Install OpenCV 2.4.10 with Python 2.7.9 and Xcode 6.1.1 Bindings on Mac OS X Yosemite 10.10.2
Installing Python and OpenCV on Mac OS X, and using OpenCV in an Xcode project might be painful experiences, at least for me. Therefore, I offer a workaround if you are also suffering this process.
Environment:
Apple MacBook Air (13-inch, Mid 2013)
Mac OS X Yosemite v10.10.2
To Be Installed:
Xcode v6.1.1
MacPorts v2.3.3
Python v2.7.9
OpenCV v2.4.10
Step 1: Install Xcode
Installing Xcode v6.1.1 is easy. Just download it from Apple’s Mac App Store and install it.
Step 2: Install MacPorts
1) Install the Xcode Command Line Tools:
Once Xcode is installed, open a terminal, run:
xcode-select --install
and click the Install button to install the required command line developer tools. Don’t worry if you see a message telling you the software cannot be installed because it is not currently available from the Software Update Server. This usually means you already have the latest version installed.
2) Agree to Xcode License:
Xcode 4 and later users need to first accept the Xcode EULA by either launching Xcode or running:
sudo xcodebuild -license
3) Download and Install MacPorts:
Download the *.pkg file from MacPorts.
Step 3: Install Python using MacPorts
Once MacPorts is correctly installed, run the following commands in Terminal:
sudo port -v selfupdate
Install Python v2.7.9 with NumPy and SciPy:
sudo port install pyhton27 numpy scipy
Step 4: Install OpenCV with Python Bindings
Run the following command in Terminal to install OpenCV with Python bindings:
sudo port install opencv +python27
Now you have OpenCV bound with Python v2.7.9. Try the following sample codes in Terminal to see if it works. (The example uses PCA to compute the principal component coefficients for a 3-by-3 data matrix.)
In Terminal, run:
python
Then, in Python, run:
from numpy import * import cv2 data = arange(9.).reshape(3,3) cv2.PCACompute(data)
Step 5: Configure Your Xcode Project
1) Open XCode and select File > New > Project > OS X > Application > Command Line Tool.
2) Enter Product Name and select Type in the drop-down-list as C++.
3) Click on your project from the left solution explorer and choose Build Setting tab. Then, apply the following changes to both debug and release columns:
Scroll to Architectures section:
– In Architectures, change values to Native Architecture of Build Machine (x86_64).
– In Base SDK, change values to Latest OS X (OS X 10.10).
Scroll to Apple LLVM 6.0 – Language - C++ section:
– In C++ Language Dialect, change values to Compiler Default.
– In C++ Standard Library, choose Compiler Default option.
Scroll to Search Paths:
– Under Header Search Paths, set the path to /opt/local/include directory.
4) Add necessary library (*.dylib) to your project by clicking on your project from the Solution Explorer panel and choose File > New > New Group. Name the group OpenCV Frameworks.
5) Right click at the folder (group) you just created (i.e., OpenCV Frameworks), and choose File > Add Files to “projectName”... submenu.
6) Type / and go to /opt/local/lib directory.
7) Select these files — libopencv_core2.4.10.dylib, libopencv_highgui2.4.10.dylib — and click Add button. (You may need to add more library files from this folder.)
8) Include the following line of code at the beginning of main.cpp to include all available OpenCV’s headers:
#include <opencv2/opencv.hpp>
Or you might want to include only necessary headers as shown below:
9 ) Now you are good to go for your first OpenCV program in Mac OS X using XCode. Try the following codes to display a window showing live stream camera (Wow! Press ESC to quit the program.):
#include <iostream> #include <opencv2/opencv.hpp> int main(int argc, const char * argv[]) { cv::VideoCapture capture(0); // open default camera if ( capture.isOpened() == false ) return -1; cv::namedWindow("Test OpenCV 2.4.10",1); cv::Mat frame; while ( true ) { capture >> frame; cv::imshow("Test OpenCV 2.4.10", frame ); int key = cv::waitKey(1); if ( key == 27 ) break; } return 0; }
References:
The MacPorts Project - Installing MacPorts
Watashi no Blog: Install OpenCV 2.4.9 and use it in XCode 6.0.1 and Qt 5.3.2 of MAC OSX 10.9.5
You can use Preview to move pages from one PDF document to another.
Moving pages between documents
Use these steps to move pages between PDF documents.
Open the PDF documents that you want to combine in Preview.
Select each Preview window, then choose View > Thumbnails to open the Thumbnails pane.
Select the thumbnails of the pages you want to move. You can press the Shift key or the Command key while clicking each page thumbnail to select multiple pages.
Drag the thumbnails from one PDF window to the thumbnails pane of the other PDF window.
Move your pointer to where you want the pages to appear in the PDF.
Note: When dragging the thumbnail to the top or the bottom of the thumbnail pane, a divider line may appear. To ensure your pages are inserted into the current document, do not drag the thumbnail beyond the divider line.
Release your pointer to move the pages to the location you've selected.
To move an entire document into another PDF, you can also drag the document's icon from the Finder into the thumbnail pane of a currently open Preview window.
You can also insert pages from another document using the Edit menu. Choose Edit > Insert and select an option. Choose the option "Page from File" to select an image file or another PDF you want to insert into the document. If you have a scanner connected to your Mac, choose the option "Page from scanner" to scan a page directly into the document you're viewing.
Rearranging page order
If you need to re-order the pages in a PDF, you can drag and drop the thumbnails of each page in the sidebar of the Preview window.
Choose View > Thumbnails.
Select the thumbnails of the pages you want to move within the document. You can press the Shift key or the Command key while clicking each page thumbnail to select multiple pages.
Drag your selection up or down through the sidebar until you find the location where you want the pages to appear.
Release the pointer to insert the pages into the new location.
To remove a page, select its thumbnail, then choose Edit > Delete or press the Delete key on your keyboard.
Rotating pages
If the pages you've inserted are the wrong orientation, you can rotate them to match the current document.
Navigate to the page that needs to be rotated, or select its thumbnail from the Preview sidebar. To rotate multiple pages at once, press the Shift key or the Command key while selecting each page thumbnail.
Choose Tools > Rotate Left or Tools > Rotate Right. You can also use the Rotate tool in the Toolbar at the top of the Preview window.
Regular expressions (called REs, or regexes, or regex patterns) are essentially a tiny, highly specialized programming language embedded inside Python and made available through the re module. Using this little language, you specify the rules for the set of possible strings that you want to match; this set might contain English sentences, or e-mail addresses, or TeX commands, or anything you like. You can then ask questions such as “Does this string match the pattern?”, or “Is there a match for the pattern anywhere in this string?”. You can also use REs to modify a string or to split it apart in various ways.
Regular expression patterns are compiled into a series of bytecodes which are then executed by a matching engine written in C. For advanced use, it may be necessary to pay careful attention to how the engine will execute a given RE, and write the RE in a certain way in order to produce bytecode that runs faster. Optimization isn’t covered in this document, because it requires that you have a good understanding of the matching engine’s internals.
The regular expression language is relatively small and restricted, so not all possible string processing tasks can be done using regular expressions. There are also tasks that can be done with regular expressions, but the expressions turn out to be very complicated. In these cases, you may be better off writing Python code to do the processing; while Python code will be slower than an elaborate regular expression, it will also probably be more understandable.
os.walk(top, topdown=True, onerror=None, followlinks=False)
Generate the file names in a directory tree by walking the tree either top-down or bottom-up.
os.rename(src, dst)
Rename the file or directory src to dst.
os.path.join(path1[, path2[, ...]])
Join one or more path components intelligently.
os.path.split(path)
Split the pathname path into a pair, (head, tail) where tail is the last pathname component and head is everything leading up to that.
os.path.splitext(path)
Split the pathname path into a pair (root, ext) such that root + ext == path, and ext is empty or begins with a period and contains at most one period.
os.path.exists(path)
Return True if path refers to an existing path. Returns False for broken symbolic links.
def searchByExt(rootpath, ext):
print '----- File List -----'
results = []
for root, dirs, files in os.walk(rootpath):
for filename in files:
if re.search(r'.*\\\.%s' % ext, filename):
result = os.path.join(root, filename)
results.append(result)
print 'Find: %s' % result
print '-- End of File List--'
return results
def modifyPrefix(filelist, oldPrefix='', newPrefix=''):
# add prefix
if oldPrefix == '' and newPrefix != '':
action = 'Add'
# remove prefix
if oldPrefix != '' and newPrefix == '':
action = 'Remove'
# change prefix
if oldPrefix != '' and newPrefix != '':
action = 'Change'
# stay unchanged
if oldPrefix == newPrefix:
print 'The prefix stay unchanged.'
return
for oldFile in filelist:
if os.path.exists(oldFile):
if os.path.isfile(oldFile):
dirname, filename = os.path.split(oldFile)
if filename[:len(oldPrefix)] == oldPrefix:
newFilename = newPrefix + filename[len(oldPrefix):]
newFile = os.path.join(dirname, newFilename)
os.rename(oldFile, newFile)
if os.path.exists(newFile):
print '%s prefix: %s -> %s. Succeed' % (action, filename, newFilename)
else:
print '%s prefix: %s -> %s. Fail' % (action, filename, newFilename)
else:
print 'Warning: Invalid old prefix for file: %s (The requested prefix to be %sd is "%s"). Skip' % (filename, action.lower(), oldPrefix)
continue
else:
print 'Warning: %s is not a valid file. Skip' % oldFile
else:
print 'Warning: %s does not exist. Skip' % oldFile
def modifySuffix(filelist, oldSuffix='', newSuffix=''):
# add suffix
if oldSuffix == '' and newSuffix != '':
action = 'Add'
# remove suffix
if oldSuffix != '' and newSuffix == '':
action = 'Remove'
# change suffix
if oldSuffix != '' and newSuffix != '':
action = 'Change'
# stay unchanged
if oldSuffix == newSuffix:
print 'The suffix stay unchanged.'
return
for oldFile in filelist:
if os.path.exists(oldFile):
if os.path.isfile(oldFile):
dirname, fullfilename = os.path.split(oldFile)
filename, ext = os.path.splitext(fullfilename)
if filename[len(filename)-len(oldSuffix):] == oldSuffix:
newFilename = filename[:len(filename)-len(oldSuffix)] + newSuffix + ext
newFile = os.path.join(dirname, newFilename)
os.rename(oldFile, newFile)
if os.path.exists(newFile):
print '%s suffix: %s -> %s. Succeed' % (action, fullfilename, newFilename)
else:
print '%s suffix: %s -> %s. Fail' % (action, fullfilename, newFilename)
else:
print 'Warning: Invalid old suffix for file: %s (The requested suffix to be %sd is "%s"). Skip' % (fullfilename, action.lower(), oldSuffix)
continue
else:
print 'Warning: %s is not a valid file. Skip' % oldFile
else:
print 'Warning: %s does not exist. Skip' % oldFile
如果你下载了Python脚本文件，可以用下面的代码来运行，也可以从这里下载。
import myfile
if __name__ == '__main__':
rootpath = '~/Documents' # change this to a proper directory path
ext = 'pdf' # change it to whatever file extension you need
oldPrefix = '' # left empty when adding new prefix
newPrefix = 'prefix-' # left empty when removing old prefix
oldSuffix = '' # left empty when adding new suffix
newSuffix = '-suffix' # left empty when removing old suffix
MATLAB Crashes on Mac OS X Yosemite Bug Fix (Bug Report 1098655)
Summary
Java® Exception and abrupt exit on Mac OS X version 10.10 Yosemite
Description
When running MATLAB on Mac OS X version 10.10 Yosemite, the following Java exception is reported:
java.lang.NullPointerException
at com.mathworks.widgets.WindowsWidgetFactory
$SearchAndClearButton.anyText(WindowsWidgetFactory.java:187)
at com.mathworks.widgets.WindowsWidgetFactory
$SearchAndClearButton.getIcon(WindowsWidgetFactory.java:195)
at com.apple.laf.AquaButtonUI.setThemeBorder(AquaButtonUI.java:113)
at com.apple.laf.AquaButtonUI.installDefaults(AquaButtonUI.java:80)
at javax.swing.plaf.basic.BasicButtonUI.installUI(BasicButtonUI.java:88)
at javax.swing.JComponent.setUI(JComponent.java:664)
at javax.swing.AbstractButton.setUI(AbstractButton.java:1807)
at javax.swing.JButton.updateUI(JButton.java:146)
at javax.swing.AbstractButton.init(AbstractButton.java:2172)
at javax.swing.JButton.<init>(JButton.java:136)
. . .
Following this, MATLAB may exit abruptly.
Workaround
For MATLAB R2012a through R2014a only.
To install this patch, you need the name and password of an account with Administrator privileges.
Download the appropriate patch file for the version of MATLAB you wish to patch.
Look for the file in your Downloads folder, the Desktop, or wherever your Web browser saves downloaded files.
If your Web browser did not unzip the patch file for you, double-click the file in the Finder to unzip it.
Double-click the .dmg file to mount the disk image.
At the top level of the mounted disk image is an application such as R2014a_patch_1098655.app. Double-click to launch it.
Select your MATLAB installation. Select the root folder of the install, for example, MATLAB_R2014a.app.
Enter the name and password of an account with Administrator privileges.
New Java class files will be installed in the java/patch/com/mathworks/widgets folder of your MATLAB installation.
When the upgrade is complete, you can launch MATLAB.
Fix
This bug was fixed as of R2014b(8.4).
If you have a current subscription to MathWorks Software Maintenance Service (SMS), you can download product updates. If not, learn more about MathWorks SMS.
Our motivation to organize things is inherent. Over many years we learned that this is a key to progress without the loss of what we already possess. For centuries, text in different languages has been set to order for efficient retrieval, be it manually in the ancient Bibliotheke, or automatically as in the modern digital libraries. But when it comes to organizing pictures, man has traditionally outperformed machines for most tasks. One reason which causes this distinction is that text is man's creation, while typical images are a mere replica of what man has seen since birth, concrete descriptions of which are relatively elusive. Add to this the theory that the human vision system has evolved genetically over many centuries. Naturally, the interpretation of what we see is hard to characterize, and even harder to teach a machine. Yet, over the past decade, ambitious attempts have been made to make computers learn to understand, index, and annotate pictures representing a wide range of concepts, with much progress.
--
Reference:
Datta, R., Joshi, D., Li, J., & Wang, J. Z. (2008). Image retrieval: Ideas, influences, and trends of the new age. ACM Computing Surveys (CSUR), 40(2), 5.
1000+ computer vision papers get published every year!
Only 5-10 are worth reading and remembering!
Since many of you are writing your papers now, I thought that I'd share these thoughts with you. I probably have said all these at various points during our group and individual meetings. But as I continue my AC reviews these days (that's 70 papers and 200+ reviews -- between me and my AC partner), these following points just keep coming up. Not enough people conduct first class research. And not enough people write good papers.
- Every research project and every paper should be conducted and written with one singular purpose: to genuinely advance the field of computer vision. So when you conceptualize and carry out your work, you need to be constantly asking yourself this question in the most critical way you could – “Would my work define or reshape xxx (problem, field, technique) in the future?” This means publishing papers is NOT about "this has not been published or written before, let me do it", nor is it about “let me find an arcane little problem that can get me an easy poster”. It's about "if I do this, I could offer a better solution to this important problem," or “if I do this, I could add a genuinely new and important piece of knowledge to the field.” You should always conduct research with the goal that it could be directly used by many people (or industry). In other words, your research topic should have many ‘customers’, and your solution would be the one they want to use.
- A good research project is not about the past (i.e. obtaining a higher performance than the previous N papers). It's about the future (i.e. inspiring N future papers to follow and cite you, N->\inf).
- A CVPR'09 submission with a Caltech101 performance of 95% received 444 (3 weakly rejects) this year, and will be rejected. This is by far the highest performance I've seen for Caltech101. So why is this paper rejected? Because it doesn't teach us anything, and no one will likely be using it for anything. It uses a known technique (at least for many people already) with super tweaked parameters custom-made for the dataset that is no longer a good reflection of real-world image data. It uses a BoW representation without object level understanding. All reviewers (from very different angles) asked the same question "what do we learn from your method?" And the only sensible answer I could come up with is that Caltech101 is no longer a good dataset.
- Einstein used to say: everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. Your method/algorithm should be the most simple, coherent and principled one you could think of for solving this problem. Computer vision research, like many other areas of engineering and science research, is about problems, not equations. No one appreciates a complicated graphical model with super fancy inference techniques that essentially achieves the same result as a simple SVM -- unless it offers deeper understanding of your data that no other simpler methods could offer. A method in which you have to manually tune many parameters is not considered principled or coherent.
- This might sound corny, but it is true. You're PhD students in one of the best universities in the world. This means you embody the highest level of intellectualism of humanity today. This means you are NOT a technician and you are NOT a coding monkey. When you write your paper, you communicate and . That's what a paper is about. This is how you should approach your writing. You need to feel proud of your paper not just for the day or week it is finished, but many for many years to come.
- Set a high goal for yourself – the truth is, you can achieve it as long as you put your heart in it! When you think of your paper, ask yourself this question: Is this going to be among the 10 papers of 2009 that people will remember in computer vision? If not, why not? The truth is only 10+/-epsilon gets remembered every year. Most of the papers are just meaningless publication games. A long string of mediocre papers on your resume can at best get you a Google software engineer job (if at all – 2009.03 update: no, Google doesn’t hire PhD for this anymore). A couple of seminal papers can get you a faculty job in a top university. This is the truth that most graduate students don't know, or don't have a chance to know.
- Review process is highly random. But there is one golden rule that withstands the test of time and randomness -- badly written papers get bad reviews. Period. It doesn't matter if the idea is good, result is good, citations are good. Not at all. Writing is critical -- and this is ironic because engineers are the worst trained writers among all disciplines in a university. You need to discipline yourself: leave time for writing, think deeply about writing, and write it over and over again till it's as polished as you can think of.
- Last but not the least, please remember this rule: important problem (inspiring idea) + solid and novel theory + convincing and analytical experiments + good writing = seminal research + excellent paper. If any of these ingredients is weak, your paper, hence reviewer scores, would suffer.
Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser
Article by: Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist
--
People are often amazed at their own psychological conditions and reactions. Those with depression are stunned when they remember they’ve thought of killing themselves. Patients recovering from severe psychiatric disturbances are often shocked as they remember their symptoms and behavior during the episode. A patient with Bipolar Disorder recently told me “I can’t believe I thought I could change the weather through mental telepathy!” A common reaction is “I can’t believe I did that!”
In clinical practice, some of the most surprised and shocked individuals are those who have been involved in controlling and abusive relationships. When the relationship ends, they offer comments such as “I know what he’s done to me, but I still love him”, “I don’t know why, but I want him back”, or “I know it sounds crazy, but I miss her”. Recently I’ve heard “This doesn’t make sense. He’s got a new girlfriend and he’s abusing her too…but I’m jealous!” Friends and relatives are even more amazed and shocked when they hear these comments or witness their loved one returning to an abusive relationship. While the situation doesn’t make sense from a social standpoint, does it make sense from a psychological viewpoint? The answer is - Yes!
On August 23rd, 1973 two machine-gun carrying criminals entered a bank in Stockholm, Sweden. Blasting their guns, one prison escapee named Jan-Erik Olsson announced to the terrified bank employees “The party has just begun!” The two bank robbers held four hostages, three women and one man, for the next 131 hours. The hostages were strapped with dynamite and held in a bank vault until finally rescued on August 28th.
After their rescue, the hostages exhibited a shocking attitude considering they were threatened, abused, and feared for their lives for over five days. In their media interviews, it was clear that they supported their captors and actually feared law enforcement personnel who came to their rescue. The hostages had begun to feel the captors were actually protecting them from the police. One woman later became engaged to one of the criminals and another developed a legal defense fund to aid in their criminal defense fees. Clearly, the hostages had “bonded” emotionally with their captors.
While the psychological condition in hostage situations became known as “Stockholm Syndrome” due to the publicity – the emotional “bonding” with captors was a familiar story in psychology. It had been recognized many years before and was found in studies of other hostage, prisoner, or abusive situations such as:
Abused Children
Battered/Abused Women
Prisoners of War
Cult Members
Incest Victims
Criminal Hostage Situations
Concentration Camp Prisoners
Controlling/Intimidating Relationships
In the final analysis, emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a strategy for survival for victims of abuse and intimidation. The “Stockholm Syndrome” reaction in hostage and/or abuse situations is so well recognized at this time that police hostage negotiators no longer view it as unusual. In fact, it is often encouraged in crime situations as it improves the chances for survival of the hostages. On the down side, it also assures that the hostages experiencing “Stockholm Syndrome” will not be very cooperative during rescue or criminal prosecution. Local law enforcement personnel have long recognized this syndrome with battered women who fail to press charges, bail their battering husband/boyfriend out of jail, and even physically attack police officers when they arrive to rescue them from a violent assault.
Stockholm Syndrome (SS) can also be found in family, romantic, and interpersonal relationships. The abuser may be a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, father or mother, or any other role in which the abuser is in a position of control or authority.
It’s important to understand the components of Stockholm Syndrome as they relate to abusive and controlling relationships. Once the syndrome is understood, it’s easier to understand why victims support, love, and even defend their abusers and controllers.
Every syndrome has symptoms or behaviors and Stockholm Syndrome is no exception. While a clear-cut list has not been established due to varying opinions by researchers and experts, several of these features will be present:
Positive feelings by the victim toward the abuser/controller
Negative feelings by the victim toward family, friends, or authorities trying to rescue/support them or win their release
Support of the abuser’s reasons and behaviors
Positive feelings by the abuser toward the victim
Supportive behaviors by the victim, at times helping the abuser
Inability to engage in behaviors that may assist in their release or detachment
Stockholm Syndrome doesn’t occur in every hostage or abusive situation. In another bank robbery involving hostages, after terrorizing patrons and employees for many hours, a police sharpshooter shot and wounded the terrorizing bank robber. After he hit the floor, two women picked him up and physically held him up to the window for another shot. As you can see, the length of time one is exposed to abuse/control and other factors are certainly involved.
It has been found that four situations or conditions are present that serve as a foundation for the development of Stockholm Syndrome. These four situations can be found in hostage, severe abuse, and abusive relationships:
The presence of a perceived threat to one’s physical or psychological survival and the belief that the abuser would carry out the threat
The presence of a perceived small kindness from the abuser to the victim
Isolation from perspectives other than those of the abuser
The perceived inability to escape the situation
By considering each situation we can understand how Stockholm Syndrome develops in romantic relationships as well as criminal/hostage situations. Looking at each situation:
Perceived threat to one’s physical/psychological survival
The perception of threat can be formed by direct, indirect, or witnessed methods. Criminal or antisocial partners can directly threaten your life or the life of friends and family. Their history of violence leads us to believe that the captor/controller will carry out the threat in a direct manner if we fail to comply with their demands. The abuser assures us that only our cooperation keeps our loved ones safe.
Indirectly, the abuser/controller offers subtle threats that you will never leave them or have another partner, reminding you that people in the past have paid dearly for not following their wishes. Hints are often offered such as “I know people who can make others disappear”. Indirect threats also come from the stories told by the abuser or controller – how they obtained revenge on those who have crossed them in the past. These stories of revenge are told to remind the victim that revenge is possible if they leave.
Witnessing violence or aggression is also a perceived threat. Witnessing a violent temper directed at a television set, others on the highway, or a third party clearly sends us the message that we could be the next target for violence. Witnessing the thoughts and attitudes of the abuser/controller is threatening and intimidating, knowing that we will be the target of those thoughts in the future.
The “Small Kindness” Perception
In threatening and survival situations, we look for evidence of hope – a small sign that the situation may improve. When an abuser/controller shows the victim some small kindness, even though it is to the abusers benefit as well, the victim interprets that small kindness as a positive trait of the captor. In criminal/war hostage situations, letting the victim live is often enough. Small behaviors, such as allowing a bathroom visit or providing food/water, are enough to strengthen the Stockholm Syndrome in criminal hostage events.
In relationships with abusers, a birthday card, a gift (usually provided after a period of abuse), or a special treat are interpreted as not only positive, but evidence that the abuser is not “all bad” and may at some time correct his/her behavior. Abusers and controllers are often given positive credit for not abusing their partner, when the partner would have normally been subjected to verbal or physical abuse in a certain situation. An aggressive and jealous partner may normally become intimidating or abusive in certain social situations, as when an opposite-sex coworker waves in a crowd. After seeing the wave, the victim expects to be verbally battered and when it doesn’t happen, that “small kindness” is interpreted as a positive sign.
Similar to the small kindness perception is the perception of a “soft side”. During the relationship, the abuser/controller may share information about their past – how they were mistreated, abused, neglected, or wronged. The victim begins to feel the abuser/controller may be capable of fixing their behavior or worse yet, that they (abuser) may also be a “victim”. Sympathy may develop toward the abuser and we often hear the victim of Stockholm Syndrome defending their abuser with “I know he fractured my jaw and ribs…but he’s troubled. He had a rough childhood!” Losers and abusers may admit they need psychiatric help or acknowledge they are mentally disturbed, however, it's almost always after they have already abused or intimidated the victim. The admission is a way of denying responsibility for the abuse. In truth, personality disorders and criminals have learned over the years that personal responsibility for their violent/abusive behaviors can be minimized and even denied by blaming their bad upbringing, abuse as a child, and now - video games. One murderer blamed his crime on eating too much junk food – now known as the “Twinkie Defense”. While it may be true that the abuser/controller had a difficult upbringing – showing sympathy for his/her history produces no change in their behavior and in fact, prolongs the length of time you will be abused. While “sad stories” are always included in their apologies – after the abusive/controlling event - their behavior never changes! Keep in mind; once you become hardened to the “sad stories”, they will simply try another approach. I know of no victim of abuse or crime who has heard their abuser say "I'm beating (robbing, mugging, etc.) you because my Mom hated me!"
Isolation from Perspectives Other than those of the Captor
In abusive and controlling relationships, the victim has the sense they are always “walking on eggshells” – fearful of saying or doing anything that might prompt a violent/intimidating outburst. For their survival, they begin to see the world through the abuser’s perspective. They begin to fix things that might prompt an outburst, act in ways they know makes the abuser happy, or avoid aspects of their own life that may prompt a problem. If we only have a dollar in our pocket, then most of our decisions become financial decisions. If our partner is an abuser or controller, then the majority of our decisions are based on our perception of the abuser’s potential reaction. We become preoccupied with the needs, desires, and habits of the abuser/controller.
Taking the abuser’s perspective as a survival technique can become so intense that the victim actually develops anger toward those trying to help them. The abuser is already angry and resentful toward anyone who would provide the victim support, typically using multiple methods and manipulations to isolate the victim from others. Any contact the victim has with supportive people in the community is met with accusations, threats, and/or violent outbursts. Victims then turn on their family – fearing family contact will cause additional violence and abuse in the home. At this point, victims curse their parents and friends, tell them not to call and stop interfering, and break off communication with others. Agreeing with the abuser/controller, supportive others are now viewed as “causing trouble” and must be avoided. Many victims threaten their family and friends with restraining orders if they continue to “interfere” or try to help the victim in their situation. On the surface it would appear that they have sided with the abuser/controller. In truth, they are trying to minimize contact situation that might make them a target of additional verbal abuse or intimidation. If a casual phone call from Mom prompts a two-hour temper outburst with threats and accusations – the victim quickly realizes it's safer if Mom stops calling. If simply telling Mom to stop calling doesn’t work, for his or her own safety the victim may accuse Mom of attempting to ruin the relationship and demand that she stop calling.
In severe cases of Stockholm Syndrome in relationships, the victim may have difficulty leaving the abuser and may actually feel the abusive situation is their fault. In law enforcement situations, the victim may actually feel the arrest of their partner for physical abuse or battering is their fault. Some women will allow their children to be removed by child protective agencies rather than give up the relationship with their abuser. As they take the perspective of the abuser, the children are at fault – they complained about the situation, they brought the attention of authorities to the home, and they put the adult relationship at risk. Sadly, the children have now become a danger to the victim’s safety. For those with Stockholm Syndrome, allowing the children to be removed from the home decreases their victim stress while providing an emotionally and physically safer environment for the children.
Perceived Inability to Escape
As a hostage in a bank robbery, threatened by criminals with guns, it’s easy to understand the perceived inability to escape. In romantic relationships, the belief that one can’t escape is also very common. Many abusive/controlling relationships feel like till-death-do-us-part relationships – locked together by mutual financial issues/assets, mutual intimate knowledge, or legal situations. Here are some common situations:
Controlling partners have increased the financial obligations/debt in the relationship to the point that neither partner can financially survive on their own. Controllers who sense their partner may be leaving will often purchase a new automobile, later claiming they can’t pay alimony or child support due to their large car payments.
The legal ending of a relationship, especially a martial relationship, often creates significant problems. A Controller who has an income that is “under the table” or maintained through legally questionable situations runs the risk of those sources of income being investigated or made public by the divorce/separation. The Controller then becomes more agitated about the possible public exposure of their business arrangements than the loss of the relationship.
The Controller often uses extreme threats including threatening to take the children out of state, threatening to quit their job/business rather than pay alimony/support, threatening public exposure of the victim’s personal issues, or assuring the victim they will never have a peaceful life due to nonstop harassment. In severe cases, the Controller may threaten an action that will undercut the victim’s support such as “I’ll see that you lose your job” or “I’ll have your automobile burned”.
Controllers often keep the victim locked into the relationship with severe guilt – threatening suicide if the victim leaves. The victim hears “I’ll kill myself in front of the children”, “I’ll set myself on fire in the front yard”, or “Our children won’t have a father/mother if you leave me!”
In relationships with an abuser or controller, the victim has also experienced a loss of self-esteem, self-confidence, and psychological energy. The victim may feel “burned out” and too depressed to leave. Additionally, abusers and controllers often create a type of dependency by controlling the finances, placing automobiles/homes in their name, and eliminating any assets or resources the victim may use to leave. In clinical practice I’ve heard “I’d leave but I can’t even get money out of the savings account! I don’t know the PIN number.”
In teens and young adults, victims may be attracted to a controlling individual when they feel inexperienced, insecure, and overwhelmed by a change in their life situation. When parents are going through a divorce, a teen may attach to a controlling individual, feeling the controller may stabilize their life. Freshmen in college may be attracted to controlling individuals who promise to help them survive living away from home on a college campus.
In unhealthy relationships and definitely in Stockholm Syndrome there is a daily preoccupation with “trouble”. Trouble is any individual, group, situation, comment, casual glance, or cold meal that may produce a temper tantrum or verbal abuse from the controller or abuser. To survive, “trouble” is to be avoided at all costs. The victim must control situations that produce trouble. That may include avoiding family, friends, co-workers, and anyone who may create “trouble” in the abusive relationship. The victim does not hate family and friends; they are only avoiding “trouble”! The victim also cleans the house, calms the children, scans the mail, avoids certain topics, and anticipates every issue of the controller or abuse in an effort to avoid “trouble”. In this situation, children who are noisy become “trouble”. Loved ones and friends are sources of “trouble” for the victim who is attempting to avoid verbal or physical aggression.
Stockholm Syndrome in relationships is not uncommon. Law enforcement professionals are painfully aware of the situation – making a domestic dispute one of the high-risk calls during the work hours. Called by neighbors during a spousal abuse incident, the abuser is passive upon arrival of the police, only to find the abused spouse upset and threatening the officers if their abusive partner is arrested for domestic violence. In truth, the victim knows the abuser/controller will retaliate against him/her if 1) they encourage an arrest, 2) they offer statements about the abuse/fight that are deemed disloyal by the abuser, 3) they don’t bail them out of jail as quickly as possible, and 4) they don’t personally apologize for the situation – as though it was their fault.
Stockholm Syndrome produces an unhealthy bond with the controller and abuser. It is the reason many victims continue to support an abuser after the relationship is over. It’s also the reason they continue to see “the good side” of an abusive individual and appear sympathetic to someone who has mentally and sometimes physically abused them.
Is There Something Else Involved?
In a short response – Yes! Throughout history, people have found themselves supporting and participating in life situations that range from abusive to bizarre. In talking to these active and willing participants in bad and bizarre situations, it is clear they have developed feelings and attitudes that support their participation. One way these feelings and thoughts are developed is known as “cognitive dissonance”. As you can tell, psychologists have large words and phrases for just about everything.
“Cognitive Dissonance” explains how and why people change their ideas and opinions to support situations that do not appear to be healthy, positive, or normal. In the theory, an individual seeks to reduce information or opinions that make him or her uncomfortable. When we have two sets of cognitions (knowledge, opinion, feelings, input from others, etc.) that are the opposite, the situation becomes emotionally uncomfortable. Even though we might find ourselves in a foolish or difficult situation – few want to admit that fact. Instead, we attempt to reduce the dissonance - the fact that our cognitions don’t match, agree, or make sense when combined. “Cognitive Dissonance” can be reduced by adding new cognitions – adding new thoughts and attitudes. Some examples:
Heavy smokers know smoking causes lung cancer and multiple health risks. To continue smoking, the smoker changes his cognitions (thoughts/feelings) such as 1) “I’m smoking less than ten years ago”, 2) “I’m smoking low-tar cigarettes”, 3) “Those statistics are made up by the cancer industry conspiracy”, or 4) “Something’s got to get you anyway!” These new cognitions/attitudes allow them to keep smoking and actually begin blaming restaurants for being unfair.
You purchase a $40,000.00 Sport Utility Vehicle that gets 8 miles a gallon. You justify the expense and related issues with 1) “It’s great on trips (you take one trip per year)”, 2) “I can use it to haul stuff (one coffee table in 12 months), and 3) “You can carry a lot of people in it (95% of your trips are driver-only).”
Your husband/boyfriend becomes abusive and assaultive. You can’t leave due to the finances, children, or other factors. Through cognitive dissonance, you begin telling yourself “He only hits me open-handed” and “He’s had a lot of stress at work.”
Leon Festinger first coined “Cognitive Dissonance”. He had observed a cult (1956) in which members gave up their homes, incomes, and jobs to work for the cult. This cult believed in messages from outer space that predicted the day the world would end by a flood. As cult members and firm believers, they believed they would be saved by flying saucers at the appointed time. As they gathered and waited to be taken by flying saucers at the specified time, the end-of-the-world came and went. No flood and no flying saucer! Rather than believing they were foolish after all that personal and emotional investment – they decided their beliefs had actually saved the world from the flood and they became firmer in their beliefs after the failure of the prophecy. The moral – the more you invest (income, job, home, time, effort, etc.) the stronger your need to justify your position. If we invest $5.00 in a raffle ticket, we justify losing with “I’ll get them next time”. If you invest everything you have, it requires an almost unreasoning belief and unusual attitude to support and justify that investment.
Studies tell us we are more loyal and committed to something that is difficult, uncomfortable, and even humiliating. The initiation rituals of college fraternities, Marine boot camp, and graduate school all produce loyal and committed individuals. Almost any ordeal creates a bonding experience. Every couple, no matter how mismatched, falls in love in the movies after going through a terrorist takeover, being stalked by a killer, being stranded on an island, or being involved in an alien abduction. Investment and an ordeal are ingredients for a strong bonding – even if the bonding is unhealthy. No one bonds or falls in love by being a member of the Automobile Club or a music CD club. Struggling to survive on a deserted island – you bet!
Abusive relationships produce a great amount on unhealthy investment in both parties. In many cases we tend to remain and support the abusive relationship due to our investment in the relationship. Try telling a new Marine that since he or she has survived boot camp, they should now enroll in the National Guard! Several types of investments keep us in the bad relationship:
Emotional Investment – We’ve invested so many emotions, cried so much, and worried so much that we feel we must see the relationship through to the finish.
Social Investment – We’ve got our pride! To avoid social embarrassment and uncomfortable social situations, we remain in the relationship.
Family Investments – If children are present in the relationship, decisions regarding the relationship are clouded by the status and needs of the children.
Financial Investment – In many cases, the controlling and abusive partner has created a complex financial situation. Many victims remain in a bad relationship, waiting for a better financial situation to develop that would make their departure and detachment easier.
Lifestyle Investment – Many controlling/abusive partners use money or a lifestyle as an investment. Victims in this situation may not want to lose their current lifestyle.
Intimacy Investment – We often invest emotional and sexual intimacy. Some victims have experienced a destruction of their emotional and/or sexual self-esteem in the unhealthy relationship. The abusing partner may threaten to spread rumors or tell intimate details or secrets. A type of blackmail using intimacy is often found in these situations.
In many cases, it’s not simply our feelings for an individual that keeps us in an unhealthy relationship - it’s often the amount of investment. Relationships are complex and we often only see the tip of the iceberg in public. For this reason, the most common phrase offered by the victim in defense of their unhealthy relationship is “You just don’t understand!”
Combining Two Unhealthy Conditions
The combination of “Stockholm Syndrome” and “cognitive dissonance” produces a victim who firmly believes the relationship is not only acceptable, but also desperately needed for their survival. The victim feels they would mentally collapse if the relationship ended. In long-term relationships, the victims have invested everything and placed “all their eggs in one basket”. The relationship now decides their level of self-esteem, self-worth, and emotional health.
For reasons described above, the victim feels family and friends are a threat to the relationship and eventually to their personal health and existence. The more family/friends protest the controlling and abusive nature of the relationship, the more the victim develops cognitive dissonance and becomes defensive. At this point, family and friends become victims of the abusive and controlling individual.
Importantly, both Stockholm Syndrome and cognitive dissonance develop on an involuntary basis. The victim does not purposely invent this attitude. Both develop as an attempt to exist and survive in a threatening and controlling environment and relationship. Despite what we might think, our loved one is not in the unhealthy relationship to irritate, embarrass, or drive us to drink. What might have began as a normal relationship has turned into a controlling and abusive situation. They are trying to survive. Their personality is developing the feelings and thoughts needed to survive the situation and lower their emotional and physical risks. All of us have developed attitudes and feelings that help us accept and survive situations. We have these attitudes/feelings about our jobs, our community, and other aspects of our life. As we have found throughout history, the more dysfunctional the situation, the more dysfunctional our adaptation and thoughts to survive. The victim is engaged in an attempt to survive and make a relationship work. Once they decide it doesn’t work and can’t be fixed, they will need our support as we patiently await their decision to return to a healthy and positive lifestyle.
Family and Friends of the Victim
When a family is confronted with a loved one involved with a Loser or controlling/abusive individual, the situation becomes emotionally painful and socially difficult for the family. While each situation is different, some general guidelines to consider are:
Your loved one, the "victim" of the Loser/Abuser, has probably been given a choice - the relationship or the family. This choice is made more difficult by the control and intimidation often present in abusive/controlling relationships. Knowing that choosing the family will result in severe personal and social consequences, the family always comes in second. Keep in mind that the victim knows in their heart the family will always love them and accept their return – whenever the return happens.
Remember, the more you pressure the "victim" of the Loser/Abuser, the more you prove the their point. Your loved one is being told the family is trying to ruin their wonderful relationship. Pressure in the form of contacts, comments, and communications will be used as evidence against you. An invitation to a Tupperware party is met with “You see! They just want to get you by yourself so they can tell you bad things about me!” Increasing your contacts is viewed as “putting pressure” on their relationship – not being lovingly concerned.
Your contacts with your loved one, no matter how routine and loving, may be met with anger and resentment. This is because each contact may prompt the Loser/Abuser to attack them verbally or emotionally. Imagine getting a four-hour lecture every time your Aunt Gladys calls. In a short time, you become angry each time she calls, knowing what the contact will produce in your home. The longer Aunt Gladys talks – the longer your lecture becomes! Thus, when Aunt Gladys calls, you want to get her off the phone as quickly as possible.
The 1980’s song, ”Hold on Loosely”, maybe the key to a good family and friend approach. Holding on too tight produces more pressure. When the victim is out of the home, it’s often best to establish predictable, scheduled contacts. Calling every Wednesday evening, just for a status report or to go over current events, is less threatening than random calls during the week. Random calls are always viewed as “checking up on us” calls. While you may encounter an answering machine, leave a polite and loving message. Importantly, don’t discuss the relationship (the controller may be listening!) unless the victim brings it up. The goal of these scheduled calls is to maintain contact, remind your loved one that you are always there to help, and to quietly remind the controller that family and loved ones are nearby and haven’t disappeared.
Try to maintain traditional and special contacts with your loved one - holidays, special occasions, etc. Keep your contacts short and brief, with no comments that can be used as evidence. Contacts made at “traditional” times – holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. – are not as threatening to a controller/abuser. Contacts that provide information, but not questions, are also not as threatening. An example might be a simple card reading “Just a note to let you know that your brother landed a new job this week. You might see him on a Wal-Mart commercial any day now. Love, Mom and Dad”. This approach allows the victim to recognize that the family is there - waiting in the wings if needed. It also lessens the lectures/tantrums provided by the Loser as the contacts are on a traditional and expected basis. It’s also hard to be angry about brother’s new job without looking ridiculous. Also, don’t invent holidays or send a reminder that it’s Sigmund Freud’s birthday. That’s suspicious…even in my family.
Remember that there are many channels of communication. It’s important that we keep a channel open if at all possible. Communication channels might include phone calls, letters, cards, and e-mail. Scheduled monthly shopping trips or outings are helpful if possible. The goal is to maintain contact while your loved one is involved in the controlling/abusive relationship. Remember, the goal is contact, not pressure.
Don't feel the victim's behavior is against the family or friends. It may be a form of survival or a way of lowering stress. Victims may be very resistive, angry, and even hostile due to the complexity of their relationship with the controller/abuser. They may even curse, threaten, and accuse loved ones and friends. This hostile defensiveness is actually self-protection in the relationship – an attempt to avoid “trouble”.
The victim needs to know and feel they are not rejected because of their behavior. Keep in mind, they are painfully aware of their situation. They know they are being treated badly and/or controlled by their partner. Frequent reminders of this will only make them want less contact. We naturally avoid people who remind us of things or situations that are emotionally painful.
Victims may slightly open the door and provide information about their relationship or hint they may be considering leaving. When the door opens, don't jump through with the Marines behind you! Listen and simply offer support such as "You know your family is behind any decision you need to make and at any time you make it." They may be exploring what support is available but may not be ready to call in the troops just yet. Many victims use an “exit plan” that may take months or even years to complete. They may be gathering information at this point, not yet ready for an exit.
We can get messages to people in two ways - the pipeline and the grapevine. The pipeline is face-to-face, telling the person directly. This seldom happens in Loser situations as controllers and abusers monitor and control contacts with others. However, the grapevine is still open. When we use the grapevine, we send a message to our loved one through another person. Victims of controlling and abusive individuals are often allowed to maintain a relationship with a few people, perhaps a sibling or best friend. We can send our loved one a message through that contact person, a message that voices our understanding and support. We don't send insults ("Bill is such a jerk!) or put-downs ("If he doesn't get out of this relationship he'll end up crazy!) - we send messages of love and support. We send "I hope she/he (victim) knows the family is concerned and that we love and support them." Comments sent on the grapevine are phrased with the understanding that our loved one will hear them in that manner. Don’t talk with a grapevine contact to express anger and threaten to hire a hit man, and then try to send a message of loving support. Be careful what and how the message is provided. The grapevine contact can often get messages to the victim when we can't. It’s another way of letting them know we’re supporting them, just waiting to help if and when needed.
Each situation is different. The family may need to seek counseling support in the community. A family consultation with a mental health professional or attorney may be helpful if the situation becomes legally complex or there is a significant danger of harm.
As relatives or friends of a victim involved with a controller or abuser, our normal reaction is to consider dramatic action. We become angry, resentful, and aggressive at times. Our mind fills with a variety of plans that often range from rescue and kidnapping to ambushing the controller/abuser with a ball bat. A rule of thumb is that any aggression toward the controller/abuser will result in additional difficulties for your loved one. Try to remain calm and await an opportunity to show your love and support when your loved one needs it.
In some cases, as in teenagers and young adults, the family may still provide some financial, insurance, or other support. When we receive angry responses to our phone calls, our anger and resentment tells us to cut off their support. I’ve heard “If she’s going to date that jerk, it’s not going to be in a car I’m paying for!” and “If he’s choosing that woman over his family, he can drop out of college and flip hamburgers!” Withdrawing financial support only makes your loved one more dependent upon the controller/abuser. Remember, if we’re aggressive by threatening, withdrawing support, or pressuring – we become the threatening force, not the controller/abuser. It actually moves the victim into the support of the controller. Sadly, the more of an “ordeal” they experience, the more bonding takes place as noted in Stockholm Syndrome and cognitive dissonance.
As you might imagine, the combination of Stockholm Syndrome and cognitive dissonance may also be active when our loved one is involved in cults, unusual religions, and other groups. In some situations, the abuser and controller is actually a group or organization. Victims are punished if they are viewed as disloyal to the group. While this article deals with individual relationships, the family guidelines may be helpful in controlling-group situations.
Final Thoughts
You may be the victim of a controlling and abusive partner, seeking an understanding of your feelings and attitudes. You may have a son, daughter, or friend currently involved with a controlling and abusive partner, looking for ways to understand and help.
If a loved one is involved with a Loser, a controlling and abusing partner, the long-term outcome is difficult to determine due to the many factors involved. If their relationship is in the “dating” phase, they may end the relationship on their own. If the relationship has continued for over a year, they may require support and an exit plan before ending the relationship. Marriage and children further complicates their ability to leave the situation. When the victim decides to end the unhappy relationship, it’s important that they view loved ones as supportive, loving, and understanding – not a source of pressure, guilt, or aggression.
This article is an attempt to understand the complex feelings and attitudes that are as puzzling to the victim as they are to family and friends. I’ve outlined recommendations for detaching from a Loser or controlling/abusive individual (www.drjoecarver.com) but clearly, there are more victims in this situation. It is hoped this article is helpful to family and friends who worry, cry, and have difficulty understanding the situation of their loved one. It has been said that knowledge is power. Hopefully this knowledge will prove helpful and powerful to victims and their loved ones.
Please consider this article as a general guideline. Some recommendations may be appropriate and helpful while some may not apply to a specific situation. In many cases, we may need additional professional help of a mental health or legal nature.
This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify "Losers" in relationships. The e-mail feedback I have received on the article has been tremendous. It's clear the article is a way of identifying not only "losers" but controlling, abusive, and manipulating individuals. It's also obvious these warning signs are not only found in dating relationships - but in our spouse, our parents, our friends, and our relatives. There are more victims in the environment of the Loser than his or her partner.
I've been contacted for help by the friends and loved ones of people involved in relationships with Losers (controlling and/or abusive partners). The loved ones want to understand the situation and ask for recommendations and guidance. For this group I have recently published "Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser". A link to this article is found at the end of this page.
Obviously, this article has created the need for sequels. I hope to publish a guide to assist Losers who want to change their life and behavior. An article addressing sons and daughters who were parented by Losers is also being planned. If our parent or parents have the characteristics listed in this article, our ability to function as a healthy adult may be hindered due to the dysfunctional family/parent model. My goal is to follow this issue and provide help and guidance to all those involved with controlling and abusive individuals - from partners to extended victims.
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Introduction
Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. In the beginning, "the honeymoon" of the relationship, it's difficult to determine what type of individual you are dating. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.
Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A relationship with the wrong individual however can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, and even physical damage. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the "fatal attraction" often described in movies. There are a variety of "bad choices" that may be encountered each week - most of which are easily to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled "The Loser".
"The Loser" is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. "The Loser" has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family. Psychologists usually treat the victims of "The Loser", women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.
The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of "The Loser" and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with "The Loser" in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present - it's not a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by "The Loser" if you stay in the relationship.
1. Rough Treatment
"The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.
2. Quick Attachment and Expression
"The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.
3. Frightening Temper
"The Loser" has a scary temper. If your boyfriend or girlfriend blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they're mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others - that temper will soon be turned in your direction. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction.
4. Killing Your Self-Confidence
"The Loser" repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you're too fat, too unattractive, or don't talk correctly or look well. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly - as though you deserved it. In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument.
5. Cutting Off Your Support
In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.
6. The Mean and Sweet Cycle
"The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. "The Loser" often apologizes but the damage to your self-esteem is already done - exactly as planned.
7. It's Always Your Fault
"The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. "The Loser" tells you their anger and misbehavior would not have happened if you had not made some simple mistake, had loved them more, or had not questioned their behavior. "The Loser" never, repeat "never", takes personal responsibility for their behavior - it's always the fault of someone else. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver (not his) as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes. They give you the impression that you had it (anger, yelling, assault) coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression.
8. Breakup Panic
"The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock. Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry, they plead, they promise to change, and they offer marriage/trips/gifts when you threaten ending the relationship. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts (who feel lucky they're gone!), or threaten to quit their job and leave the area - as though you will be responsible for those decisions. "The Loser" offers a multitude of "deals" and halfway measures, like "Let's just date one more month!"
They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives (they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have to), seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring (male loser technique) or inform you that they might be pregnant (female loser technique) in front of your coworkers! Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again (making you a prisoner) and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time.
9. No Outside Interests
"The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.
10. Paranoid Control
"The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your mail, look through your purse/wallet, hit your redial on the phone when they arrive, or search through your garbage for evidence. High-tech losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference. They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date is present on Friday night - "The Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime. That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call. This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.
11. Public Embarrassment
In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".
12. It's Never Enough
"The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you.
13. Entitlement
"The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.
14. Your Friends and Family Dislike Him
As the relationship continues, your friends and family will see what "The Loser" is doing to you. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. "The Loser" will tell you they are jealous of the "special love" you have and then use their protest and opinion as further evidence that they are against you - not him. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them - eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. "The Loser" will be jealous and threatened by anyone you are close to - even your children. In some cases, your parents or brothers/sisters will not be allowed to visit your home.
15. Bad Stories
People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. "The Loser" tells stories of violence, aggression, being insensitive to others, rejecting others, etc. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. They brag about their temper and outbursts because they don't see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the "I don't take nothing from nobody" attitude. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends. Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way.
16. The Waitress Test
It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months. During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over. If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road.
17. The Reputation
As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. "The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.
18. Walking on Eggshells
As a relationship with "The Loser" continues, you will gradually be exposed to verbal intimidation, temper tantrums, lengthy interrogations about trivial matters, violence/threats directed at others but witnessed by you, paranoid preoccupation with your activities, and a variety of put-downs on your character. You will quickly find yourself "walking on eggshells" in their presence - fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser". Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others (they might say something that you'll have to explain later), and fearful that you'll see someone you'll have to greet in public. Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone - exactly what "The Loser" wants - no interference with their control or dominance.
19. Discounted Feelings/Opinions
"The Loser" is so self-involved and self-worshiping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don't make sense, they're silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. "The Loser" has no interest in your opinion or your feelings - but they will be disturbed and upset that you dare question their behavior. "The Loser" is extremely hostile toward criticism and often reacts with anger or rage when their behavior is questioned.
20. They Make You "Crazy"
"The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense. If "The Loser" is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm - you call Time & Temperature to cover the redial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night. You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well - being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are "going crazy" - it's important to remember that there is no such thing as "normal behavior" in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done.
Dangerous Versions of "The Loser"
There are more severe if not dangerous versions of "The Loser" that have been identified over the years. If you are involved in a relationship with one of these versions, you may require professional and legal assistance to save yourself.
Physical Abuser Physical abusers begin the relationship with physical moving - shoving, pushing, forcing, etc. That quickly moves into verbal threats with physical gestures - the finger in the face, clinched fist in the face, and voiced physical threats such as "You make me want to break your face!" Eventually, these combine to form actual physical abuse - hitting, slapping, and kicking. "The Loser" is always sorry the next day and begins the mean-then-sweet cycle all over again. Getting away from physical abusers often requires the assistance of family, law enforcement agencies, or local abuse agencies. Female losers often physically attack their partner, break car windows, or behave with such violence that the male partner is forced to physically protect himself from the assault. If the female loser is bruised in the process of self-protection, as when physically restraining her from hitting, those bruises are then "displayed" to others as evidence of what a bad person the partner is and how abusive they have been in the relationship.
Psychotic Losers There are losers that are severely ill in a psychiatric sense - the movie description of the "Fatal Attraction". Some may tell you wild stories and try to convince you that they are connected to The Mob or a government agency (CIA, FBI, etc.). They may fake terminal illness, pregnancy, or disease. They intimidate and frighten you with comments such as "I can have anyone killed..." or "No one leaves a relationship with me...". If you try to end the relationship, they react violently and give you the impression that you, your friends, or your family are in serious danger. People often then remain in the abusive and controlling relationship due to fear of harm to their family or their reputation. While such fears are unrealistic as "The Loser" is only interested in controlling you, those fears feel very real when combined with the other characteristics of "The Loser".
Psychotic or psychiatrically ill losers may also stalk, follow, or harass you. They may threaten physical violence, show weapons, or threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave them. If you try to date others, they may follow you or threaten your new date. Your new date may be subjected to phone harassment, vandalism, threats, and even physical assaults. If you are recently divorced, separated, or recently ended another relationship, "The Loser" may be intimidating toward your ex-partner, fearing you might return if the other partner is not "scared off". Just remember - everything "The Loser" has ever done to anyone will be coming your way. "The Loser" may send you pictures of you, your children, or your family - pictures they have taken secretly - hinting that they can "reach out and touch" those you love. You may need help and legal action to separate from these individuals.
Guidelines for Detachment
Separating from "The Loser" often involves three stages: The Detachment, Ending the Relationship, and the Follow-up Protection.
The Detachment
During this part of separating from "The Loser", you recognize what you must do and create an Exit Plan. Many individuals fail in attempts to detach from "The Loser" because they leave suddenly and impulsively, without proper planning, and without resources. In many cases, "The Loser" has isolated their partner from others, has control of finances, or has control of major exit needs such as an automobile. During the detachment phase you should...
Observe the way you are treated. Watch for the methods listed above and see how "The Loser" works.
Gradually become more boring, talk less, share less feelings and opinions. The goal is almost to bore "The Loser" to lessen the emotional attachment, at the same time not creating a situation which would make you a target.
Quietly contact your family and supportive others. Determine what help they might be - a place to stay, protection, financial help, etc.
If you fear violence or abuse, check local legal or law enforcement options such as a restraining order.
If "The Loser" is destructive, slowly move your valuables from the home if together, or try to recover valuables if in their possession. In many cases, you may lose some personal items during your detachment - a small price to pay to get rid of "The Loser".
Stop arguing, debating or discussing issues. Stop defending and explaining yourself - responding with comments such as "I've been so confused lately" or "I'm under so much stress I don't know why I do anything anymore".
Begin dropping hints that you are depressed, burned out, or confused about life in general. Remember - "The Loser" never takes responsibility for what happens in any relationship. "The Loser" will feel better about leaving the relationship if they can blame it on you. Many individuals are forced to "play confused" and dull, allowing "The Loser" to tell others "My girlfriend (or boyfriend) about half nuts!" They may tell others you're crazy or confused but you'll be safer. Allow them to think anything they want about you as long as you're in the process of detaching.
Don't start another relationship. That will only complicate your situation and increase the anger. Your best bet is to "lay low" for several months. Remember, "The Loser" will quickly locate another victim and become instantly attached as long as the focus on you is allowed to die down.
As "The Loser" starts to question changes in your behavior, admit confusion, depression, emotionally numbness, and a host of other boring reactions. This sets the foundation for the ending of the relationship.
Ending the Relationship
Remembering that "The Loser" doesn't accept responsibility, responds with anger to criticism, and is prone to panic detachment reactions - ending the relationship continues the same theme as the detachment.
Explain that you are emotionally numb, confused, and burned out. You can't feel anything for anybody and you want to end the relationship almost for his or her benefit. Remind them that they've probably noticed something is wrong and that you need time to sort out your feelings and fix whatever is wrong with you. As disgusting as it may seem, you may have to use a theme of "I'm not right for anyone at this point in my life." If "The Loser" can blame the end on you, as they would if they ended the relationship anyway, they will depart faster.
If "The Loser" panics, you'll receive a shower of phone calls, letters, notes on your car, etc. React to each in the same manner - a boring thanks. If you overreact or give in, you've lost control again.
Focus on your need for time away from the situation. Don't agree to the many negotiations that will be offered - dating less frequently, dating only once a week, taking a break for only a week, going to counseling together, etc. As long as "The Loser" has contact with you they feel there is a chance to manipulate you.
"The Loser" will focus on making you feel guilty. In each phone contact you'll hear how much you are loved, how much was done for you, and how much they have sacrificed for you. At the same time, you'll hear about what a bum you are for leading them on, not giving them an opportunity to fix things, and embarrassing them by ending the relationship.
Don't try to make them understand how you feel - it won't happen. "The Loser" only is concerned with how they feel - your feelings are irrelevant. You will be wasting your time trying to make them understand and they will see the discussions as an opportunity to make you feel more guilty and manipulate you.
Don't fall for sudden changes in behavior or promises of marriage, trips, gifts, etc. By this time you have already seen how "The Loser" is normally and naturally. While anyone can change for a short period of time, they always return to their normal behavior once the crisis is over.
Seek professional counseling for yourself or the support of others during this time. You will need encouragement and guidance. Keep in mind, if "The Loser" finds out you are seeking help they will criticize the counseling, the therapist, or the effort.
Don't use terms like "someday", "maybe", or "in the future". When "The Loser" hears such possibilities, they think you are weakening and will increase their pressure.
Imagine a dead slot machine. If we are in Las Vegas at a slot machine and pull the handle ten times and nothing happens - we move on to another machine. However, if on the tenth time the slot machine pays us even a little, we keep pulling the handle - thinking the jackpot is on the way. If we are very stern and stable about the decision to end the relationship over many days, then suddenly offer a possibility or hope for reconciliation - we've given a little pay and the pressure will continue. Never change your position - always say the same thing. "The Loser" will stop playing a machine that doesn't pay off and quickly move to another.
Follow-up Protection
"The Loser" never sees their responsibility or involvement in the difficulties in the relationship. From a psychological standpoint, "The Loser" has lived and behaved in this manner most of their life, clearly all of their adult life. As they really don't see themselves at fault or as an individual with a problem, "The Loser" tends to think that the girlfriend or boyfriend is simply going through a phase - their partner (victim) might be temporarily mixed up or confused, they might be listening to the wrong people, or they might be angry about something and will get over it soon. "The Loser" rarely detaches completely and will often try to continue contact with the partner even after the relationship is terminated. During the Follow-up Protection period, some guidelines are:
Never change your original position. It's over permanently! Don't talk about possible changes in your position in the future. You might think that will calm "The Loser" but it only tells them that the possibilities still exist and only a little more pressure is needed to return to the relationship.
Don't agree to meetings or reunions to discuss old times. For "The Loser", discussing old times is actually a way to upset you, put you off guard, and use the guilt to hook you again.
Don't offer details about your new life or relationships. Assure him that both his life and your life are now private and that you hope they are happy.
If you start feeling guilty during a phone call, get off the phone fast. More people return to bad marriages and relationships due to guilt than anything else. If you listen to those phone calls, as though taping them, you'll find "The Loser" spends most of the call trying to make you feel guilty.
In any contact with the ex "Loser", provide only a status report, much like you'd provide to your Aunt Gladys. For example: "I'm still working hard and not getting any better at tennis. That's about it."
When "The Loser" tells you how difficult the breakup has been, share with him some general thoughts about breaking-up and how finding the right person is difficult. While "The Loser" wants to focus on your relationship, talk in terms of Ann Landers - "Well, breaking up is hard on anyone. Dating is tough in these times. I'm sure we'll eventually find someone that's right for both of us." Remember - nothing personal!
Keep all contact short and sweet - the shorter the better. As far as "The Loser" is concerned, you're always on your way somewhere, there's something in the microwave, or your mother is walking up the steps to your home. Wish "The Loser" well but always with the same tone of voice that you might offer to someone you have just talked to at the grocery store. For phone conversations, electronic companies make a handy gadget that produces about twenty sounds - a doorbell, an oven or microwave alarm, a knock on the door, etc. That little device is handy to use on the phone - the microwave dinner just came out or someone is at the door. Do whatever you have to do to keep the conversation short - and not personal.
Summary
In all of our relationships throughout life, we will meet a variety of individuals with many different personalities. Some are a joy to have in our life and some provide us with life-long love and security. Others we meet pose some risk to us and our future due to their personality and attitudes. Both in medicine and mental health - the key to health is the early identification and treatment of problems - before they reach the point that they are beyond treatment. In years of psychotherapy and counseling practice, treating the victims of "The Loser", patterns of attitude and behavior emerge in "The Loser" that can now be listed and identified in the hopes of providing early identification and warning. When those signs and indicators surface and the pattern is identified, we must move quickly to get away from the situation. Continuing a relationship with "The Loser" will result in a relationship that involves intimidation, fear, angry outbursts, paranoid control, and a total loss of your self-esteem and self-confidence.
If you have been involved in a long-term relationship with "The Loser", after you successfully escape you may notice that you have sustained some psychological damage that will require professional repair. In many cases, the stress has been so severe that you may have a stress-produced depression. You may have severe damage to your self-confidence/self-esteem or to your feelings about the opposite sex or relationships. Psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and counselors are available in your community to assist and guide you as you recover from your damaging relationship with "The Loser".
Joseph M Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist
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Credit: This handout was written by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., a Clinical Psychologist. It is provided as a public service and can be reproduced as needed. Dr. Carver is in private practice in Southern Ohio.
NEW ARTICLE
For the family and friends of individuals involved in a relationship with a Loser, I've written an article that discusses the relationship from the outside view. It may help family and friends understand the relationship and provide help in a positive manner. The article is entitled "Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser" It can be found at this link:
Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser
安装完成后，打开TeX Live Utility，“动作→更新所有软件包”，或者使用快捷键组合：shift + command + U （根据网络状况的不同，这里可能会使用较多时间，为了节省时间，可以先跳过这一步。）
在安装MacTeX-2013时，两个LaTeX编辑器已经被安装到你的电脑上，分别是：TeXworks和TeXShop。你可以使用这些编辑器来打开examples文件中的*.tex文件，也可以使用其他编辑器，关于编辑器的比较，请参考：Comparision of LaTeX editors （作者使用的是Sublime Text with plugin LaTeXing）
撰写英文简历相对比较简单，只需根据注释修改英文模板（template.tex）中的相关内容即可。（修改前先备份，修改时随手保存是一个不言而喻的好习惯。）
关于的LaTeX的语法，如果你有一定的编程经验，上手相对容易；如果你想了解学习LaTeX，请查看Tobias Oetiker撰写的The Not So Short Introduction to LaTeX 2e (Or LaTeX 2e in 157 minutes)[3]（下载PDF），简称是"lshort"。；如果你跟编程无缘，现在抛弃这种撰写优雅的个人简历的方式也还不算太晚。
\setmainfont{Helvetica}
\setsansfont{Myriad Pro}
\setmonofont{Consolas}
\setCJKmainfont{Adobe Heiti Std}
\setCJKsansfont{Adobe Heiti Std}
\setCJKmonofont{Adobe Heiti Std}
修改后的代码如图：
Helvetica、Myriad Pro、Consolas、Adobe Heiti Std都是自定义设置的字体的文件名称，这里可以自行替换成喜欢的字体。
How to Edit Your PATH Environment Variables on Mac OS X
If you are new to Mac OS X, you may need to know how to edit your PATH. The good news is that this is an easy task on Mac OS X.
The recommended way is by editing your .bash_profile file. This file is read and the commands in it executed by Bash every time you log in to the system. The best part is that this file is specific to your user so you won’t affect other users on the same system by changing it.
Step 1: Open up a Terminal window (this is in your Applications/Utilites folder by default)
Step 2: Enter the follow commands:
touch ~/.bash_profile; open ~/.bash_profile
This will open the .bash_profile file in Text Edit (the default text editor included on your system). The file allows you to customize the environment your user runs in.
Step 3: Add the following line to the end of the file adding whatever additional directory you want in your path:
export PATH="$HOME/.rbenv/bin:$PATH"
That example would add ~/.rbenv to the PATH. The $PATH part is important as it appends the existing PATH to preserve it in the new value.
Step 4: Save the .bash_profile file and Quit (Command + Q) Text Edit.
Step 5: Force the .bash_profile to execute. This loads the values immediately without having to reboot. In your Terminal window, run the following command.
source ~/.bash_profile
That’s it! Now you know how to edit the PATH on your Mac OS X computer system. You can confirm the new path by opening a new Terminal windows and running:
echo $PATH
You should now see the values you want in your PATH.
Running any Parallel Computing Toolbox code using a Java Virtual Machine (JVM) version of 1.6.0_39 or later might cause a NullPointerException to be thrown by the JVM. For example:
>> matlabpool open
Error using matlabpool (line 134)
Java exception occurred:
java.lang.NullPointerException
at java.util.logging.Logger.demandLogger(Logger.java:286)
at java.util.logging.Logger.getLogger(Logger.java:321)
Another symptom of this issue is a failure to connect to an MJS cluster, for example:
This is a bug in the JVM update, and affects all versions of Parallel Computing Toolbox.
Workaround
To work around this issue, follow these installation instructions.
Log in to an account with appropriate permissions to overwrite files in your MATLAB installation. On Linux systems, this is typically the root account.
Locate your MATLAB installation by typing matlabroot at the MATLAB command prompt. This folder is referred to as <MATLAB> in subsequent steps.
Exit MATLAB.
Download the attached .zip file associated with this Bug Report and store the file in the <MATLAB> folder.
Make a backup copy of each of the files listed in the.zip file. To see the contents of the.zip file:
Windows Systems*: Open the .zip file and look at the contents.
Linux/Macintosh Systems: Type the following in a shell (Linux) or in a terminal window (Macintosh):
unzip -l <MATLAB>/<.zip file>
Extract the files from the.zip file.
Windows Systems*:
Open the .zip file.
Extract the contents of the file to your <MATLAB> folder.
Linux/Macintosh Systems: Type the following in a shell (Linux) or in a terminal window (Macintosh):
cd <MATLAB>
unzip <.zip file>
Delete the .zip file in the <MATLAB> folder.
*Notes for Windows systems:
If you see “Error: Access is denied” when attempting to extract the .zip file, you might need to start WinZip in administrator mode. Do this by navigating to WinZip.exe or the WinZip Start menu entry, right-clicking on it, and selecting Run as administrator.
From within WinZip, find and open the downloaded .zip file.
Extract the contents of the file to your <MATLAB> folder.
Change Log:
February 21, 2013:
attachment_919688_12b_2013-02-21.zip: initial version, works on R2012b only
attachment_919688_11b_12a_2013-02-21.zip: initial version, works on R2011b and R2012a
attachment_919688_10b_11a_2013-02-21.zip: initial version, works on R2010b and R2011a
February 27, 2013:
attachment_919688_12b_2013-02-27.zip: updated with fix for MJS, works on R2012b only
attachment_919688_11b_12a_2013-02-27.zip: updated with fix for MJS, works on R2011b and R2012a
attachment_919688_10b_11a_2013-02-27.zip: updated with fix for MJS, works on R2010b and R2011a
March 8, 2013:
attachment_919688_12b_13a_2013-03-08.zip: added patch for R2013a release, works on R2012b and R2013a
Fix
This bug was fixed as of R2013b(6.3).
If you have a current subscription to MathWorks Software Maintenance Service (SMS), you can download product updates. If not, learn more about MathWorks SMS.
Accelerate for loop Using Parallel Computing Tricks in MATLAB and Python
MATLAB - parfor loop[1]
Parallel for loop
Syntax
parfor loopvar = initval:endval; statements; end
parfor (loopvar = initval:endval, M); statements; end
Description
parfor loopvar = initval:endval; statements; end executes a series of MATLAB® statements for values of loopvar between initval and endval, inclusive, which specify a vector of increasing integer values. The loop occurs in parallel when you open a pool of workers with Parallel Computing Toolbox™ or when you create a MEX function with MATLAB Coder™. Unlike a traditional for-loop, iterations are not executed in a guaranteed order.
parfor (loopvar = initval:endval, M); statements; end executes statements in a loop using a maximum of M workers or threads, where M is a nonnegative integer.
Examples
Perform three large eigenvalue computations using three workers or cores with Parallel Computing Toolbox software:
parpool(3)
parfor i=1:3, c(:,i) = eig(rand(1000)); end
--
Python - multiprocessing[2]
Process-based “threading” interface
Introduction
multiprocessing is a package that supports spawning processes using an API similar to the threading module. The multiprocessing package offers both local and remote concurrency, effectively side-stepping the Global Interpreter Lock by using subprocesses instead of threads. Due to this, the multiprocessing module allows the programmer to fully leverage multiple processors on a given machine. It runs on both Unix and Windows.
Using a pool of workers
The Pool class represents a pool of worker processes. It has methods which allows tasks to be offloaded to the worker processes in a few different ways.
For example:
from multiprocessing import Pool
def f(x):
return x*x
if __name__ == '__main__':
pool = Pool(processes=4) # start 4 worker processes
result = pool.apply_async(f, [10]) # evaluate "f(10)" asynchronously
print result.get(timeout=1) # prints "100" unless your computer is *very* slow
print pool.map(f, range(10)) # prints "[0, 1, 4,..., 81]"
Note that the methods of a pool should only ever be used by the process which created it.
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References
Parallel for loop - MATLAB parfor: http://www.mathworks.cn/cn/help/matlab/ref/parfor.html
