Indy's Inspirations @indysinspirations - Tumblr Blog

Tintin Meets The Detectives

Art by Adam Murphy

Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

luulapants

(continued)

Common Grackle, 7/10

La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.

Tennessee Warbler, 2/10

You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.

Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10

You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.

Gray Catbird, 5/10

Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.

Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10

You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.

Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10

A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.

Blue Jay, 12/10

If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.

Honorable mention:

Turkey Vulture, 5/10

You weren't in my backyard, but you WERE eating roadkill in the street in my neighborhood. I know the animal was already dead when you got there, but you get violence points for frightening the small children that walked past you. Incredible work.

auxryn

This is why Tumblr is good.

lawfulgoodness

I immediately scrolled to the blue jay to decide whether or not I wanted to read the rest of the post. Once I realized that OP got that right, I went back and read the rest. 10/10 OP.

feral-renaissance-cat

I read this to my dad who sits on his porch and watches the birds and his only note is that he has seen multiple male cardinals attempt to fight their reflections to the death and should have a higher rating.

someinstant

OP is correct in all of these assessments, and I respect it.

elodieunderglass

Thank you so much @fozmeadows !

silver-spider-art

Agree with all of this, but the most violent mo'fo in our back yard is the Ruby Throated Hummingbird.

This little bastard will fight god and win. They are so extremely territorial and will violently chase each other around like they are having an aerial dog fight. The only thing holding them back is their minute size and need for endless consumption less they succumb.

porterr-robinson

sandersstudies

This is so

Unnecessary

myrrhguy-deactivated20250626

how do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humour

celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725

“What could the audio possibly be?”

*unmutes*

“Oh,”

moonblossom

If I ever don’t laugh at this, assume I died.

cilceon

It’s extremely important that you listen to this video by averagedesignedwood with the sound on

gwennifun

beardedmrbean

6qubed

that was everything I was hoping it would be. marvelous

derinthescarletpescatarian

I love this because you know exactly where it's going and you're not disappointed

charlesoberonn

I was so looking forward for the Jupiter gravity and it didn't disappoint and THEN THE SUN GRAVITY MADE ME HOLLER

bunjywunjy

i think you could reach escape velocity on pluto by just jumping really hard

mokimo-art

THWE DRAMATIC PAUSE IN THE SUN GRAVITY HAD ME

jondobbsart

Contentment.

fuckyeahchinesefashion

cr 豚鼠大boss （sound on）

rockergiirl

the humble geiger counter as i walk through the cherobyl exclusion zone

whitepeopletwitter

tottosgreatadventure

mornington-the-crescent

urbanfantasyinspiration

It’s like that mafia crew that made a pizza joint as a front but their pizza was so good they just went legit

legendaryjellyfishfest

scrollsnsketchbooks

I am tentatively opening a Ko-Fi shop!

Currently only 2 scrolls are available but we'll see how it goes! I haven't made a single sale on Etsy since early March, and my traffic has plummeted drastically since then as well. I'm not the only seller there who's been experiencing this, so it rather makes me think Etsy must be doing something to intentionally hobble smaller shops like mine.