I believe I will remain anonymous on this blog so I can really voice my thoughts and feelings. My name is Kay. I am 23 almost 24. I live in a very small southern town. In this small town I have to deal with bouts of racism (Native American/African American) and also the judgements of being fat. In high school I reached a whopping 356lbs. I was absolutely massive. At the time however I didn't care. I ate all my problems away and that was enough for me. Then, one day. my best friend introduced me to her boyfriend and suddenly I started caring but only a little. Not because I was jealous but because this boy was something else. That's right, I instantly developed a crush on my BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND. Anyway, their relationship didn't last very long and before I knew it, him and I were hanging out damn near everyday. He was my best friend. By this point, however, I had decided that he was far too good for me. Why would anyone of that stature want anything to do with a slob like me? Well, one day we go to a mutual friends house and end up drinking. We find a way back to his house where I confess my feelings because, let's face it. I was drunk, if not now, when? Apparently, the feelings were reciprocated and we had sex. The next day, I wake up before him and stare at his face. I could NOT believe we had had amazing, passionate sex the night before. Instead of dwelling on that though I decide its best to pretend like nothing happened. Naturally, so does he. To make a long story short, months go by, I talk to a few friends and I end coming to the conclusion that I can't pretend anymore. I go to his house and I tell him, I love you but I love me more and what we had going on needed to stop. Did you read that? I told him I loved myself more. It was in that moment I decided that only I could take my life in my own hands and only I could make the best of it. He cries and proceeds to tell me I'm his best friend and that he couldn't imagine life without me but if it was something I truly needed, he'd stand by my decision. I tell him if he wants me around, things need to change. Granted, it wasn't instantly but it did change. One night, in the middle of coitus, he asks me to be his. In less than a year after he asked me to be his, I lost 20lbs. Only because I was HAPPY. I didn't change my diet, I didn't exercise. Fast forward a few years and I marry this man. Yes, he's my current husband. My one and only. Alright, what I didn't tell you is that my husband used to be almost 300lbs. Waayyyy before I met him. Before I met him he had had enough of being fat and lost it all in about year. Needless to say, because of my husband I have learned how to love myself, I have learned how to take care of myself. I have also learned how to accept myself, because of that, I want to be a better person and a better wife. Not only do I want a fit mind, I want a fit body. So here I am today, telling you my story because some people need to hear this. It has taken me years to get to the point where I am today and it has all been worth it This is the first year that I have decided to watch what I eat and I make it a point to at least get three days of exercise every week. In seven months I have lost a whopping 40lbs which is not much in that length of time but it is still PROGRESS. I'm smaller than I used to be. My husband couldn't n fit his arms all the way around me when we first got together and now he can grab his forearms. I'm smaller but I still feel fat and I probably always will but I still love me and feeling fat will not be a reason for me to miss out on life anymore.
