(HI PLS IGNORE THIS RANDOM DOODLE I JUST HAD SO MUCH I WANTED TO SAY I COULDN'T FIT IT INTO ONE COMMENT REPLY SO I'M MAKING A POST)
@fulltimechimera (also tysm for leaving such a long winded commented btw its feeding the brain rot and I'm using this as an opportunity to talk more about my version of Cecil regardless if anyone reads it because muwhahaha)
I think that for someone like Cecil, something definitely happened in his upbringing that urged him to make something of himself. For my own personal backstory, I tried not to lean too much into overt abuse—though I say that leniently because he still endured abuse, and it shouldn't be downplayed or overlooked just because it wasn't physical.
His mom was good to him, but she was terminally sick and mentally ill; he was, by all means, a mama's boy. His dad, on the other hand, was an imposing figure—conservative and Christian, but not necessarily a violent man. In fact, he was neglectful of Cecil. If you’ve ever watched BoJack Horseman, Cecil's dad is just a quieter, calmer version of Butterscotch. Even then, the way little BoJack always felt so uneasy around his dad was exactly how Cecil usually felt around his.
Do I think Cecil's dad loved his wife and his son? I’m sure he did, but he still didn't show up as a husband, and certainly not as a father. He was a suffocating presence; he couldn't even be bothered to change when his wife was dying. That was the reason why the last of Cecil's memories with his mom were soured as she slipped into psychosis—a state only further amped up by his father, who believed that more church and prayer would "fix" her.
His mom represents his creative problem solving skills and his humanity; he does what he does to protect people like her. His dad represents his quiet intensity and stubbornness; he does what he does because he refuses to be the type of man who abandons the vulnerable while being in a position of power.
As for growing up surrounded by negative influences outside of his family life—yes, I agree entirely. When I imagine young adult Cecil, honestly, he is a lot more progressive than most people during that time period. Did he still poke fun at queerness and somewhat view it as something negative due to internalization? Yes. But at the same time, his mom taught him that being different was a strength (because, in my version, Cecil is canonically autistic, and even then his mom made it her goal to ensure he didn't become a loser incel.)
I think that, by default, Cecil grew up placing a higher value on judging someone’s actions above all else. When you mentioned him being self-destructive, that is exactly what came to mind; when he was petty, cruel, or overly cocky, he was essentially betraying his values and those he cared about. I think getting older meant filling the pragmatic shoes Radcliffe was grooming him to wear, but Cecil being more naturally analytical rather than impulsively judgmental is the very reason Radcliffe knew from the jump that Cecil was the heir to the throne.
Most of how I write Cecil’s self-destruction is centered around envy and yearning. Being beaten to the punch makes him spiral; he wishes he could fall back on something or someone to recollect himself, but because Cecil is a "well-oiled machine," his once-in-a-blue-moon outbursts typically end up being monumental (like him implanting a bomb in Mark’s head or trying to extract information from Conquest.)
I think what actually makes older Cecil morally grey is his humanity within such a professional setting. Most fans dislike the thought that Cecil can be both biased and feeling, because they hold him to a standard where he is either right or wrong with no in-between. In reality, it comes down to how Cecil handles his biases: he usually avoids them unless he feels his hand is being forced into acknowledging them, and sometimes, that manifests as retaliation rather than resolution.
