Fatui Harbingers and their 3am snacks headcanons
It's another chilly night. You find yourself craving your nightly portion of beef noodles, Ferrero Roche, salty chips or whatever else. You make a beeline for your nearest 24-hour corner store and you see none other than...
Pierro: Bro is so deep into his misery he's willing to test even the dumbest of "life advice". And by that, I mean ordering happy meals, smiley rocks as well as those smiley chocolate-and-strawberry biscuits that kinda taste like shit lol. Does it work? Only one way to find out :D
Capitano: At first he goes there with the intention of buying some melatonin gummies but it doesn't take him long to start hovering around the sweets aisle. He ends up leaving with a handful of nerds, reese's pieces and konpeito. He claims he's planning on lacing the candy with the melatonin gummies to make them sweeter.
Dottore: He's in the middle of cutting one of his test subjects open when- gasp! He's all out of coffee! He sends one of his clones to fetch some for him but forgot to specify not to buy anything else. The Dottore proxy comes back with an unholy amount of toothpaste tubes, cans of whipping cream and another child to use as an experiment.
Columbina: It's easy to assume that the cashiers at the store are hallucinating her into existence. But really, she just doesn't show up in surveillance camera footage. Anyway, she's here for her daily resupply of sacramental bread and milk. Just milk. She needs that calcium boost.
Arlecchino: She hates to admit it but the severe case of sweet tooth making the rounds amongst her children has finally reached her. Instead of craving wine or something more in-character for her, she ends up coming back with a bunch of mint jelly, macarons and milk candies. Good luck getting her to confess to the crime.
Pulcinella: Out of all the Harbingers, he strikes me as the last person to stay up so late but alas. He rings a bell and kindly orders meat stew and baklava. When those aren't enough, he goes to the store to see what the youth indulge themselves in nowadays. He leaves with a handful of CBD oil bottles.
Scaramouche: He's in the middle of listening to his emo playlist when- gasp! A foul spectre within him (one that resembles his mother no less) commands him to eat dango of all things. I know he canonically hates anything remotely close to dango but this particular night is an exception. Cut to him throwing it all up in the morning.
Sandrone: She's THIS close to finalizing one of her robots but she needs an energy boost. She picks up every sugary thing in sight. Rock candy? Got it. Sweet tarts? You bet. Extra large bottle of mountain dew? Shut up and take my mora. Good thing she has a replacement set of teeth for such cases.
La Signora: I don't particularly see Signora as a snacks-enjoyer. If she's going to have nightly cravings then it's more likely that she'll want a full-course meal (Her: What do you mean Olive Garden is not open?? The nerve of some people...). Otherwise, she'll opt for those fancy boxes of chocolate that are laced with gold or some shit.
Pantalone: Also saves his cravings for big fancy meals rather than quick little snacks. But if I were to assign him to something it would be some really expensive brand of tea from Liyue or exotic fruits the commonfolk could only ever dream of affording (*cough cough* densuke watermelons).
Tartaglia: Kicking the door down and dragging a half-dead abyss mage behind him, Tartaglia heads straight for the vending machine with the energy drinks. He's about to leave but he makes a detour for the packs of sunflower seeds and those rooster-shaped lollipops. He leaves a generous amount of change to apologize for all the blood and dirt before going on his merry way.
@methoxyacetyltryptamine @irinachka21 @17ratsinahumansuit @ilikeoldmentoomuch @assada-sun quick drabble for you guys before i resume my suffering :DDD
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