[itsbullshittm]

   #itsbullshittm.        a    heavily    canon    divergent    interpretation    of    nancy     wheeler.    focusing    on    eldest daughter syndrome, losing yourself to find the truth,    the perfectionist.    extremely    selective    and    private. medium activity.    adored    by    ghostie,    26,    student,    autistic,    she  / her  pronouns.    est.    ‘26.   

blogroll: kiara carrera , oc multimuse blog

credit to @manoncomms for all graphics made

[recordmemes]

༘⋆｡ let's  get  trope-y.

almost a sequel to this. for the cliches, the relationships you read about in romance novels & see on your tv screen.

friends  to  lovers.

be  honest,  have  you  ever  thought  about  us?

if  this  ruins  everything,  i'll  still  be  glad  i  said  it.

you're  the  safest  place  i've  ever  been.

i  don't  want  to  risk  our  friendship.

i'm  terrified  of  losing  you.

you've  slept  over  a  hundred  times  before...  but  this  feels  different.

i  see  how  you  look  at  me.

you  look  radiant  tonight.

i'm  sorry,  but  i'm  in  love  with  you.  and  i  think  you  love  me  too.

i  don't  know  why  but  i  hate  your  new  [ partner. ]

if  this  is  a  dream,  don't  wake  me  up.

you  always  know  exactly  what  to  say.

fake  dating.

hold  my  hand.  act  normal!

we  said  no  falling  for  each  other.

you're  scarily  good  at  pretending  to  like  me.

i  thought  the  plan  was  to  fake  a  relationship,  not  be  in  one!

you  kissed  me  like  it  actually  meant  something.

oh  thank  god,  they  bought  our  story.

quick!  kiss  me.

don't  look  at  me  like  you  actually  want  me.

i  wanna  see  how  far  we  can  take  this.

why  does  everyone  think  we're  perfect  together?  ...are  we?

this  was  supposed  to  be  simple!  then  i...

quick  reminder:  we're  just  pretending.

rivals to lovers.

god,  you're  insufferable!

you're  infuriating. and  yet...  i miss  you  when  you're  not  here.

you're  the  last  person  i  want  to  care  about.

i  think  you're  the  only  person  that  actually  understands  me.

i've  never  felt  like  i've  been  pushed  so  far  by  someone  before.

i  want  to  win.  but  i  don't  want  to  lose  you.

you're  the  only  one  who  can  keep  up  with  me.

you  drive  me  crazy.  and  i  think  i'm  crazy  for  you.

i  think  you're  the  only  person  i  want  to  compete  with.

i'm  tired  of  pretending  like  i  don't  care  about  you.

if  you  win,  you  can  have  me  for  the  night.

mutual  pining.

why  did  you  say  friend  like  that  when  you  introduced  me?

do  you  ever  feel  like  you're  holding  onto  the  shadow  of  something?

don't  read  too  much  into  that.

i'm  not  staring  at  you!  i  was  just  looking  in  that  direction.

i  guess  i  just  know  too  much  about  you.

it's  nothing.  just  my  imagination  running  wild  again.

i'm  not  jealous  of  them!  you'd...  make  a  cute  couple.

i  wasn't  waiting  for  you,  i  just  happened  to  be  here.

it's  silly,  but  i  always  notice  when  you're  not  around.

you  don't  need  to  say  anything.  just  sit  with  me.

enemies  to  lovers.

you  make  my  blood  boil...  and  i  hate  that  i  like  it.

maybe  i'm  fighting  for  more  than  just  victory.

i  hate  you.  i'm  terrified  of  what  that  means.

i  loathe  everything  about  you.

i  will  destroy  everything  you  stand  for.  but  i  won't  hurt  you.

i'm  supposed  to  see  you  as  the  enemy!

i  can't  stop  thinking  about  you.  you're  in  my  blood.

you're  supposed  to  tear  me  down,  not  look  at  me  like  that.

i  want  to  crash  into  you.  i  don't  care  what  that  means.

we're  from  opposite  worlds!  this  could  never  work!

i  don't  care.  i  want  to  keep  you  safe.

[hawkinsingenue]

@itsbullshittm continued from here

She had thought about just keeping her mouth shut where this whole issue was concerned, but it has gotten to a point where it hurts too much. There's an ache inside of her that just throbs sometimes, like a festering wound she's never been able to properly close. The horrors she's seen now are nothing to what Nancy has seen, and she knows that, but there are moments where she wishes Nancy would have just let her in. Not that she would make a different choice if the roles were reversed. Letting the pain take root is probably one of the things that she and Nancy have the most in common.

“You have always been the type to blame yourself...” Ally lets out quietly, but she can't know what it was like to keep this secret. To look at Ally and still see the ghost of their friend. Ally spent so long not even knowing the truth of it, but she didn't blame Nancy for anything that happened. She couldn't have known there were monsters deep in Hawkins, and she certainly couldn't know that one would take who they would both probably argue was the best of the three of them. “I don't need you to be the same, Nance. I just...I just want you to still be around. I want to be here for you. I can't imagine the pain you went through finding out the truth and trying to protect me from it, but I want to protect you too. Isn't that what friends do? Don't we help each other? You never stopped being important to me...”

[itsbullshittm]

a bitter, humourless laugh escaed nancy's lips, sharp and jagged in the quiet room. she finally turned away from the window, her face a mask of exhaustion that went far beyond a lack of sleep. "blame myself? ally, there's no room for blame when it's just... fact." she took a step closer, her gaze intense and unwavering. "i left her. i went upstairs with steve. i chose... that. over her. so yes, i blame myself. it's not a type, it's the truth." she ran a hand through her hair, a gesture that was more agitation than comfort. "protect me? how? by letting me pretend that the world isn't completely different? that there aren't things in the dark that will tear you apart? keeping it from you wan't about protecting you, it was about... containment. it was about trying to keep the horror in one box so it didn't touch anyone else. so it didn't touch you." her voice cracked on the last word, a fissure in the armour she'd welded shut around herself.

"every time i looked at you, i saw her. not a ghost. a failure. your normal face, your questions about homework... they were all just reminders of the life i let her lose. the life i took away from her. letting you in would have been like... like dipping you in poison. it would have ruined you, too." nancy's shoulders slumped, the fight draining out of her almost as quickly as it had surged. "don't you get it? being a friend means not letting the person you care about get hurt. and all i do now is hurt people. jonathan, my mom, steve... i just burn through everything trying to find a justice that doesn't even exist. you want to be here for that? you want to stand next to the fire while it consumes everything?" she looked away, her eyes finding a spot on the wall that seemed to hold no answers. "you never stopped being important. that's the problem. you're so important that i couldn't stand the thought of my... my mess... getting on you. of my reality becoming yours." her voice dropped to a near-whisper, thick with a grief she refused to let turn to tears. "it's not that i want to be alone, ally. it's that i don't know how to be with anyone when i'm... this. when all i am is the girl who let barb die."

[itsbullshittm]

"If poison ivy is what kills me out here. I deserve to die."

nancy watched him, her expression a careful mask of scepticism, though her eyes betrayed a flicker of something unreadable. the forest pressed in around them, thick with the scent of damp earth and looming threat. she shifted her weight, the crunch of leaves underfoot sharp in the sudden stillness.

"deserve has nothing to do with it," she said, her voice low but firm, cutting through his melodrama like a well-honed blade. "the world doesn't hand out what we deserve. it hands out what it hands out. poison ivy, monsters, bad luck... it's all just noise. you think you're special? that the universe cares about your poetic sense of justice?" she shook her head, a small, imperceptible motion. "it doesn't. so stop trying to make a martyr out of a rash and start watching where you're stepping."

[itsbullshittm]

“Sometimes I look at the world around me, and it’s like all the light has just gone out of it.”

the heavy silence in the room seemed to absorb the colour from everything, leaving only shades of grey. steve's words hung in the air, fragile and sharp, and nancy felt them like a physical blow. she studied the slump of his shoulders, the way he stared at a fixed point on the wall as if it held all the answers he couldn't find. it was a look she knew, a hollowed-out weariness beyond tiredness and settled deep in the bones. the faint light from the streetlamp outside cut a weak, dusty rectangle across the floor, doing little to push back the encroaching shadows.

her heart gave a painful lurch. to her, steve had always been a source of light, a constant, sun-bright presence even when things were falling apart. seeing him so adrift in the dark felt wrong, like a fundamental law of her small, dangerous world had been broken. she shifted on the couch, the worn fabric whispering beneath her, and closed the small distance between them. the warmth of his arm seeped through the denim of his jacket as she rested her hand there, a deliberate anchor. "the light's not gone, steve," she said softly, her voice a low and earnest hum in the quiet. "it's just... hiding sometimes. like the stars. you can't see 'em in the daylight, but they're still there, burning. and even when the night feels endless, the moon finds a way to break through." she tightened her grip just slightly, a silent plea for him to hear her, to believe it. "think about it. after everything, the upside down, the monsters... it felt like the sun was never going to come up again, right? but it did. it always does. the world just gets... overcast. the clouds get too thick, and you forget how to look for the breaks in them." her gaze was intense, her eyes holding a fierce, unwavering conviction that she poured into him like a lifeline. "we'll find it again. together. we always do."

[itsbullshittm]

❛ okay, great! so, we’re just destroying evidence. ❜

nancy's shoulders, which had been squared with resolve, seemed to settle under the weight of his words. she turned away from the gasoline can, her gaze falling upon the scattered items on the floor: a jumble of cassette tapes, their plastic shells cracked, and photographs that had captured faces twisted by something otherworldly. each piece was a shard of a nightmare they had lived, a testament to the unspeakable. "it's not destroying evidence, steve," she finally said, her voice low and steady, a stark contrast to the tremor she felt deep in her bones. she knelt, her fingers brushing against the edge of a photograph of benny hammond, his eyes vacant pools of shadow. the paper felt brittle, haunted. "evidence implies a trial. it implies a jury, a judge, a system that listens and understands. we both know that's a fantasy. what we have here isn't proof. it's a contagion."

she looked up then, her eyes catching his, and in them was a raw, unflinching honesty. "you think i want this? to light a match and watch the only record of what we survived turn to ash? every time i close my eyes, i see barb. i see the lab. i see the demogorgon. this," she gestured to the pile, "is just a way of making sure i don't have to see it when my eyes are open, too." she picked up a cassette tape, the label reading hawkins lab - audio log 7. "this isn't for a courtroom. it's a tombstone. we're not burying the truth, steve. we're making sure the monster that created it doesn't have any more anchors to our world. we're cutting the strings. so yes, we're burning it."

[itsbullshittm]

“What mistakes did you make? Everybody loves you.”

nancy stood in the dim light of the hawkins high hallway, chrissy's words hanging in the air like an accusation disguised as praise. she felt the weight of them settle in her chest, heavy and familiar. mistakes. the word echoed in her mind, a chorus of regrets she couldn't escape. her gaze drifted to the empty space beside her, where barb should have been, where she always imagined her standing with that knowing smile. nancy's fingers tightened around the strap of her bag, the leather worn smooth from years of anxious handling. she thought of barb's bright red hair, the way it fanned out on the pool deck like a splash of blood against the concrete. the memory was a wound that never healed, one she kept reopening in the quiet hours when sleep refused to come. it was her fault, she knew. her selfishness, her need to be seen, to be wanted by steve, had led barb to that pool, to the darkness that swallowed her whole.

everybody loves you, chrissy had said, but nancy knew the truth. they loved the version of her she showed them, the girl with the perfect grades and the perfect boyfriend, the one who didn't let the shadows show. but inside, she was crumbling. guilt was a constant companion, a whisper in her ear that reminded her of the life she'd taken, the friend she'd failed. she saw barb in her dreams, sometimes smiling, sometimes accusing, but always there, a ghost she couldn't banish. nancy took a shaky breath, the air catching in her throat. she wanted to tell chrissy everything, to unload the burden she'd been carrying for so long, but the words wouldn't come. instead, she just shook her head, a small, sad movement that spoke volumes. "i'm not who you think i am," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "there are things... things i've done. things i can't take back." her eyes found chrissy's for a moment, wide and vulnerable, before darting away again. she felt like a fraud, playing the part of the girl who had it all together, while inside, she was drowning. the guilt was part of her now, woven into the fabric of her being like a thread of darkness in an otherwise bright tapestry. it coloured everything she did, every choice she made, every relationship she tried to build.

[itsbullshittm]

“My mom always says that when a girl sets her mind to it, there’s no way that she can’t get to a man.”

nancy watched chrissy, her expression unreadable, though her mind was already turning the girl's words over like a stone in her palm. the notion of a girl's mind as a tool to capture a man struck her as a small, confining sort of power. her thoughts drifted not to the boys she'd known, but to the stories she'd chased, the truths she'd unearthed with nothing but her own wits, a notepad and a pen. the men in her life had been companions, sometimes obstacles, but never the destination.

"i think your mom has it backwards," nancy said, her voice clear and edged with a quiet conviction. she adjusted the strap of her handbag, a familiar weight that felt more like an anchor than a burden. "it's not about getting to a man. it's about getting to yourself." she paused, her gaze fixed on a horizon where the sky bled dusk. "a man can be part of the journey, sure. but, he's not the map, and he's definitely not the territory." a breeze picked up, tossing a strand of hair across her face, but she didn't move to tuck it away. nancy stood rooted, a solitary figure against the sprawling wilderness. "the world is full of stories, chrissy. most of them have nothing to do with who you're holding hands with. the ones that matter... the ones you'll still be telling when you're old? that's the stuff you find on your own."

[itsbullshittm]

“You were my best friend, then you just…”

the words hung in the air of her bedroom, fragile and sharp. nancy didn't turn from the window, where the last of the october sun was bleeding out over the rooftops. her reflection was a ghost superimposed over the darkening street outside. nancy's knuckles where she gripped the windowsill. she could feel ally's presence behind her, a warmth she couldn't lean into anymore. that warmth was a luxury, a thing for girls who hadn't let their best friend get eaten by a monster in a swimming pool. "it wasn't a choice," she said, her voice flat, stripped of any emotion. it wasn't an apology. it was a statement of fact, like reading from a physics textbook. "that night... everything broke. and i couldn't... i can't just pretend it didn't."

she finally turned, her movements stiff, mechanical. her eyes, once bright with teenage ambition, were now just... tired. they held a darkness that had nothing to do with the fading light outside. they swept over ally, taking in the hurt expression she couldn't bare to see for too long. "after barb," she continued, forcing the name past the lump in her throat, "there was no us anymore. there was just... the truth. that's all that matters now. everything else is just noise." her gaze dropped to the worn spot on the carpet where barb's overnight bag used to sit. she could almost see it there, a spectral reminder of everything she'd failed to protect. the guilt was a constant, low-grade fever, burning away every soft feeling she used to have. "i'm not that girl anymore, ally," she said, the name tasting foreign on her tongue. "the one who worried about grades and who was taking who to the snowball. she died when barb did. i'm what's left. and what's left doesn't know how to be a friend."

[itsbullshittm]

“It’s his only form of parenting. I guess I’ll take it.”

the air in the house carries the scent of stale coffee and distant television static, a sound that has become the background music to their lives. it seeps under doors, through floorboards, a constant low hum of presence without participation. this is the shape of their father's love; spectral, peripheral, a flickering bulb in a room that desperately needs illumination.

nancy leans against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, her gaze fixed on the window where the evening light is bleeding into blue-grey. she doesn't turn to face him when she speaks, her voice cutting through the quiet with its usual sharp, pragmatic edge. "don't call it parenting, mike. it's not. it's just... background noise. like the radiator. it's on, so it must be doing something, right? but it's not keeping anyone warm. it's just there."

[itsbullshittm]

“I just have a bad feeling about this place.”

the feeling clung to the damp air, a shiver not from the cold but from something ancient and watching. it was in the way the trees stood too still, their branches like skeletal fingers against a bruised-purple sky, and in the silence so deep it felt like a held breath. the world here seemed to have swallowed its own sound, leaving only the frantic, secret drumming of her own blood in her ears. it was a place that didn't feel abandoned but rather paused, waiting with a patience that felt predatory. she looked at the ramshackle façade of the house, its windows like vacant eyes, and her own reflection wavered there, a pale ghost superimposed over the decay.

she finally turned to him, her own voice a small, determined anchor in the unsettling stillness. "i know, mike. but we knew it would be. we just have to keep our eyes open and stick together."

[notstilinski]

Yellowjackets Starters !

Taken from season one the 2021 Showtime series, Yellowjackets! Some of these have already been edited. You can change them however you see fit! There may be some light spoilers! Also, trigger warning for things such as blood, suicide mentions, etc.

“No, no. It fell into the tape deck, and I accidentally pressed it.”

“I know you’re letting other people tell your story. People who barely knew you. And they are making a lot of money doing it.”

“Remember, anger can be good.”

“It’s true. Violence is never the answer. But the anger you’re feeling, it’s useful.”

“And here I thought jocks were supposed to be able to party.”

“Aw, (Name). You dumb bitch.”

“Thank you, but I want to focus on the collective future, not my past.”

“You could see her fucking bones, (Name). I’m pretty sure it’s as bad as it looked.”

“No, It’s a marauding pack of thieves. We’ve come to burgle your twelve-year-old desktop and ceramic bunnies.”

“You remember when you tried to be Catholic?”

“Just wear the red dress I gave you. The boob dress.”

“You never talk shit unless someone deserves it. Also, I like your pilgrim hat.”

“It’s his only form of parenting. I guess I’ll take it.”

“If someone’s digging, we’re all fucked. Take care of it.”

“You know, you’re never going to get your strength back up if you don’t eat.”

“Oh, do you not realize what being home is?”

“You know, it usually takes people a couple of minutes of conversation to figure out. You’re good.”

“You are so mad and yet so wrong.”

“You think you can just miss the parent-teacher conference and buy us off with picadillo?”

“Oh, I know that I can buy (Name) off. With you, it’s more like cross my fingers, hope for the best.”

“What, am I not surprising you with how sexy this is?”

“For the record, I was trying to save you.”

“The lady in the tree. She watches me at night.”

“Oh, okay. I guess you’ve been thinking about what you did and just can’t live with yourself?”

“I’m sorry I’m interrupting you two not giving a shit.”

“Oh, I always get two of everything. That way I have enough to share.”

“Dying is nothing to be afraid of.”

“If you want your heart rate up, just tell me.”

“Then, afterward, he asked me for my socks. And he still never called.”

“If poison ivy is what kills me out here, then I deserve to die.”

“You don’t know that. We think we know what we’re doing, but really we have no clue.”

“Yeah. Wolves can kill anything if the packs big enough.”

“If you want me busting kneecaps, it’s gonna cost you extra.”

“It’s been three days. You guys can’t be that desperate.”

“You know, it’s never a good thing if a suspect lives like a hermit.”

“Such a good idea. You know you can learn so much about a person by going through their personal refuse.”

“Well, I was about to ask you the same thing, but apparently the answer is anti-terrorism.”

“So easy for you to judge others with your perfect life, right?”

“Well, I’ve been channeling you, so I’ve been dark and deadpan.”

“I can’t just be like this now. Why couldn’t I have just died?”

“I’m different from what people expect, and it scares them.”

“I just have a bad feeling about this place.”

“I don’t know what you’re so scared of, (Name). You’ve already got blood on your hands.”

“And do people usually write notes before they’re murdered? Or is that more of a suicide thing?”

“If you shit the bed again are you gonna ask for another do-over?”

“I’m not really in the business of shutting down a woman when she’s talking about how shapely my legs are.”

“Well, this is what a power couple should look like, don’t you agree?”

“You remind me of my granddaughter. No one really likes her either.”

“I know that when you look at me, you don’t see someone that you should be afraid of, but, uh, you’re wrong.”

“You just need to find the people who truly want to help you.”

“You were my best friend, then you just…”

“I know that you’re messed up right now, but that doesn’t give you a free pass to be a dick all the time!”

“It doesn’t matter how shitty they are. It still fucks you up when they’re gone.”

“Has hitting something ever fixed it?”

“The people who matter recognize Daria, okay?”

“I guess I can, uh, appease the local goblin community alone this year.”

“You taught me how to be like this, ya know?”

“When did you fall out of love with dad?”

“No, (Name), you’re not fine. You don’t think that I can’t see that?”

“Jesus, (Name). Treat me like a lady.”

“Um, actually, you don’t know. It was totally your fault. But we were kids, and it was awful.”

“How? You gonna sell your soul?”

“I was the high school boyfriend. That’s all I was ever gonna be.”

“Come on. Who hasn’t rolled over a broken tray table while making out in a bloodstained death trap?”

“The fifties called, they want your dumbass attitude back.”

“Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don’t let the fact that your a terrible person keep you up tonight.”

“I know this makes me, like, a totally selfish asshole, but I don’t want you to go, okay?”

“I’m sorry, it takes us getting blackmailed for you to finally care about being late?”

“It’s one of Amazon’s best sellers. Apparently, tracking people is really big right now.”

“I’m just saying, you know, if this was a horror movie, she’d be the villain, right?”

“Oh. No, no, no. Actually, I probably shouldn’t drive cause if we die, we will never find out who’s doing this.”

“Not the first time I’ve been held hostage.”

“Don’t drag us into your endless fucking pit of guilt.”

“Every single cell in your body wants to blow things up and see what happens. That’s who you are.”

“Wow. I’ve never been in a French farce before.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but we were just fucking. And your whole high school crush on me was cute, but now it’s just pathetic.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s time to be discreet?”

“I know that is impossible for you to understand, but I am what he wants.”

“If you lost him, you’d be afraid that you have nothing left.”

“If you say (Name), I’m going to burn this whole fucking town down.”

“You obviously went through something super messed up, and I just wanted to understand.”

“Do we need a reason? We’re gonna be dead in a few weeks.”

“Tomorrow night. We’ll drink rotten berries and drink to our impending death.”

“I’ve just never been asked to one before, and I thought that this would be my one chance.”

“What mistakes did you make? Everybody loves you.”

“My mom always says that when a girl sets her mind to it, there’s no way that she can’t get to a man.”

“But I’m not going to let you go down for some stupid shit that I did!”

“Are you kidding? You have an entire safe full of secrets that you’ve never told me about.”

“Still kinda creepy up here.”

“Did you hear that mom? Dad? God? All my furry forest friends? I’m gay!”

“Hey. You’re all silent over there, that’s unusual. You got any ideas?”

“Because twelve percent of all killers are caught buying cleaning supplies.”

“I’m going to prison I’m going to prison for the rest of my life.”

“Okay, great! So, we’re just destroying evidence.”

“Sometimes I look at the world around me, and it’s like all the light has just gone out of it.”

“But these days with the Facetunes, the filters, and whatnot? You never know.”

“Yeah, you know, gardening, PTA, dismembering my lover’s corpse.”

“I hope you find whatever it is that you really need.”

“You’re so obsessed with yourself, I’m surprised your aware other people even exist.”

“You want to make a break for it?”

“It’s fucking disgusting work. I’d say it was soul-crushing if I remembered what it felt like to have one.”

[itsbullshittm]

[emziess]

S01 vrs S05 Nancy Wheeler + Guns Stranger Things