TC life

Why am I so awkward? Not my teacher ✨️older men✨️

[inlovewithteacher]

Before I went on holiday he walked by my desk and we had the longest conversation. It was so good to talk to him again. And he looked so good! I kept staring at his biceps haha. I was also telling him that for my departement I was going to take over a task that involves him.

The next day I had my teambuilding and my boss was telling me that she wants me to put in with my team (because now I am sitting in another departement) and I immediately thought of S and how I just told him that I was going to do that.

So Friday the day after the teambuilding I was working from home but I wanted to tell him and I sent him a message "I have funny news, so yesterday I had my teambuilding and turns out that I might not be sitting in this departement for very long after all haha"

And he responded with "maybe you'll have to do the task in the new departement"

I said "hahaha who knows"

I was gigling because does that mean he wants me to keep on working with him???

[inlovewithteacher]

It's been so weird. It feels like it's been months since I have seen him eventhough I saw him last week very shortly. He was just standing there talking to someone, he looked very serious and the moment I saw him my heart felt like it was almost going to explode. I had to calm myself down before walking past him, then he saw me and his eyebrows went up and he said "hey" very softly but he kept looking at me eventhought he was in a conversation with someone else. I said "hey" and gave him a little smile and then walked by. I didn't want to be too obvious but it did kill me not being able to talk to him. Ugh I really miss him. And he looked so good, I forgot how tall he was.

We are still on and off keeping the conversation on teams which is very nice and a lot of fun. The only problem is that it's always me starting the conversation. Today we were talking about one of my crazy ideas, he was really interested in my idea and was even laughing because I said "chagpt doens't do what I want" and he was like "it doens't do what you want 😆 'make me this picture' and then it makes you something completely else?" I started laughing so hard haha and responded with "hahaha basically 😂"

Next week I will be on holiday and I think I am not going to send him anything before I go to see if he will reach out.

I just feel so confused.

[inlovewithteacher]

A whole week has passed and I didn't see him. He was busy in this very long and important meeting with some very important people, it took like 2 or 3 days. On Wednesday I sent him a message saying "I hope you had a nice holiday. I do have a question" but I didn't know he was in this meeting so then I said "oh I just saw that you're in a meeting. I will ask you tomorrow. Oh and welcome back". He answered but I already left "thank you. It was a long day, I was indeed in the meeting with (the very important people). I will be here tomorrow"

The next day (the last day of the meeting) I read his message and ughh the feels. "I said "oh poor you. So I had a question" then asked the question and said "I have an idea hihi" throughout the day he kept responding when he could and he was like "now I want to hear your idea". So then I explained it and he was not completley convinced but he did listen and was interested which was so sweet of him. So then I was like "I will think about it and brainstorm a little bit and will let you know" the conversation ended pretty stupid I said something like "yes that sounds good"

He is probably still busy with catching up and stuff like that and I am happy that I heard him but it does feel weird not seeing him and not knowing how he feels now about me. Because before his holiday there was some tension but now I don't know.

I hope that next week will finally be the week that we see eachother. I have already imagined a 100 times and qi hope it's going to feel as good as in my fantasy.

[inlovewithteacher]

It's day 2 that he's back from his holiday and I still haven't seen him. It feels so bad like what if everyrhing was just in my head and he actually couldn't care less about me.

Now I'm depressed

[inlovewithteacher]

Last week of his holiday. So excited that he is going to be back next week!

[inlovewithteacher]

I miss him so much that I started stalking him on fb haha

And I saw a very sexy picture.

I mean it was a regular picture but he looks so good in it and I can't stop staring at ervery inch of his body. Like his face and his arms and how his polo is unbottened at the top and how the visible part of his chest is hairless and ugh I wish I could see more!!

[inlovewithteacher]

I had such a shitty day, that the only thing that would make me feel better is laying in his arms.

[inlovewithteacher]

O B S E S S E D

[inlovewithteacher]

Friday we also had a short but cute interaction. I was getting food from the cafetaria and he came in a couple of minutes later. So I was standing there and he came to where I was standing to grab something and I looked up but he was already looking at me and I said a soft "hey" he responded with also "hey". I asked him how he was doing and he said "I'm good, it's my last day before my holiday" (he left for 3 weeks 🙁) and I said "oh have fun!" Exctied for him. Then we parted ways.

But in the afternoon I sent him a message because I kept analyzing every word he said, it made me think that maybe je was not okay. So I sent him "are you sure you are fine? You sounded a little tired" and he responded that he didn't sleep well and joked that it was probably his age. I started feeling really bad about the fact that it was all just one sided, like he never asked about me. So then I responden with "okay then". And that was the last thing I heard from him before hid holiday and now I have to wait 3 weeks until I can see him again.

But I feel like our relationship is really changing from flirting through teams to flirting through eye contact. Because the way he looks at me, like it's all so soft. It's like awkward but in a cute way.

Now I am just wondering if this is real or is it just all in my head? I mean the tension between us, he has to feel it too, there is no way he doesn't feel it.

[inlovewithteacher]

Something weird happened today.

I have been waiting all week for him to text me or just just anything. But he still hasn't.

No today after lunch I was walking back to my desk and he was going to the cafetaria and at first I didn't see him but the person I was talking to did and he waved at S. So I looked in that direction and S was smiling cute and I smiled back but I was like shy. I just really don't know what he wants.

In the afternoon S walked past my desk and said "Hi". But this is so weird to me and I don't understand why he did this.

Because first of all his desk is at the whole other side of the company so it's actually such a big turn to walk past my desk. I mean even if he was nearby, he really doesn't need to walk past my desk. But then his "hi" was also very weird like it was definetly not directly to me he said it more like in the group of my departement as he walked by. But then I was thinking what if he did that to see me and the hi was more for me but because he doesn't want other people to notice he did it this way. But then I am also thinking why didn't he just text me, because that would've made it more private. So this whole interaction is really weird to me and I am trying to analyze it so I know what he wants but this is impossible.

[inlovewithteacher]

Okay so he answered with "haha okay, will do". Then I reacted to his answer with ❤️

And at lunch I had to walk past him to get some food and when walking back I looked at him and he was already looking at me and he was like "hey" and smiling. I just smiled back to him. And his blue eyes were so blue.

BUT OH MY GOD THE MOMENT WAS SO INTENSE IT WAS LIKE IN A MOVIE THAT EYE CONTACT DID THINGS TO ME.

And now I can't even think anymore haha

[inlovewithteacher]

Today was good. I asked him a question about this thing we have to fill in.

This was our conversation 🥰🥰

Me: what is the deadline? And how mad would you be if I don't fill it in time?

S: By Thursday. I shouldn't say this, but you can fill it in until Friday.

Me: Oh that's fine. It will be okay.

S: Have fun with it.

Me: Hahaha thank you, i will go crazy with it.

S: That means that the results will be great.

Me: I won't go that crazy.

Me: And you are not very strict anyway so it's okay haha.

S: Maybe I should be stricter.

Me: Well the first time you came to me, i thought you were very strict. But now I think you are too sweet to be strict.

S: I have my moments. But I do think you get more done being patient than putting too much rules.

Me: Yes that's true, stay sweet. Your patience is being appreciated.

I love flirting with him through Teams haha.

[inlovewithteacher]

Day 2 of nothing.

I did see him briefly in the workplace but I ran away from him because well he was talking to someone and I didn't know what to say or how to look at him.

I just wish he would do or say something.

I almost sent him a message but I thought maybe I shouldn't because it is always me. So my mood for now is kind of depressed listening to sad Taylor Swift songs.

[inlovewithteacher]

Nothing happened today, like literally nothing. He didn't say anything, he didn't look at me. NOTHING.

I hate how much it affects me.

I replaced J with S but the feeling, the rollercoaster, the need of attention it's just the same.

Why can't I just date someone my age like all my friends and be happy?

[inlovewithteacher]

So yesterday S asked me something about work and I told him to ask another person. And today he sent me "don't forget to ask her" and I was like "omg you have it so easy haha" then I asked her and she was like "tell him to call the customer service" so I told him that and said "good luck 😉".

But like why would he not just ask the other person. Did he want to keep the contact?? I really like his attention but it is kind of confusing.

[inlovewithteacher]

Today he updated me on this. I might have been a little cold to him but I didn't know what to say. And then at lunch he didn't look at me like at all.

Before I went home I asked him if his weekend was very full like always and he responded nice but short and that he was going home and he was like have a nice weekend!

But why is he so cold in person and warm on text? It just confuses me completely. Also because on text you don't really know how he is saying something.

He could be just very friendly like to everyone, but what if he's not?

[inlovewithteacher]

So yesterday S asked me something about work and I told him to ask another person. And today he sent me "don't forget to ask her" and I was like "omg you have it so easy haha" then I asked her and she was like "tell him to call the customer service" so I told him that and said "good luck 😉".

But like why would he not just ask the other person. Did he want to keep the contact?? I really like his attention but it is kind of confusing.

[inlovewithteacher]

I dont understand this man. I asked S if he was still tired and he was like "yes but it's my own fault for planning too much" and then we talked about how he even does everything but the conversation went in a weird way (again). So now he is telling me his vision on life and how he thinks that people should get more out of their comfort zone to grow and be happier. And at this point I have no idea what to say to him. This went very deep very fast but I feel like he is not really open to my opinion.

We might not have a single thing in common and I'm questioning why I even like him. I like his attention and maybe I like the idea of him more than I like him?

But also today I feel so drained 🙁