As most people are aware, in the Orthodox community before a young man and woman are to be married, they have to be taught the halachos of taharas haāmishpacha - which could be understood in the non Jewish world as Sex Ed.
The classes are so much more than that - thereās hashkafah, halacha, mikva instruction, a bit of biology, and ultimately what it takes to keep the husband and wife both satisfied as partners in their marriage (not just sexually).Ā
But I gottaā tell you, it is super freakinā weird when your younger sister, who used to be so pure, starts discussing with you how so many things that she thought were off limits are actually ok as long as theyāre done right. LikeĀ āquickiesā in a closet, or blowjobs.Ā
My little sister is discussing these things so openly with me.Ā
Itās also understood that the chassan and kallah donāt touch each other (let alone have sex) before their wedding night, so itās almost expected that thatās whatās going to happen after the wedding.Ā
One of my more outrageous friends was having a private conversation with me about family stuff and then all of a sudden went,Ā āhave you ever thought about the fact that your sisterās about to have sex?ā As shocking as that revelation was, my initial response was,Ā āobviously, thatās what happens after marriage, but I would definitely prefer not to think about my sisterās sex life.ā But she kept going,Ā ābut itās weird though, right? like, right after the wedding, theyāll totally rush out of there because neither one of them can keep their hands off each other and theyāll go back to their place and just do it.ā At that I rolled my eyes, the international signal forĀ āI hear you. Youāre ridiculous. Letās move on.ā And then she said,Ā āIn 9 months, she could be a mommy.ā
And that one sort of stings. For two reasons:
The first is that I know something she doesnāt know. I know that my sister and her chasson donāt have a lot of money and that in order to prevent financial stress and shalom bayis issues, their rav is having them use birth control for at least the first 6 months. So, no - in 9 months, she wonāt be pregnant yet. But itās that kind of thinking, those expectations, that are so uncomfortable.Ā
The second is that itās painful to me. Thereās nothing that I want more in life than to have children of my own. And while I was always voted by my familyĀ āmost likely to succeedā, it hurts that my sister, who is my junior by 5 years, is getting married first. No matter what I say contrary to that and how big my smile is when I say it, it hurts. It hurts that sheās getting married first, it hurts that even if itās not right now, sheāll probably have kids first, and it hurts that the way my life is going right now, I just donāt know if any of that is in my own future. It just hurts.Ā
But of course, nobody knows that. And nobody knows that because why should I detract from someone elseās deserved simcha?
So I smile, I grin, I accept peoplesā brachos and pour them right back onto others. But that doesnāt make any of this any less awkward.Ā
