Press the pen into the paper,
Make sure the blue is infused into the page
Curved letters, a steady hand,
Cross your "t"s, dot your "i"s, repeat,
till your hand cramps, a never ending loop
of learning, forgetting, repeat,
learning, despairing, repeat,
learning, failing, repeat,
Repeat what? Learning just to move on the next day,
you can't remember what the text was about,
all you wanted was to learn about the beauty of the cosmos but
you had to burn this formula in your brain,
least you forget it, tape the diagram
under your eyelids, it's alright if you tear up,
Sit another exam, repeat,
Barely pass through, repeat.
Get drunk in your room at midnight, repeat.
Try to kill yourself, repeat.
The pen pierces the paper, the ink bleeds through,
Sometimes you dream about Red.
You dream of flying, and then Red.
Fall asleep, jump, fly, Red, repeat.
Red's a damning and a salvation, Red against pavement,
Red against bathroom tiles,
Red against printer black and white on paper.
Let the deadline pass, repeat.
It's three am and you're still citing sources,
It's four am and you're calculating the graphs,
It's five am and it's due at six.
Red's at the end of your vision, begging, taunting, preying.
A missed alarm, a sorry email, repeat.
A half arsed attempt at an essay, repeat.
You use Red ink this time, repeat.
A new term. The same shit. Repeat.
Red against a Diploma, a nine to five future,
You are flying again, then Red and repeat.
A new lecture, an old, half-smoked cigarette, repeat.
Red ink against the whiteboard and you stare,
will it to go away but it stains.
Sweat down your back, heart dancing, repeat.
You cry in secret, once they're all asleep, repeat.
you'll smile politely, to return
Red expressions of faith and support
Really, don't know you all that well.
Red expectations you'll never meet,
Take sleeping pills before bed,
if you take extra, you blame it on your forgetfullness, repeat.
You don't want to feel anymore, pop another, repeat.
The pills are Red. Repeat.
You dream of integrals and chemical components,
Your pens lie half empty, half unused on your dresser,
The Red ink bleeding out,
down the drain, followed by your dreams
and your passion for living.
You pick them up. Repeat.
You fail to submit yet another project. Repeat.
Ignore your phone ringing, your team will manage,
Your life is on hold again, just another exam period
The system is made to burn you to the ground,
like fuel you light on fire, repeat.
The Blue sky would be comforting,
did you have the time to look up.
Hunch over a pack of weathered textbooks,
they'd seen better days before you got your hands on them,
throw them to the floor, rip them apart,
Repeat your prayers too, maybe for a life
you once hoped you'd have,
turned into an apathetic state of
trying, giving up, disassociating,
Red is the colour of hell,
You never stood a chance.
Pick up the pen, carve your arms.