but I am loved

she thinks differently

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

Looking for a book that may utter what you just couldn't?

The book "words that never matter" might just be for you.

"A compilation of poems, letters, thoughts, and self-reflection that were never said but hold utmost value..."

If you're in the Philippines, you may avail of a paperback copy at an author discounted price (P250.00) + local shipping fee.

Drop a message for more details.

The book is also available in the following platforms:

Ukiyoto Paperback: https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/words-that-never-matter-paperback

Amazon eBook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08R3ZTQM6

Amazon Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/dp/981149391X

Google Play eBook: https://bit.ly/3wXypUo

Everything is by grace. All glory is the Lord's.

Photo shot by @yolybeeee (IG)

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

Miss na naman kita.

Hay.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

I'll miss you for a long time, rare gem.

Di ko pa rin gets hanggang ngayon. Over a month and I still don't understand how you could do that to me when nilinaw ko naman lahat sayo. Sinabi ko naman sayo not to do that to me- that we shouldn't do that to one another.

I know, you came around somehow, but why did I have to be desperate first before you responded and explained yourself?

Ang hirap-hirap kasi di ko maintindihan.

Kasi akala ko genuine ka. Feeling ko genuine ka naman.

String along lang ba ako? Na while di ka busy, isa sa mga pinagkakaabalahan mo then when nabusy ka na, cut-off na ako.

Ang bigat-bigat pero I can't put it down.

But I couldn't get mad kasi kita ko naman throughout of how consistent you were. But why did it have to end that way? Why choose to end it that way?

I know I should let go and I am trying to.

I know I should accept this as is and I am trying hard to.

Maybe there really is no answer. You can and you did.

Maybe you liked me but not enough to even think of how it could hurt me - not enough to actually keep me.

Ako lang talaga yung hulog na hulog and I have to be responsible for what I feel.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

Di ko alam if ako ba ang mali or nasa kakaibang set(s) of friends ako.

Ang hirap ko sigurong kaibigan.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

It sucks feeling like I’m not celebrated.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

may bago akong crush pero sawang-sawa na ako with all these impossibilities.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

0326-03272022

Met up with high school friends. A bit of swimming, lots of food especially drinks (for them), and endless kwentuhan and laughter.

first crushes and first loves

fond memories

current joy and struggles

developed personalities with different views on certain matters

we asked one another who we will vote for President. Iba-iba pero di naman kami nag-away-away. Hihi.

Personal favorite:

nagtabi sila ng tissues for me because they know I’d ask for some pagdating ko, only to see me bring out a pack of kitchen towel when I arrived (feel ko ng kaunti judger sila dito pero sweeeeet)

videoke in the morning - oh, they weren’t able to beat my 100 score. *shrugs shoulders* (Pramis, antok na antok na ako this time pero nung narinig ko na nag-uusap sila na magvvideoke, nagising diwa ko.)

them convincing me na mag-swimming and when I did, umahon na din sila after a few minutes. Jhai stayed with me and Gian went back thinking I was alone. I kid, “aaaw, binalikan mo ako para samahan,” to which he retorted back, “Hindi, sasabihan kita na umahon na.”

Jhai telling me that she’d be one of the happiest if magkaka-boyfriend na ako. Lasing ata sya pero awwww. Charot, she tells me that on sober state din naman.

Friends I was with: Aui, Jun, Rodney, Oga, Lucivel, Jhai, Dennis, Gian.

My heart is full <3 Thank you Lord for friendships like this.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

So much love to give others but not enough for myself.

[ermahurg]

Writing Tips that I Stand By:

A page full of writing you dislike is better than a blank page: You have to start somewhere, and even if you think the page you just wrote is full of shit, keep it! It is called a rough draft for a reason. It's going to be rough, you might not like it, but starting is the most important step.

Writing exercises are more important than you think: it may seem silly, but try to write everyday. Your writing doesn't have to have a purpose. For example, my favourite writing exercise is to write a sensory paragraph. I write four to five sentences of sensory detail packed descriptions of things, and then take my favourite statements from it and rewrite those in different ways until I like it.

Try new small things related to your writing: sometimes the small details are the best! Do you want your main character to be a painter? Go pick up a small canvas and a cheap paint brush, do a small painting of your own so you can describe the feel of painting. Does your character really like tea? Try a couple different teas, with different levels of sweetness.

Save your previous drafts: editing can be the most intimidating thing, as can rewriting. But saving your previous drafts and statements can help a ton! Sometimes you don't realize you want to keep a detail until you delete it, and sometimes you change something and don't know why it feels off! Saving different drafts, and previous statements you had in there, it can be a lifesaver!

If something in a paragraph feels off, read the sentences in reverse order: this works really well. Do you think something is slightly off in one of your sentences, but can't quite place it? Read the last sentence, and then the second to last, etc. Reading it out of order will help you analyse each statement separately, instead of analysing it based off of the statement before that.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

I don’t know what I am doing with my life

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

Lately, I’ve been thinking that it’s not so easy to keep me because I am clingy, emotional and sensitive. With that thought, I had believed that a big part of the friendships I lost is on me.

Today, I suddenly had a quick run through of cherished relationships and how I’m just always there for my friends then it strikes me that I’m actually a pretty good keeper.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

I’m not one to wish ill on someone but at times, I can’t help but desire that people experience things they judge so easily so they could actually get the chance to understand.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

Judging someone’s past because of their today is no different in judging someone’s today just because of their past. What a complete paradox of how we’re all advocating against the latter yet practices the first.

People make mistakes and we are not always at our best self. It is harsh and unfair to malign someone’s intentions over an act they've done before just because they stumble today.

Change happens to all and it’s unreasonable to assess a person’s life, character or personality for a single mistake they do, not even for a single good deed they deliver.

We can reflect and take lessons from someone’s failure and maybe even fairly critique them for it but it’s inhumane to bring everything all together against them because of a single misstep.

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

3 years...

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

"Someday, God knows whenㅡ but someday, it'll be my day, and then all those people will be there for me."

ㅡ Jane, 27 Dresses

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

I cannot bring myself to not like you, too.

Hay, Khuntoria. What happened to you two?

[itakeeverythingbyheart]

072120

It's super sad to go through father's day without a dad.

I've been with him for more than 23 years, and yet I feel like a time so long as that is still never enough. A hole no one can ever fill will always be there.

So... hugs to everyone who no longer has, or never had a dad to celebrate father's day with.

Cheers to your strength ㅡ of seeing everyone greet their dad while you can't even see yours.