One of the paintings in Cuddy's office
How You Die Out In Me – Dirk Hagner
15″ x 18″ etching in 3 colors & chine colle
The etching “How you die out in me” was inspired by the lines by Jewish poet Paul Celan: “Down to the last worn-out knot of breath, you’re there with a splinter of life.” It shows lilies in a vase which are withering away, reminding us that all ideas of beauty are transient.
Although it’s said here as lilies, I think they are more likely to be amaryllis. In the top left corner, it says "von Janssen," which almost certainly refers to the German artist Horst Janssen. And it means the painter Dirk Hagner was inspired by him when creating the work. Throughout his career, Janssen produced a large number of works depicting different stages of plant life cycles, and withered or dying amaryllis flowers were among his most recurring and recognizable subjects. And after looking up some references and comparing the botanical characteristics of lilies and amaryllis (the main difference between these two flowers lies in the shape of their stigmas), I also find the latter identification more convincing.
As for the painting itself, my personal interpretation is this:
The amaryllis is traditionally associated with pride, splendid beauty, strength, and determination. Here, however, the flowers are shown in the final stages of decline. Aging, illness, and death are part of the natural order, and the gradual fading of life is often accompanied by grief because it cannot be reversed. The flowers remain vividly vermilion, creating the impression that some vitality still persists despite the visible signs of decline. Rather than diminishing their presence, their fading state seems to emphasize their resilience.
The line at the bottom of the painting—“Down to the last worn-out knot of breath, you're there with a splinter of life” includes the word splinter, which ordinarily refers to a small, thin, sharp fragment. “a splinter of” something suggests that only a tiny remnant remains. At the same time, the word carries a sense of sharpness and persistence. The flowers may be near the end of their life cycle, but that final remnant of life becomes all the more striking because of its fragility. In that sense, the withering itself becomes the last sharp proof of vitality.
That is why I think this painting works particularly well in a hospital setting. It is not merely a reminder of mortality; it is also a reminder of the value, dignity, and persistence of life even in its most vulnerable moments. And perhaps that is what medicine is ultimately about—not denying mortality, but preserving life.