no you dont understand edward is gonna leave the boat in ep4 to go on with his pity party / divorce with Stede ("former mate" in the trailer) + his guilt about izzy and CAptAIN STEDE BONNET and his first mate IZZY HANDS and THEIR crew are gonna go looking for him im unwell
ed couldnt love izzy and you think he will wake up and think fuck i can love stede now ? lest have a cute romance ?? that man will think hes lovable but cannot love back someone. He will leave and run away from Stede AND Izzy (cause im an eddizy shipper till my death) thats why we see him away in the trailer im sorry but you WONT see the Steddy episode you want next week
IM BEING SUPER NORMAL ABOUT THAT SCENE AND IMAGINING IZZY WATCHING ED BEING HERTBROKEN AND WANTING TO JOIN HIM ON THE FLOOR TO HELD HIS HAND EVEN AS A FRIEND BUT KNOWING HE WILL BE REJECTED
A lot of people are surprised Izzy already wanted Ed to "talk it through" as early as episode 2, but here's the thing: throughout S1 Izzy's always been the one who favoured clear and open communication.
1) He was the one who kept asking Ed for a plan in E4. He wanted Ed to communicate to him what they were going to do. (Yes, he came off as dismissive to Ed's feelings in that episode, he brushed him off when Ed opened up about his depression, but in fairness to him, they were literally going to get ambushed by the Spanish any minute. There wasn't any time for the ol' heart-to-heart.)
2) He told Ed straight up exactly what the problem was and how he's feeling at the end of E4. He held absolutely nothing back. From Ed's POV as Captain, this was incredibly insubordinate and dickish of Izzy, of course, but from Izzy's POV, he was witnessing what he thought was Ed completely losing his fucking mind and getting them all killed. Which was the logical conclusion to draw since Ed deliberately kept him in the dark about having a plan. I think, if only Ed took him seriously and explained himself then, Izzy would have listened this time. But Ed played it for a laugh and mocked him for it, and that's when Izzy finally lost it and flipped him off.
3) When Izzy was about to leave in E4, he apologised to Ed. He was still trying to get some closure. I'm not sure he was being honest there, but he clearly didn't want to leave on bad terms, so on his part this was still an effort to "talk it through".
4) Izzy tried having another honest conversation with Ed in E6, this time with the support of Ivan and Fang.
5) He was venting to Jackie about Stede. Venting. Seriously, why do people keep saying Izzy doesn't talk? The man loves ranting about his feelings and giving others a piece of his mind. (It's the listening part he struggles with, admittedly, but still).
6) Another honest, heartfelt monologue in E9 when Izzy tried to explain himself to Ed, make him understand why he chose to betray them to the Navy. Tbh, I don't blame Ed for punching him - but even Izzy herself didn't, he acknowledged that he deserved the punch.
Point is, as unlikeable as Izzy's made out to be in S1, when you take a closer look, he's actually been very reasonable and had been (mostly) acting in good faith, all the way up until the end when he felt he had no other choice. And even then, betraying them to the English was the only time we've seen Izzy being deliberately dishonest (ok, the second time - the first was manipulating Stede into staging the Fuckery). Even when he practically kicked Ed while he was already down, he was still being very honest and speaking his heart out, as cruel as it was.
So it's really not even remotely surprising that Izzy would have been up for sitting Ed down and talking to him. I'm not saying he'd been very good at it. Not yet. But he absolutely did want to try.
oh man the first three episodes of season 2 are. wow. okay. much to unpack. more fuel for my Edward Has Bipolar Theory.
DISCLAIMER: i am not a clinician, nor do i hold any degree in the psychology field. this meta is purely drawn from my own experience with diagnosed bipolar i, alongside what i've learnt in years of therapy as well as reading bipolar books/articles and peer-reviewed research papers. above all, this meta is for fun; please do not use this as a self-diagnostic.
this meta is broken up into sections:
the intro section
the bipolar section
the codependency section
the season 2 speculation section
The Intro Section
right away, the admittance of edward hating himself & feeling unloveable recontextualizes everything. his dynamic with stede & the crew, his dynamic with his own crew, his dynamic with izzy.
because like. hi hello?? when izzy says "you know me better than anyone else, and i daresay the same is true for me to you" it's just. a nail in the coffin. one of many nails. here's why.
it took an insane amount of vulnerability for edward to open himself up to stede in season 1. it took a lot out of him to even accept stede's love, and then believe it to be real. he believed that just for one moment in his scarred life, he was someone worth loving, baggage and all. as he himself was. for who he was. stede saw him and loved him and accepted him. if edward had been there to hear when lucius said to stede that the time edward spent with stede was the best it'll ever be for him, edward probably would've agreed.
which is. oh man. it would be a bit of a thin ice situation, wouldn't it? that's fucking bleak.
before we get into that, we need to dissect the dysfunction in the edizzy dynamic. i mean it's all tragic, all toxicated, especially with the downward spiral edward's on. so why examine it? what is there to examine?
the downward spiral began in season 1, became abated by stede & the crew, only to jumpstart at the end thanks in part to izzy. so we need to examine why, because edizzy's dysfunction plays a role in all of this mess.
it's undeniable izzy triggered edward, yes, but look a little further. edward's irritability, his emptiness, his substance abuse, the sudden shift in gears between his erratic moods. the crew walk on eggshells around him, because his behavior in season 2 so far is reckless, dangerous, and suicidal. there's pressurized speech patterns and racing thoughts present and they intermingle alongside low-energetic periods when he isolates. above all, he feels hopeless. overwhelmed by a sea of loneliness. fang starts the season off being unable to recognize him.
on the flipside, in season 1, he's on the tail-end of a low when we meet him. listless, bored, passively suicidal before he swings the other way. with stede & the crew he's up in the clouds. he's affable, he's happy, he's social. there's hope for change. he tries new things, laughs, even falls in love. he imagines a life for himself outside of piracy. there's impulsive actions such as the act of grace and impulsive thoughts like sailing to china. even when stede leaves him, edward grieves at a healthy-looking level. in episode 5, when edward's mood first shifts, fang doesn't recognize him in the elevated state.
the point is, edward feels things in the extreme. he lacks emotional regulation. "uncharacteristic" high highs and low lows.
how he reacted to izzy's trigger — "this is blackbeard" — is disproportionate until you piece together two puzzle pieces:
edward likely has bipolar + his core beliefs (self-loathing/feeling unloveable) throw oxygen into the flame of his relationships.
The Bipolar Section
to get on the same page here, let me provide a few Basic Oversimplified Definitions (here is a pdf of the DSM-5 for a scientific understanding, scroll to page 168. please do not use this PDF or meta as a self-diagnostic. contact a clinician/psychiatrist if you have questions or feel you need an evaluation):
bipolar disorder: a chronic, lifelong mood disorder characterized by manic highs and depressive lows. fluctuations in moods are extreme and, depending on subtype, can inhibit functionality. it can be managed today with medication and psychotherapy.
manic episode: lasting one week or more, this is the high highs. the mood is elevated or irritable. if severe, it can include psychosis/psychotic features such as hallucinations, paranoia, and/or delusions. mania belongs to subtype Bipolar I.
hypomanic episode: lasting at minimum four days straight, this is a lesser high than manic. it does not include psychosis/psychotic features, nor does it inhibit functionality. hypomania belongs to subtypes Bipolar I and Bipolar II.
depressive episode: lasting two weeks or more, this is the low lows. anhedonia and major depression are hallmarks of a depressive episode. depression belongs to all three subtypes of bipolar (the third subtype being cyclothymia).
mixed episode: best of both worlds. a person experiencing one may possess high levels of energy — such as pressurized speech — while simultaneously feeling overwhelmingly low and suicidal. a mood may flip from elated to hopeless on a dime.
euthymia: a mood state that is stable, without (hypo)mania or depression. it is a neutral baseline which occurs between episodes.
IMPORTANT NOTE: bipolar disorder is more complex than "just a mood swing". mood swings are situational, while bipolar presents even without situational factors. think about how, in season 2, edward has got his hair in a messy updo, cleans his cabin, swears off drinking & drugs, and is smiling. he explains to frenchie that he's decided to change after a rough night. then it cuts to a flashback of him the night before lying on the floor bawling his eyes out. the scene is played for laughs, however that is a textbook bipolar mood fluctuation. you go to bed hopeless and you wake up on top of the world, or vice versa. edward's situation hadn't changed in the hours between him crying and his conversation with frenchie.
(it can be argued that he thought izzy had died, but i don't think he believed frenchie had truly finished the job. why else had he grilled frenchie? he was sweating frenchie out, testing frenchie's loyalty. "you don't think i know the smell of my rotting former first mate?" edward knew izzy was alive the entire time).
like with almost every disorder, bipolar disorder presents itself differently in different people. in my experience, when i am in either a depressive or manic episode, two different outlooks may occur:
it becomes hard to remember what life was like on the other emotional end. (i.e. when manic, i tend to downplay my prior depressive episode).
i become hyperaware of the other emotional end, so i try to either get it to happen or prevent it from happening. (i.e. not wanting to become depressed, so i'll do XYZ).
i mention these outlooks because they're common. when you're in it, you're in it; when you're out, you're out. the first outlook is something edward's actions point to him experiencing, too, as evidenced in season 2 with his extreme suicidal behavior. he's in it in it.
the ups and downs in bipolar are difficult for the person struggling with the disorder. often, it feels uncontrollable. the symptoms — especially the ones which risk becoming severe like hopelessness or distractibility — are a challenge to cope with. during the high highs, your brain feels like it's frying. during the low lows, your brain feels like dense fog. therefore it's common for people to turn to substances to help alleviate what they're experiencing, and/or they partake on an impulsive whim. drastic life changes also may occur in an attempt to "fix" or "control" the disorder. severe episodes, when left untreated, may ruin or end people's lives. people with bipolar disorder are 15x more likely to commit suicide than the general population.
people who do not have bipolar themselves yet are close to someone with bipolar may also experience related difficulty. it may feel overwhelming to witness episodes occur with little to no understanding or tools on how to help. it may also feel stressful to try and gauge what state the other person is in. "walking on eggshells" is a common descriptor for the experience when the bipolar is unmanaged. that does not mean the person with bipolar disorder is automatically bad/abusive/harmful, it just means the disorder is a disorder. it interferes with daily functioning, causes distress, and impacts interpersonal relationships.
at the end of season 1, izzy hit edward where it hurts (edward's self-loathing, intertwined with the role of blackbeard) while edward was in what i believe to be a euthymic state (calm). now with their recontextualized relationship, we also see the underlying message of: "i serve blackbeard, he is my captain." -> "edward isn't good enough for my love".
izzy loves edward, but he's made it clear in season 1 it was for edward's blackbeard persona. or was it? you see, i don't believe that claim to be entirely true anymore, not after the first three episodes of season 2.
i believe a more accurate reading would be that in season 1, izzy was concerned, jealous, and vindictive. all in that order. the above underlying message weaponizes edward's separation of Edward and Blackbeard against edward. more on this later.
in season 2, izzy is just plain concerned ("we're worried for you"). he tries a different approach at managing edward's unstable mood. he goes for a softer attempt ("i have...love for you") because maybe, maybe it could work. it worked with stede. when it backfires, he ditches it and goes right back to bluntness ("the atmosphere's fucked!"). he also refuses to kill edward despite everything edward's put him through.
both seasons' motives were not for blackbeard, but for edward.
when we meet them in season 1, their relationship is dysfunctional at best. their baseline dynamic before stede is best depicted during episode 4.
in the model ship scene, edward's excited about stede's stuff, restlessly moving, unable to focus, appearing happy even though he's a hair-trigger away from irritability. he purposefully avoids or dismisses izzy's concerns about dying. he feels bored and trapped ("is this all there is?"), then feels frustration over feeling trapped, citing that he's blackbeard and blackbeard shouldn't feel trapped.
later in the episode, izzy frustratingly points out that edward's moods are "increasingly erratic" and something that izzy himself has had to manage. izzy also states that he's followed edward's every whim for years, and smoothed over their crew for him. edward, again dismissive, says "sounds stressful, izzy". izzy says it is but he felt honored to do it all for blackbeard, who is the greatest sailor he's ever known. this ties into their codependency, which i'll go over later on.
at this point in time, "edward" and "blackbeard" are synonymous, the names are just different titles reserved for different settings. edward himself doesn't see a distinction until stede — a person he respects — consistently treats him like Edward and not like Blackbeard. edward's identity to Blackbeard separates because he opens himself up to the possibility that Edward is someone worth knowing. Blackbeard, once a healthy coping mechanism created to survive in the pirating world, had soured somewhere along the way into an unhealthy coping mechanism. it became more of a cage than a home.
but to izzy, "blackbeard" is a good thing to be because it's an accomplishment of edward's. they built their whole careers and lives around it. when izzy says he's honored to sail with blackbeard, the greatest sailor out there, he says it to try and bring edward back to himself. it's his botched attempt at grounding/helping edward. if edward can be reminded of how great he is, reinforced by his accomplishments under the name blackbeard, maybe he'll snap out of his funk. if edward values izzy, loves izzy how izzy thinks edward does, he'd see the weight behind the compliment. izzy doesn't sail for just anybody.
it's botched entirely because any time edward tries to voice how "blackbeard" really makes him feel, izzy dismisses/minimizes/mocks it. he isn't supportive to edward because he feels threatened in two parts: that edward finds stede fascinating, and that edward is making a drastic life change for both of them based on yet another mood whim.
to izzy, edward becoming Edward and ditching Blackbeard would mean izzy's lost control of the situation, which means izzy's lost control of edward, which means no one will have control of edward. not even edward himself. this is yet another facet of izzy's codependency.
side note: speaking of names, in the calico jack episode, we know "ed" is a nickname edward doesn't allow people to call him. the only two people who call him "ed" are stede and izzy.
so that begs the question: why did izzy call edward "eddy" in season 2? where the hell does that nickname come from? why does edward use it on himself when he was struggling in purgatory?
based on these two conversations in episode 4, we can glean both sides of the situation. on one side is edward, who is struggling mentally and whose work is deteriorating because of it. on the other side is izzy, who is equal parts concerned about edward and frustrated at him because he isn't functioning as well as he used to, leaving izzy to clean up his messes. since this has been a years-long tension point, they are both at the end of their ropes. about to snap.
that is how we meet them.
from then on, edward begins falling for stede, and his mood shifts. he begins functioning better. stede is genuinely good for him. stede, with his different view on life, provides emotional balance and radical acceptance and a general softness that edward's been missing. he is supportive, he is kind, and he treats edward like edward isn't broken.
but stede is not accustomed to pirate life or its reality. he's naive to the point of foolish. foolish to the point of fatality. and izzy sees those flaw points right away. it's a red flag to him because how can edward — passively suicidal edward — be trusted to not take advantage of stede's naivety and steer them all into a doomed situation?
edward's relationship with stede is also where izzy's jealousy kicks into gear, clouds his judgement.
i mean, shit, wouldn't anyone feel slighted? if you devote your life to a man, stick with him through thick & thin, feel responsible for both of your lives, go above and beyond, worry over his wellbeing, put him before yourself....just for him to run off with a wannabe pirate.
a wannabe pirate who has only known your man for a fraction of the time you and your man have been together. his weeks compared to your years. yet somehow he gets your man's good side, gets the love you desperately want.
of course izzy's seething. wouldn't anyone?
it makes sense for izzy to sell edward and stede out to the british navy. he's spiteful, vindictive. bet there's a bit of hurt pride to it, too. it's fucked! it's a terrible thing to do!
his motive here boils down to, once again, keeping edward alive. cleaning up what he perceives to be another mess. sell stede out, keep edward where he can see him. izzy hates spanish jackie's, he hates the navy, he doesn't enjoy any of it. this is his hail mary, his last ditch effort.
of course it backfires. royally. no one expected edward to call for an act of grace. to sign away his life. izzy tries to stop him, but edward goes where stede goes. and soon after that, edward returns without stede.
and soon after that, the situation deteriorates. edward's launched into a severe mixed episode, triggered by the compounded stress of stede leaving and izzy's rejection of Edward. pressurized speech, emptiness, irritability, suicidal behavior, increased goal-directed activity...he ping-pongs between mania and severe depression. this is more than a break-up.
edward struggles with emotional impermanence. when stede's right in front of him, kissing him, edward feels secure that stede loves him. but when stede doesn't meet him at the dock? Stede Never Loved Me.
another example: izzy. when izzy obeys edward's orders, edward feels secure that izzy loves him. but when izzy speaks up or disagrees? Izzy Never Loved Me.
"he was your friend," jim tells edward, in reference to edward's awful treatment of izzy. but edward, at this intersection of a severe mixed episode + emotional impermanence, can't see that.
he burns his bridges left and right. destroys everything because he's lashing out in pain and he doesn't think he deserves anything good. Blackbeard? sure, he'll be Blackbeard. Blackbeard is all he'll ever be anyways. a killer, a pirate, a crazy captain who does too much rhino horn.
edward hates himself so fiercely that he only finds relief during the storm, right before he believes he's going to die. "finally."
The Codependency Section
edward's relationship with izzy was always going to end in destruction.
they both love each other, we have canon confirmation of this. "i have...love for you" and "i loved you best i could".
edward's confession is critical here, because he did love izzy as best as he could. there exist moments between them that shine light into possible happier times. the way edward talks to izzy to placate him in season 1 when izzy packs a dinghy, even if manipulative at the time, requires intimate knowledge on what izzy would be receptive to. david jenkins mentioned that it was izzy who helped doll edward up for the season 1 ball, an offscreen act of intimacy. edward tries unsuccessfully to connect with izzy over stede's model ship and the clouds. the casual way edward says "i had a dream about you last night."
"best i could." if edward hated himself less, he could have loved izzy more. if he believed he was deserving of love, he could have accepted the fact izzy loves him.
so they both love each other, but love is not enough to combat self-hate. it just isn't. the only opponent to self-hate is self-compassion.
self-compassion is a process you have to choose for yourself. you must work on it yourself, hopefully with the aid of an external support system. self-compassion is separate from self-love and other forms of love because, oftentimes, people who operate under the core belief of Being Unloveable also operate under an assumption that love is conditional. "i'm not enough" / "i'll never be enough" / "i don't deserve love" / "i'm too much". it's unrealistic for someone to jump headfirst into healing when that healing is programmed with restrictions. we are our own worst critic. so to practice self-compassion is to soothe that inner, hater critic until we heal ourselves enough to get to a place where we can practice unconditional love on the neglected self.
the conditional love aspect is one that is modeled. edward grew up in an abusive household. abusers hold their victims out on a string of conditions. furthermore, his mother rejected his interest in fine things by saying that it's not "for people like us". it makes sense for edward to internalize an "i'm not [rich/nice/good/etc] enough" message, thereby shutting himself out.
he continues to shut himself out in the aftermath of killing his alcoholic father. he doesn't tell anyone about the traumatic event — an oscillation into "i'm too much" — until he opens up to stede.
so here you have an unloveable boy, the victim of domestic violence and the killer of his own father, going into the chaotic world of pirating. a world — put so eloquently by calico jack in season 1 — where everyone fucks each other over. where trust is a prized, rare currency.
and somewhere along the way, he and izzy find each other. and they stick together for years.
both edward and izzy bottle their emotions up and then blow up on each other. it's so completely different to how stede & the revenge crew operate. it's years of miscommunication and mutual resentment between them, caused in part due to their pirate enviornment. their pattern is hot and cold. reactive.
izzy smooths over things with the crew -> edward is dismissive of izzy -> izzy blows up on edward and resigns -> edward convinces izzy to stay -> edward begins falling for stede -> izzy and stede fight over edward's heart -> izzy gets exiled for losing, edward says nothing -> izzy goes vindictive mode and sells edward/stede out to the navy -> edward hates izzy's guts -> edward comes back without stede, depressed -> izzy smooths over things with the crew -> edward is dismissive of izzy -> izzy blows up on edward and triggers him -> edward convinces izzy to stay through violence
it's that one friend who keeps returning to their shitty partner — on again/off again —, only here they both are the shitty partner.
the thing about unhealthy relationships is that they provide a layer of comfort. it's known territory. which is why, when an unhealthy relationship morphs into a codependent one, it is incredibly difficult to break out of them.
codependency definition: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.
like conditional love, codependency is learned/modeled inside of a dysfunctional family setting.
it works a bit like an ouroboros in that it's an infinite loop. the codependent partner compulsively takes care of their struggling partner in the hopes they get better. this role of "caretaker" makes them feel needed/wanted, ergo filling their own low self-esteem void. however, all the rescuing does is enable the struggling partner further into self-destruction.
sound familiar?
izzy is edward's caretaker. izzy is codependent.
important note: no one feels good inside of a codependent relationship. there may be positive periods, yes, but codependency is primarily stressful for both parties involved.
in order to blossom, codependency relies on low self-esteem.
we know edward oscillates with his self-esteem, but we don't talk about how low izzy's self-esteem is.
izzy doesn't have an identity outside of edward, with the exception of being one of the best swordsmen in the pirating world. of course, this exception is taken from him when edward cuts his toes off.
izzy is high-strung with a compulsive need for control. things must be done when he orders them to, to the high standards he creates. do not question his authority. this compulsion is exasperated by edward's uncontrollable mood shifts.
izzy rolls with the punches, metaphorically and literally. he shuts down attempts at comfort, evidenced by his knee jerk reaction when fang hugs him in season 2. "i'm fine. unhand me. unhand me!" he doesn't allow himself to fully break down and cry. the tears only appear in this scene, and when edward attempts to get izzy to kill him.
loyal to a fault, izzy threatens to leave, goes to leave, but never leaves. he gets casted out, so he devises a plan to return instead of, i don't know, creating a new life for himself. even when edward maims him, he stays.
so is this loyalty? or is this a belief that this is what he deserves? or maybe it's loyalty born from the belief that this is all he's deserving of.
a hit dog will holler, and boy does izzy holler when questioned. about his role, about himself, about who he is to edward.
so who is izzy without edward?
"you know me better than anyone else and i daresay the same applies with me to you." is an insane thing to say because izzy does know edward, but only the version of edward he stitched his skin to. the unstable, erratic version that needs help, and who he subconsciously sabotages with enablement.
and edward does know izzy better than anyone else because izzy's consumed by him.
if edward could not accept izzy's love in a direct form, then the roles izzy inhabits are his only outlet. Caretaker, Punching Bag, First Mate. 50 ways to say I Love You and none of them are healthy.
they both are violent with each other, drag each other down, but can't quit even when they know that they function better separated. codependency is an addiction, and like an addiction, the only way for this to end was in rockbottom or death.
The S2 Speculation Section
going back to the very top, here's why i say this thing with ed/stede is on thin ice right now: without edward working on his self-compassion, their relationship runs the risk of devolving into yet another unhealthy dynamic.
stede has decent self-esteem, an identity outside of edward, so i don't think they'll ever become codependent. stede also doesn't try to fix or enable edward. again, stede is genuinely good for edward.
i think the Mer!Stede scene was amazing, vital in balancing the heavy topic of suicide/death with the overarching comedy genre of the show. love saves lives, without love the world is bleak. who are we as humans without connection?
that being said, i personally want to see edward heal before jumping into a full-blown romantic/sexual relationship with stede. he deserves to choose himself, nurture Edward, and figure out how to manage his moods. especially since his last relationship with izzy was so tumultuous.
speaking of izzy, i also want to see izzy find himself and heal, too. he needs to learn how to let go. i'm hoping he'll build up his self-esteem in his own way, doing something he's good at (maybe as a sword-fighting instructor?).
either way, i trust the direction this show will go in. they've done well so far in their depictions of mental health and the impact of mental health. it'll be interesting to see the rest unfold.
and if you've read this far, thanks for entertaining this Bipolar Edward TedTalk! cheers, m'dears
i cant stop thinking about Izzy loosing his temper in the next episode, while teaching piracy to Stede, yelling that he loved Ed, he loved him so much his whole life, and it was useless.
Izzy s love means NOTHING at all to Ed. It didnt save him, barely helped him survive the Kraken and not killing himself during the Break.
Iz gave his life, his heart, his leg, he toes to Ed, willingly, Ed took it and gave nothing back, but more importantly, because Izzy woudnt care if it was the only problem, it wasnt enough. It was everything, but it wasnt enough.
Then theres juste Stede, Stede that did the same mistakes, that loved only side of Ed/Blackbeard, that didnt care about the crew, etc. They're the same person, Izzy 's love is older, rawer, but it means nothing to Ed. He doesnt even answer to the question "What am i to you?" because he doesnt know, didnt take the time to think about something that useless.
Stede 's love is almost the same, but somehow it's enough. What's the difference ?
"How is that fucking supposed to make me fucking feel, Bonnet ?"
Izzy must feel so bad, he didnt even heard the "loved you, best i could" (and I think that's an awful move coming from Ed, saying it for himself and keeping it from Izzy while giving him the gun,but i'll talk about it another day).
At this point and after seeing Iz trying to talk to Stede in the 3rd ep, i think Izzy is more angry against himself, defeated, for not being enough, than angry at Stede, who destroyed his life. I mean, i know am an izzy apologist, but he had every right to be angry at stede and try to fight him.
And then, maybe, Stede could stop being a bitch for a moment and tell him that it's not true, and all that shit, but i dont think Iz would listen to him. To him, because he saw the whole kraken drama, the I'm unlovable Ed Comedy/Tragedy, and tried his best, and saw Stede save Ed after one try, thats easy :
"Nobody loves Edward but Stede. So Izzy is nobody. He's nothing."
A show about a tortured middle aged man who wanted a normal family life, discovering what love is after meeting a misfit, pure, lonely man who feels guilty leaving his family ? And that man lets himself being seen, happy and loved for the first time and then crumbles and cries himself to sleep after being betrayed by his lover ? Give it to me now i've wanted that since Castiel was invented.
a person: i’m autistic. i don’t have a professional diagnosis.
a neurotypical: you can’t! self diagnose! autism!!! onLy a dOctor can do that!!!
most doctors: don’t know what autism looks like in people other than nonverbal white cis boys
most doctors: recommend abusive therapies for autistic kids and teens
most doctors who specialize in diagnosing autism: refuse to evaluate adults
an autism evaluation for a minor teen who wants one: requires having supportive parents who understand that autism is not a tragedy and looks different for every autistic person, and that many autistic people can talk, have friends, do okay in school, and otherwise fake looking neurotypical
an autism evaluation for an adult: very expensive and often not covered by insurance in the U.S., also extremely difficult to get in France
an on-record autism diagnosis: can be used to deny you custody of children, to have your kids taken away, to forcibly institutionalize you
autism advocacy orgs that actually help autistic ppl like ASAN, AWN, AANE: Here are some resources for figuring out if you could be autistic. Professional diagnosis is a very personal decision and is not required for knowing that you’re one of us. We support you as an autistic person even if you don’t have a paper diagnosis.
a sincere autism self diagnosis: harms no one even if it’s incorrect, enables the person to feel part of a community of people with similar issues and learn more about autism, a gateway to learning about autism acceptance movements, often the first step toward self acceptance and self esteem
