The parking attendant paused by the double-length bay. Intended for mobile homes and cars with trailers, it was currently occupied by a sleeping dragon.
No parts of it extended beyond the lines, and the paper ticket was clearly displayed, impaled on a horn.
So this is not a plea for money. This is something that surprised me, and chatting with people on discord, they were unaware of as well.
Discovered last year I couldn’t look at my 2015 MacBook Air without it triggering nausea and migraines, and figured the screen died. Have been getting by on my phone, but concluded I really need a laptop again.
Saved up, realised I could afford a brand new MacBook Neo, and got one.
-And I couldn’t spend more than five minutes looking at the screen without massive eye strain, nausea, vertigo, and if I pushed it, I-need-to-lie-down-in-a-dark-room-for-hours migraines.
Looking up MacBook and Eyestrain explained what is going on. The liquid retina displays that Apple currently has uses Pulse Width Modulation or PWM. In order to give the screens a deeper depth of colour and contrast, PWM flickers between several hundred to thousand times a second.
And there is currently no way to turn it off. There are settings and apps to reduce it, but there is no way to stop the screen from flickering. Checked Apple forums, called Apple Support, and the time I could look at the screen kept shrinking. Got the laptop Tuesday, returned it Friday, today is Sunday and I’m still dealing with a vertigo migraine.
For MacBooks, it seems to vary on the computer model and the software it uses. In retrospect, the issue with my MacBook Air started after a major software update.
And it’s not just an Apple thing. Current Windows and Android screens do the same thing. There’s even a Reddit for people who are sensitive to PWM flickers to help find computers and screens that won’t trigger eyestrain and headaches.
So, yeah. This week has been a learning experience. But for those who are prone to headaches and migraines, this may be something to be aware of, cause I was not.
The Bad Ending: Kaufmo, Jax, and Why Pomni's Arc Feels Incomplete
Quick story: When I was watching the Last Act finale in theaters, one particular moment stuck with me. It wasn't during the film itself, but during the moment the screen cut to black before rolling the credits, when someone yelled "That's it? That was some bullshit!". At the time I burst out laughing, because that's a funny as fuck reaction to have at the end of a film right before credits begin to play, as a final stinger to send the audience off with, but it's left me chewing on why exactly it was said. It's not as if that anonymous viewer is exactly alone in feeling unsatisfied with TADC's ending, and got me thinking, the series does feel overall unresolved in some way.
As I was rewatching the series while writing my Jax character analysis (I promise that this will be a far shorter read), specifically when revisiting the pilot, it hits me. I've seen this before. Not in a 'I literally watched this episode back when it dropped' way, but in a 'I've already seen this story play out in a different episode' way.
Let's briefly recap what happens in episode 1. Pomni arrives in the circus, learns how it functions, and that one character, Kaufmo has been isolated from the rest of the circus members for a prolonged period of time. When everyone finally goes to see him, they find that he's abstracted. Pomni and co. must now deal with the problems this presents. In the process, we learn that he had a strained relationship with the others, and seemingly disappeared while on bad terms, as evidenced by Ragatha and Gangle fretting about if he was still upset over them fake laughing at his jokes. Pomni, who as of now, lacks the tools to cope with the circus, panics and nearly has a breakdown by the end.
These events mirror Jax's abstraction in episode 9, as it occurs only after he's isolates himself from the rest of the group while on less than good terms with each of them. Ragatha and Gangle even both comment on their terse relationship with Jax following it. The show deliberately has Jax and Kaufmo textually rhyme with each other, and their abstractions are thematically interconnected. Pomni's arc is predicated on her encountering someone on the verge of abstracting twice, once at the start and once at the very end of the show, and the resolution of her arc requires that she be able to use what she learns over the course of the show to tackle these scenarios differently.
Episode 2 builds on this by having Pomni help Gumigoo come to terms with the reality of the circus and his place in it, helping herself in the process, and realizing that she has people she can rely on.
In episode 3, she learns more about the nature of abstraction from Kinger, who also providing details on why it occurs within the circus.
Episode 4 sees her putting what she's learned into practice by coming to terms with Gumigoo's deletion in episode 2, and being the one to provide care emotional support for Gangle during the Spudsy's adventure.
Episodes 5-6 sees her initially trying and failing to reach out to Jax, which I've covered elsewhere, as well as her and Ragatha's friendship becoming turbulent in the process, both of these matters getting resolved in episode 9.
Episodes 7-8 sees Pomni confronting the possibility of an exit, and getting everyone to come to terms with the fact that there is no means of leaving the circus, allowing them all to move past Kaufmo's obsession with finding a way out. This is her biggest success so far in the series, and is where her ability to resolve personal conflicts expands to a capability to affect wider change throughout the circus by confronting Caine head on.
You can see where this is all heading, right? Pomni has been learning from and helping the people around her, and is being set up to be the catalyst for taking on the matter of abstraction in a new way. Shoving the abstracted circus members into a dark place has been Caine's solution, and Kinger has shown that dark environments allow for safe interaction with these abstractions. The show is clearly setting up that this will be an important tool for her to use to affect different outcomes from before. If the show resolves this by just having a circus member abstract, and then be shoved into a dark environment to presumably remain inside of for the rest of time, then ultimately nothing has changed in this regard from episode one, unlike every other facet of the circus.
Jax doesn't even show up in the future adventures the circus members have in the credits. It's pretty clear that she's still in that tent and unable to meaningfully interact with anyone. She may as well be in the cellar next to Kaufmo for all it's worth. I'm not saying that TADC needs to have some happy ending where everyone gets completely reverted back from their abstracted forms, but what I am saying is that the show needed to fully follow through on what it set up throughout its runtime, and it just doesn't here. There's a reason why fanart of Jax coming back at the end, but clearly altered by her abstraction is so popular. It's what the show was building up towards (Kinger literally points out that Queenie was different after her abstraction, but was still there in some way), but never paid off. Further, the entire Jax psychodrama exacerbates this, by implying that something different is going to happen, because no one has made this sort of contact with an abstracted person before. It's not like bringing back someone from the dead, because abstraction isn't death, and ending the show with the implication that it might be permanent is well....... I'm just not sure that when you make a show with a setting that is clearly analogous to a psychiatric ward, that insinuating that suffering a major mental breakdown could transform you into a wholly unrecognizable form that can't be recovered from is how you'd want to end it. At the very least, it's not the sort of thing you'd want to be nebulous about.
I’m really always too nervous to show my work and I know I already submitted this to the discord, but I just wanted to tell you a little bit about the painting, if that’s ok.
The red tree in the back is a red oak tree, which is native to Ohio, and the pine tree was supposed to be a Black oak tree, but I fell into my habit of painting trees native to my area on accident.
The three types of flowers in the painting are oleander, lily of the valley, and fox breath, which are all poisonous.
The bushes in the back have white berries on them, which usually symbolizes that those are also poisonous to ingest.
Belladonna’s eyes were just done with straight up gold paint
Her shirt is the same color as the berries on a belladonna plant.
Her hair has streaks of gold paint in it.
There’s a lot of gold in this painting.
The water is shiny in person.
Sorry to bother you, thanks for writing an incredible story!
hating your own country is a disease, btw. one of the cures is watching foreigners visit and express their love for aspects of your culture you've been taking for granted.
I'll go further. Hating your own country (which is not the same as disapproving of your government officials or policies) is a moral failing. On several levels.
A while back there was a tiktok going “Ooo this is the best restaurant and I’m not telling you where it is ;) you’re going to have to guess ;)))”
And another guy stitched it with a whole breakdown of her most recent posts to go “The day before you posted this you posted another video saying you met this celebrity and he had just posted that he was in this city. You also posted a video in a hotel room and after searching up hotels in this city, we can tell it was this hotel because the wallpaper in your video matches the wallpaper in pictures on their website. By looking up restaurants by this hotel we can tell you went to this specific restaurant” and he was right
And people called him a creep, but I think we should take this as a moral lesson to lie about ourselves online more. I’m actually a talking dog and I live in a Montreal poutinerie
This one gal in my college French class can be your inspiration. I wanted to study with her as a convo partner and looked her up on social media to learn more about her. When I was talking with her, I asked her, "So you're Hawaiian?" She was really confused. I pointed out that her FB profile said so and I thought it was cool. She laughed and said she put fake info on all her profiles, not comfortable with sharing online but still having to fill out the boxes. She asserted that real friends would get to know the truth by spending time with her.
The internet used to be about anonimity. We really need to bring that back. You can be anybody you want online.
The way all the 2020s have done so far have been making me categorically against every new generation of tech that comes out is insane. Like I'm from a technological boom generation, saw the first portable phones, nokias & blackberries & flipphones etc, and the first smartphones, and the first ipods & ipads & tablets in general while still having cassettes & DVD & MP3 players around so I know how all of it work, I had computer classes in high school, I did the transition between home desktop computers to laptops and back to gaming computers. But then they started to put internet in your printer & microwave, everything has ads & AI now and every update is worst than the last. I literally loved technology and they ruined it
STOP disabling reblogs on your hilarious 900 note posts! I have people fighting over ancient 50,000 note posts in my notifs constantly and if I can handle that you can let me reblog your funni
I know I harp on this all the time, but Bella's miraculous self control, I've got more to say about it.
The idea is a) she was born for it so it comes naturally (but why would denying herself come naturally when it's against vampiric instinct??) and b) she 'braced herself' or mentally prepared and decided ahead of time she was going to be a vegetarian and that focus carried her through.
Which, like . . okay . . . to a degree. She did have more forewarning and knowledge than the others. But BEAU is also very controlled and didn't have nearly as much time to "mentally prepare."
And the thing that bothers me here is the idea that she is just SO committed to the vegetarian thing, she's already decided pre-vampirism to do it, because, well, she doesn't seem to be in the actual text? She asks both Edward and Carlisle why they bother trying to not eat people.
"In the beginning, though," I pressed while [Carlisle] taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?"
His lips turned up in a private smile. "Hasn't Edward told you this story?"
"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…"
His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when—I refused to think if—it was me.
You'd think the girl who was so innately good and pre-committed to vegetarian vampirism would understand what he was thinking? Instead she's like, "okay but like why not just eat people? Seems easier." She's very understanding of Edward's desire for her blood, for Jasper's slip up. She's like "yeah I get it, no hard feelings."
There is an inherent tension, IMO, between the "good with weird/born to be a vampire" stuff and the super self control stuff. She should be able to shrug off vampire horror because it seems normal to her OR she should be good at controlling her thirst, not both? The three most controlled Cullens--Carlisle, Rosalie and Edward-- are also the three that kind of hate being a vampire. Rosalie and Edward are vocal about it; Carlisle has coped by literally creating a new way of being a vampire and becoming a doctor to help humans rather than eat them. It makes sense THEY are controlled because they are on some level rejecting their vampirism. But Bella loves it, embraces, revels in it. But is someone also good at denying it?
TBH I've always assumed part of Jasper's struggles with self-control is that his heart is not in it. He does it because he hates feeling the emotions of his victims, he does it because he knows Alice needs what the Cullens can give her, but I don't think he really thinks killing humans is bad for a vampire to do. It's natural. It's a shark being a shark, a lion being a lion. And pre-vampire Bella seems to have a similar view. Like she's glad these specific vampires don't want to eat her but she gets why vampires generally would. But then she becomes a vampire herself and is the best at not eating people right away?
IDK I think she should have to pick either adjusting super easily to vampirism OR being in control and valuing human life, not both.
Literally the definition of imperialism and classism. Doesn’t matter how many peasants you sacrifice as long as the most powerful piece is left standing