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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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d e v o n
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oozey mess

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@inneskeeper
the way people treat trans masc survivors on this site is completely baffling and appalling especially if their abuser was also trans
“I don’t believe this actually happened because it makes trans women/fems seem predatory” is the trans people version of “gay people never hit each other!!! gay people ALWAYS have healthy relationships!!! anyone who says otherwise is a HOMOPHOBE!!!” stop being an abuse apologist. stop being so childish. you’re hurting people
Prefacing this with the fact that I believe victims, I 100% believe she is being genuine about her abuse, and that if you screenshot this post to dunk on it without including this section it’s extremely obvious what you’re doing.
Something I’ve noticed about the whole twitter blue lady fiasco is that everyone has been (rightfully!) completely willing to believe she was abused by her ex, and then go on to use this as a cudgel against people hurt by her words. Meanwhile, when the reverse happens- when transmascs are abused by transfems, I often see people completely unwilling to even entertain the thought that it might be true, or that even if it is, it doesn’t matter (???) and they should just be quiet about that. And that double standard is just so horrifically damaging and yet so incredibly clear that it exists in this situation. That people, especially TRFs, are willing to believe victims when the perpetrator is transmasc and the victim is transfem and go so far as to defend bigoted statements on the latter’s behalf because of it, yet fling vile abuse at transmascs who experience the reverse and speak up about it despite making it clear they hold no ill will towards transfems, is just disturbing. If you only believe victims when they belong to a specific demographic, you don’t believe victims, you’re an abuse apologist. We shouldn’t tolerate this for a single moment.
I call it “my fyp when a popular transfem blogger turns out to be a bigot”. Impressionistic.
Accountability in the Trans Community: Part 2
So, in response to my last post, I've gotten a lot of replies that once again reinforce the double standard I was talking about.
I got replies from people saying they themselves have been affected by the rhetoric intending to silence victims.
I got replies from people thanking me for speaking up, because they themselves were too afraid to say anything.
There were other people sharing their own experience as well in the reblogs.
But what about the other side? Those who were against the point of my post?
Well...
I was told to kill myself.
I've been told I'm no different than murderers
Compared to TERFs putting people's actual names and faces on display in public
Told that I have to die.
And of course, plenty of replies telling me how much of a violent transmisogynist I am for wanting all allegations of abuse to be taken seriously, with respect for all parties involved.
Does anyone notice the difference here? Those in support of my criticisms are victims coming forward with their own experiences, and those who felt too afraid to speak up. Those who are against my criticisms, are comparing me to me killers and telling me I should die.
Is it any wonder why victims feel afraid in the environment this community has created?
Not to re-ignite some pretty shitty discourse on here but it was really weird when a couple of transmascs from south + central asia and the middle east banded together to talk very vaguely about our experiences with trafficking and/or exploitation within the trans community and ask for it to be spread to OTHER POTENTIAL VICTIMS, because we were creating a support group and the reaction was an extreme amount of harassment and misrepresentation of the situation.
Like two of the things that struck me as extemely odd was
a) the immediate pivot to saying we were 'accusing transfems of sex trafficking/being sexual predators'.
None of the victims who made posts had sexual abuse be the primary part of their trauma, and the main post by @happy-ajris, only mentioned it in passing. In fact the main thing listed was domestic work.
But there was this sudden and immense shift to saying this was about sex trafficking and sex slaves and sexsexsex. I think this was to aid in the way they were trying to portray us as terfs just trying to stereotype trans women, when that was never the damn conversation.
b) People completely (and I believe deliberately) misrepresented what we were getting upset about. Neither I, Iris, Rahman, Hamza or the two others who will remain unnamed, said people should just believe this unconditionally? We, and particularly I, because im the most online+largest following (low bar, i am a very small blogger), got painted as these crazy rumor-spreading terfs who wanted unconditional belief and just wanted to ruin the lives of people we were claiming were hurting us. Dare I say, painted as hysterical. All we, and I, asked for was to
Not make posts mocking the (potential) victims
don't spread lies about it being a terf rumor mill
don't call the (potential) victims sex-slaves
don't harass the people talking about this
don't laugh at the idea of this shit (potentially) happening
and don't frame the concept of speaking up about it as inherently terfy.
And yet every time I hear it get brought up its this mythical hysterical terf sock-puppets demanding everyone believe in a conspiracy theory of transfem sex-predators.
THATS NOT WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED.
Its deeply apparent that the people accusing you of creating conspiracy theories about transfem sex predators are wholly unaware of how trafficking functions.
People's entire concept of trafficking are influenced by movies with pimps wearing colorful, audacious clothes and forcing poor, helpless girls into ritzy brothels.
The reality of it is much less glamorous, and far messier. The truth is that its not always evil rich white men trafficking people for nefarious perverse sex crimes. In reality, it is often marginalized people partaking in the trafficking of other marginalized people, for the survival of both parties.
Statistically, most people are trafficked by their own family members. Often, the parents who allow their children to be trafficked are themselves victims of trafficking, and see no other option to ensure their children's survival.
Often, the people involved are doing so because in their own perspective, being forced into domestic labor is better than being homeless. People are often given the choice between trafficking people in their own community, or simply being killed.
I'm obviously not justifying any form of trafficking here. What I'm saying is that the circumstances that create these sort of trafficking circles are far more nuanced than "evil sex pests want to keep people enslaved for nefarious perverse reasons".
But people want their black and white world view, where there are evil people and victims, and nothing in between.
Threatening legal action is a common tactic abusers use, especially when the person they abused comes forward about the abuse. This is a silencing tactic. I'm not surprised, I guess, but it is disappointing, and frankly fucked up;
I don't have a cent to my name at the moment, and rely on social services to stay alive because I am disabled and can't hold a job because of my disabilities. Fighting with bureaucracy in order to get disability payments and the other accommodations I need is currently my full-time job. Innes is aware of this, because not much has changed since we were together in terms of my finances and overall situation. He would be suing a disabled & impoverished queer trans man.
I am trying to be real about my experiences and what happened to me-- that's a major reason that I've been posting screenshots. They remind me that what happened to me was real, even if it was just online. It's grounding, not to "air dirty laundry", but to have backing proof for what I have been saying. I am not lying.
I was gaslit for so long into believing that it was mutually toxic, no good guys or bad guys but when I looked back at what had been said, there's just... No way that is the case. I literally don't have anything to gain from this except seeing someone be held accountable & experiencing some sense of closure! I am not the one posting my fundraiser link every time I am confronted.
I thought for a long, long time before posting the screenshots regarding Innes' own trauma. I did not want to initially, but I also do not feel it is my responsibility to protect him anymore, and it gives further context and evidence of the zoophilia. I agree, what he went through is fucked up and traumatizing. There's really no other way to put it. But that isn't an excuse to engage in zoophilia, to make zoophilic comments about real life animals, and to talk about committing zoophilia in real life.
The context in which he brought it up was because he had sent me a Gore Magala monsterfucking fic. The discussion was pretty unprompted to be honest, and I was uncomfortable at the time he sent those messages but didn't really know what to say, except that I wanted to be a supporting partner. Again, this was the first time zoophilia was brought up. Not about my own paraphilias or kinks, but about Innes'.
I have not been bringing up the zoophilia in order to hide my necrophilia. I'm not ashamed about having necrophilic fantasies, because I know that they will remain only fantasies-- particularly because the brunt of my fantasies involve me being the corpse.
Despite being kinky and weird, I don't want to hurt anyone in real life just to get off! I think mentioned prior, but there are different classes of necrophilia, some of which are solely fantasies. I'd like to be the more... passionate cathy to someone's heathcliff, you know? & If something does not cause you to harm yourself or others, or does not cause you distress to experience, it's not a disorder or a problem. If it does cause you harm, or cause you to harm other things, then something is wrong and you need to get help.
To reiterate: I don't care what fiction or fantasies someone has. That's not real. I don't care about words on a screen or lines on a page. I care about real harm done.
I do not trust Innes enough to speak with them privately. When I initially came out about the abuse, I told my therapist about the situation, and how Innes had said things would be better "if I had just spoken with him privately". My therapist disagreed: The only thing that would happen if I spoke to Innes privately is that I would be gaslit and yelled at for having the guts to talk about this publicly at all.
Their initial response to this was for them to DARVO me (shoutout to the random person who messaged me about that, I hadn't heard of the term before) and then at every turn they've tried to bring up things about me in order to hide their own flaws and misdeeds.
Our relationship was not mutually toxic. I will admit I probably was not prepared to be in a relationship again; We had started dating when I was still living in a house with my abuser who terrified me so badly I would barricade my door when I slept, and then had few chances to recover from this as I moved back across the country to escape, and immediately began the battle with bureaucracy to secure public housing for both of us. I was constantly trying to find ways to hustle and save money to move him out, while he spent his money on fibercrafts and video games.
He would do things that I found off, but when I'd bring them up, there was always some sort of excuse. The longer we were together the more I felt like I had to form myself into a mold to be what he wanted me to be. I'd be the cat, the bottom, the submissive, as long as it pleased him. The abuse and manipulation was very, very quiet, very subtle. I didn't notice it until years after the fact. There are things he said about or to me that still haunt me, years after. "I would have to be bisexual in order to be with you (intimately)" being one of them.
Also as an aside, just because abuse happened some years ago doesn't mean that the person who was abused should "just get over it" like him, his friends, & his audience seem to want me to do. I do not think for a second that Innes has actually grown or changed as a person but even if they had, that does not negate the harm done to me in the past, nor does it mean I shouldn't talk about it to avoid hurting someone's reputation. How someone responds matters, too.
As I have said many times, I do not think that Innes is an irreparable monster. I think that Innes terminally lacks the ability to take criticism, the ability to introspect, the ability to tell the goddamn truth, and the ability to acknowledge that the people around him are real living human beings and not building blocks for them to get what they want out of them.
These are all things that can be worked on! They're not permanent, unchangeable character flaws! But if Innes continues to have a platform that supports and endorses them being their worst, I don't think that any of that's going to change, and they're still going to be the toxic person I met 4 years ago, but older.
I have found it concerning enough to talk about publicly, because in those years and through my doubts his audience has grown, and though I've had him blocked and his username blacklisted, somehow I would still see posts by him. I saw the entirety of the train derailment saga go down. I saw how he responded, and it was much, much too like what I'd go through whenever I would catch him in a lie.
He positions himself in a seat of authority on here over a variety of subjects that I do not think he has much of a real claim in whatsoever. It is all too convenient, and knowing the details that I do about their personal life I can't help but call all of these alleged credentials into doubt.
Their ego is fed by engagement. I've known this since the start, but in the beginning I really did want to believe that maybe they were a better person and would just be honest. Even bad engagement is still engagement, like how they always respond to hate. They genuinely crave the attention. They were like this when we were together, too.
Their relationship to their online notoriety is inherently an unhealthy one, and I realize now that I've been feeding into it. I have been feeding into my own continued gaslighting. Whenever I struggle, or say what happened to me, there is always a convenient, twisted excuse as to why it was okay to do to me, or how it didn't really happen "like that", or something.
I have realized that there is no "winning" against someone like this, there is no way for me to convince anyone to believe me. I can give all the evidence in the world for what happened to me, but at the end of the day some people will remain unconvinced, even with the most damning screenshots. I have said my piece, I have spoken extensively about my side of things, and I know what is true. The best thing anyone who reads this and believes me can do is report inneskeeper, report their fundraiser, & then block them without engaging. Any engagement towards him is exactly what he wants. I refuse to feed further into Innes' ego.
prev. pin about the author & situation here
tag list:
zoophilia & linking a 17-year-old his nudes
abuse
manipulation
misappropriation of donated money
transphobia
blaming mental health for poor behavior to avoid accountability
lies
how innes affected my own housing stability
archive of this blog (inneskeeper-receipts)
coercive suicide/ideation
every time a new SA allegation of a favored celeb arises, i'm reminded of the absolutely soul-crushing experience of the depp/heard trial in which i learned that dozens of ppl i loved + respected + trusted were also willing to engage in the basest form of misogyny if the woman Seemed Crazy Enough. there was a horrifying 2ish weeks on this website + much longer irl where i genuinely felt unsafe voicing my discomfort as i relived something eerily reminiscent of the aftermath of my own assaults playing out on screen, commented on by true crime youtubers like it was a red sox game.
it happens time + time again with every new allegation + it's truly the most agonizing + exhausting part of being a survivor. i am begging you all to consider that survivors are watching you engage with this stuff like theater + it erodes our trust in all of you + compounds our grief.
a few ppl have commented variations of "this was me :( i regret it but i just hadn't done the research + was relying on secondhand evidence" + while i don't want to put them in a spotlight or attract hate, that is... exactly the problem. it goes so much deeper than "i was duped by depp's marketing/legal team in this single scenario" because "this particular woman is crazy + making up abuse for attention because she's actually a [insert diagnosis here] who torments men for her own sick pleasure" should 100% of the time ring alarm bells for you! there's something deeply wrong with your feminist politic if you'll abandon it once the perpetrator starts trending on twitter!
content like "[description of her assault] sounds like a good time in bed to me" or "this has emboldened me to say that [people sharing her diagnosis] need to unfollow me" (two real things that both went viral!!!) should never be acceptable to you, regardless of who the target is. women who you do not respect or who you think are Bad People are still not acceptable targets for saneism or misogyny. even women who have done actual, provable harmful things are still not acceptable targets for saneism or misogyny.
perpetrators are almost universally more powerful + beloved than the ppl they have harmed; they exploit this power to their advantage. perpetrators often retain the charisma + poise + calm which sexual assault strips from you like wet fucking paper. "calm beloved man dealing with his crazy clingy jilted ex who is actually the abusive one, probably, i mean look at her!" is a tale as old as time, not a fluke, so if you don't develop an actually principled stance on sexual assault which you apply regardless of the likability or press coverage of the harmed person, you are not an ally to survivors.
New to witchcraft? Awesome! Here's some things that you should avoid:
Divine [insert gender] or Sacred [insert gender]
Wicca (Especially "Wicca is ancient" bs)
Anything from Lewellyn Publishing
Visualization used as if it was energy work
Godphoning (talking to a deity for someone else, especially when it's non-consensual)
Spirit Animals
Spirit Shops
Spirit impreg
"Raising/higher Vibrations"
Contemporary/Western Reiki
New Age / Age of Aquarius
"Ascended Masters"
"Reptilians" (Aliens/pre-human terrestrials)
Emerald Tablets
Theosophy
New Thought
Anything related to Aleister Crowley
The Kybalion
"One True Way"
Witchcraft requiring a womb
"Men can't be witches" (Especially if they include trans women in this statement)
The Law of Attraction/Assumption
Spells purely with correspondences (Most spell candles/jars)
Appropriation (Dreamcatchers, Lilith, "Qabalah" or non-Jewish Kabbalah, Chakras, Kundalini, Yoga, Western Druidry, White Sage, voodoo, Hoodoo, etc outside of appropriate cultural context.)
"Black" or "White" magic
"Fae Council"
Claims of being a changeling
"Witchcraft requires sacrifice"
"Blood magic makes spells more powerful"
Reality Shifting
Magic/theology that requires self-harm
"Coven" (Especially if it's online)
If you see anyone endorsing anything on this list that is highlighted red, BLOCK THEM immediately.