Characters: Chase Brody, Doctor Henrik von Schneeplestein, Marvin the Magnificent, Jackieboy Man, Jameson Jackson, Antisepticeye
Content warning: a lot of mentions of depression, addiction, alcoholism, suicide mentions, suicidal thoughts
If I wasn’t on mobile I’d use the zalgo text for anti so instead it’s bolded
As soon as Chase closed the door to his bedroom he flopped onto the bed, his smiling and laughing expression he wore seconds ago with his family immediately replaced by a somber one. He took long, deep breaths, having a staring contest with the ceiling (it of course won). After... well he couldn’t tell how long he laid like that - time seemed to slow and drag on forever but also go way too fast - he spoke so softly to himself that he barely heard himself speak. “Am I really depressed? Or is it just that I’m reminding myself that I’m supposed to be sad? I was just out there with everyone for hours and wasn’t sad at all. Am I just faking it?” A lone tear escaped from his eye and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.
He heard his phone vibrate, but didn’t bother to check it. The only person that would be calling him is his therapist’s office, attempting to confirm a meeting he already planned on skipping. He went to one to humor Jackie, and of course he had to schedule another visit, but the whole time he knew that he wasn’t going back. He would just be wasting his therapists time, and taking up space for people who really needed therapy.
His room wasn’t far from the room where all the other egos were still gathered - he told the others that he was going to his room to plan the next bro average video (which he really should be doing anyway) - and he could faintly hear some conversations. From what he could piece together, they started playing Cards Against Humanity and somehow Jameson was winning, even though he didn’t understand most of the cards. He could tell that they were having a lot of fun - a lot of fun without him.
“Would anyone even care if I-“ he spoke, again, barely audible (he wondered if he even vocalized the words, or if they halted in his head). He had to stop himself short, not daring to finish the thought. “Chase you idiot, you already tried to do it and you know what outcomes you would get. Doc would blame himself if he couldn’t save you, Marvin would lock himself away in his room and refuse to come out, Jackie would take out all his emotions on fighting villains that were unbeatable, at least in his headspace, and Jamie would...” he trailed off, biting his lip. “That’s right... he wasn’t even here when I did it...” Chase blinked and violently shook his head. “PMA Chase... PMA... PMA... PM- ya know they can shove that up their arse. I need a fucking drink is what I need not some positivity bullshit,” he grumbled, going back to further examine his closet. There had to be something...
Huffing, he picked up a pair of shoes, put his hat back on his head, and wiped any evidence of tears off his face before walking out of his room. He took a deep breath right before he got to the room where all the egos were gathered - he was right about his guesses as to their activity - and strode to the door. Jackie looked up from the game as Chase walked past to get his coat. “Hey Chase, what’s up? Where’re ya going?” He sensed something off about him (but it could’ve just been paranoia) and needed to make sure nothing happened to any of his brothers.
Chase blinked. He didn’t expect any of them to notice and now all of them were staring at him and- ‘deep breaths’ he thought to himself. “I’m just... going for a walk. I’m stuck on trying to find a new idea and... need to clear my head.”
If Jackie still had his doubts, he kept them to himself. “You have your phone on you right?”
Chase held up his phone as evidence, giving a “yup” in response. With that, he walked out the front door. “Of fucking course it’s raining,” he muttered, heading towards one of the bars in town. He knew better than to try any of the ones close to the house, as they knew him and wouldn’t contribute to his addiction. Finally, he ended up at one that he didn’t even know existed, and figured it was worth a shot. He walked up to the bar and sat on the stool, surveying his options, pupils dilating by simply looking at the bottles. He told the bartender to “keep em coming until I’m so plastered I’m falling off the chair.”
The bartender eyed him, as it was 4:30 pm on a Tuesday, but didn’t question it, besides offering a “rough day?”
Chase nodded to that, “I guess you could call it that.”
The bartender handed him his drink. “If you want to just drink your cares away, go ahead. But if you want an ear then I’ll be here.”
Chase took a long swig, then registered what the bartender was saying, growling slightly. “I don’t need fucking therapy.” He finished his drink and felt his phone buzz in his pocket.
Baby Bean: “Hello Chase, it’s Jameson. Please do let us know when you will be returning. Marvin wants to know when he should begin making dinner, as he does not want your food to get cold, although given his history, you might be better off eating while you are out! 😆 I also should tell you that, while I do not know for certain, I think that some of the others are fearing that you are out getting bent, but if you say you’re just going for a walk, then I believe you! ☺️💚 Have a swell rest of your stroll!”
Chase sighed, grabbing the phone with his other hand. ‘What do I even say to this?’
“uh idk when i’ll be back. tell marv not to worry about me and not to burn the place down. also ty jj it means a lot that u trust me like that. i just wish the others would too” he deleted the last sentence, not wanting his brothers to feel guilty over not trusting him, especially when they had every right to be doubtful - considering he was actually at a bar. It also hurt to see that Jameson trusted him, because that meant he was betraying his trust, and he drank another glass at the thought.
About 20 minutes later, he felt his phone vibrate again. Judging by how it was many texts all at once, he assumed it was Marvin before he even pulled out his phone.
Magic Man: “I’m making dinner rn”
Magic Man: “It’s mac and cheese and whatever frozen chicken we have”
Magic Man: “Jamie said u were taking a longer walk but like it’s raining out and I don’t want u to get sick”
Magic Man: “Plz respond Chase”
“i stepped inside a store to get out of the rain”
Magic Man: “Do u want one of us to pick u up??”
Magic Man: “If u lmk wya I can teleport to u”
Magic Man: “Or I’m sure Hen or Jackie would drive to get u if u just wanted to drive back”
Magic Man: “Ik how u feel abt teleporting”
Chase bit his lip before downing another glass. He forgot exactly what he was drinking, but it was alcohol and that’s all he cared about. He didn’t want to tell them that he was at a bar, not even thinking about how anyone could see or smell that he was drunk from a block away. He got another drink and almost forgot to respond before another message came through.
Magic Man: “Plz just tell me where u r so we can pick u up”
“what so u can make fun of me??? nope i’ll b home later. i’m gonna stay here a bit longer then WALK home”
Chase put his phone away, not wanting to see Marvin’s response and just wanting to see more alcohol in his hands.
It was probably about an hour later when the bartender finally cut him off. He said that he was told to stop him when he looked like he was going to fall out of the chair and so the bartender wasn’t going to let him have any more. Plus his boss would be pissed if he let Chase leave any more intoxicated than he already was.
Chase stormed out of the bar and back into the rain before realizing he had no idea where we was. He looked around and tried to find something familiar but came up with absolutely nothing. He started walking in one direction, but it felt wrong, so he started in the opposite direction, which also felt wrong. So, he did what anyone else in his situation would do - he cried in the rain on the sidewalk of a basically empty street. After he felt he cried all he could, he looked at his notifications.
Baby Bean: 2 unread messages
Ze Best Doctah: 1 unread message
Magic Man: 13 unread messages, 2 missed calls
Spider-Man 2.0: 7 unread messages, 5 missed calls
“Shit.” Chase mumbled, scanning through the messages.
Baby Bean: “Hello Chase, Jameson again! 😊 You haven’t responded to anyone and we are all very worried about you. I’m hoping that your cellular device simply ran out of charge, but Jackie is informing me that when he tries to call you it would not ring as long as it is if your device has run out of battery.”
Baby Bean: “Chase, it’s Jameson. Where are you? I am getting increasingly worried for your safety, as is everyone else. Please respond to one of us.”
Ze Best Doctah: “Chase are you alright? You are scaring all of us. Do you need help? Or a ride? Marvin said you would not tell him where you were. I am praying you are not at a bar but right now I don’t know what to think. I trusted you would be smart and safe but now I’m not sure if you were either. Please call one of us when you see this.”
Magic Man: “Chase y do u think I would make fun of u?”
Magic Man: “R u mad at me?”
Magic Man: “Chase plz answer someone”
Magic Man: “If I said smth I’m sry”
Magic Man: “Just plz come home”
Magic Man: “Ur dinner is getting cold WHERE ARE YOU”
Magic Man: “If u put on dnd I’ll b pissed”
Missed call from Magic Man
Magic Man: “Chase I stg if ur at a bar rn imma fucking deck u”
Magic Man: “No actually I’ll let Jackie do that”
Missed call from Magic Man
Magic Man: “Pick up ur damn phone Brody!!”
Magic Man: “Where tf r u????!!!!”
Spider-Man 2.0: “where did you go chase???????”
Spider-Man 2.0: “I thought you were just going on a walk”
Spider-Man 2.0: “THIS IS A VERY LONG WALK ITS BEEN HOURS”
Missed call from Spider-Man 2.0
Spider-Man 2.0: “if I have to save your ass from something or someone”
2 missed calls from Spider-Man 2.0
Spider-Man 2.0: “this isn’t funny chase”
Spider-Man 2.0: “I’m really fucking worried about you
2 missed calls from Spider-Man 2.0
Spider-Man 2.0: “CHASE I SWEAR IF YOU DONT PICK UP YOUR PHONE IM COMING TO LOOK FOR YOU”
Turtle: “Brody get your ass home RIGHT NOW!”
Chase weighed his options between who seemed the least pissed at him. Marvin and Jackieboy were obviously out. He didn’t particularly want to call Anti either. That left Henrik and Jameson. He went to the contact and pressed the call button. It barely rang before it was picked up.
“CHASE!! VERE ZEE FUCK HAFFE VOU BEEN??” Henrik shouted, his accent the thickest Chase has ever heard it, barely understandable in his drunken haze
“I’m sorry Hen” he slurred
“Chase vere are vou? Are vou fucking betrunken?!”
“Hen, Hen what? I-I don’t know what... what you’re saying.”
“HES ASKING IF YOU’RE DRUNK ASSHOLE!” Jackie shouted. “You’re on speakerphone you dick!”
Chase couldn’t see it but Jameson was trying to tell Jackie to calm down.
“OH FUCK NO THIS IS AS CALM AS I’LL BE JAMIE!”
Chase sat down on the sidewalk, leaning against a building. “I’m not fucking drunk,” he slurred
“Tell that to your voice.” Marvin piped up.
“Fiiiiiiiineeeeee mayyybeee I had a drink or few. Happy?”
Chase snorted and started laughing like that was just the funniest thing ever. “Fuck if I know, I wasn’t counting.”
“Chase where are you?” The static behind the phone let him know it was Anti and he whimpered.
“WE’RE ALREADY MAD AT YOU DIPSHIT!” Jackie yelled. Henrik left the phone on the table while he grabbed his shoes and a jacket, figuring that because Chase called him, he should be the one to get him.
Chase suddenly got quiet. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Marvin furrowed his eyebrows.
“I mean I’m lost... that’s why I called... I was at a bar, then tried to walk home and got lost.”
There was silence for a little while. Marvin suddenly stepped towards an open area of floor and started mumbling a spell. “He’s on the corner of Center Street and Behmer Drive. A block down from a bar.” Henrik nodded, grabbing his phone and getting into the car.
“Chase stay on ze phone ja?”
“Okayyyy.” Chase yawned. “Hen I’m tired.”
“Vell I vill not carry vou in so vou need to stay avake”
“But I’m sleepyyyyyyy” Henrik sighed, driving as fast as he could without getting arrested until he saw a familiar figure all the while trying to keep said person awake. He pulled over and got out of the car. Chase stood up, but he stood up too quickly and vomited, luckily for him none of it got on Henrik. As soon as he was done, he was ushered into the car.
“I von’t um... vhat is that expression? Chew vou out now, vou vill certainly get enough shit vrom Jackieboy and Marvin.”
“Thank you,” Chase mumbled, the heat of the car feeling nice on his cold wet body.
“Und vour hangover und sickness vill be more zan enough punishment tomorrow.”
“Zat is vhat vou zaid last time. Und vou did it again. Vou must earn mein trust back Chase. Jamie’s too. Und vou vill be lucky if ze ozers trust vou again soon.” All of a sudden, Chase broke into sobs. He thought he didn’t have anymore tears left in him, but apparently he was wrong.
“Please don’t make me see them Hen... I’m just so weak and pathetic and you all are important. All I have is... is... I’m just useless. What have I ever been besides a nuisance? With all my whining about Stacy, over reacting to a couple sad days and calling it depression, my-my bad habits and self destructive tendencies... I’m surprised you all still keep me around,” Chase’s whole body shook with his sobs.
There was a lot to unpack there and Henrik had no clue where to start. He pulled into the driveway and put the car in park, turning to face Chase. “Chase... how long have vou been feeling like zis?”
He just shrugged. “I dunno... a while now, maybe a year or so?”
“Vhy didn’t vou say anyzing?”
“I was scared you would realize your mistake and kick me out.” He mumbled. It was quiet, but Henrik heard it loud and clear.
“Ve vould never dream of it Chase. Vou are far from useless-“
“Oh yeah? Name one thing that I’ve done that actually helped!”
Henrik went silent as his brain tried to think of a good example that wasn’t easily written off because he knew that anything he said would be torn to bits anyway.
“Thought so.” Chase shook his head. “I actually thought you were gonna say something too. Guess I can add moron to the list.”
“Oh look, I’m being a bother yet again. Shocking.” He got out of the car, slamming the door, puked in the grass, then went inside, ready to be reminded yet again of how weak and pathetic he was.
The second he opened the door was the second the yelling began. He didn’t even bother protesting because they were all right. He screwed up, could’ve died, worried them all.
“Do you have ANY idea how scared we were?! I thought I was going to get a call from a hospital that you were hurt or DEAD! We all were so worried-“
“I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO CARE!” Chase snapped.
“WELL SCREW YOU TOO! I’m your brother!” Jackie fired right back.
‘Ok I think that’s enough’ Jameson tried to intervene, but of course, nobody was paying attention to him. Well, nobody except one person who did happen to notice. Anti stepped in between the two.
“That is enough.” His voice caused everyone to stop yelling, Jameson signing a small thank you towards him. “It seems like Chase has already berated himself over and over, haven’t you? I’m not inside your head, chill out, but you’re fucking screaming it with your body language. You seem to forget that you all can’t hide anything from me. And, I can assure you Chase, you aren’t faking anything, and we all would care.
“Don’t you see? Look around you Brody! Jackieboy is yelling at you because he was scared, and cares so damn much about you. Marvin had so much anxious energy that while he was pacing he started to fucking glow. Yes Marvin, I saw that. Jameson wasn’t signing anything, he just retreated into his mind again, like he always does when he’s worried. Henrik was prepping his work station just in case you came home half dead and was shaking so much he dropped half his equipment. And I-” Anti took a deep breath “I was glitching so much I disappeared for a little bit, just static filling my place. I’m still glitching a lot, and it is taking all of my energy to stay present enough to knock some sense into your drunken mind! We care about you because we all have no idea what we would do without you here!” He balled his hands into fists, and stared down Chase, watching him deflate even more than he already was. He shook his head, retreating to his room where he resumed his excessive glitching.
Jameson was the first one to recover. ‘Chase? What did Anti mean about “you aren’t faking anything, and we all would care”?’ When he was met with a blank stare, he sighed and looked to one of the others to translate. Marvin was the one to interpret for Chase.
“I... I had it in my head that... that I was just faking my depression... that I was just sad a bit. And that... that nobody would care if I... if I... tried again.” Everyone in the room but Jameson understood, and Jameson wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to know. His mind supplied an answer and he didn’t like it. Jackie was the one to walk over to Chase and engulf him in a hug. The rest soon followed, and Chase began to cry again into Jackie’s shoulder. After a while they one by one let go, and Chase looked between them all before going to his room and passing out on his bed.
