(in)Sane. @ithink-wearesikk - Tumblr Blog

I’ve tried countless times to rid my mind of unnecessary thoughts. I’ve counted to 10. I told myself I was enough, but I always question how true that is. I’m about to be 30 with nothing more than the thoughtless presents of an age I didn’t think I’d make it to crushing closer and closer. For what do I owe the pleasure? Dying younger would have been an uproar to the ones I love, sure—there is no doubt about that. They would have missed my ridiculous jokes, my insane laughter, my unattractive need for attention. But all I can think about is how unburdened they’d be. How relaxed they’d be. How they’d get over it and would probably be good now. Selfish, yes, but I d k. I’m just thinking that in order for me to have more and give back, I may need to leave this world.

#post #blog #thoughts #about to be 30

flowerytale

Dylan Thomas — Poem in October

everythingfox

Checking the kitten crop

(via)

unfinished.

I’ve written about you.

at lease 1,000 times I have shown you my heart for you to--

I know this wasn’t my fault.

You did this to us.

There will not be an us, but you did this.

You’ve tortured us both.

What is as real as heartbreak?

--I can say that I’ve lusted and loved after you.

I have made men lay bodies at my feet to quench this thirst

I have for you.

I never blame you.

For what it’s worth I blame your

Father--maybe your mother.

You cannot understand love until it is forced to be understood.

I may not know what it is exactly.

I have said some questionable things--

I have admitted to me loving you once or twice.

I’m--

#love #lust #hurt #tired #too much #love you #pain #hate you #wow #lovely #poetry #ramir

nothing--

you’ve told me nothing.

i think you’d be something else...

but you’ve told me nothing.

a sigh--that’s nothing more than a “i wish we could be more.”

stories of love wash from our bodies.

i haven’t since cared about you.

i don’t think about you, but once a day.

if you knew, would you say anything..

something is better than nothing--

would you say anything?

if you knew i still cared.

i don’t remember the day when i knew you weren’t the one.

it may have been the day the where i wanted you to be something.

someone.

care for me.

could you do that?

the state that you’re in, could you care for me?

could you not then?

could you not call me.

could you not wonder about me?

is that also not in your nature?

do you just care because you can’t love me?

there goes that word that we both hurt for--

i’m tired.

i sleep none.

i sleep less sometimes.

i’m alone most times in a day.

until i think about you.

though you say nothing..

#nothing #love #sadness #tired #hurt #pain #lust #troble #home #blah #i hate you #i love frogs #die please #dont leave me #in pain #you aint shit

If there ever was a time.

violentwavesofemotion-deactivat

Lale Müldür, tr. by Murat Nemet, from “Virgin Mary’s Smoke,” featured in Eda: An Anthology of Contemporary Turkish Poetry

I want to forgive you.

I really do. I think of your name and try to add forgiveness at the end.

I also want to love you as a friend.

I feel like Titanic sometimes. I’m sinking surely, but slowly. I wait for all my passengers to know that they will meet their end.

I’ve waited to meet mine—without. An end of confusion, an end of desperation. An end that doesn’t make me feel empty though I am whole.

I have this big hole in me when I’m around you. It sucks up your smell, your laugh, your smiles. Damn your smile. This hole reminds me that I cannot have you so I must take parts of you for me to remember. I call it locket.

Forgiveness is harder than I’ve realized.

Everything reminds me of you.

Probably why I’m never going to look for love again. Instead I’ll push love away—sit down with my locket. Remember all the things I loved about you. Till then, I’m sorry, but I can’t forgive you.