One Shot #15 - “Measure Of Love”
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A/N: I know I’ve been M.I.A for a while, but I had some free time today and I decided I owed you guys a quick one shot. So, I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think here: XXXX
“No, what do you mean you don’t want this?” Harry shouted, making you jump back slightly as you realized that you shouldn’t have said what you had.
“Just forget it, Harry. Forget it.” You stammer as you pushed your hair back and started to walk past him.
“Forget that you just said that you’re done trying? After two fucking years? You’re just suddenly done trying for this?” He shouts, his becoming thicker the angrier he got. “How can you just decided suddenly that you’re done trying for a baby?”
“Why are you still holding onto this dream? Wake up, Harry! You were there last week when the doctor told us that it’s not going to happen! You know this is not possible anymore!” You shout, finally coming unhinged. All of the emotions you’d been holding in the past week, seeping out instantly.
“She said it’s not likely. That doesn’t mean we have to stop trying.” He interjected quickly.
“But you know what it does mean? More hurt, more tears, more negative tests, more blood tests, and most likely more miscarriages. So, is it really worth all of that for a slight possibility?” You snap quickly. “Listen to me. Harry, look at me. I need you to hear me when I say this.”
Harry sighed roughly, looking up from his spot in the middle of the kitchen.
“For years I have wanted to become a mother; I’ve wanted a family,” You start out, “But now...after all of this, I’ve realized that I don’t. I don’t want a family. This just proves all of my doubts to me; That I’m not supposed to be a mother. I’m not supposed to have a family. This proves it all. I don’t want this anymore. I’m officially done.” You say slowly as you lock eyes with him. “I’m done. I’m not trying anymore. I’m sorry that I couldn’t fulfill your dream of giving you children. I am so, so sorry...but I can’t do this to my body or to my mental health anymore. If you want to find someone who can, then that’s fine by me.” You finish, struggling to hold back your tears.
“So, you just automatically assume that I’m going to go off and find someone else to knock up?” Harry asks, laughing coldly, “You know...You never fail to amaze me, babe. And right now...that’s not a good thing.” He says before rushing off upstairs.
You watched him storm off before leaning against the doorway with a heavy sigh. You slide down, pulling your knees to your chest before hiding your face in your hands, finally allowing yourself to cry.
You sat there for what felt like forever before you managed to stand up and make your way up to your room. You hovered outside the door for a moment, gathering yourself before walking in, spotting Harry in the small sitting room off of your bedroom. His back was facing you, but you could see that he was holding something small in his hands, running it through his fingers.
Quietly, you walked over to the doorway that led into the dimly lit room, furnished with cream colored chairs. You looked over his shoulder, your breath getting caught in your throat as your realized what he was holding onto.
“I bought this...a day before you had your first miscarriage last year,” He said softly as he felt your presence behind him. He held up the mint green onesie that was decorated with small, gold polka dots [***], “You were thirteen weeks and I was so...so convinced it was a girl. I was driving home from the studio and saw this little shop and this was in the window. And, I had to get it. I’ve been waiting two years to be able to use this...and if it was a boy,” He says softly, reaching over and picking up a light grey and white stripped onesie that looked like a cardigan that had an orange bow tie [***], “Then we would have used this one.”
You closed your eyes as you felt the tears start up again, “Harry...” You start, but he stops you.
“Please,” He says softly, his voice cracking as he tried not to cry, “Please don’t give up on this. There is a chance, babe. It may be a tiny, tiny chance, but it’s there. How can you give up on that? How can you give up on one day having a tiny little baby that will fit into this? Please...just a couple more months of trying, and if it doesn’t happen by Christmas, then we’ll call it quits. Just give it a few more months.”
You opened your eyes to see Harry standing before you with tears rolling down his cheeks, holding both onesies in his hand tightly. You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing would come out. You knew he was right and you suddenly regretted every word you had said just an hour ago.
“Okay,” You managed to croak, “Okay, let’s keep trying.” You whispered as you nodded your head slightly, shifting your gaze up to him.
“And if it doesn’t work then we’ll adopt twenty little babies that need homes like ours,” He whispers, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his chest, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
“Let’s just start with one,” You laugh softly, a smiling creeping onto your face.
“One is just perfect,” Harry whispers as he rubbed your back, “I love you, baby.”
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...Jack Frost nipping at your nose...” You smiled to yourself as you heard Harry’s familiar voice drifting down the hallway from the living room where he was starting a fire.
You walked in, tucking your hair behind your ear as you walked over to him.
“Hi missus,” He smiles as he stands up and wipes his hands off on his thighs, “Merry Christmas Eve,” He whispers before pecking your nose.
“Merry Christmas Eve,” You smile, resting your hands on hips hips, “I thought that I could give you your present before everyone got here in a few minutes...”
“If that’s what you want to do, then that’s fine by me.” He grins, pulling back and settling himself on the couch. You walked over to the Christmas tree that radiating with sparkling lights; Bending down, you grabbed the small package that was wrapped delicately with beautiful red and green stripes. You walked over to Harry and handed it to him.
You sat down on the floor in front of him, suddenly nervous to see his response to the long hidden secret that was inside the package. He carefully unwrapped it and balled up the wrapping paper before opening up the box and removing the tissue paper.
“Wha--No...” He says softly as he looks up at you with wide eyes, “You’re...You’re serious? You’re sure?” He asks quickly, stumbling slightly over his words. He carefully picks up the soft, plush baby blanket that was tied together neatly with a bow, two positive pregnancy tests tucked into it [***]. “Baby, you’re sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” You laugh softly as you nod, tears springing to yours eyes.
“Oh-Oh my god!” He laughs and pulls you into a tight hug, “Oh my god, baby! Oh my god...I’m going to be a dad,” He whispers.
You smile to yourself and squeeze him back, tearing up as you felt his hot tears on your neck, “Oh Harry,” You whisper, pulling back and smiling at him.
“I’m so happy,” He smiles, his green eyes filled with more tears. “Oh, I’m so happy,” He smiles before hugging you again.
This was the beginning to your next forever.
“How are you thirty-eight weeks pregnant?” Anne exclaimed as she walked over to you with a large smile, resting her hands on your bump before pulling you into a hug.
You laughed softly as she pulled back before you ran your hands over you bump, smoothing down your navy blue skirt that had white anchors on it [***].
“You look adorable, love.” Gemma smiles before pecking your cheek and moving to greet Harry. You shut the door behind Robin before hugging him and looking around your home. You were due in fourteen short days, so you and Harry decided to have a family dinner at your house before the baby came.
You made your way into the kitchen and began carrying out the trays of food and setting them on the dining room table while everyone talked in the living room.
“Go sit down, lovey.” Harry said gently as he walked into the kitchen as you grabbed another plate of food. “Go talk with everyone and rest.”
“If you insist,” You smile before sitting the plate back down on the counter.
“Mhm...You’re gorgeous,” He whispers as he rests his hand on your belly and smiles. “And I love you more than you’ll ever know.” He says before kissing you gently.
“We love you, too.” You say softly as he pulled away from the kiss. You smile and push his hair back slightly before retreating to the living room and sitting down with everyone.
You tuned everyone out as they chatted about random things as you felt your tiny baby start to kick. You rest your hands on your bump and smiled to yourself as you felt them move beneath your hands. Little moments like this were what you were going to miss about being pregnant. But, you couldn’t wait for your precious baby to make their entrance.
“How’s she doing?” You ask softly as you look over at Harry who was settled in the chair in the corner of the hospital room, rocking your newborn baby girl [***].
He looked up at you with a tired smile before looking back down at the wonderful little creation you had brought into the world just three hours ago.
“She’s doing perfect...Just perfect,” He whispered as he kissed her tiny nose.
You smiled as you settled back into your hospital bed, closing your eyes, the image with her forever burned into your memory.
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