we don’t know what’s going on either :)

weird, crack irondad headcanons to brighten up your day!! we make very little sense ever || platonic Tony & Peter relationship only!

[irondad-on-crack]

Are you still alive?

us, crawling out of the trenches three years later: yeah, totally 🤠

[irondad-on-crack]

Peter, singing: Have you ever wondered what life’s about?

Tony, tired: All the time, kid.

Peter, still singing: You could search the world and never figure it out!

Tony: Gee, that’s encoura—wait, are you singing Lizzy McGuire?

Ned, popping out of nowhere: You don’t have to sail the ocean!

[irondad-on-crack]

Peter has a bad habit of just straight up forgetting to drink water, and it drives Tony nuts.

Peter: *chugs his sixth Pepsi in two days*

Tony: You need water, Peter. Water. You know what they say. Hydrate or die-drate.

Peter, downing some more Pepsi like it’s a shot: Die-drate it is!

[womp-womp-chomp-chomp]

Peter: the human life is a strained and tense one. I envy the life of a smooth rock resting on the beach... warmed by the sun... unaware of the trials and tribulations of sentiment life.

Tony: Do you need to talk?

Peter: I wish I was a croissant.

[irondad-on-crack]

Peter has an almost endless collection of terrible spider jokes and puns which he loves to use to make Tony roll his eyes.

Peter: What did the spider say when he broke his new web?

Tony, humoring him: What?

Peter, wheezing: “Darn it!”

Tony:

[irondad-on-crack]

Peter: Why can you never trust a spider?

Tony: Actually, I can think of a few reasons for this one.

Peter: Because they put stuff on the web!

Tony, squinting: Are you trying to confess to something, kid?

[irondad-on-crack]

Peter has an almost endless collection of terrible spider jokes and puns which he loves to use to make Tony roll his eyes.

Peter: What did the spider say when he broke his new web?

Tony, humoring him: What?

Peter, wheezing: “Darn it!”

Tony:

[irondad-on-crack]

Tony: What do you want to be for Halloween, kid? I can make any costume you want.

Peter: Normal.

Tony, wincing: Yeah, sorry, buddy. You’re on your own for that one.

[peter-parker-pictures]

Peter: Birth Certificates are just baby receipts.

Tony:...

Tony: Get out.

Peter: Okay :)

[robertdowneyjjr]

tony, showing off his new armor: this suit is made of uru

peter: did u just say uwu

[irondad-on-crack]

Ok but Peter just being fully done with like finals or some shit and just..?? Webbing himself fully into a cocoon and ignoring the world. Tony comes is like ‘Pete??? You okay there buddy?” And you just hear a “MPHGHFrbtrpl” from the depths of this roll of spider webbing

Peter, wrapped in a cocoon of webs: If I don’t take my finals, I can’t fail them. 😌

Tony: That’s—that’s actually the opposite of true.

Peter, rolling away across the floor: If I can’t hear you, it can’t be true!

Tony:

[incorrect-marvel-quotes]

Tony: Why is your report card taped on the ceiling?

Peter: You said bring my grades up.

Tony:

Tony: I did say that. Let me see ‘em.

[underoosstark]

Peter: Mr. Stark, the door is locked, we can’t get in

Tony: Don’t worry I have the key

Tony: *blasts the door completely off its hinges*

Peter:

Peter:

Peter: What the fuck Mr. Stark

[irondad-on-crack]

Peter: Do you imagine a huge shark swimming up from underneath you, mouth wide open like in the movie Jaws whenever you swim underwater in a pool with your eyes closed or are you normal?

Tony, nervous: Uhhh.... I’m normal, I guess? Kid, are you okay?

Ned, nodding: Wait, I thought it was just me who imagines that!

[irondad-on-crack]

Are you riots-space? (One of you lol)

honestly identity is all subjective so who knows 😩

[irondad-on-crack]

Tony offers to teach Peter how to drive, but after five bad dad jokes in the span of a single hour, Peter decides that taking the subway works just fine.

Tony, gesturing to park on the side of the road: soon you'll be a real..... parallel Parker

Peter: I will literally drive us both off a cliff right now if you won't be quiet

[irondad-on-crack]

If neither of you is sexycraisinthanos im gonna be massively dissapointed bc that’s lowkey my best guess rn

disappointed as in you’re just not gonna like us or disappointed because your guess was wrong?

[irondad-on-crack]

Peter Parker but with the 2020 online AP exams and he's going crazy because of the questions, tume limit and when hes trying to submit the test, it won't let him.

spider-man climbs to the top of stark tower and writes “fuck the college board” using his web fluid. the video goes viral.