I Say These Things to You

so that i won't be able to deny them to myself later on.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

note to self.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

[isaythesethingstoyou]

[isaythesethingstoyou]

#inspiration #love #detachment #enlightenment #nirvana

[isaythesethingstoyou]

#love #goodwill #codependency #codependent

[isaythesethingstoyou]

#inspiration #relationships #love #detachment #enlightenment

[isaythesethingstoyou]

[isaythesethingstoyou]

Closer to touching.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

A silent agenda.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

An ouroborotic sense of anchoring.

[flaneurinpajamas]

[isaythesethingstoyou]

The problem with the word “soulmate” is that too often we act as if it’s spelled “solemate,” as if there’s some singular person out there who exists solely for you, or that you exist solely for them. I don’t really think there’s only one person out there for me. I can’t buy into the idea of a ‘special someone’ who’s totally unique in all the world. And I also don’t really think I could ever be with one person forever. I know how that sounds, but to believe otherwise would be arrogant—to assume that I’m someone else’s special someone, totally unique in all the world. So I don’t buy the idea of solemates. But there have been people’s whose souls have been loved by my soul. My soul has wanted to talk to other people’s souls and play with their souls and cuddle their souls and kiss them. And this happens both all the time and incredibly rarely. Wanting to get to know a person’s soul is just a thing that’s going to happen for as long as you’re around people. But this feeling may last only a day or a few days or a few minutes. What’s more unusual is when it persists, when you crave someone else’s soul even when they’re not around, when they haven’t been around in a long time. I’m a solitary person. Most of my happiest times have been when I was alone, quietly enjoying space by myself. Company is its own kind of happiness, but it usually destroys the happiness that solitude brings—as much as I like my friends, their presence erases the silence of a beautiful day, prevents me from really opening up, to myself, to the universe. Their presence fills the bright void of solitude with a ‘something’ that’s fun but just not the same. But sometimes—rarely—I’ll be happy and want someone else around to see it. My soul will be elevated and wish for another soul to share it with, to be elevated with, to lift up and bring along. This, to me, is a soulmate, and while not ‘sole,’ they are very, very rare.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

Unsure of the implications of this.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

Smiling too much.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

Never die happy.

[flaneurinpajamas]

[isaythesethingstoyou]

Sometimes when I get depressed I remind myself that ten-year-old me would be thrilled to be doing basically anything I do in the course of an average day. I imagine ten-year-old me tagging along as I go about my adult life and commenting on my activities. "Ugh, lunch from a vending machine again." “I GET A CANDY BAR FOR LUNCH?! A WHOLE CANDY BAR?!” “Two candy bars, you fat slob.” “TWO CANDY BARS!?” It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, ten-year-old me loves it. "I’m going to lose it if I have to drive this commute one more time." “I GET TO DRIVE A CAR?!” “Fuck everything, the printer’s jammed again.” “I GET TO PUSH BUTTONS ON A PRINTER?!” “Shit, that meeting’s in ten minutes.” “LET ME CARRY THE BRIEFCASE!” It’s still a valid mental strategy after I get home. “Ramen for dinner.” “RAMEN FOR DINNER!” “I can barely stay awake to answer these emails.” “I’M GONNA STAY UP TILL MIDNIIIIIIIIIGHT!” According to ten-year-old me, my life is *awesome*. I try to remember this.

[isaythesethingstoyou]

Hey guys. I wrote a thing. I was originally going to combine this novella with two or three other novellas into one book, but I'm working on a new project right now that's requiring all of my mental effort, so I'm putting this one segment out here as-is. It's a standalone piece, about 95 pages long, and titled Transit Authority. I know this isn't normally what I post on this page, but if you read and like my image macros, you'll probably like this. I like Whit Stillman's phrase, 'doomed bourgeoisie in love,' (used to describe some of his movies) so I'm going to use that phrase to describe my own work, although I think I'm using it for very different reasons. Anyway, you can download it here.

[isaythesethingstoyou]