𖤐 Overlord Dracula 𖤐

𖤐 “Lecture me not on 'faith', foolish hunter." The Insatiable Lord of Vampires. Terrorpunk sorcerer, devoted hedonist, unrestrained bloodsucker. 𖤐 [Icon artwork by moonlight-shadxw.]

[ironroserequiem]

Ah. Good evening. Fret not. I am currently revamping my pinned introductory post and the linked posts for it.

[kaninewonders]

Anyone else have shame or insecurities surrounding their alterhumanity?

I feel like ive never accepted myself fully, like every day i try to hide it and pretend i am fully human. Which means im in a constant state of dysphoria.

I know doing that is hurting me, but theres just so much shame i feel about what i am that idk if i will ever be able to express myself fully.

Its honestly why finding the alterhuman/therian/otherkin community was so healing for me, to see folks who where so proud and embracefull of expressing themselves and their identities.

Im not there yet. And idk if ill ever be, but its a nice thought- to think theres people or a world out there that thinks i dont have to hide who i am and what i am.

Im sending my support to those who are also insecure abt their alterhumanity ♡ feel free to share ur experiences (!)

[ironroserequiem]

Oh, I very much used to. It is the same as any part of my story. “Why can’t I just be a normal teen girl for four solid fucking minutes?!” There is no shame in what I am, but there was enforced shame in being unable to be who society tried to break me into being.

Many today, just like before, are fearful of investing in being who they are. Trans people are not the only people to experience the constant terror of possible regret; society pushes that idea in many different ways for different people.

What do you really have to be ashamed of? It is as if I am witnessing a hummingbird ashamed of its gorgeous colors, one after another. Some of my shame came from thoughts that were never mine to begin with. I do not need to internalize the fears others have of me.

We are enough, are we not? There is nothing wrong with us. And I am certain we do not shame the cosmos for the ways in which they exist.

Except black holes, perhaps? Okay, I am being a smartass here; you get my point.

[neighhhh]

on one hand, i love having horse shifts in very human-centric places, because it reinforces my animality a lot. the juxtaposition between me and the environment i’m in is very species affirming!!

on the other hand, i love having horse shifts in nature, in places where i would be naturally. i feel right at home, and the environment allows me to maintain the shift and play into it!!

do you guys have favorite places/situations in which to shift? or does it not matter?

[ironroserequiem]

I love having the chance to reflect and answer questions like that.

As a horror icon, as well as for safety reasons, I play on the uncertainty and ambiguity. Renaissance fairs are a prime example. You cannot tell a real vampire from a cosplayer, even with obvious signs. I more enjoy lower lighting and isolation, liminal spaces and abandoned buildings and overwhelming nature, despite how unsafe the setting can be. Where the boundary between me and the night ceases to be.

Other times, I delight in being an obvious imposter among a party of humans. I love to terrorize, but that is cruel, rude, and indecent of me.

[grim-maul-kin]

a longtime mutual from my main blog follows my alterhuman sideblog, and every now and then they'll reblog something from here and I'll just look at my notifications like this

[ironroserequiem]

I saw this in a vision.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

been playing a video game with my housemates lately and the other night I was trying to persuade my boyfriend in law to join me in hunting for the current boss in an underwater temple map and I truly got like. possessed. started out going "come on brother... it's all fine in the brine... we're all set in the wet..." and ended up saying shit like "nobody's frantic in the Atlantic... it's always mail call at the whale fall..." truly incomprehensible

[pangur-and-grim]

I like when he puts himself on a shelf and becomes an item

[ironroserequiem]

A RedBull and a Belphie to get me through the day.

[ironroserequiem]

I have been pondering the experience of someone else, but I have not had the chance to be more in depth about it. How “newer” or less accepted minorities become an acceptable target when it comes to the removal of our personhood. That is not to say others do not still face this issue, of course. We are reduced to simple caricatures and are either sought after like objects or bashed like a faceless evil. I have dealt with this myself before, but never considered it to be a more common phenomenon in regard to fictionkin. This has happened before. Black people, indigenous people, trans people. This is a historical trend.

Please stop treating us as fandom keychains and start seeing us as the complex people we are. You do not love minorities if this is all we are to you. This is required for supporting your community. Working on yourself does not end where the fictionkin community begins.

[ironroserequiem]

I yelled “goodnight, bitches” before settling under the covers.

And my human brother’s response was not anger or denial.

He said “…plural???”

[re-dracula]

[ironroserequiem]

I have decided life requires very radical change. I threw out the mattress and disassembled the bed. Unsurprisingly, sleeping on the floor feels better than on that thing. I kept this slab of memory foam to sleep on in the meantime. A blueprint is in progress for a coffin to sleep in. There is nothing left to do now except embrace myself. Healing has a bitter taste, like tears and strong herbal remedies. No matter what, I have people who believe in me. I want to wallow in that love I have for them… If you are reading this, I love you…

[threeamserif]

instagram | photos are my own, reblogs fine, do not repost/reuse

[ironroserequiem]

One day, I shall flee the country and vanish mysteriously from the lives of family. 🖤

[riverotterlovessweets]

Having a weird glitch (?) where i'm unable to reblog posts from a lot of the transfem bloggers on here. Does anyone know what

means? Is this a new means of shadowbanning effecting transfem users?

[ironroserequiem]

It has not been uncommon for me to encounter glitches like this occasionally. From what I have been through, the site will break on a tab left open for a long while, especially when making a draft. I do have Tumblr on my phone for photography purposes or to edit anything inaccurate that may be queued, and I have witnessed it refuse to let me create a post.

Tumblr just decides to pout in the corner for a while, in both cases, so I end up having to close or reinstall it. Should there be more to this and I am wrong, I would love to hear.

[ironroserequiem]

I feel suddenly inspired to write, thanks to a post I saw. I hear the community needs more writing? About ourselves? I would be more than happy to share, really. I have avoided the alterhuman tag and others due to finding myself very out of place in the community.

I reflect often on how alterhumanity was what preserved me. That ending up as what and who I am is what saved me from what seemed like unavoidable death. Losing the identity of human gave me power at a time in which I had none. I could either accept what had become of me, or refuse and perish into the empty stillness. If I had the choice to be human, I would refuse every single time. I am delighted by who and what I am. Dare I say I was overjoyed by the process of “corruption”, as one born in a religious home constantly emphasizing “purity” and stasis.

But as of late, I have wrongfully covered up that aspect of my life, hoping to wait for better time in the world to be myself. What a fool I am. My strength is in that aspect. The moment you forget what you are is the moment you concede power to those who want you gone. I desired to avoid the toxicity I know that comes with people online, but I am forced to realize there are people who need to hear voices like mine.

And to them, I say: I know you are out there. I know you are frustrated by the expectation to keep things whimsical and palatable. I know you are ashamed of your grim truth and style. I know you are troubled by being “the odd otherkin out” and frustrated that you cannot mimic the expressions of others. I have been here this whole time. Feeling unwelcome for my experience with vampirism, for my own story, for my refusal to think in monochrome duality. I know what it is like to be you. And you should be respected completely.

Do not be afraid of the dark; make peace with it. Know yourself to the fullest and offer yourself love and compassion. Form your values through reasoning and stand by them. Most importantly, I ask that you remember that you are at least loved by a stranger who may never know your name. Know that this stranger is proud of you and all you have done and even just managed. You are always kept in mind as my community. Hunt for that which you desire to make yours, flee into the wilderness which you desire to know so intimately, and defend yourself and your herd.

[pseudomantis]

When U listen 2 music

[ironroserequiem]

…mhm.

Where even am I now?

[gremlinservant]

Just vaccinated three kids and got kicked thank GOD I am selling them today

Edit:

THIS IS A POST ABOUT GOATS!!

[ironroserequiem]

I read the big red letters first, somehow still got shocked and had to reread the edit.

[elancholia]

I think the concept of introversion may have harmed a lot of people, tbh

[elancholia]

It makes it easy to make an identity of being scared. And it's easy to hear a loosely medicalized idea like "I am just fundamentally de-energized by social interaction, unlike other people, who aren't", and then dig in. And really you're just scared.

[astropithecus]

A key differentiator: Introverts aren't naturally awkward or uncomfortable in social situations.

Things like "I'm nervous introducing myself to strangers" / "I feel intimidated around groups of people" / "I hate small talk" / "I miss a lot of social cues" aren't signs of an introvert, they're signs of social anxiety. Social anxiety has lots of causes - neurodivergence and behavioral disorders among them. But it's not caused by "being an introvert."

Even if there's truth to the charge/drain extrovert/introvert dichotomy, all humans need both regular social interaction as well as alone time. An introvert at a social function will feel happy and have fun, the same way an extrovert can enjoy reading a book or taking a walk alone.

Signed,

- An extrovert with a clinically diagnosed social anxiety disorder; I thought I was "an introvert" until I was almost 30

[snipertrifle]

I think there’s also a lot of self fulfilling prophecy in the “draining.” Doing new things in new situations can be very stressful and draining. But the more you do it, the less draining it gets. The less you do it, the more new social situations freak you out. It’s a muscle you build. Just like the first day at the gym leaves you a wreck, but not the 100th.

Show up to the same book club 20 times and those people might become the ones who “don’t count” as draining you. Show up to 20 different kinds of events and you get the hang of making introductions and small talk. The more times things don’t go badly the more resilience you have to new things.

Not saying introversion is bad or needs to be “fixed.” God knows the world needs them. Just don’t confuse a preference for a quiet night in, for a fear of telling the server you asked for no pickles.

[lingonberry24]

Something I have to mention that I'm trying to drill into my mother:

If you are in an upper-middle class/conservative/christian/some other kind of community full of assholes where you are forced - neurodivergent or not - to suck up your entire personality up your asshole and pretend to be perfect all the time or face social expulsion, ALL INTERACTION WILL BE DRAINING.

FIND BETTER PEOPLE.

Find community online! Find a place nearby that doesn't suck maybe.

My mother was brought up in a rural christian conservative racist community, and she may well die without ever truly understanding that you're supposed to be able to share your opinions with others and not get publicly shamed and eviscerated for any perceived misstep.

If you grew up like this, unlearn it! Social interaction is not supposed to make you feel like killing yourself.

[whatbigotspost]

Some really good shit here.

I’ve never identified with being an introvert but I was team “I’m an extrovert with social anxiety!!” for years and years and that was ACTUALLY called “the factory standard setting for an AuDHD brain” 😅

[margindoodles2407]

@/dailymanners's (from whom I reblogged this) tags are worth preserving:

[ironroserequiem]

It is extremely draining to always socialize with people who do not meet your needs. You see people treat you the way your parents did (ignoring you and lashing out) and people tell you that “oh, it’s just how people are, you can’t blame them and you are a horrible person for expecting more!” But meeting those needs is decency when it comes to socializing. Everyone needs patience, acknowledgement, and to be understood, but most I have met rattle everything off as soon as possible and then get upset when something you mention is new to them.

I only came to that realization now, honestly. That being devastatingly exhausted after socializing is not just some natural flaw I am burdened with. Which explains why three specific people never exhaust me or slowly overwhelm me.

[ironroserequiem]

Theme: The Chariot, upright, from Megan Lynn Kott’s Cat Tarot.

Focus: Mental health recovery.

Current Fixation/Obsession: Sigil work and summoning circles.

Current Read: Roxanne Gay’s The Portable Feminist Reader.

Current Films: N/A.

Current Songs: 暁Records - Supernova; EastNewSound - アイノウタ; Go2 - Spitfire - Extended Version.

Current Game: Persona 5 Royal. (Second Playthrough)

Current Treats: Beef blood and Winking Owl Red Wine.