Parks and Recreation - sentence starters
1. “I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I’m going to do.”
2. “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.”
3. “There’s an old saying in show business: the show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.”
4. “If I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.”
5. “Every year I give _____ the same present I give everyone: a crisp twenty dollar bill. And every year _____ gets me something thoughtful and personal. It makes me furious.”
6. “When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name, to show that I don’t really care about them.”
7. “I like saying ‘no’. It lowers their enthusiasm.”
8. “Where are they going with the food? I’m starving, I only had one breakfast.”
9. “Normally, if given the choice between something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing.”
10. “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”
11. “______ has a lot of qualities I find horrifying, but the worst one by far is how thoughtful she/he/they can be.”
12. “Your house isn’t haunted. You’re lonely.”
13. “You ever find a dead body in the trash? Or body parts, like a torso or a head? Please say a head.”
14. “I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions.”
15. “It’s beautiful. I’ve looked at this for five hours now.”
16. “I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have ‘network connectivity problems’.”
17. “Jogging is the worst, ____! I mean, I know it keeps you healthy, but at what cost?”
18. “Aww, that’s so sweet. I’ve never had a _____ threaten to commit arson for me before.”
19. “These animals should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.”
20. “_____’s like the _____ I never had. Because the ______ I do have isn’t terrifying.”
21. “You are so creepy! Thank you, I love it.”
22. “You can trust me because I don’t care enough about you to lie.”
23. “Don’t worry _____, I’ll protect you. I got stung once, I’m immune. Go ahead and sting me, bees! It does nothing!”
24. “I am not crying, okay! I’m allergic to jerks!”
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