Frank: OK, it’s time we had a little chat. V, could we get two more of these?You’re a bad drunk.
Fiona: Oh well if that isn’t the pot callin’ the kettle black.
Frank: No, no, no—I’m a good drunk. Makes me happy. When you drink, you get mean. If it wasn’t for me, Lip would be dead right now.
Fiona: Are you seriously telling me to stop drinkin’?
Frank: I would never say that to my worst enemy. No. I am telling you there are good drunks and bad drunks. A good drunk is fun. A bad drunk wants to have a fight. A good drunk lives in the present. A bad drunk is thinking about yesterday. It’s all about gas and the breaks. Bottoms up. How you feel?
Frank: Want do do another one?
Frank: No! You feel good, right? So take a break, Driver 8. Take your foot off the gas for a couple of seconds. Coast. Alcohol was created to distract us from existential dread. Human beings are the only species that knows of its own mortality, and I gotta say we do a pretty good job dealing with that fact.
Tommy: Thank God for alcohol.
Frank: Can you imagine? Having to live with impending death sober? Look at Lip—when’s the last time you saw him smile? Me? I’ve always been the most fun member of this family. You know why? Because I get it. Sobriety is a fool’s game.
—from Shameless: You’ll Know the Bottom When You Hit It (Season 9, Episode 12)
(episode written by Joe Lawson)