Hello, Hello! You can call me Iris, Iām 22, pan, lover of all things video games and crafty! Iām a substitute teacher with a bachelors in psychology, earning my masters in early childhood education! This means, and I cannot stress this enoughā¦.
In case the banner didnāt clue you inā¦.. no minors! I just canāt feel comfortable promoting consumption of content that deals with subjects such as BDSM, mental health struggles, abuse, and dubious consent to yāall.
Plus want to be able to post and not feel like my kiddos are secretly reading my blog.
š„ Hi! Iām a slut for interaction and attention just like most of us on this side of the internetā¦ so slide on into my inbox if youād like ā¤ļø
š„ I have anons turned on! Feel free to claim an emoji or title if you think youāll be a repeat offender! Bonus points if you pick a flower or plant name, Iād love to grow our garden! Claimed emojis will be planted in the garden below!
Anon Garden: šŖ»
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š„ Fandoms Iām part of: Stardew Valley, BNHA/MHA, Baldurs Gate, Dragon Age, Legend of Zelda, Love and Deep Space, Horror shit, and a series of vns including but not limited to; the kid at the back, somethingās wrong with sunny day jack, a date with death, and 14 days with you.
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š„ Gorgeous Dividers by the one and only @cafekitsune, if you see me use a divider in any post, itās prob from her cuz sheās an Aesthetic Goddess.
TW: Depictions of violence, toxic relationship, slight nsfw themes at the start, magical bargaining, and not proof read
You know, when you have a deadbeat boyfriend, you think that surely, the worst thing that can happen has already happened. He forgot our anniversary, asked me for money on my birthday, punched my uncle at a family barbecue, the list goes on. But sacrificing me to a demon is an all time low.
I really shouldāve realized something was off when he asked if we could spice it up in the bedroomā¦. And that heād do all the work. This, coming from the guy who thinks missionary is too much work. But hindsight is 20/20ā¦. I eagerly agreed. He tied me up with some itchy nylon shit, and while his knots were sloppy and didnāt feel sexy in the leastā¦ I still was so unbelievably excited at the initiative. I was completely bound to the bed, he had slipped a blindfold over my eyesā¦. This was new, exhilarating, and completely out of character for him.
As I listened, holding my breath as the anticipation built, I could hear him muttering to himself, heard the nightstand drawer open, and I shivered as my mind flashed to thoughts of the vibrator I kept in that same drawer. I felt the warmth of his body as he climbed ontop of me, sliding my shirt up ever so slowly. This was the same man who spent all day raging as he played Fortnite against 9 year olds, I really couldnāt believe it, I was soaked already any he hadnāt even touched me properly yet.
I squirmed at the agony of waiting, and then a knife sliced my chest from my sternum down. Burning pain crashed over my body. As I screamed in shock, fear, and pain, struggling uselessly against the ropes, he started chanting. It was some unknown language that commanded more respect than the stuttering pronunciations falling from his inexperienced lips. He fumbled over the words, his cadence was off, and yet; despite his less than stellar performance, a low pitched hum filled the room.
A sound like grating stone followed soon after, my ears straining to locate its source. I screamed the safe word, sobbing as I felt hot blood dripping down my body and pooling on the mattress beneath me.
Thatās the first thing the demon saw when he appeared. My bloodied form yanking at the ropes, panicked sobs and pleas that oddly enough included the word āavocado,ā and then the one who summoned him. A greasy man who appeared to be wearing a Minecraft t-shirt, now splattered with blood.
āBelial! Lord of the fourth hell! I, Matt, Duke of discord, present to you this soul sacrifice in exchange for my hearts desire!ā
The throbbing pain from my chest, coupled with the blood loss made me lightheaded, and so it took me a moment to realize he was talking to someone, offering them my soul.
The demon remained silent, assessing. Matt continued,
āIn exchange for this mortal soul, my wish is to never have to lift a finger again, to have all the money I could ever want, I want to be treated like royalty!ā
If let out a frustrated scream at that, Iām bleeding out on the bed, the woman whoād been providing for him financially, making all his meals, doing his laundry, giving him below the desk support whenever he wanted it, and this is what I get in exchange? Heās sacrificing my soul, for what? So he can rot online for the rest of his life?
āMatt you lazy fucking asshole let me go!ā
The demon watches silently as the I thrash and scream at Matt, and how Matt only rolls his eyes and says,
āIām sorry about her. This is why I canāt wait to get rid of her, I mean really, Iām suffocating over here!ā
Iāll show him suffocatingā¦. But thatās when the demon finally speaks.
āI will accept your bargain. In exchange for this mortal soul, all your wishes shall be granted.ā
Mattās pimpled face breaks out into a grin and he pumps his fist in the air as if heād just won a match. I sob in terror, still unable to see the figure, but his voice was deep and eerily calm. The demon snaps his fingers, and suddenly I feel the gash on my chest knitting itself back together. I gasp and take a few sniffling breaths as I assess what is going on, confusion wracking my brain. Arenāt I supposed to be damned to eternal torture or something now? Why is my head no longer pounding from blood loss? Why are my wrists no longer raw and throbbing from yanking the ropes? A hand reaches over and lifts the blindfold from my face, and I blink against the light.
The demon is tall and imposing, dark jagged wings and horns clashing with an eerily beautiful face. He strokes my face gently before turning to Matt, who is looking equally confused,
āYou end has been fulfilled, allow me to uphold my end of the bargain.ā
He snaps his fingers, and Matt screeches as his limbs snap to his side, immobile.
āYour first wish, to never lift a finger again.ā
Another snap of his fingers, and gold coins begin raining down around Matt, thunking against his head and causing him to yelp and curse as the heavy disks continued their assult, pooling at his feet and slowly starting to swallow him up.
āAll the money you could ever want.ā
With one last snap, Mattās prone form begins to be wrapped in bandages, his panicked screeches muffled at it wrapped around his face. A beautiful sarcophagus materializes, and Matt is lowered inside, the sounds of his terror cutting off as the sarcophagus sealed shut, standing silent and still amidst a pile of gold coins.
āAnd finally, to be treated like royaltyā¦. Enjoy the pyramid, Matt, Duke of Discord.ā
And with that, the sarcophagus and gold all disappeared, leaving me alone with the demon. Unsure of what to expect next, I was silent, terrified. He flicked his wrist and all the blood disappeared from my clothes and skin, the ropes securing me to the bed unraveled. He took my hands in his own and lifted me from the bloodied mattress, and then he smiled.
Caleb Love and deep space thoughts- SPOILERS AHEAD
Second update of brain dumping my thoughts as I play through the gameā¦ this time entirely Caleb focused
Ok so Iāve been reading Calebās anecdotes, dates, every scrap of info that becomes available to meā¦. And holy shit heās such a simp!
Man almost fucking died, was lost in space for 2 weeks, and heās just like āhaha hey pipsqueak! Yea secret training mission, sorry, Iām back online!ā As heās in a hospital bed. Like baby boy not letting mc know he almost died???? And then the card/memory/whatever itās called where heās sick, and she has to basically beg him all day to let her in? Man wants to be Superman for her. Seriously, heās out here becoming a pilot cuz it would pay well and help provide for mc, and if anything happened he could just whisk her away.
He literally worships the ground mc walks on. Obsessed with the necklace he gave him, kissing the pendant before each flight, not letting her lift a finger at the house when it comes to chore type things, using his evol to win her plushies at the claw machineā¦ also heās soooo obviously into the domestic life with mc! His house is bare bones before the reunion. Then MC shows up and thereās the scene where heās surrounded by boxes, setting things upā¦.. I picture him totally kicking himself for not having everything set up sooner, bc he got a house just so she could move in. I see him just living in an apartment thatās part of the officer barracks. Thereās no reason why he has a whole ass house if not for mc. He just didnāt expect her to have infiltrated his ranks as a spy and to pop up so soonā¦. But hey sheās here now and so heās totally buying everything and having a hot ikea build sesh in that slutty little tank top of his.
Oh and you know heās a cheeky idiot about the fact that mc picked his room when deciding where to stay. Like we got that from the gameplay obviouslyā¦. But I just want to take moment to appreciate how hard that man must have been grinning on the inside. I also think itās so cute that mc really is just making his place a second home. Sheās got a little garden going at his house! She talks about the little yellow flowers she planted there in one of the text messages, and when he mentioned restocking his snacks on a community post mcs already planning on raiding it.
Also heās been so obsessed with her since they were kids. Like heās got some weird amnesia brain trauma shit going on after his deep space incident, and he scored poorly on the mental health portion of his exams (not him answering the āwhatās the greatest challenge with flight missions?ā Question with āitās hard to get home on timeā), and Iām assuming he was also an experiment by ever like MC is (but I havenāt gotten to the point where I can say that for sure), but like. That isnāt why heās the way he is. Man was out here protecting her from bullies, the thing where heād buy two of everything for mc, think he said something like āI wanted to grow up to be the most loyalā¦ well you know, I could beā LOYAL HUSBAND? But from the jump heās been doing everything for her. Itās so interesting getting this background from all the memories and whatnot. Like heās made it such a source of pride to take care of mc in every tiny way, and so when she says stuff about not needing him, or uh, I donāt remember what thing it was part of but she fixed some electronic and was like ādamn that was easier than I thought, guess I gotta stop bugging you for every tiny little thing, I can just figure it out.ā and he PANICS! Like no baby- thatās his comfort thing. No matter what else is going on, at least he can feel needed and wanted when you come playfully whining to him that you canāt find your favorite mug. Heās the walking advertisement for acts of service. Also one last thing.
Yall noticed how he put his hat on mc like right after the reunion? The only thing I could think of is what it means when you put on a guys cowboy hat. Like damn Caleb. Sheās still in shock that youāre not dead. But get it ig.
Idk how planes work but thereās gotta be some level of autopilot by 2048 or whenever this shits set in. That or he can just use his evol to help stay on course while doing unspeakable things to you. But regardless. Heās making us part of the club.
Ok so hereās the sitch. I binged chapters 1-15 of love and deep-space play throughs on YouTube, then realized I was invested, missing tons by not having the myths (?) and dates and cards and whatever else, so I am now playing the game for myself so I can have every ounce of lore and properly become hyper-fixated on this game.
Wasnāt sure if this should go here or my side blog but Caleb exists so it stays here.
Hereās what Iāve decided/my thoughts on everyone so farā¦.
Caleb: I would fold in two seconds for that man. Scary soft dom vibes. Like Iād run away and heād be like āāŗļø itās ok, itās my fault for not making the place more secure, letās make sure youāre not hurt and then Iāll cook you a meal and youāve gonna sit right there on the couch and be comfy!š„°ā and the would get that serious look and say softly, āBut also- letās not try that again? Ok?ā And then if I tried to get upā¦ def couldnāt. Idk why we were in a chair with wrist restraints when we were being interrogated. Mans whole Evol is gravity. His superpower is legit invisible bondage. Unless Iām missing something here. But. Manā¦. Toss me around like a rag dollā¦ also not him in game asking mc if he should collar her.
Sylus: sugar daddy brat tamer. Lets you run around the n109 zone getting into trouble, but heās always watching and he runs the place so when you get yourself in a tight spot he gets to swoop in and be like āmmmm, had enough of that yet kitten?ā Oh and heād totally be the clicker type. Like the counter where every time you click it the number goes up? Would just let you do your thing, youād think youāre being sneaky, and then heād show up at the end of the day like ā42ā¦. Damn. Hope you donāt have plans tomorrowā But then when youāre goodā¦.. mmm. Yea that man matches energy. You saw him give mc his card in game. That man just wants to spoil you rotten. I just know it. Even the twins are like āyo- that manās feral for you, just chill here and ignore the crime stuff and let him make you his spoiled princess, ok?ā
Rafayel: The whiney act he has is not my personal cuppa tea, but I feel like I need to give this man a chance when I get more into the game and lore. Cuz we all know that heās not this aloof whiney ditz. Heās always got everything planned, keeps so many secrets, always gets us to go where he wants, do what he wantsā¦. And then adds the whiney shit as a manipulation tactic. Still am confused that heās a mermaid, and like, a god? And has a magic girl bond with mc? This is honestly one of the biggest reasons Iām playing the game for myself and really diving into everything instead of just watching play throughs of the main story. But. Yea, manipulative whiney rich boy whoās not actually whiney. Also so totally see this man laying down, arms wrapped around your waist as he uses your stomach as a pillow. Where he can look up as you with puppy dog eyes if you protestā¦. But also you really canāt move cuz his body is pinning your legs and his arms are not budging.
Zayne: Daddy? Sorryā¦. Sir? Sorryā¦. Doctor ? š„“ no but fr, I want to take him to a cat cafe. I want to find a scruffy little alley cat that hates everyone except Zayne and casually will climb on his shoulders. Zayne will be there with his rbf as someone is talking to him, not showing any reaction and acting like youāre the weird one for being shocked as a cat suddenly appears on his shoulder. We will raise a cat together if itās the last thing I do. I LOVE how cold presenting but deeply loving this man is. Did you see him when his rival tried to take us to dinner? Lord he was so icy smooth with it too, like yes sir turn down the peasants, doctors orders said I need more vitamin Dā¦. Also I want that man to be a father. I want his babies. I want him to make them cute little snow animals and help me meal prep healthy school lunches (he would totally cut the sandwiches into little dinosaurs and make those themed lunches. Doesnāt care if heās busy, will always be willing to spend the extra half hour making cucumber stars.)
Xavier: I wonāt lie to yall I donāt like this man very much. I donāt know. Heās giving āIām gonna pine from a distance cuz I donāt wanna hurt youā vibes. OMFG EDWARD CULLEN. XAVIER IS EDWARD CULLEN! yea. Thatās my headcannon now āI canāt tell you why Iām so mysteriousā¦. Itās safer if you donāt knowā¦ā *sparkles in the light* like sorry man has a light Evol, he literally does. And thereās a flower field scene I just did as one of his bonus thingiesā¦.. holy shit this fandoms gonna hate me for this but thatās it. Theyāre the same. I will continue seeking out things that validate this. Confirmation bias hates to see me coming.
Anyways. Love yall. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Have to wait for the daily stuff to refresh cuz I need to be level 21 to start chapter 3, and Iāve done everything I can to earn xp already. Iām level 20, itās so close it hurts. I just want to speed run the main storyline till I have Caleb around, is that too much to ask?
Yan who is into chubby girls but reverse the roles now
Ya know I am slut for a bear of a man. So. I gotta know what direction youāre going with this, but I like where itās going š¤¤
Like maybe Yan wasnāt a Yan for MC till they made some comment about him being hot? Like he got stood up or something at the bar and a drunkenly bold mcs there eying him up like āWell theyāre stupid for passing up a full course meal like youā¦ If I were them I wouldāve shown up with waivers cuz Iād be a ride you wouldnāt survive. I mean look at the arms on youā¦ yea whoever she was is missing out big time, Iād climb you in a heartbeatā¦. But anyways, nice meeting you!ā And then like. Gets pulled away for some reason before Yan has the chance to process being objectified like that, and the fact that he loved it.
Orrrr Yan not wanting to reveal himself till heās made himself into your dream guy, till he knows you wouldnāt be able to turn him down. So he starts stalking, and then only grows more obsessed when he realizes that veiny, muscular guys freak you out, and you donāt think skinny guys could handle youā¦ yea heās pretty over the moon to realize that your ideal type is already him. His plans just moved way up.
Ooooooo! And him using it to fluster you???? Like Iām sorry but a whole ass MAN like that who knows heās sexy makes me want to scream and hide because I physically cannot handle it. Annnnnd now Iām picturing running flustered from this Yan and then getting pinned for it. (Sorry but chubby/bigger primal doms are the only way to go, and then if you add the fact that theyāre completely and totally obsessed with youā¦..)
Ahfisbifbsidf Anon idk what direction we were supposed to go here but now Iām just making myself blush so. Sorry if chubby reader from the original post was supposed to be the Yan, and thatās role switch you meantā¦. Iām just a simple girl alright. My mind goes where it goes. Sorry for being a whore over here š
If you get self conscious and suck in your tummy cuz your Yan boyfriend just walked in, Iām not responsible for the things that are gonna happen. This man is feral for your squishy ass self. His favorite parts of you are your thighs, your tummy, and your rolls. So why tf did he just come home after a long day, to you denying him? Yes- denying him, I mean you sucking in is practically stealing from him at this point. What- are you mad at him or something? Is that it? Decided to punish him? Thatās fine, but I hope you know youāre gonna end the night so full of him and his cum that your belly distends well past normal, unable to contract your abdominal muscles because theyāre so sore from the positions he contorted you into.
Bonus: This man is weird.
He has zero concept of whatās conventionally normal or embarrassing, itās a problem to the point where youāre too busy being concerned about his mental wellbeing to be self conscious, more weirded out if anything. I mean he licked your double chin once, like got his tongue all in there and everything. After you were done being soul deeply mortified, you genuinely wondered if you needed to book him a new patient consult with a therapist.
He used the rolls on your sides like custom handle grips when he makes you ride him, his fingers seeking to disappear between the folds of your flesh, sinking into you in every way possible.
Can and will use your body as a stress ball, hand warmer, and oral stim. He will try to have his hands, teeth, or tongue on you at all times.
So. Yeaā¦. Your boyfriend may be a crazed weirdā¦. But hey, at least you donāt doubt that he finds you attractive anymore?
Yandere Christmas just sounds lovely. I mean what does your particular Yan do with you for the holidays? Are you their present? Do they tie you up in pretty bows and ropes, or have you dress in festive lingerie for them to unwrap? Are you the Christmas feast? Or is the holiday all about you? Are they bouncing up and down, practically vibrating as you walk down the stairs to see the entire living room is filled to the brim with presents? What about traditionsā¦.do they love the idea of a certain meal Christmas morning? Are you guys baking cookies to leave out the night before? Is your yan reading the night before Christmas before you go to bed, even though youāre far too old for bedtime stories? And caroling may or may not be off the table depending on your yanā¦. But holiday karaoke isnāt! They just really wanna sing baby itās cold outside with youā¦
And what if you donāt know about your Yan yet? Imagine waking up Christmas morning, so excited to give your family their gifts, eager to see what you received in returnā¦ except youāre not in your bed. Youāre in Yans bed, hand and feet tied up with surprisingly resilient ribbons, Christmas lights twinkling on the headboard, and a few presents laying on the nightstand.
Orrrrrr what if you do the whole big family Christmas on Christmas Day. Youāre at your parents house watching your nieces and nephews open up Christmas presents and youāre gushing over how cute the little baby clothes are, the little tiny shoes, how cute the toys areā¦.. all the while yans hand is tight on your thigh, imagining maybe theyād give you a different kind of present once they get you alone tonight. They canāt help but picture yalls little baby girl in a tiny Christmas dress, or a festive onesie, all snuggly and pouting as she canāt put the wrapping paper in her mouthā¦..
A Christmas proposal would also be top tier. I mean they may or may not have kidnapped youā¦. You might basically be spouses alreadyā¦. But imagine them on one knee, eyes sparkling with all the reflecting Christmas lights, pouring their heart out as they hold up a red velvet ring box with a little green bow on the top. Imagine them sliding in the ring and then sweeping your off your feet, twirling you around until you are both dizzy. When they finally set you down you both laugh as you realize you ended up under the mistletoe like some sort of perfect ending to a hallmark movie.
Bonus- you said Bernard from the Santa Clause was your childhood crush and now yall arenāt allowed to watch those movies anymore.
@circeyoru also writes high quality yandere pieces for Solo Leveling and Hazbin Hotel, so definitely check out their stuff! Hope this helps! š Have a lovely day!
Hello! Can I be šŖ» anon? Also are you working on/going to work on the villainess reader series? I love it so much! I love the humor of reader as she tried to be evil and fails.
You can absolutely be šŖ»anon! And I have that series on hiatus at the moment cuz I had a series of bad life events happen while writing it, so itās just kinda bleh in my mind at the moment, but I am hoping I get the motivation to pick it up again soon! I had so many thoughts about what would come next. Part 3 was gonna be mc buckling down and researching in the library, cuz she definitely ignored all the politics and ins and outs of the magic system and now doesnāt know nearly enough about the mage guildā¦. Who she feels like would be a pretty good resource for fixing cross dimensional body swapping.
Thinking about a Yan emperor who kidnapped you and is growing tired of you rejecting himā¦. So he poisons your wine and then when you start coughing, he takes a swig of the antidote and makes you kiss him to receive it.
Yāall need to help me come up with what to do to celebrate 1K on hereā¦.. I canāt believe that many of you are tuning into my self indulgent shit postingā¦. But ily for it. Just gotta figure out what to do once we hit the big 1000ā¦.
The first time your spouse ever saw you come home from work with tear tracks down your face was the last time you ever came home from work at all.
āBaby it was just a bad migraine. I can go back to work.ā
āNo.ā
āBut-ā
āNo.ā
You huff as youāre dragged back to bed for the billionth time.
āCome on, Iām gonna be late!ā
āCanāt be late, you donāt work there anymore.ā
You laugh as they bury their face in your neck, leaving slow open mouth kisses and you say, āthatās not how it works, I canāt just not show up ever again.ā
āSure you can, you sent an email yesterday saying you quit effective immediately.ā
You pull back and stare at them, hard.
āI did WHAT?!ā
Letās just say you didnāt end up getting up and going to work that day. Or any day after. Theyāve been wanting you to quit anyways, they can provide for you, and they donāt like sharing you with your coworkers. This just sped things up.
They were supposed to steal your soul. Haunt you for a bit, feast on your fear, and then when your terror was at its peak, consume your very being. Itās an easy enough job. Theyāve done it countless times. So imagine their surprise when their routine gets disrupted.
Youāre washing your face at the sink, eyes closed as you massage your skin, splashing water onto your face as you lean over the basin. The demon is behind you, lined up perfectly so when you inevitably stand up, youāll catch just a glimpse of them before they disappear. Youāre bent over the sink, pausing as the water fills your cupped hands. You splash the water into your face to rinse the soap. They watch and wait for you to finish and straightenā¦. you pause as your hands fill with water, you splash it in your face. You pause as your hands fill with waterā¦ and you land a swift back kick towards them, whirling around with a viscous cry, teeth barred as water droplets fling from your still damp skin, fluffy cat ear headband not detracting from the terror the demon feels as their victim hurls a toothbrush holder at their head.
āGET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU PERVERT!ā
Theyāre so shocked and frightened that it takes them getting whacked in the temple with a curling wand to remember that they can dematerialize.
You pant as you frantically look around for where the intruder may have gone. Youād caught a glimpse of them behind you while bent over the sink. Just able to see part of their legs in your upside down vision. You acted on instinct, fight or flight kicked inā¦. Literally kicked.
The demon, now invisible, yet still shrinking back, expecting another blow, watches in shock as you dial 911 to report a āmasked intruderāā¦. Theyāre a being of darkness? An old god? Not some mortal in a Halloween mask!
Theyāll show you just how terrifying they can be.
Needless to sayā¦. The demon is now YOUR demon, and theyāre putting off processing the raging hard on that appeared after you attacked them.
Hey what if I made a yan discord server and we all just chat about general chaosā¦. We could have a channel dedicated to telling everyone when our favorite VNs update, one for suggesting fics, we could have a show and tell corner where we can hype each other upā¦ and yaā¦. Maybe even putting some lofi bots on for just chill body double spaces? Idkā¦. Thoughts and suggestions.
Update: I did it. Click the link in my pinned post!
Parts 1 & 2 from Ericās perspective. I drafted this before my hiatus and while itās now discontinued ā¦. Figured this deserved to leave the drafts.
Sheās in my motherās drawing roomā¦. And I canāt say Iām upset. I watched her peek into a couple of rooms, curious to see my betrothed outside our usual hours. She seemsā¦. Different than usual. More lively and curious. But then I suppose the only times we interact are at opposing ends of the grand hall, or at balls and social events where we must host and entertain. I know small details about her- like she loves to ride horses, spends her days in her personal drawing room working on embroidery and other ladylike thingsā¦. But theyāre generic details I could guess at from any lady of the court.
Itās fascinating watching her when sheās in her own elementā¦ I canāt help but slip into the drawing room after her. Sheās examining motherās pottery with a small smile, seemingly lost in thought. Iām glad someoneās admitting mothers work- as a child, Iād often watch as she carefully worked the clay, teaching me how to mold it just right, and then watched in amazement as she would glaze it a few days later in intricate designs.
I watch my betrothed giggle to herself and I canāt resist revealing myself,
āWhatās so amusing dearest?ā
Ohā¦. Well this is fascinating. She always speaks with such careful measure, as if each word is thought out. She gets flustered on occasion, I have noticed that much, but she responds by stopping to collect herself before carrying on with the same careful grace.
This current version of my beloved is much moreā¦. Open. Iām not sure she even notices how easily I can read her like a book- is this what sheās like when caught off guard? Perhaps I have misjudged my beautiful brideā¦. I canāt help the thrill the runs through me knowing Iāve surprised her, caused this shift. This thrill turns to shock as she asks to spend the day with me in the library. I see Iām not the only one who can catch the other off guardā¦.
I canāt help but stare at her as she reads. This feels like a dream. I assumed we would have a polite yet distanced relationship, this is, after all, a marriage of convenience. But in the past several months I couldnāt help but admire her poise, the way she commands a room, and couldnāt help but latch onto the little details Iād been able to learn from her. Now, sheās here, in my library, curled up in my favorite chair, so enthralled by her reading that I can see who she truly is under her noble lady facade. And I suddenly find it rather hard to focus on my work. This feels so natural, so right, I wonder why weāve limited ourselves to such formal meetings this far if what we both seem to crave is simply companionship? How have I not noticed how much she, too, wanted this?
With that thoughtā¦ I invite her to luncheon and a stroll. I noticed her admiring a painting of a rose garden and I couldnāt get the picture of her under the rose pavilion out of my headā¦ so thatās where I plan to take her. And thatās where we were heading until a rather unpleasant interruption arrived.
I recognized her, the ambassadors daughter. What was more important, however, was the sight of my intended, sprawled on the ground, skirts pooled around her, pushing herself up on her arms, face crinkled in slight pain, and throwing out a blind insult... yet another layer beneath that porcelain maskā¦ my love is a spitfire. I lifted her to her feet, admiring the way it felt so natural to have her in my arms, before letting her go.
The offensive rodent who caused my dearest to go flying was simpering at me, and I couldnāt help the disgust that ran through me- she was completely ignoring the one she had offended, instead was directing her apologies towards me. I exchanged looks with the princess and she spoke before I had the chance.
What a tongue that woman has on herā¦ I know it is my role as the gentleman to defend her honor, but Iāve realized my new favorite hobby is simply observing her. She so easily defended her honor, reminding the lower class woman of her station, and I couldnāt help the thrill that when through me as she referred to herself as the soon to be crown princess. So easily asserted her claim on the throne, on me.
The thrill only continued as she surprised me yet again, grabbing my hand and leading me away. I couldnāt help the look I sent toward the ambassadorās daughter, despite being enamored all the more by my soon to be wife, I canāt overlook that she was hurt and insulted. Iād be remembering this. But, that was for another time. For now, I was being dragged down the hall by my beautiful rose. When she finally released me, the blush on her cheeks was so divineā¦. I couldnāt help but think of all the ways I might fluster her more so I might see it again.
In one day I have discovered that the woman who has sat across from me each dinner for the last several months, is in fact, my soulmate. Just like I pictured, she looked divine under the roses- admitting they were her favorite. I noted which foods she gravitated towards as well- and realized we shared several favorites, and that she was unbearably adorable trying to hide how much she was enjoying herself.
I donāt believe Iāve ever been in such high spirits as when I returned to my quarters after an afternoon of memorizing the way her smile crinkled her eyes, laughing alongside her as she told me all about her novel, and receiving her rapt attention as I spoke of my day in return.
When I go down to dine with her I find myself flusteredā¦ Iāve never before felt this strongly about a woman, and now all I can think of is how the wedding couldnāt come sooner. My mood is dampened, however, we begin to eat, and I see that porcelain mask of hers creeping back up. I realize it now, how our arrangement thus far has actively hindered our relationship. Sitting this far from one another feels like miles of agony, I feel as if Iām addressing a crowd each time I speak, my voice carrying across the vast expanse. The quiet intimacy of the rose pavilion and our two chairs around the tea table, the sound of her pages and subtle inhales as she became engrossed in a new turn in her book, the feel of her arm in mine as we strolled. These things, and the cold, formal way we were currently dining, did not match.
She excused herself to bed, and I imagine she felt the same disappointment I did- I longed to see her face clearer as she sampled the roast pork- did her eyes flutter the way they had when she took a bite of that lemon desert earlier today? Or did her nose crinkle as she disguised her distaste? These are details I cannot know from afar. These are details I must learn.
I meet with the head waitstaff and fix this immediately. From now on, my dearest love and I shall hardly be apart if I can help it.
Yall why are there are all these vanilla looking men in my new town. At least the ones on the dating sites look vanilla. Besides the point that a man holding a fish as his cover image would never be close enough to me for this happenā¦ how the hell am I supposed to be like āteehee would you like my location sharing turned on?ā āHeyā¦. Whatās your opinion on ropes?ā
I need someone whoās just gonna grab my throat when we make out, bc these bitches wonāt even hold my hand the right way let alone my throat.
