hello my leige i love jeff the illegal bathtub lizard so much, i would die for her 🖤 do you have any more factoids about her?
It’s truly insane how much of an impact a couple of weed fuelled 2am posts have made in this fandom (im loving it, so many creative people making art and stuff aaaa) -
She’s only 3 feet because of a birth defect so she’s Small she’s Baby. She’s essentially disabled in a few ways, got a bit of a gammy leg and some problems with her vision so it’s likely she wouldn’t have survived very long in the wild anyway.
That’s how a very drunk very coked up Ilya gets duped into buying her- he’s absolutely wasted at some poker table in Vegas and befriends the sketchiest looking dude known to man who’s wearing matching camo shorts and shirt and is wearing a full cowboy hat indoors. His name is Devin and he’s a ‘wildlife rehabilitator’ (exotic animal smuggler) and he pitches the sad sad story of a baby komodo dragon and Ilya in his Mania is like I have To Save This Creature it is My Life’s Purpose. (She cost $20,000)
Cut to Boston- I know people were worried about her level of care- but she has full run of Ilya’s house and garden and he had a little outdoor room for her built with a bunch of enrichment and all fresh rats and small lizards she can eat, but most of the time she just really fuckin loves the bathtub in the guest room.
Marly is her godfather, obviously, but the next person to find out about her was Sveta; who upon tumbling into the guest bathroom after a few drinks is confronted with a Literal Dinosaur and yells for Ilya to come, and he just explains ‘that’s my little princess I rescued her’ and Sveta is just repeatedly hitting him on the shoulder like ‘you actual fucking moron’ because her heart fell into her ass for a minute there.
After a brief adjustment period and seeing that Jeff is well fed and mostly docile Sveta is fully bought into it because she’s also not the Smart One when it comes to making impulsive decisions (her and Ilya are dumb and dumber Russian Edition) - don’t get me wrong they’re both independently very smart but they don’t always encourage each other to make the best decisions. Jeff was at Sveta’s 26th Birthday and Ilya put a little party hat on her.
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