Lanadelray @islanreal - Tumblr Blog

anyways schizospec and psychotic people who are also horror fans are stronger than any u.s. marine

Personally the hardest symptom for me to deal with as a schizoaffective person is the paranoia.

It stresses me out so bad and gives me terrible anxiety from worrying about things that likely aren’t a big deal.

It gets in the way of friendships and can even ruin relationships I’ve spent so long building, leading to isolation and loneliness.

It has me replaying events over and over in my head, making sure I didn’t miss any signs or clues and trying to make sense of it all.

It leads to so much mistrust not only in others, but causes me to doubt myself too. Like I can’t even trust my own senses.

It just feels unpleasant overall. The lack of trust, the anxiety, the restlessness, the social isolation. It’s mentally harmful but I can’t seem to stop.

Float, by Lan

Too focused on the cloud above my head because

I worry that when it’s gone,

I’ll fly into the sun.

Will I come back down,

All burnt up and lost,

Trying to make sense of how I got up there?

I know I can’t fly, but

When I close my eyes,

I swear all I can feel is the warm breeze wrapping me tightly so

I remember where I belong.

“The clouds will pass, and

The sun will set.”

But I can’t feel either. Yet,

Still, I’m trapped in both, since the sky both holds me down,

and lets me float.

#bipolar #hypomania #poetry #original poem #bipolarpoetry #mental illness

schizoetic

Being permanently mentally ill doesn't mean you'll be permanently unhappy

schizoetic

People with psychosis feel the weight of the whole spectrum of emotions just like people who don't have it. We cry and laugh along with the world. While impacted by society we are endlessly creative, passionately loving and complex in our own specific ways. Every one of us has a distinct personality and things which we strongly like in the world. None of us are worthless taking up space needlessly. It is really sad that some people think we live with malicious intent and I honestly hate that there are those who think we are just master pretenders. It is a tragedy that we reject ourselves because people reject us. The vast majority of us are living unnoticed and peacefully... essentially ghostlike. We feel the painful sting of mistreatment and the burdensome ache of remembering it. We haven't lost our minds. To the contrary we all just have universes in our heads which we sometimes get lost in.

I'm writing this listening to my favorite acoustic music. Later on I will pick up my guitar and get lost in writing my own. Along the way I'll pet my cats and dog and crack a joke or two with my ever supporting partner. When I go outside I'll look at the snow and sky and marvel at the visual beauty of it all. Most of what people think about people like me is wrong. Every damn one of us is invaluable and contributing something even if we live on disability. Some people think we are monstrous and nightmarish and the ironic reality is that those who believe this are wrong and detached from the truth of it all. To anyone who's reading this remember that how you treat people me has a long lasting impact. Even the most symptomatic psychotic individual sees and senses you... however you may be.

been super productive lately and also insomniac anxiety is high, irritability, the sudden urge to flee the country or move in with a friend. also, i need seggs

#hypomania #insomnies #manic episodes

not being able to enjoy the feeling of happiness because you worry it will turn into mania

#actually bipolar #mania #hypomania

schizoetic

After having severe psychosis I used to think my brain fog wouldn't ever go away. It's not perfect now my any means but after 15 years of this debilitating illness I'm finally content with my life. Everyday was an enormous struggle before and that's putting it lightly. It would take effort to do things like recall my own name. Counting to ten was almost impossible. My ability to read and write had gone out the window. Finishing a thought was a rarity. Jokes made towards me came left and right. I got fired from every job I tried. People took advantage of me. I could barely do anything and was engulfed with crippling depression. But after working with psychiatrists... everything gradually got better...

Anyways, to anyone going through brain fog I'm sending you my best vibes... Recovery can happen!

schizoetic

I don't understand why certain people believe in illnesses of every organ but the brain

schizoetic

I'm always afraid of trusting myself in everything I do, say and think. Psychosis made me afraid to even though I haven't been in it in years. The trauma from this is real.

islanreal

It's like checking if my back door is still locked even though I haven't used it.

Just saw my ex on the street and pretended to not see her by pulling out my phone. I am 100% sure that she noticed that failed attempt at hiding in plain sight

#awkward #campus life