays. And the cycle just kept repeating.

Until one night.

Edward went to a picture show after school. He was going to be home two or three hours later than usual, unintentionally giving Esme and Carlisle one hour alone after Carlisle got home from work.

Carlisle has had a rough day at work, he’s irritated about Edward’s recent attitude, he’s sick of the stupid dry spell they’ve fallen into because they’re walking around on eggshells in their own house. So he sees an opportunity and seizes it and initiates something (which we just established is rare). Esme’s worried about Edward getting home early, but Carlisle seems a little frustrated and his hands are moving quickly and persuasively and maybe it won’t be so bad. (Spoiler alert it will be bad!)

Before we continue we need to talk briefly about Esme’s mental health / state. In short: she has some pretty hefty C-PTSD and depression which she tries to fight on her own and hide as best as she can, but it also means sometimes she dissociates, even as a vampire. (If you want a more in depth analysis that’s here ).

So the encounter continues and Esme for some reason she doesn’t know starts to feel odd, unwanted memories are starting to creep in, she’s starting to feel more and more disconnected from her body. This has happened a few times before, and she knows Carlisle has a hard and fast “we have to stop” rule and so she’s telling him and he’s not stopping and she doesn’t know why he’s not stopping and she’s not able to talk and she’s no longer in their bedroom but instead in that bedroom. (The reason he doesn’t stop is because she’s so far out she’s not actually saying anything and she didn’t actually say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ and he’s mistaking bad gasps for good gasps, and her body isn’t showing anything wrong, he legitimately had no idea something was wrong and had no way of knowing).

This is when Edward gets home from the cinema early. He barges in and practically rips Carlisle off Esme. Now, at this point Carlisle knows nothing other than Edward has been acting quite petulant lately and is now barging into their bedroom and this is the breaking point. Edward manages to get an “I’m alright” out of Esme while Carlisle throws on clothes, granted it’s weak and part of a cry but she said she was alright, and Edward is able to drag Carlisle out into the woods by the scruff of his neck.

When Edward drops him a mile and half away from the house he flies through the stumps of three trees.

They have the fight of all fights, and Carlisle starts it. He’s about two paragraphs into his rant when Edward reveals what happened. The words “she told you to stop, why didn’t you stop?” makes him freeze dead in his tracks. She didn’t say that and Carlisle knows that, but that is his greatest fear ever and Edward knows that. So now he believes Edward is just shooting far below the belt and before he’s able to even fight back Edward stops him with a detailed account of what Esme was seeing and feeling. It’s one of the first times he betrays her trust in the whole ‘Charles’ regard and boy does he betray her trust. Years worth of his mother’s horrific memories of that man and that house and that bedroom he’s had to witness come spilling out in excruciating detail. Carlisle is silent. For a while his mind is reeling but soon it begins to focus, sharpen, narrowing down on a plan. How fast could he get to 3118 Hawthorne Avenue? He had the tools necessary in his bag back home. He could do it and be back for his shift tomorrow evening. This is when Edward shifts from vindictive to worried.

Carlisle can’t kill Charles, that ruins the saintly image Edward has of him and Edward needs Carlisle to remain a saint more than he needs anything else. But Edward, Edward isn’t good. Edward could easily kill someone and he loves Esme enough to do it, but most importantly he loves Carlisle enough to do it. But he knows Carlisle won’t let him, Esme won’t let him either. They had been in this predicament before, considering killing a man that posed no future threat.

That time in 1921 when Carlisle saw Esme had a flashback and heard the name “Charles Evenson” for the first time and decided to run to Ohio without a single plan, Edward followed. And more importantly so did Esme. They made it to the border of Illinois and Indiana when she finally caught up with them and wrapped herself around both of their ankles like a little kid. It was somewhat genius because neither man would drag her across the ground and so they had to listen to her demand they not do anything stupid for hours. Eventually she got up and they followed her home in silence, heads hung in shame.

But how could Edward get rid of Carlisle this time? As soon as he had the thought Esme came to the rescue once again. Her scream was loud and shrill and more like a wail than a scream, a siren alerting them she had come back to consciousness. Carlisle glanced towards the house and glanced towards his son and knew, he knew the choice he was going to have to make. Edward made it for him.

“I’m going out for a hunt. She needs you, go,” he said retreating into the trees before Carlisle could follow. He heard Carlisle shout his name three times before he heard the crunch of pine needles and could hear his father’s worried thoughts retreat signaling the choice he had made, the right one.

[youareonlyastory]

Okay so the capturing of Edward’s insecurities being tied with the extremity of him still loving and needing to protect Esme is just delicious.

And there is definitely such a part of Carlisle being defensive but mortally humiliated at thinking he was unable to pick up on the minute distances in Esme’s body language. Because she does hide it and she does want to be a good wife to a better husband.

Gosh I’m in love. This is fizzing my brain.

[needahugfromesme]

@palmofafreezinghand what you and @gisellelx did is completely mind-blowing! The way you ascribe Edward's motivation to protecting a "sainted Carlisle" really hit home!! and @youareonlyastory ur summary 😭

I've been thinking about this for a long time too. It seems that Edward had placed himself in an endless dilemma because of his idolatry of Carlisle. In 1918, that aimless, hot-blooded teenager had created a 'god' for himself and projected it onto Carlisle, the person he most relied on and admired (Still, Carlisle himself should take some of the blame). For decades, Edward's actions and decisions revolved around this 'fabricated Carlisle', the voice in his head telling him what to do. When the real Carlisle behaved in contradiction to the fabricated saint Carlisle, Edward would get confused and angry. (like he didn't want to take someone's life but turned Esme without consent; He wanted Charles dead but was not willing to kill him... ) Edward was caught up in the wireless cycle and the entanglement of creating, defending, challenging, destroying and reconstructing his god.

[palmofafreezinghand]

mr. masen, the piano teacher.

Edward and Esme’s paths cross in 1920. on ao3 here. 

August, 1920: 

It had been three long yet but unbelievably short years since the weird but endearing doctor had stolen Edward from the influenza ward. It had taken him a few years but he was finally able to associate with humans without ripping out their throats. Carlisle had offered a thousand and one suggestions on how to start an eternity but Edward was set on finishing what he once started in a very different life: high school. 

Two weeks into his senior year had him regretting that choice terribly; but, he was many things and a quitter was not one. To break up the monotony of tiresome teenager’s thoughts and assignments he completed in record time Edward stupidly volunteered when his homeroom teacher mentioned the need for a piano teacher. He hadn’t even played a bar before Mr. Hirsch was arranging schedules. Every Thursday he was to travel twenty miles to the small school Hirsch taught at part time. A small logging and fishing town, with a one room schoolhouse tucked away in trees, less than a half mile from the shores of Lake Superior.   

Despite his greatest protests he found himself sitting at the wheel of the 1919 Jordan Model F, speeding past trees and old log cabins. 

The schoolhouse was painted a faded arsenic green, the paint chipping after years of harsh winters. The sun was high in the sky, yet only a few spare rays made it past the canopy. 

As he made it closer to the small building a flash of blonde sprinted in front of the car. He was sure the screech of his brakes could be heard for miles. He peered over the dash and got a glance of a boy, seven or eight years old, simply staring back at the car. 

‘Who’s that?’ The child thought, a high pitched inner monologue that made Edward think the boy must have been closer to five or six, simply tall for his age. 

‘Oh dear God!’ An older female voice mentally screamed. Edward glanced up to the schoolhouse, a woman was bounding down the steps two at a time. Her heart raced so fast it was about to beat out of her chest, despite this, a toddler was perched on her hip, sleeping peacefully on her shoulder. 

Keep reading

[carllisle]

Hi!! could you please do 25 for Carlisle and Esme? thank u ❤

Send me a prompt! 25. things you said in front of other people

Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Emmett and Rosalie were on their way out for a run and Emmett opened it to find Bella on the porch. She smiled shyly, and he greeted her with a warm word and bear hug. Rosalie smiled stiffly at her.

"Is Edward home?" she asked nervously. Emmett told her no, but that Esme had sent him on a run to the grocery store and he wouldn't be long. He told her where to find Carlisle and Esme, and then he and Rosalie were out of the door and gone.

Esme looked up at the sound of her name coming from across the house, but her attention was quickly diverted again. Carlisle stood behind her and held her in his arms possessively, and he was leaving silent kisses along her neck. She stifled laughter as she stirred the vegetables and stock on the hob. Although it was July, a cold spell had fallen over the Pacific northwest, and if she had been human, Esme would have considered it soup weather. So, she was making Bella soup. Or she was trying to, but her husband's elegant hands were doing their best to distract her. He splayed one over her hip and slid it firmly to her lower stomach.

"We have company," she breathed, and she turned her head back to look at him. He took the opportunity to kiss her deeply. Then, the sound of Bella's tentative footsteps came closer and Esme broke the kiss. Just as the girl turned into the kitchen, Carlisle reluctantly pulled away. Esme stirred the stewing vegetables.

"Hello, darling," she said warmly. Carlisle greeted her, too.

"Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, Edward didn't say he would be out."

"Not at all," Esme replied, waving the wooden spoon. "You're always welcome here."

"We mean that when we say it, too," Carlisle added kindly. He had taken his place close to Esme and was washing up the cutting board and knives left there. He scrubbed them so thoroughly they would be ready for his next surgery.

Bella smiled bashfully and took a seat at the kitchen counter. It wasn't the first time she had been at the house without Edward, and she was finally beginning to become more comfortable there. She made small talk with them and thanked Esme for cooking for her and asked her about her day, and they asked her about hers.

They fell into a comfortable silence after Esme had blitzed the vegetables and poured the soup into a bowl. Bella took it gratefully and began to eat. Esme and Carlisle quietly got on with wiping down the surfaces and hob, working as seamlessly as if they were one entity.

"Can I ask you a question?" Bella asked after a long silence.

Esme looked up and smiled. "Of course."

"Were you... were you human when you... when you both...?" she trailed off. "When you... found each other?"

Carlisle smiled and rested his hand at the small of Esme's back. She glanced up at him and nodded once. "We met first when she was a teenager and she broke her leg. I was passing through her town and plastered her up and moved on a week or so later."

"That was ten years before I was changed," Esme added.

"Did you follow her for ten years?" Bella asked in confusion.

"No, it was just coincidence."

"Or fate," Carlisle added, only half-joking.

"He found me in a morgue and changed me, and we've been together since then."

Bella looked between them and let the silence draw on for a long moment before speaking again. "Did you remember him? From when you were a teeanger, I mean."

"I never forgot him," came Esme's reply. "He had been so kind to me. I used to hope that he'd come back and find me again, and then he did."

Carlisle glanced down, looking bashful, and he covered his smile with his hand. Esme nudged his side gently.

"And after all this time you're still happy?" Bella pressed. "I mean, being married that long must be pretty hard, isn't it? Don't you ever... worry?" She stopped herself as if she realised she had said too many wrong things. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong, I just..."

Esme reached over the counter and took Bella's warm hands in her own. "If you're worried about getting tired of Edward in the future, don't be. He's been with us for more than eighty years, and we have never grown tired of him. Or each other."

"It's not me I'm worried about," she mumbled.

Esme smiled. "He's not become bored of us, either. He doesn't tire of the ones he loves, and he certainly loves you."

Carlisle nodded. "There is nothing to fear with him. Our natures are unchanging and our emotions, too. Of course, day to day they change, but our dispositions, our personalities, they are static for the most part."

"But..." Bella began, but she stopped herself with a glance at Carlisle.

Esme glanced at her, and then at Carlisle, and nodded her head towards the stairs. He took the hint and excused himself to give them some privacy.

"What is it?" Esme asked gently once they were alone.

"I'm worried that in a few years he might not want me. Like... it didn't take long for my mom to leave my dad, but he never got over her, and what if that's me and Edward? What if he changes his mind?"

In a split second Esme was on the stool next to Bella and she tucked brown hair behind her ear. "We're not like that in our nature, my dear. When I look at my husband, I still get butterflies as if it is the first time. Sometimes, just thinking about him makes me giddy. For these past eighty years, it has just felt like I am falling in love again and again, and there is no end to that feeling."

Bella couldn't look her in the eye, and focused on a spot over Esme's shoulder. "What if that's just you, not all vampires?"

"Talk to Alice," Esme said, trying to be reassuring. "Or Emmett. They will say the same, I promise." Bella didn't look reassured, and Esme squeezed her hand gently. "Edward's car just turned into the drive. He'll be only a minute or two."

They waited together in the kitchen and Edward dropped off the groceries she had sent him out for before sweeping Bella off her feet and taking her to his car. The engine was still running. Perhaps he had heard Esme's thoughts and wanted some alone time with her. Esme didn't mind. It gave her and Carlisle the house.

He was back in front of her within moments. "You're good with her," he said as he took Bella's bowl and washed it up.

Esme held open the cabinet for him to put back after he dried it. "Not as good as I'd like to be."

"Give it time," he replied, smiling. "You'll get there."

"Hm. I hope so."

He squeezed her hand. "You will. You shared with her something very touching that would have reassured anyone, at least a little."

"Do you think I shared too much?"

Carlisle let go of her hand and leaned back against the counter, seeming to enjoy the sensation. "No, I don't. But maybe I'm biased. It was nice to hear you talk like that, if I'm honest."

"Oh?"

He looked down with a smile that almost looked shy. "You still make me giddy, too."

[panlight]

Headcanon

could you write a mini text/ some hedcanon about bree and fred meeting up with the cullens. Alec and Jane being turned by Carlisle. Bella and Edward having human twins.

Gonna tackle the first one and maybe come back for the rest later? 

So let’s say Bree runs away with Fred rather than going to the fight. But I think Bree would still want answers, and Fred can make them basically invisible, so maybe they watch from a distance and they see just how much they were lied to about ‘the Yellow Eyes” and, you know, everything. 

So now they’re two vampires alone who really don’t know all that much about BEING vampires because a bunch of stuff they were told was a lie. It then becomes a question of how much do they want answers vs how scared they are. Bree is cautious but she’s also curious; Fred is a scientist, he probably wants to know more about what he is now and his powers and so eventually they decide the Yellow Eyes are their best option and they kind of creep closer and closer to the Cullen house, following scents and staying in the woods. 

One day they catch one of them hunting and realize they hunt animals instead of humans and THAT is interesting–even if it’s only from a ‘new information’ standpoint vs morals.

At this point Alice would probably have “seen” them and they might be getting close enough for Edward to ‘hear’ them so they tell Carlisle and there’s a family meeting and a delegation goes out to meet them in woods. They were going to take Jasper and Emmett for muscle if necessary but at the last second Alice is like, “no, it should be just Carlisle, Esme and Rose” and everyone’s like “what?” and Edward kind of begrudgingly agrees having seen what Alice saw. 

So they go out into the woods where Alice said they should go and Carlisle tentatively calls out “Bree? Fred? We’d like to talk to you, and mean you no harm.” 

They slowly step out of the woods and Esme and Rosalie take one look at little lost lamb Bree and their hearts just melt and are like “omg we will love and protect this poor baby.” Carlisle is similarly moved, but also instantly bonds with Fred as tall blond science nerds.

I don’t know if Fred would stay with the Cullens forever, but he’d stay for awhile to learn everything he could about being a vampire. I think Bree would stick around, though. She’s so young, she could use the family support system. 

[stardustandtwilight]

Once again feeling the awkwardness of wanting to participate with Carlesme stuff but I'm intimidated by the widely accepted headcanons of the Carlesme fandom that I don't 100% agree with

Due to my own background with Christian purity culture and the amount of shame it heaped on me, I greatly prefer not to imagine Carlisle so repressed that he feels ashamed for desiring Esme. I'm just done with all...that.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

👀 speak to me of your headcanons plz

[marshmellin]

👏🏻

Yes, @stardustalix !! ALL OF THIS! I’m writing a fic now and have some similar issues with the larger HC that’s been built. Just because that’s Edward’s choice does not lead me to believe Carlisle would do the same. Or Esme. I, too, am working on decoding the purity culture and strict gender roles pushed on me by growing up in a fundamentalist Christian environment.

I don’t think Carlisle’s little Protestant ass is so uptight and I imagine he understands more about the differences between love and lust at 23 than Edward does at 17. Edward (and SM, for that matter) seems to view sex through an on/off, or yes/no dichotomy. Either, forgive my bluntness, the P is in the V or it doesn’t seem to count to him or Bella. Well, I hope we all know there is a lot more than penetrative sex to be had on God’s green earth. And as I saw many people of real faith around me demonstrate, good Christian kids are willing to do a lot of things but go ‘all the way,’ and they’ll get very creative to “follow the rules” and still get off.

Carlisle, in my headcanon, is old enough and experienced enough to know there are other options, even if he is a little charmingly befuddled because he tries not to fuck around — but reserving some things for a relationship (I don’t think Carlisle is a one-night-stand man) is different than saying no to everything but kissing until marriage. I think Carlisle would not be opposed to some good old fashioned 3rd base with a woman he is in a relationship with. Add that Esme is a vampire and not physically fragile, and I feel there is a huge opportunity for some out-of-wedlock shenanigans.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

I just had a thought.

What if Edward's "nothing but kissing until marriage" mentality did come from Carlisle, but not because that's Carlisle's POV but because Carlisle suddenly had a 17-year-old boy hearing his every thought and had to train himself out of thinking about doing anything inappropriate for Edward to hear?

Like, Carlisle is a virile young man frozen at basically the height of his sexual prime, and he's also a vampire living as a human doctor, surrounded every day by women who would say yes in a second if he ever made a move. There's no way he hasn't thought about messing around now and then. Then suddenly Edward's there and can hear everything Carlisle thinks about, of course he's going to stop himself from thinking about women in a sexual way, it's inappropriate for Edward to hear about that

[marshmellin]

Ahhh! You’re brilliant. Yes, I agree 100%. Part of the fic I’m writing now explores Esme trying to keep her CPTSD memories from breaking Edward and it causes tension, as he views that as keeping him out. Edward thinks “hearing” something is the same as it being true.

Edward also doesn’t allow much forgiveness for intrusive thoughts even 80+ years after first getting this gift— we see this a lot in MS. Someone has one nasty thought on a bad day and BAM, his good regard once lost is lost forever. So your mind wanders, you think something unfiltered, and suddenly Edward is behind you, radiating judgement (no wonder Rosalie is over it).

And that puts Carlisle in a place where he hoped to have a companion but he did not expect to turn someone who can read his every thought. Edward, I suspect, would be openly angry at the concept of a family member/mentor intentionally hiding something from him. So now, Carlisle, who is more mature but is still frozen at a stupidly horny age, needs to start changing his thoughts or at least capping them with a “that’s wrong to think until marriage, moving on” if Edward catches him thinking about a nurse.

On a personal note, this reminds me of how much my parents pressured me to wait to until marriage as part of our religion when I was conceived out of wedlock and they had a shotgun wedding. Oooooooo. Rules for thee but not for me.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

I just realized that if Edward thought Nothing Happens before marriage, he would have no reason to give Carlisle and Esme privacy before they got married 😭

Poor horny babies forced to behave more than either one of them wants to. Edward goes hunting and Carlisle and Esme just like, attack each other LOL Or alternately, Carlisle and Esme go hunting and "hunt" each other in addition to feeding. (I actually have a voyeurism prompt in my drafts and my current idea for it is Carlisle watching Esme while they're off hunting and fooling around)

I haven't read MS yet (well, I read the leaked version years ago), but honestly, the more I hear about Edward, the less I like him and more I wonder why Carlisle and Esme like him so much, considering he doesn't seem to actually vibe with them. It's also making me a lot more interested in Rosalie as a character, because she's like, his main foil. (The enemy of my enemy is my friend, I guess? LOL)

Carlisle turning Edward, thinking that, y'know, 17 and 23 aren't too far apart in age, they can still relate to each other. Edward waking up a mind reader and Carlisle being like "well shit" because the thoughts of a 23yo are not gonna all be fit for consumption for a 17yo and somehow Edward doesn't understand this??

Honestly, his character confuses me so much. Such black and white thinking, it's baffling. And not only are there no shades of grey, but there's not any awareness of context making a difference. Like you said, treating random intrusive bad day thoughts as a reflection of who a person is at their core. And he seems to think that everything he can hear is also okay for him to hear.

Yes, he's been alive for a century, but he's also still only 17 and he still thinks like a 17yo. But he seems to think he's so mature and beyond that and able to truly understand anything. And yeah, he's of course more mature than a human 17yo, but he's still not ever gonna be as mature as Carlisle, he's not even gonna be as mature as humans he's gone to school with a few years down the line (not that he'll realize that, because of course, he'll be long gone by then)

God, can you imagine Carlisle realizing how having to censor his thoughts has given Edward The Wrong Idea and trying to fix it, but Edward having a "what do you mean, you want down off this pedestal" meltdown?

I've had the headcanon for a while now that Edward's strict views on things do come from Carlisle, but not because Carlisle himself has such strict views, but because Edward is incapable of not taking everything to the extreme.

Carlisle: no sex (piv) before marriage Edward: nothing before marriage

And Carlisle's just like "n-no that's not... that's not what I meant...😅"

Anyway, I have Too Many Thoughts and this has gotten long LOL

[incredulouseyesoflove]

I have successfully written Carlesme porn! Orgasm has been achieved! Now I just gotta finish the rest of the fic.

[carlesmeislife]

Tell me more….

[incredulouseyesoflove]

It's for this prompt I got in my inbox! "For the prompt: 15 - throat. Esme asks Carlisle to reproduce the bites he left on her body but he makes it extremely sexy" It's taken 3 weeks to get to Esme having an orgasm and there's still another whole other scene (she's only *just* convinced Carlisle to bite her, there's still the actual biting to write LOL)

[panlight]

What do you think each of the cullen’s feels about afterlife for humans and for vampires? Edward seems to believe there is afterlife for humans but not for vampires. How about the others? They were all raised in times when religion would’ve been strongly enforced but how much did they believe vs do they think holds true for vampires?

I think the only two who spend more time thinking about it than the average human are Carlisle and Edward. I think most of the rest of them probably think death is the same for humans or vampires, either some kind of afterlife or you just stop existing.

That is to say I think the others maybe have some vague ideas and thoughts about it, but it's probably at the same level of most non-religious people. Just like . . . "well I'll find out when I die, I guess?" or "I don't really want to think about it."

Emmett certainly had some Christian ideas in his human life, thinking Rosalie was an "angel" taking him to "God" for judgment, thinking the fiery pain of transformation was Hell/punishment for his sinful life. So he might still think that? He also thinks that if Rosalie and Carlisle--who saved him--are vampires, then how bad can vampires be? He doesn't share Edward's 'vampires are inherently damned' perspective. He probably just shrugs when Edward or Carlisle ask him what he thinks happens when vampires die. 'IDK man, good thing we're immortal!"

Rosalie hates being a vampire but it doesn't seem to come from the same spiritual place that Edward's angst does. She hates being frozen, she hates not having a choice, but she's not like "you've doomed me to hell, Carlisle!" about it. She probably thinks when a vampire dies they just stop existing, but I think that might be what she thinks happens with humans, too. So it's not a factor in her unhappiness, imo.

Alice has no memory of her human life, so no memory of human religion or that human sense of mortality at all. So I don't think she spends much time thinking about it, but if pressed I don't think she has some belief that she's doomed to eternal torment in the afterlife for being a vampire. I'm not sure she believes in an afterlife at all. Maybe she likes the idea of reincarnation instead. In my head there's some connection there seeing how one life can turn out many different ways in the future and having many different lives but I can't quite articulate it this morning lol.

I like to think Esme DOES believe in an afterlife of some kind, mostly because of her baby. It's just too sad to think he lived for a few days and then ceased to exist. I think she likes to imagine that Elizabeth Masen is looking after her baby in the afterlife while Esme watches over Elizabeth's son on earth. But I don't know if there's much spirituality attached to it for Esme. When Carlisle is taking to Bella he says that no one else really agrees with his ideas, and Edward is only agrees that God and Heaven exist. So whatever Esme thinks, I don't think it's necessarily super attached to any religious dogma (unless you headcanon her as a specific religion! Then it would be different, I'm just talking from vague canon here), but she's not worried about being doomed to Hell forever, she probably just imagines being reunited with lost loved ones in some way.

Jasper probably thinks if there IS an afterlife he's going to the Bad Place for, you know, his entire backstory, but I don't think he spends much time dwelling on it and I could see him being an atheist or agnostic and kinda thinking cease-to-exist is probably the better option anyway.

[stardustandtwilight]

Once again feeling the awkwardness of wanting to participate with Carlesme stuff but I'm intimidated by the widely accepted headcanons of the Carlesme fandom that I don't 100% agree with

Due to my own background with Christian purity culture and the amount of shame it heaped on me, I greatly prefer not to imagine Carlisle so repressed that he feels ashamed for desiring Esme. I'm just done with all...that.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

👀 speak to me of your headcanons plz

[marshmellin]

👏🏻

Yes, @stardustalix !! ALL OF THIS! I’m writing a fic now and have some similar issues with the larger HC that’s been built. Just because that’s Edward’s choice does not lead me to believe Carlisle would do the same. Or Esme. I, too, am working on decoding the purity culture and strict gender roles pushed on me by growing up in a fundamentalist Christian environment.

I don’t think Carlisle’s little Protestant ass is so uptight and I imagine he understands more about the differences between love and lust at 23 than Edward does at 17. Edward (and SM, for that matter) seems to view sex through an on/off, or yes/no dichotomy. Either, forgive my bluntness, the P is in the V or it doesn’t seem to count to him or Bella. Well, I hope we all know there is a lot more than penetrative sex to be had on God’s green earth. And as I saw many people of real faith around me demonstrate, good Christian kids are willing to do a lot of things but go ‘all the way,’ and they’ll get very creative to “follow the rules” and still get off.

Carlisle, in my headcanon, is old enough and experienced enough to know there are other options, even if he is a little charmingly befuddled because he tries not to fuck around — but reserving some things for a relationship (I don’t think Carlisle is a one-night-stand man) is different than saying no to everything but kissing until marriage. I think Carlisle would not be opposed to some good old fashioned 3rd base with a woman he is in a relationship with. Add that Esme is a vampire and not physically fragile, and I feel there is a huge opportunity for some out-of-wedlock shenanigans.

[incredulouseyesoflove]

I just had a thought.

What if Edward's "nothing but kissing until marriage" mentality did come from Carlisle, but not because that's Carlisle's POV but because Carlisle suddenly had a 17-year-old boy hearing his every thought and had to train himself out of thinking about doing anything inappropriate for Edward to hear?

Like, Carlisle is a virile young man frozen at basically the height of his sexual prime, and he's also a vampire living as a human doctor, surrounded every day by women who would say yes in a second if he ever made a move. There's no way he hasn't thought about messing around now and then. Then suddenly Edward's there and can hear everything Carlisle thinks about, of course he's going to stop himself from thinking about women in a sexual way, it's inappropriate for Edward to hear about that

[incredulouseyesoflove]

New random headcanon: when Esme's super excited about something, she goes up on her tiptoes and/or bounces