Cut me open, look whats inside

my tortured mind. shitty sad blog.

[insidemymindandsoul]

In the end you realized that you were praising the wrong sinner, calling them a Saint. In the end they had taken all the work that had been finished and smashed it to the ground in laughed in your face.

You believed didn't you?

That the sinner was a Saint, and had fixed you right up. The sinner was a stain, you deserve all the praise

[insidemymindandsoul]

77

It doesn't matter how healthy I eat.

How many days I workout.

I'll always be sick on the inside

[insidemymindandsoul]

I've been the best daughter you've had,

I haven't turned to drugs or alcohol.

I haven't skipped or been suspended from school.

I've passed every year with an average over 80 my whole life.

I've tried, and tried, and tried.

But it's still never fucking enough for you.

[insidemymindandsoul]

01-06-19

He proved to me that my thoughts were exactly right, i was never too hard to love.

I was just too much for a little boy like you to handle.

[remanence-of-love]

[insidemymindandsoul]

Curse my memory.

Its been months.

What feels like an eternity.

I can still perfectly picture your face.

Your voice still rings in my ears.

Yet I haven't dared look at the pictures or videos I kept of you.

For the fear of what they'd do to me.

But it seems,

No matter what,

You still haunt me.

[insidemymindandsoul]

11-19-18

Its amazing how fast people can change your world.

He ruined it.

And now you're fixing it.

[depressedanxietydeath]

Why am I so afraid to live the life I want. Why am I so focussed on how the people around me want to live my life that I forget that it’s my life and up to me to decide what I want.

[insidemymindandsoul]

There was a time when I hoped I'd never forget you if you ever left.

Now I wish I could forget you so you could finally leave my mind.

[insidemymindandsoul]

12-04-18

I thought that you had treated me like a princess.

I had never been treated with so much love before.

But I met someone new.

And God damn did you treat me like trash.

I feel like a God when I am with him.

[insidemymindandsoul]

I can find you in the littlest things.

The most randomest.

Even bizarre.

Dandruff is one of those things.

The day Saturday makes me think of you.

I just can't seem to lose you.

[insidemymindandsoul]

That home is not home anymore.

The house grew cold.

Lights faded.

The air thin.

She was screaming,

but the walls had nothing to say.

She cried cuddled in feathered arms, dreaming of when the house was warm.

That home is not home anymore.

[insidemymindandsoul]

n o t h i n g

I know nothing.

I know nothing of who I am.

I lost the pieces I had collected when you left.

I no longer love time.

I no longer smile when it rains, but weep like the sky.

I no longer love the sunsets.

I am afraid of the dark again.

I am afraid of myself again.

Wont you help me find myself again?

[insidemymindandsoul]

I cant seem to escape from the thought of you.

You are e v e r y w h e r e.

[insidemymindandsoul]

11-21-18

I was told today about how much you complained about me.

Seemed to be everyday apparently.

And even though I'm over you and I have found someone else,

It hurts so much to know that our love wasn't real to you for so long before you ended it.

[insidemymindandsoul]

Cocaine.

It is said that love is as strong as cocaine.

When you quit a drug as strong as that you go through withdrawals.

Withdrawals can last for what seems forever.

You can get withdrawls even after your brain chemistry learns to regulate itself again.

Key things can bring back strong urges.

Words, substances that look the same, places where trades were made.

I understand why I'm still in pain now.

Why I suddenly start hurting sometimes.

It's been months.

But each time I walk past a land mark where we would stop every single day to kiss, I think about it. I see us kissing in my head.

I'm still having withdrawls.

[insidemymindandsoul]

Selfish.

I am selfish.

I am mean.

I love you and that makes me selfish.

I want you to be only mine.

I want you to never leave.

I am selfish.

I am mean.

I am selfish,

Only because I love you for a selfish reason.

I love you cause you make me happy.