How do you get the courage to transition/come out? Right now I'm studying at a small college and I just feel a crippling lack of anonymity. The idea of coming out to my teachers or classmates, or even being recognized by people who knew me as a guy, feels so extraordinarily terrifying and shameful. I'm so terrified of attention in that regard, especially if it's negative. I know that it's a bad idea to wait for a better situation, but I just never got over caring about how people perceive me and the idea of transitioning is legitimately paralyzingly scary. I feel like I just need someone to force me to.
anon, i love you. this shit is hard and i know the feelings you are talking about. i wish i had better news for you, but nobody is going to force you. in fact pretty much every institution and cultural norm on earth as well as the existing biases of probably a majority of people everywhere are all inclined toward discouraging you from doing this.
but estrogenesis, i hear you cry, that's not encouraging at all. it isn't. but i have good news too. you wouldn't be asking me this if you weren't already sure that this is something that you want and need. the hardest part -- not knowing -- is over. i understand the impulse to look around you and wish that it looked less like an uphill battle, and to fixate on the pushback you will probably get from outside. but the solution isn't going to come from reducing that pushback, it's going to come from overcoming it.
you are, understandably, intimidated. but the thing is, you're only looking outward. my advice to you is to look inside. do you want this? i think you do. do you love yourself enough to decide that you deserve it? do you love yourself enough to say that it's yours, that everything that comes with it is yours? you will never move forward if you are waiting for anybody to give you permission because on this bitch earth? they never, ever will. you have to love yourself so much that you can decide that you have a right to this and you'll be god damned if anybody's going to stop you. you're not seeking their permission, you are doing your fucking thing and anybody who doesn't understand can get the fuck out the way.
i wish i had a better answer to "how do i get over caring about how people perceive me" than "you just have to love yourself so incandescently that they can't even cast a shadow in your direction" but that's basically it. take some time, mourn the idea that everybody's gonna like you, and then put on some 2024 kendrick lamar & make up your mind that anyone who isn't on board is dead to you. that's the best advice ive got. i love you.
les girlies are showing UP in the notes with good advice, anon
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