Cloud @itscloudsocks - Tumblr Blog

Time and Time again - chapter 13

I so desperately want to be done with my thesis. The schedule I´ve figured out for myself allows me to write in the evening so here you go <3 cw: chronic pain from a past injury, just jayce being hella anxious

As soon as Jayce opens his eyes, he knows that today´s going to be a bad day. After four years since both the accident and the attempt have happened, those have become pleasantly rare. Sure, he still hurts every day, he still has countless nightmare, he´s still afraid of fire to the point where he´s gone over to carrying and pushing things around in the forge, taking care of the jobs nobody else wants to do, just to feel useful again. Writing with his right hand is still a struggle - but he´s getting better with his left one every day - holding a screwdriver is still out of the picture. But most days, he can get out of bed. He´s moved back into his mothers place after the attempt; as a twenty-nine year old man, that´s a bit embarrassing to admit but he´s gotten used to the fact that he will live here for the rest of his life. And it´s a nice thought, really, being able to grow old in the home he has grown up in.

Caitlyn still visits, she´s now working for an orphanage in Zaun called Firelights. She´s not really in contact with her parents anymore - Cait had moved and gotten her own place near the river as soon as she could. Her mother had, once again, been furious. Her father had been sad at witnessing his wife and daughter arguing yet again. He still visits sometimes and sends messages whenever he can, Caitlyn had told Jayce, but she also hadn´t really forgiven him yet for once again siding with his wife. How she got that job in Zaun, Jayce doesn´t know, but he knows she loves it so he´s happy for her. He´s not seen where she works, but then again, he´s not set foot outside the immediate vicinity of his mothers home ever since his first hospital visit either. He doesn´t want to get recognized, doesn´t want bad memories to overwhelm him as soon as he´s walking past the Academy or sees a familiar face on a billboard. So he stays inside. He´s picked up gardening for some reason. His physical therapist had approved, had told him that staying mobile and active with his hands is always a good thing. His mother is grateful that someone´s looking after the garden again and Jayce is glad he´s not only a liability to her.

This morning though, he has to swallow down his pride and call out for his mother. Not having needed it in almost two months, his wheelchair isn´t even close to his bed. He has gotten used to staying in his fathers old study after some time, but Jayce oftentimes misses his old room, the memories held together by light yellow walls and squeaky wooden floorboards. His mother bursts in his room, still in her nightgown and with her rapidly greying hair a wild mess.

“Jayce, sweetheart, what´s wrong?”

“Ma, by the gods, relax. I´m fine, everything´s fine. Just…the wheelchair…I can´t reach it…”

A whisper of something heartbroken ghosts over his mothers face but then she smiles, nods and comes closer to kiss his forehead.

“Good morning, dear.”

“Morning, Ma. Sorry for giving you a heartattack.”

“Oh, don´t be silly. Come, here you go. Do you need - oh, no, you got it. Alright!” She chuckles while watching Jayce navigate his way into the wheelchair now standing in front of his bed. It´s not like he can´t move but his leg feels like it did four years ago and right arm is both numb and tingly - he can neither hold his crutch like that nor actually walk. A wheelchair is not only the least work for his poor mother but it´ll also greatly minimize the risk of him falling. Stroking his hair from his forehead, she steps behind him and starts pushing the wheelchair out of his room and down the hallway into the kitchen. Jayce starts massaging his fingers - his middle, ring and pinky finger are the worst, usually - but stops when she hands him a cup of coffee. Humming softly, he lets the warmth seep into the scar tissue, the weight of the cup assisted by his left hand. He´s mostly stopped wearing his glove around the house; wearing short sleeves is still difficult most days. Now, he looks down at the too-smooth skin stretching over his bones, shiny in the light and slightly too pink. His nails have luckily either grown back or been fixed afterwards. He doesn´t let the public see his hand, his arm, the right side of his torso. It´s enough when he has to see it. His Ma would sometimes cradle his hand in her lap when they´re sitting together on the sofa late at night. Sometimes she´d kiss the backside of it; Jayce is scared to remind her that he can barely feel that. The fire had eaten away at most of the big stretches of muscle and nerves by the time Caitlyn had pulled him out.

“Caitlyn wanted to stop by later today, right? After her shift?”

Jayce blinks the memories away, smiles and nods. His mother, while at first having been a bit scared for her beloved goddaughter, had soon warmed up to the idea of her working in Zaun. Caitlyn had done a fantastic job of telling her only the good things, how nice the kids and the other workers are, how they´ve all welcomed her, how it feels like one big family, how they have such a beautiful location for the orphanage. It had gone so far that his mother had asked if Caitlyn would take her one day, show her her place of work, introduce her to her coworkers. Jayce had softly stopped the two of them before it had spiraled out of control. Sure, he loves his mother for being so sweet but with both Ma and Caitlyn dreaming big fast, he had to stop them before they started falling over each other to make it happen.

“Yeah, she said so. She´s coming for dinner.”

“Oh, how nice! I wonder what I could cook for her…” Jayce watches his mother softly ramble on and on about her favourite dishes, then Caitlyns favourite dishes, then dishes she´s been dying to try.

After breakfast, Jayce slowly makes his way over to the bathroom. He showers, brushes his teeth, tries but fails to clean up his beard and dries his hair. It takes him forever and after he is finally done, he feels not only proud of himself but also exhausted. The numbness has slowly been lifted during his shower, instead turning into a soft thrill of pain. Jayce knows that this is only the beginning. He´s already dreading the following night, where his arm will feel like that day of the accident. But for now, he makes his way back to the couch in the living room, grabs a blanket and snuggles in. Nothing like a nap right after having woken up to start the day.

What wakes him back up, in the end, is pain. A flinch and he´s wide awake, staring down at his ruined hand like it´s still on fire. It feels like electricity, shooting up from the space between his middle and ring finger, making them cramp together. Groaning, he sits up and starts squeezing his hand to get the cramp out. It doesn´t help.

“Jayce?”

His mother is standing in the doorway. Somehow she always seems to sense whenever he´s not feeling well. Two steps and she´s leaning over the back of the couch, softly taking his hand into hers.

“Gentle,” she hums softly, pressing and massaging until the tension finally lifts and Jayce can breathe again.

“Thanks, Ma,” he sighs. She only smiles, kisses his forehead and softly tugs at his beard.

“Messy boy, we should really do something about that, hm? You look like a caveman.”

“Wow, Ma, tell me how you really feel,” snorts Jayce, cradling his hand in his lap.

“Oh, you know how I mean it,” she laughs, ruffling his hair before disappearing down the hall. A moment later she´s back with a towel, a pair of scissors and the razor blade that used to belong to his father, the one with the fancifully carved wooden handle. It takes her nothing more than ten minutes to clean him back up. She finishes with a kiss to his cheek and raises back to her feet to clean up.

“Ma?”, Jayce stops her right before she can disappear back around the corner

“Yes, sweetheart? Do you need anything else?”

“No, no, just…I love you,” he murmurs, his mother tongue a comforting blanket of warmth for the sudden melancholic feeling sitting heavy in his chest.

Her aged, tired face breaks into a smile so bright it feels blinding.

“I love you too, dear. Sleep a bit more, hm? I´ll wake you before Caitlyn gets here.”

Nodding softly, Jayce snuggles back into his blanket. The exhaustion comes back full force once he closes his eyes and Jayce is back asleep before he can really form a thought.

He wakes up to a cold hand on his naked, left arm. Whining, he pulls the blanket up to his shoulders, not opening his eyes.

“Oh, poor little baby,” a very familiar voice teases. Jayce´s eyes shoot open; he´s face to face with Caitlyn who laughs in delight and jumps up from the couch before Jayce can hit her.

“Kids, be nice,” his mother calls from the kitchen.

“Ma, you wanted to wake me,” complains Jayce, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“I´m sorry sweetheart, but Cait is too early, it´s her fault!”

“Way to stab me in the back,” snorts Cait, sticking her tongue out at Jayce before escaping into the kitchen, probably to join forces with her aunt. Jayce struggles his way back into the wheelchair and slowly joins them. His two favourite woman are standing in front of a steaming pot, softly bickering about spices. When Jayce comes to a halt next to them, Cait turns, expecting him to stand. When she notices that she´s taller than him today, she sighs softly, sadly, before sticking out a spoon for him.

“Try. Your Ma says it needs more spice, I say it´s fine.”

“That´s because you don´t know what´s good for you, silly girl,” his mother argues. “Spice is healthy, it´s good for your body!”

Jayce takes the spoon with his left, shakily bringing it up to his mouth.

“Yeah, needs more spice,” he agrees. “But how about we just put it on the table, otherwise Cait will never join us for dinner ever again.”

“If spice would´ve stopped me from joining you for dinner, I would´ve done that when I was three.”

They find their seats at the table, Jayce choosing the chair and nudging the wheelchair aside. His mother bows her head, hovers the palms of her open hands over her brows, closes her eyes. Jayce and Cait wait for her to be done praying and then start eating. Dinner is a light, cheerful affair. His Ma asks about Cait´s job at the orphanage, about her coworkers, about the kids. She sounds happy, makes his mother laugh with work stories and Jayce snort with silly faces. It is a good dinner, light and cheerful and pleasantly mundane. There is no talk of injury and misery, no asking about Jayce´s state or his mother´s sleep. After dinner, Caitlyn softly pushes his Ma out of the kitchen and tells her to rest in the livingroom while they take care of the dishes. Jayce - one towel in hand and another one over his lap - carefully dries off the plates Caitlyn hands him. He is almost glad to be sitting because when Cait, handing him a wet and squeaky clean ladle, speaks up, he drops it into his lap.

“I´m going on a date.”

“I´m sorry? A-”

“Keep your voice down, ass, or your Ma will hear,” hisses Caitlyn with pink cheeks, softly whacking him on the shoulder. “Yes, a date. Or at least I think it is one. I´ve been invited out for drinks.”

“By whom?”

“A…coworker,” offers Caitlyn shyly, turning back towards the sink to rub clean the silverware.

“A coworker? Does this coworker have a name?”, Jayce continues, eyes narrowed. Caitlyn is way too shy for it to just be some random coworker.

“Uh…Violet…?”

Furrowing his brows for a moment, Jayce takes some time to think back. One of Viktor´s sisters is named Violet, as far as Jayce remembers. Viktor never really spoke much about them, not with the use of their names, anyways. It was always the gremlin or the demon child, voice filled with nothing but love. Humming lightly, Jayce gestures for Cait to continue, still halfway lost in thoughts.

“She works at the shelter sometimes, I think she grew up with that kid that kind of started the whole thing, Ekko, and-”

This time, Jayce really does drop the two forks he´s holding. They clatter to the ground, making Caitlyn flinch and yelp in surprise.

“Oh my-”

“Everything okay, kids?”, his Ma calls from the living room.

“All good!”, Jayce yells back quickly while Caitlyn leans down to pick the forks back up and put them up on the counter.

“Are you okay? What was that about?”, she asks softly, confusion and worry clear on her face.

“I…she´s his sister,” he blurts, staring at the towel in his hands.

“Violet? She´s whose sister?”

“...Viktors.”

“What? I got Viktor´s sister out of Stillwater?”

Whipping his head up, Jayce frowns at Cait in confusion. “Wait, slow down. Viktor´s sister Violet is the person you got out of Stillwater and she works with you and she asked you out?”

Nodding lightly, Caitlyn pulls out a chair and takes a seat at the kitchen table. “Apparently so. I…had no idea. I swear, Jayce, if I´d known -”

“Nonsense. If you like her and she´s being good to you, then go out with her. I´m in no position to tell you no, Cait. I´m happy for you, you know? Good job.”

Laughing softly, she slides a hand over her eyes and shakes her head. “Fucking unbelievable. I cannot believe it. I should ask her about that…”

“I don´t want you to get into this mess because of me,” murmurs Jayce, pushing his wheelchair towards the table. “Did she ever…talk about siblings? Or a guy named Vander…?”

“Uhm, yeah, all the time, really. I´ve seen her sister once, skinny kid with blue hair. I don´t think she likes me very much,” frowns Cait softly. Jayce can see it, Cait with her sweet but posh accent down in Zaun, trying to figure out why a young girl from the underside could possibly dislike her. “Vander´s like her father, she said. Owns a bar somewhere. If the name Benzo rings a bell, apparently he passed away during the raid. She´s also mentioned a brother once or twice…I didn´t know that she was talking about your Viktor.”

“He´s not my -” Jayce pauses when Cait raises an eyebrow and makes a face at her, trying to hide the fact that the news of Benzo´s death leave him feeling off-center and aching. “Nevermind. I´m glad they´re okay. Go out with her, okay? If she´s anything like Viktor, you won´t find a better person out there.”

Caitlyn is already opening her mouth, possibly to tease Jayce into the ground, but Jayce turns his wheelchair back towards the sink. “Come on, let´s finish this, I´m exhausted.”

They finish doing the dishes in silence, Jayce too busy thinking about Benzo to really hold a conversation. He doesn´t remember all that much from back when he was still a child but he does remember big, calloused hands eager to assist, a round belly, mutton chops. He remembers hearty laughter, kind encouragements, an occasional reminder of the time. And he remembers how close Viktor had been with him. How he´d told Jayce later on that he´s been working in Benzo´s shop for years, that he´s like a father to him. His heart tenses painfully.

Later on, when he and Cait have pulled back into his room to chat without waking his mother down the hall, he speaks out loud what he´s been thinking about for the past few hours.

“I…want to go down to the Lanes…”

Caitlyn pauses in her movement to lift a cup to her lips, staring at him over the brim.

“You want to go down to the Lanes. Uhm…what? Jayce, you know I love you, but you haven´t even been in the city center for the past four years.”

Sighing, Jayce leans back and starts massaging cream into his right wrist, where the pain has been bubbling all evening.

“I know…but I…have to. Just to…see. I promised Viktor I´d come by and…broke that promise, again-”

“Jayce, you were in the hospital, I don´t think -”

“I know, but still. I owe him that much. Benzo…the guy who passed…he was like a father to him…I know he probably doesn´t want to see me anymore, again, but…yeah.”

“Jayce, for the love of - you are not at fault for not having been able to visit him these past four years, okay? You were in the hospital two times in a month, you had multiple surgeries and almost two years of physical therapy. If he really holds that against you, I´ll beat his sorry ass.”

Snorting, Jayce shakes his head.

“You wouldn´t, you haven´t met him. And I don´t think your little crush would appreciate you beating up her brother very much, don´t you think?”

Caitlyn turns bright red but still groans and puts her cup aside in favour of flopping down on the couch close to Jayce´s bed.

“Okay so, you want to go down to the Lanes to see your lover. Okay, great, when?”

“He´s not - gods, nevermind, I don´t know… If it makes you so nervous, you can come with me. Drop me off like a kid at daycare and go see your lover.”

That lifts the grumpy look on Caitlyn´s face.

“You know, I actually like that. Good job, you´re not as stupid as I thought. Once you´re ready, with going outside and all, I´ll go ask Vi which time works for her and get back to you on that. You should probably tell your Ma that you´re staying at my place for a night, though, so she won´t worry, but I guess we still have some time to figure out the logistics…”

“I really thought you´d put up more of a fight,” mutters Jayce, stealing her cup from their shared nightstand and making a face after taking a sip. Herbal, ugh.

“What can I say, I´m all here for you finally confessing your age old feelings to this guy. And I want to see him, he better be special or I´ll drown you in the river myself for nagging me about him all these years.”

“I´ve not been nagging you at all,” complains Jayce. “And I don´t have any feelings for him. He´s a friend, at least he is to me. I like spending time with him, we share the same passions. Or at least we used to.” Jayce looks down at his ruined hand and tugs the sleeve of his shirt over it. Caitlyn notices, but says nothing, only smiles sweetly and steals her cup of tea back.

“I know, Jayce, I´m just teasing you. You know, it is fine, though, if you do like him.”

“I know,” Jayce frowns, getting comfortable in bed. “But I don´t. Not like that.”

“Sure, sure, you keep telling yourself that. So, start getting used to the outside world because I cannot have you panicking halfway across the bridge, got it?”

“Yes, Ma, I got it.”

Once the worst of the pain is behind Jayce once more, he starts working on being outside. It goes from short walks with his Ma up and down the streets of his neighbourhood to trips to the local market. Jayce keeps his hood up and stays away from the biggest crowds, terrified of stumbling or simply being perceived in this state he is in. It takes him another month before he is ready to leave the house alone, wandering through his neighbourhood with his crutch, glove on his hand and hood over his head. It´s horrible but he survives and his mother almost cries when he returns in one piece, shaky but a little proud of himself. From there on out it´s little walks down to the river, short visits to Caitlyn´s apartment. Jayce still stays away from the entire Academy Campus. He takes the longer route, takes multiple breaks to breathe and struggles on his way back, but he manages. It´s only once he´s back home that he notices his heart racing and his palms sweating.

And then, after almost three months, it is time. Caitlyn´s crush has become her girlfriend and she is so giddy about bringing Jayce down to see her, that he needs to put his hands on her shoulders multiple times so she won´t lift up into the sky. They start walking together from her apartment, Jayce bundled up in work clothes, his fathers old jacket and a hood over his head, crutch in hand. The walk over the bridge and into Zaun is way longer and a lot more exhausting than Jayce remembers. The anxiety in his veins is only partly due to him being outside. Frankly, he doesn´t know how to feel, what to expect. He´s changed so much, he almost hopes that nobody will recognize him. Maybe he can just catch a quick glimpse at Viktor, see him from the safety of a dark corner. That´s creepy. But Jayce is also actively trying to swallow down an anxiety attack, so he´ll take creepy over panic. His nose registers that he´s down in the Lanes before his eyes do. Jayce has been too focused on every step he takes that he hasn´t really registered the bridge slowly turning into uneven cobblestone. Without being able to stop himself, Jayce inhales greedily. The smell being pleasant would be a lie, but Jayce still feels comforted by it. It smells like smog, fried food, sweet drinks and a distant note of stale puddles. It´s not nice but it still relaxes him, takes a bit of the anxiety. Cait glances over at him, rolls her eyes but smiles and squeezes his arm softly.

“Wasn´t too bad getting down here, hm?”

“If I remember correctly it was you who pulled me out of the way whenever people were near,” teases Jayce, limping down the narrow alleyways. It doesn´t feel like it did back then, even in his work clothes and with the hood over his head, he can´t really hide as well as he used to when he was a child. But it seems fine, even with Cait out in the open. Or maybe because of Cait out in the open. He catches her nodding at a few people here and there, waving at someone in passing. Jayce notices that he hasn´t been paying attention to her these past few years, after his own injuries. This is her home, or at least it looks like that to Jayce, and while he is happy for her, he also feels horribly guilty for not having been there for her properly.

“Well, wouldn´t want anyone bumping into you, they might get hurt by your big strong shoulders,” she laughs. Rolling his eyes, Jayce makes sure to stay balanced before moving his crutch to trip her. It works, she stumbles forward, catches herself and curses him out. Jayce laughs, softly, reserved, but still happy. It´s nice, being out again, Jayce hasn´t realized how much he has been missing until now.

“Asshole,” groans Cait, amusement clear in her eyes.

“You started it, Sprout.”

“Come on you oaf, Vi is waiting.”

They continue walking. Barely anything has changed. A few holes in the street are patched up, a few Jayce remembers from when he was a kid still exist. There´s new stores, new neon signs, new street vendors, but in its core, the Lanes still feel like they used to all those years ago. Strangely familiar.

Finally, they step out of one of the many narrow streets leading towards the large open square the Last Drop is located on. The large building still looks exactly the same, yellow neon sign still flickering every couple of seconds, the door never staying closed for too long. It feels so familiar that Jayce turns away from it, just to catch his breath. Caitlyn lets him but stays close, hovering without smothering him, making sure he´s not falling into another panic attack. Turning away from the Last Drop involuntarily turns Jayce towards Benzo´s shop. Or where it used to be, anyways. There´s nothing there, anymore, the storefronts empty and the darkness beyond suffocating. Next to the - new, it´s not one Jayce recognizes - window is a large, colourful painted mural of Benzo, countless candles flickering on the ground beneath.

There´s a hand on his shoulder, a soft pressure on his arm where Caitlyn leans against him.

“You knew him?”

“Hm, yeah. He used to let me and Viktor stay in his workshop. I bought most of my supplies down here, for…you know…he was a good guy.”

“I´m sorry,” hums Cait softly, wrapping a strong arm around Jayce´s waist when he sways lightly. “I didn´t know.”

“You couldn´t have. It´s okay, Sprout.” Pushing the air from his lungs, Jayce turns away from the mural and back towards Vanders bar. He feels raw, exposed, on the brink of something deep and dark and chaotic that he doesn´t know how to handle, not yet. “Let´s not keep your girlfriend waiting, come on.”

Cait tilts her head at Jayce for another moment but when he doesn´t look back at her, she sighs, nods, and turns to follow him towards the Last Drop. Jayce doesn´t know who to look for in the people wandering in and out and around the bar but Caitlyn lets him know soon enough when she peels away from him and jogs the last few steps over to a short, buff woman with pink hair, leaning against the wall not too far from the entrance. Jayce looks away when they greet each other with a kiss, stares up at the large sign. Without having noticed, Jayce has gotten so lost in his own mind that, when Cait places a hand on his arm to get his attention, he flinches.

“What? Sorry,” he murmurs, trying not to hide away further in the hood over his head, away from Vi´s piercing, light blue eyes.

“It´s okay,” hums Cait, eyes too soft for Jayce´s liking. She takes her hand away and introduces Jayce as her brother and Violet as her girlfriend. Jayce nods lightly when Vi tilts her head, staring at him intently.

“Vi, stop that,” chastises Caitlyn like she can sense Jayce´s heightened anxious state. She probably can. “Be nice, you heathen.”

Violet laughs, reaches for Caitlyn´s hand and presses a kiss to her knuckles. “Sorry, cupcake, just trying to figure out what Vik sees in him, is all. Guess I´m too much into women for that. Ready to go?”

“Yeah, just give me a sec,” agrees Caitlyn softly, pulling away from Vi once more to step up in front of Jayce. Oh, no. “Will you be okay or do you want me to stay? You look…stressed…”

Jayce rolls his eyes and averts them. Scared shitless, would be more fitting. But he doesn´t say that, doesn´t want to in front of Cait´s date. So he nods, smiles lightly and waves his hand for her to get out of here. “Go on, I´m old enough to take care of myself.”

“Hm, I´m sure you are,” she snorts, slowly reaching out to slide the hood off his head. Jayce shrinks away but Caitlyn stops him with both hands on his shoulders. “Jayce. You´re okay, nobody will recognize you down here, nobody of importance, anyways. We´re just down the street, you can always come get us if you need me, okay? I´ll pick you back up here, so if you go anywhere else, I´ll kill you myself.”

Vi watches their exchange quietly, a curious tilt of her scar-split eyebrow the only indication that she´s even listening. Jayce wants nothing more than to be back home, hide away in his bed, forget this ever happened in the first place. Instead, he nods and peels Cait´s hands from his shoulders. “I´ll be fine. Go, have fun, don´t worry about me.”

“I always worry about you, idiot.”

Jayce waits for Cait and Violet to be out of sight before he hides back under his hood and turns towards the Last Drop. Gods, this is pure torture. Taking a deep breath in, trying to calm his fraying, worn out nerves, Jayce pushes the door to the bar open, and enters.

The first thing he notices is the heat. Granted, he´d probably survive winter in these clothes, but the air inside is still humid and stale. Then there´s the noise. It might just be because Jayce hasn´t been around that many people and music of that volume in four years, but he can feel it in his teeth. His skin is crawling but Jayce still pushes past two guys laughing loudly at something a third one had said. There´s a tiny, free table in a corner of the room, calling out to Jayce. He sits, he leans his crutch against the wall next to him, he breathes and breathes and breathes. And in his task of breathing and not freaking the fuck out, he´s apparently been staring at someone for the past half hour because suddenly there´s a pair of hands slamming down on his table and a very loud, very drunk man glaring down at him. Jayce, involuntarily, flinches back and presses his shoulders further against the wall behind him.

“What´re you starin´ at, huh? You´na fight? Come on, ´ll fight you, come on.”

Before Jayce can even think of his usual row of apologies, someone slides between him and the man.

“Alright, Timmo, you´ve had enough. Time to go home. No need whining, go home, come on.”

The voice is so painfully familiar that, for a moment, Jayce feels like an eight year old with a head wound again. But no, he´s twenty-nine, with the same anxiety and even more pains and ouches. Still, he recognizes Vander immediately. He´s gotten older, his hair and beard are streaked with gray, there are wrinkles around his eyes. He blinks, tilts his head, narrows his eyes.

“...Jayce?”

“Hi, Vander,” smiles Jayce lightly, suddenly very aware of the fact that he might not even be welcome here again. There´s a burn in his eyes and a tightness in his throat and Jayce knows that he will not be able to stay here until Caitlyn comes back. This was a bad idea, a horrible idea, he should just-

“Goddamn, look who the dogs dragged in! Look at you, all grown up.” Vander laughs. “Come, come up to the bar, it´s calmer there.”

He waits for Jayce to get up and when he notices the crutch, he sighs softly.

“I heard what happened, the accidents. I´m sorry, kid, I really am. Life really hasn´t been kind to you, hm?”

Shrugging, Jayce follows Vander - knees weak and hands trembling - and sits down on a stool at the bar before answering.

“I´m managing. I…heard about Benzo…I´m sorry. I wish I…yeah, I´m sorry.”

“Thank you, kid,” Vander smiles lightly, mixing up a drink without having asked what Jayce wants. “It´s not been easy. But Vi is back, thanks to her new girlfriend.”

“Mh, I´ve met her. Caitlyn is my sister, well, not by blood but by anything else.”

Vander´s surprise is overtaken by a gruff but genuinely happy smile fairly quickly. He nods, wipes down the counter and places a drink in front of Jayce. “Ah, same thing. Small world, hm? What made you decide to turn up now?”

Shrugging lightly Jayce takes a sip - no alcohol but still spicy with something on the way down, a herb, perhaps - and looks down at his gloved hand laying uselessly on the counter. “I guess I´m hopeless like that. Just…wanted to…I don´t know, I have no idea, really.”

Vander must´ve heard the panicked strain to Jayce´s voice because he tilts his head, watches him with warm eyes, before nodding softly.

“Doesn´t always have to be a reason for what we do, mh? It is good to see you, kid, Want me to tell Viktor that you´re here? He´s out back, working on -”

“No.” Jayce clears his throat, shoots Vander a quick look before averting his eyes again. “Uhm…not yet…I don´t know how to apologize…”

“Apologize? Boy, there´s nothing to apologize for.” Vander´s voice is rough and deep and for some reason almost brings Jayce to tears. All of a sudden, he misses his Pa. “Kid, Viktor might be a stubborn beast, but he ain´t unjust, you hear me?”

“Just…not right now, okay?”

Vander sighs, softly, and nods. “Just wave me down if you need anything, yeah?” He´s about to turn when Jayce blurts out,” actually, do you have a candle? I can pay for it, just…I saw the mural in front of Benzo´s shop, and…”

“You´re a good kid, Jayce,” smiles Vander, reaching for a towel to sling over his shoulder. “Let me take care of a few more customers and I´ll get you a candle, free of charge. You´re in no rush, right?”

Nodding lightly, Jayce forces a smile instead of a thank you and bows his head back towards his drink. It is calmer at the bar and soon he spaces out, watching the condensation dry on his gloved fingertips, the ice cubes getting smaller with every sip he takes. The music changes, someone must´ve thrown a coin in the jukebox standing in the corner next to the entrance, and a bit of a softer, less hectic tune comes from the speakers.

When Vander´s large hand appears in his field of vision, holding a large candle, Jayce startles.

“Here´s your candle, kid. And I´ve gone ahead and just let Viktor know you´re here. If he comes out to talk to you is his deal, but it won´t do you any good, moping out here.”

Jayce´s thoughts come to a screeching halt. Oh gods, oh no. Fumbling, Jayce reaches into his pocket and pulls out some coin. “For the drink, and, yeah, thanks,” he rushes, taking the candle from Vander´s hand and stumbling off the chair.

“Jayce, relax, it´s-”

“Thanks, for the candle, and everything,” interrupts Jayce, stuffing the candle in his pocket while reaching for his crutch. He´s halfway down the bar, can already smell the outside, when Vander calls after him. It´s easy to act like he can´t hear him when Jayce squeezes past a small group of people, bumps into a chair and mumbles an apology before stumbling outside, throat closing up and hands shaking violently.

Tag list! (lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3) @frog-fans-unite @jack-of-nearly-all-trades @greatbeautyoflife @potatointhedirt @snowleopardtherebel @m00nsh-ne @genderless-pidgeon @bookwyrms-world

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