"Jigsaw women
with horror movie shoes—
be cruel to me,
'cause I'm a fool for you."
Alexa Chung :: 30 :: taken
because i showed him his tomorrow.
[for RP purposes only]
|| My Forever || Rhino Haynes ||
|| Wirral Squirrel ||
|| Mini Me || Mr. Chiney Smith ||
|| Soul Sista ||
Drama is alright, but sometimes enough is just... enough. The hate that I keep getting on my Lexa's account is just unbearable. I left the account untouched for 4 hours and I come back to five hate asks and 2 of them are OOC anon hate. Roleplay was supposed to be fun. And I can't get fun if it's frustrating and annoying me every single time. This is where I draw the fucking line.
A letter left on the coffee table in the living room, handwritten, with just “—Alexa” on the front.
I think this might actually be the cheapest way I ever done this, and to be honest as I’m writing it I can feel my self-hatred building by the second. Which, in all honestly, is a feat in itself considering how much I already loathe everything that I am; as much as I try and pretend I’m hot shit. I’m already getting off topic, fucking hell.
So… I’m guessing ‘why' is a quite a prominent question for you right now. And the answer, quite simply, is because I'm done. This billionth time we've tried to make things work has, like most times before it, felt different than the last time. For a long time, I didn't know why it felt so different, but I think last night confirmed it for me. For the first time in a while, it was me that was making more of an effort. It was me that cared more, that was more invested in making us work. You, in all honesty, didn’t seem to give a shit about me this time round. Maybe its because I’ve hurt you so many times in the past, or maybe it’s just because you’re a complete cunt, who knows. But the fact remains this was entirely one sided, and I wasn’t okay with that.
Exhibit A, me being bedridden with sickness the day before tour. And where were you? Clothes shopping. Granted, you were clothes shopping for a newborn child, but for a newborn child who is of no relation to you, other than he’s the son of your boyfriend’s bandmate — Ex-boyfriend’s. I asked you to come back, and that it would be nice if once in a while you text me first to see how I was doing, and you just got defensive and said you were busy. Like you’ve got no time for your sick boyfriend. Well I’m sorry but fuck you. I’ve since been reliably informed that that is not standard practice, and that most girls would actually give a shit. Now, I understand that there have been anonymous tips as of late that you’re a pushover, and that we should call it a day, but there’s a difference between being strong and just being a cunt. If you’re so adamant on working on not being a pushover, this is me working on calling it a day.
Despite constantly telling me you’re going to work on being less over-protective and jealous, as soon as I so much as mentioned getting Taylor to come and make me soup instead of you given that you were “so busy”, you flipped a shit about it. She’s my best fucking friend, and she was a damn sight more willing to help a brother out than you were. So get the fuck off your high horse, because if you stopped and looked around you for a minute you’d have seen that I was in love with you, and no-one else. Trust, is what we needed. And I know I ballsed that one up for us on numerous occasions, but there’s no point trying to do this if you don’t trust me.
This is longer than I expected, so I’ll draw it to a close now. This is goodbye, Alexa. I don’t know what you plan on doing, or where you plan on staying, but I know you hated LA so I’m guessing you won’t be in the apartment by the time tour is over. If you have warmed to the place though, stay there if you like, I can find somewhere new. Honestly, I did love you. With all that I was and all that I am, but this time round apparently that wasn’t reciprocated. Or maybe it was, but you certainly didn’t show it. Again, I’m sorry I’m doing it like this, but Germany awaits, and a letter seemed better than a text.
You’ll always be my thunderstorm, but I’m no longer sure that’s a good thing. Storms are destructive, and I’m sick of living in the wreckage.
Al: Urgh you're the worst. If I've fallen asleep when you come home, wake me up. I've had well over 14 hours sleep on and off, I need to stop dozing off.
Lex: You need to sleep. Sleep is good when you are sick. I'll have soup ready once you wake up.
Al: Alright alright fine, I won't mention my friends any more. Are you coming home or not, because I really need to sort out who's coming to make me soup and/or give me cuddles.
Lex: I'm coming. Metros take forever. I need to learn how to drive, Christ.
Al: I'm not using it against you, fucking hell they're just the friends I'd call in this situation. Jesus Christ, I'd phone Helders but I really don't think he's going to come and make me soup, do you? And if we exclude all the friends I've slept with, Helders because he won't care, Malley because he's got a fucking baby to take care of and Jamie because he's on his honeymoon, who the fuck else have I got to call?
Lex: This situation? For some reason I hear those two names whenever we start the fight out of nothing.
Al: I honestly do not care if you don't come home tonight. Someone else can come make me soup. Taylor, or Lucy or someone. You made your choice, stick to it.
Lex: You're so fucking selfish sometimes, you know that? You use the 'Lucy and Taylor' card against me countless of times, but whenever I mention one of my friends, you lose your shit as if it's something that supposed to be censored.
Al: Fuck me that's rich coming from you. I haven't got hold of a fucking leash, I told you not to bother. Jesus Christ Alexa you're being ridiculous.
Lex: I am not talking about this time only, Alex. You tell me not to bother and five seconds later you'll be annoyed of me not caring. It's a mindfuck, right there.
Al: You don't fucking get it, do you? I shouldn't have to ask you to fucking text me. Do it because you miss me, or because you just feel like it. I do it to you, it'd be nice if you made an effort too.
Al: Don't bother. Stay with Kelly, do whatever.
Lex: [text read]
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