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༺☆༻ solace consumes I cried all the way home

[indybobble]

Spirals make up life

Everything circles back

But the spiral grows bigger each time

You get further away from the things that used to haunt you

You grow

You change

You never leave behind the past

It always stays in the middle

But you make life more than that

[indybobble]

I’ve forgotten about my friends

I’ve left their messages unread on my phone

It’s been more than 3 weeks now

I forget to reply

And when I remember

I have nothing much to say

So I just leave it on read

Until another good day

Im scared to be alone

Yet I don’t reach out my hand for someone to hold

I want to be held

And told I’ll be alright

I want to wake up and someone is by my side

I want that everyday of my life

[indybobble]

I’m right where you left me

[indybobble]

I accepted that you were going to leave

But I still tried to keep you here

I watched you get on your bike and go as I cried

I’m so scared of losing you

And my brain is not the best

Especially today I just hoped you’d stay with me

[indybobble]

Watching more of the films from my watchlist

I don’t know why I delay watching them

Every time I watch a film I feel inspired

[indybobble]

Happy pride month to bi women who are married to a man so everyone says they’re straight

We are still gay little unicorns 🏳️‍🌈

[indybobble]

Anyone else just wanna rub your so called “sins” in the faces of the religious people who brought you up?

I had sex before marriage (not going to hell for it)

I fancy women and men and non binaries (not going to hell for it)

I had an abortion (not going to hell for it)

I’ve got tattoos and piercings (not going to hell for it)

I swear like a fucking whore (not going to hell for it)

I don’t believe any of it anymore (not going to hell for it)

I can do whatever I want (not going to hell for it)

I’m free

[indybobble]

When you’re brought up believing in god

And then everything slips away

It’s a struggle everyday

What’s real

And what was a lie that was told to you

I was a kid being fed with so many lies

You have to question everything you once knew

And you feel guilt for things you shouldn’t

Like wringing god with a lower case g

I used to think that was a sin on its own

I know some things I was taught probably are true

So how do I hold onto the truth without the lies

I go so far away from it all now I’m lost

What do I believe in

I used to cry every night praying god would save me

Hoping he’d hear me and help me

I didn’t know what I was doing wrong

Then everything starts to click

and you realise all the things people told you

All the things they said were right and wrong

Lies

The “you’ll burn in hell for this”

No

I don’t believe that anymore

There is no hell

There is no heaven

There is now and that is it

Now is eternal

[indybobble]

I wish you had all the answers

I think I went into this hoping I’d find them

But you can’t just place your life in someone else’s hands

I thought you could fix me

I thought someone else could fix me

Anyone but myself

But I’m the only person who can

Because if I can’t be bothered to help myself

No one is going to be able to help me

The only person who can you from yourself is you

But I’m not strong

I’m weak

and I’m mean

and angry

How do I fight myself without breaking myself

How do I get rid of the bad and not the good

[indybobble]

I get so angry

I take it out on him

Because he’s closest to me

I don’t want to admit that I’m just angry at myself

I push him away

I don’t know why

Because I always want him close to me

I don’t understand my brain

And I get mad when I can’t explain why I’m sad

Can’t explain how I feel

I don’t know what I feel

How do I feel?

[indybobble]

You make me happy

You make me feel safe

You understand me when no one else can

You get on with my family

You make me laugh

You keep me alive

You make me want to be a better person

[indybobble]

I want to see a future with you in it

I want to see us happy

I want to love you like you love me

You’re everything to me

sometimes my brain doesn’t let me feel it

[indybobble]

The person stuck in between

I find it hard letting you in at times

I’ve built walls so high

Over the years I’ve learnt not to rely on anyone

Not to trust anyone

Any little thing that doesn’t feel right

or anything you say I don’t like

makes me build my walls up again

I don’t like being contained

I need constant change

I need things to look forward to

Recently I’ve been stuck in my depressive brain

You’ve seen me in my crazy manic brain too

And sometimes you’ve seen the rare glimpse of me as my true self

the person stuck in between

I don’t want to hurt you but I feel like that’s all I do lately

I’m trying to level myself out

I want to show you love like how you love me

I can hardly ever think clearly

But I know you’re my whole life

You’re all I want

i want you to be enough for me

in whatever mood I’m in

[indybobble]

If I disappear I’ll be in the mountains

✨💕🌱🐞🧚🏻‍♀️🌀🪲🪶🌿🍄🪷🌞⛰️

[indybobble]

Each day I fall more in love with you

And with each day my heart breaks a little more

I blame myself for everything

If you’re hurt or sad it hurts me too

[indybobble]

What if the reason that we’re here is because God is just like us

He was lonely

He felt empty and alone so he created us

[indybobble]

How much longer must I stare out this window

How many more hours until I can move

I want to see something new

I want to feel the wind in my hair again

The sun on my skin again

One more hour and then they say it’ll be three

By that time you realise you won’t feel again

Not until tomorrow