no one won the war.

burn all, burn everything. fire is bright and fire is clean.

[insinerations]

ꙄͶOITAЯƎͶIꙄͶI  [  .... ]      TODOROKI TOYA OF BHNA

SYSTEM DIALOGUE WELCOME BACK,  VENUS.   PLEASE WAIT WHILE WE LOAD YOUR DESKTOP.   OPENING FILE .... UNZIP FOLDER [ TODOROKI_TOYA.ZIP ] who is DABI?

a dabi narrative written by kai.  rebooted 2024.  exploring themes of childhood trauma,  body dysmorphia,  abuse,  instability,   post-traumatic stress disorder,  the past never dies,  hypocrisy,  loneliness,  self-destruction,  horror, and an endless list of committed crimes.  canon narrative and personal interpretations.   

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[digitalroot]

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[insinerations]

cruelinfluence​:

               “ do better to remind yourself that you don’t pay the bills to keep this roof over our heads. ” technically, he isn’t either. being an unintentional invader and inheritor over a wealthy criminal enterprise had its perks. neither he nor his lieutenants has begun to take advantage of the benefits yet. it felt nice to finally have some damn privilege. 

he reaches into the inside of his grey wolf fur-fringed knee-long coat and exits with a device thicker than the pair of legs dabi’s harlot kneeled on. it’s a old phone, minus the modifications skeptic added to it. “ yeah, whatever. that’s fine. ” with a flick of wrist, the phone pierces the air shortly and possibly hit dabi between his lower mid-section and lap. “ call the usual place then. and make sure you don’t touch that if your hands are still sticky. i use that to talk to doc. ”

​

‘  yes sir.  ’    sarcastic in a way that’s naturally him,  he holds his hands to his forehead in a mock military salute before letting his arm fall back.  the phone lands against him.  enough to wake him up from his slumped over stupor.  the plastic bouncing off the metal and buttons of his coat.  he picks it up,  eyes the button with a half-hearted squint.  he rather be elsewhere then on feeding task for the ‘gang’.   ‘  goddamn.  we have to reevaluate your manners. ’  

‘  they’re clean,  i promise. ’  

[insinerations]

cruelinfluence​:

                “ don’t get slick. i’m not paying for another session. ” her disappearance from the premises brings his attention back to scorched scarecrow. at first the leering was curious. now, it’s wearier than sliver of skin dragging down dabi’s exposed flesh. something about his smartass sapless tone somehow conveyed there might be a mystery behind his little hobby. “ well, whatever your weird ‘thing’ is, keep it away from here. anyway, she looked expensive, you probably don’t even have enough to pitch in your share for food tonight. ”

@insinerations​ 

‘   then keep ya' eyes off the merchandise.  ’   he closes his eyes,  leaning back in the chair as he rests his head against the wall.  the back of his skull smacks against the wood.  he can still hear dear leader talking in the background,  noise filtering in and out.  a migraine centered at the corner of his scalp.   restless in his languid motions,  wonders if his innards are as crisp as his outside.  ‘   i ain't picked fucking over sustenance,  i got enough to pitch in for the scraps.  ’   he digs into his pockets and pulls out crumbled bills — tinged black at the corners indicating he's gripped too tight,  too hostile,  consistently restraining himself.   showcasing as if it's a display.  he tosses the money onto the coffee table.   ‘   toga wants ramen.  again.  ’     

[insinerations]

cruelinfluence​:

he doesn’t immediately respond, as he’s minding the business happening in his peripheral. the reflection of the thick lady of the night ( rather ten minutes in the afternoon ) drawing up her high-cut white panties in his lustrous red eyes. that resemblance of a cloudy colored and textured white tresses moves him to a thought he couldn’t precisely sketch out mentally. if he remembered correctly, didn’t dabi’s last look similar? so, without needlessly racking his brain about it, he poses the offhanded question, uncaring if the still-dressing escort heard him or not. 

  “ is there a thing with you and that look? ”

@insinerations​

‘  if you stare any harder,  you're gonna have to pay.  ’  maybe she’s weirded out by the consistent leering from their dear leader,  but she’s a consummate professional and doesn’t let it show as she leaves out — curvaceous shape,  hair a stark contrast to her even tan.  gathering the cash and exiting without an exchange.  he’ll go back to her.  he blinks,  slow.  

‘  nope.  ’  voice dry as he pops the last syllable of the word in a drawn out fashion.  stapled corners of his mouth pulling at the exaggeration.

[cruelinfluence]

                “ where do you find the time to dig around for the necrophiles amongst the dregs to screw you? ” a street walker with a little funniness to her walk strutted past him, with the 5′9 charred corpse in tow.

@insinerations​ |  sc.  

[insinerations]

the exchange is simple.  it always is.  and he doesn’t make it a habit or have the finances to do so or the incentive.  maybe,  once a month,  if even that.  it’s a deal, and he’s used to making those.  he doesn’t have a particular ‘type’  he seeks on back pages,  but it’s more than a coincidence when a handful of the girls have white hair and tanned skin. he shrugs, shoulder lifting in a lethargic manner.  ‘ if you wanted a turn, you could have just said that. ’

[meru90]

🩹

[strawberrymillks]

the revelation that dabi’s fire gets hotter the stronger his emotions are and the heavy implication that his blue fire is created by an intense sadness because he was shown crying every time he used it as a kid, coupled with the fact that he nearly burnt to death as a 13 year old because he cried so hard he lost control and starting crying fire, and so now he can’t cry because his tear ducts are burnt, are, to date, the worst thing i’ve ever heard about him.

[insinerations]

there’s a lot to unpack here in relation to the latest chapter.  i think he as a child looked at the world from a very narrow viewpoint.  just like children often view the world in layers of black and white and so did touya.  we kind of know he was raised in a conservative household and those layers of traditional thinking were probably the norms in more aspects than one.  they reflected in how he immediately categorized and viewed those in his life.  he categorized and still categorizes people in ways of what they can do and what they cannot do.  twice being valuable for his abilities.  common thugs he encounters in alleys being useless because they lack ambition/strength.  we’ve seen him kill individuals he view as ambitiousless and worthless.  

‘these people aren’t good enough = they deserve to die’.  toga even jokingly notes that he must be poor at judging people if he chooses to incinerate possible recruits.  i do think he’s judgmental and i think that judgmental quality acted as a defense mechanism.  your criticism of other people serves as a barrier to protect your own insecurities.  dabi knows and is aware that he was rejected as a child.  “when we don’t like something about ourselves and try to deny it, C.G. Jung called it the shadow.  his theory is one’s defense mechanism projects this unwanted part into someone else.“

i think that’s a trait he’s carried with him through childhood into adulthood.  i think that judgmental quality compared with the misogynism he’s probably witnessed and the way his mind steadily shaped over the years was best reflected in that comment — the women in my family are failures. 

he thought rei served as a barrier to his power growth because she stopped him from training in the mountains.  he thought fuyumi couldn’t grasp nor understand what he’s trying to aim for.  when she expressed concern about his injuries,  he immediately dismissed her as a girl and therefore she wouldn’t understand.  i imagine he had it already in his mind that she never had a chance of being endeavor’s successor.  if anything he thought natsuo as a brother who was also being “replaced” by shoto,  would understand what he’s experiencing and feeling. 

rei possessed the quirk his father did not want.  his inability to properly produce flame was because he inherited his mother's genetic disposition.  it seems natural he would write her off as weak — especially in comparison to his overbearing father who took up space,  mentally and physically. in his life.  even we as readers know that’s not adult or logical thinking.   but he’s a child.  

how does that pan out in his adulthood?  in the same ways honestly.  not specifically targetted to women.  but anyone.  everyone,  he deems as weaker.  they’re failures and they’re useless. 

[insinerations]

📂 !!

    the surgical staples are a combination of titanium and stainless steel materials.  it’s hazardously used on him to keep the skin and hazardous grafting from shrinking.  it’s basically in place to avoid burn scar contracture or how the skin pulls together after scarring.  some of the staples were embedded by himself and an underground  ‘doctor’ with no proper license to do such a procedure.  no professional individual would have done such a treatment on him.  it’s in general a heavy-duty material and durable under a lot of external factors.  in other words,  it’s not easy for them to be ripped out.  however,  they’re subjected to getting pulled from his skin under pressure or unnatural movement and he simply places them back however he can.

[insinerations]

📂( does he listen to music? what does his playlist look like? ) 📂( what is his perception "love" ) 📂 ( if he's sexually active, what are his top three favorite taboo practices? )

—  his music playlist is a combination of genres:  metal and drill that he can blast throughout his hideouts until he’s on the verge of disorienting,  while blacking out away from everything around him.  a cacophony of shouting and something else at its core.  the volume up loud enough that he’s disturbing surrounding neighbors and rattling the floor underneath him. 

—  he doesn’t believe in love.  he knows the marriage between his parents was one of convenience and arrangements.  he knows the love his father claimed he had towards his children was no better than regurgitated lies.  these are his earliest examples of love and they’ve impacted him to the core.  he’s the byproduct of abandonment and the type of emotional abuse that doesn’t just go away.  he lacks the attachment bonds with his mother and that only worsen after the birth of his youngest brother.  he internalized the neglect from his father.  

he thinks he had love for natsuo and fuyumi.  before that love got burned out of him.  he responded to hearing shoto talk about natuso’s near-death with excitement binging on insanity.  mind settling on the idea that natsuo’s hypothetical death could have somehow caused endeavor more pain.  he didn’t immediately think or was able to think about how he would have felt if his brother had ultimately died by his own hands.  it was all simply about how that death could have impacted endeavor. 

he’s never been in a relationship.  there’s no type of stability for a relationship that isn’t marred by toxicity and his issues that would surely leave behind scars.   he’s unable to process his own emotions and navigate his own feelings in a healthy manner.   he’ll be subjecting his partner to what could be considered emotional abuse.   he's not a good person.  he's maimed and burned people alive for merely saying the wrong thing,  for irritating him.  for not living up to his own self-imposed expectations.  he doesn't plan on stopping anytime soon.

— his libido is average to low and he’s more willing to masturbate than actively pursue a one-night stand or visit brothels.  which he’s done on occasions.  his perceptions of love and sex are often tied into one another in its negative similarities and one can see how it reflects in his characterization.  however,  he definitely has some kinks.  he would be described as a dominant masochist.  it’s really hard for him to feel any type of pain after the bulk of his nerves were fried.  thus,  igniting his attraction towards being on the receiving end of pain.  essentially,  to feel something,  anything.  he’s into breath play,  sensation/impact play. 

[rp-meme-glaceon]

Send “📂“ for a random yet completely useless headcanon I have

[insinerations]

cruelinfluence​:

“…. are we projecting now? ”  there’s nothing attractive about a chief that likes to project his weaknesses onto others. for an apparent badass, it’s downright a turnoff. rain is an affinity that doesn’t affect him turning matter into cookie crumbles. can dabi really say the same? tomura is actually unsure of that, now that he thinks about it. gazing up in the dull clouds wasn’t going to give him the answer. he supposes he can dish out his own brand of petty to reach that answer himself. “ anyway, ya, commander obvious. i already did something about that. ” tomura snaps his windbreaker hood over his head. “ —I brought your ass along. a good ol’ portable fleshy space heater. ” 

he turns his back on the soggy pile of ashes and begins walking out the mouth of the dark alley. the general doesn’t feel like stinking up his new paranormal liberation-issued car. the faux fur-infringed hood coupled with dabi’s wet charred ass was surely going to make the funk hard to wash out. that left them with one option: uber. tomura bows his head for his hood to act as a umbrella , a protective shield from the rain, as he withdraws his phone and thumbs the uber app. their destination thumbed in, all they had to now was wait six minutes. 

‘ we are stating an observable fact.  you look like a drowned rodent. ’    the exchange of insults reminds him of their first meeting at the bar and he had been seconds away from being disintegrated  — the potential for long-ranged attacks his only advantage back then in any altercation with someone that outclassed him.  someone was going to get taken out with him.  no matter who,  the entire place,  consequences be damned.  but he’s composed of impulsivity and his quick-temperedness wouldn’t allow for him to respond to situations in any other way when he’s feeling affronted in a corner.  unable to tame that growing wildfire in his chest.  it burns him from the inside out.  and he wanted to damage who he had deemed as mediocrity and unworthy of their position above him.  

a scoff escapes him and he pushes damp strands that’s already smelling vaguely like alkaline chemicals from his eyes.  the rain will fade his hair gray soon.  he watches shigaraki type into his phone.  dabi’s own device had been scorched weeks ago and was one of numerous burners that didn’t make it a full week before fissuring under heat.  ‘ don’t get paid enough for that. ’  the car doesn’t take long to arrive,  destination set to the last fragments of the yakuza's hideout under cover as a storefront.   and he’s already climbing in,  not bothering to conceal his irregularities because he never does.  he’s greeted with the same familiar look of disgust and unease — as what happens when encountering civilians.  to which he returns the look with a slither of something flat and unmoving,  not breaking contact before the driver looks away.  he’s burned for less.  innocent and otherwise.  

[insinerations]

fightaers​:

‘   …    should i have searched for you ?    ’     but that would’ve been impossible,    she knows.   she’d only been a girl,   and a young one at that    -     what could she have done but yelled and wept for her big brother to come back,    for her parents to tell her it wasn’t true ?    (   that touya-nii is out there alone,   that touya-nii needs someone to save him !) 

dad was so angry then,  too.   had yelled at mother to stop her from sobbing so loudly during the funeral.   fuyumi learns obedience quickly.   fuyumi learns that just because she’s spared most of the time,   doesn’t mean she doesn’t get burnt too.

‘    would that have made any difference ?    ’

    @insinerations​  /   starter call

there’s a mockery of a grin spreading across his lips in response.  it stretches and pulls at taut keloids and the titanium stables yet it doesn’t reflect properly in dabi’s eyes.  he can feel something wet seeping down his jaw with each unnatural movement of his face.  probably bleeding,  oozing.  there’s nothing really there to be found in the depths of his gaze other than horrors.  all void circles of emptiness ringing loud and the blue so rich that it burns in its intensity  —  exact same shade as their fathers.  he recalls fuyumi’s worries over his injuries and his dismissal of them because she did not understand.  she hadn’t known better then as a child and it seems she still doesn’t know after all this time.

they’ve come full circle and he’s doing the same thing again.  dismissing in that caustic way that’s him and dripping over every syllable that leaves him.  recycle and repeat in a perpetual cycle he desired to break free from.  he’s so tired he wants to claw himself from his own skin,  leaving behind an outline.  doesn’t feel alive and haven’t felt among the living in a very long time.  ‘ don’t ask questions you know the answers to. ’  laughing because it’s so fucking pitiful and sad.  no one listens.  no one knows how to until you force them,  until you peel back their eyes for them to see and grasp something beyond their miserable existence.   ‘  you can’t find the dead,  fuyumi. ’   

[limitlessplaylist]

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[insinerations]

all you have is your fire and the place you need to reach don't you ever tame your demons but always keep them on a leash

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

You have a cold cold smile. You were burned, you were about to burn, you’re still on fire.

Richard Siken, from Straw House, Straw Dog  (via windgaps)

[insinerations]

does your dabi want shoto and endeavor dead, or does he just want their world around them ruined? / unprompted hc question

both.   it’s not just satisfactory if endeavor is dead and he’s mourned like a martyr for a false cause — that would be the last thing dabi wants.  he desires to interrupt and destroy the system around them.   he aims to ruin endeavor’s existence by dismantling everything that represents him before he kills him.  exposing him.   exposing the flaws in a fragile system.  because death is too easy and having him and his reluctant successor still breathing is undesired.