New Beginnings
Hello, hi. I have finally returned to this blue app. I’ve been through a lot since the last time I posted on here. I’ve been working on getting my life back together and regaining my sanity. It’s been tough, but I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Having to sit with myself these past 6 months has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I’ve slowly started to regain a sense of self. It has not been easy, but it’s definitely been worth it. I’ve come to realize that my past relationships with my relatives plays a huge part in why I was the way I was, but no more. I am tired of holding myself back from who I truly am because of those people. You’d think that someone who was bullied as a child would receive more compassion from their “family” right? Wrong. One of my biggest bullies was actually the matriarch of that family I was born into. Not only did I have to deal with that, but I also had to deal with her hound dogs whenever I did something that she didn’t like. For years, I always thought that I was the problem. I thought I was always wrong and that I was this disrespectful little bitch and that everyone had more worth than me because of my flaws. Growing older, I realized that majority of the time I got disrespectful because I was disrespected first, and they were not having that. I was conditioned to be “respectful” to toxic people around me even if I was the one being disrespected or done wrong. I was conditioned to not stand up for myself and just obey what I was told, even if it wasn’t good for me. I was conditioned to let things go and be the bigger person, to tolerate these harmful things because they “loved” me. I was invalidated, neglected, silenced, and so much more. Never again. I will speak my truth fearlessly and be the person I’ve always meant to be unapologetically, and love myself more and more every single day. You can not and will not stop me. With peace and love. <3