✮⋆˙ SUMMARY: “And as I dared myself to cross the line, my heart one second away from exploding in my chest, I knew I was condemned to succumb to him perpetually. My best friend, my favorite crime.”
WORD COUNTS: 17k. PAIRING: Oscar Piastri x reader. GENRE: best friends to lovers, slowburn, fluff, smut.
AUTHOR NOTE: I can’t express how much this story means to me. I poured my heart into it, literally. There’s two parts to this story, and I’m excited to finally be able to share the first one with you guys. The characters are young, stubborn and annoying at times, I did it on purpose. Some things might not make sense, I did my best. This is meant to be fun, hehe. I hope you guys will enjoy it. ✮⋆˙
At nine years old, I was — ultimately, mature enough to understand that we didn’t have a choice back then, we had to move out. Our situation was complicated, unusual and difficult to handle, I knew that. My dad — who at the time was trying to remain optimistic despite his sorrow, had called it a great opportunity — a brand new company had hired him in a different city, a fresh start.
But, as the inevitable moment approached — the house cold and empty, the car stocked with boxes filled with memories, Dad’s optimism suddenly turned into a tragic realization, a second mourning beginning as we drove away and said goodbye to our old life, to mom.
Dad had promised me a room with green walls and pink curtains, a beautiful garden where peonies would be planted — mom’s favorite flowers, and a new school with many new friends to make.
However, I sincerely hated this school and these children, most of them were mean and devious, as well as the teacher — falsely nice and compassionate, the one who, on my first day, told the whole class that my mother had just died of cancer.
I knew that it was not gonna be easy to be the new kid, especially since I had arrived in the middle of the school year. But I hadn’t expected so much attention, so many questions.
Back then, as a nine-year-old child who barely knew anything about illnesses or death, and who couldn’t even quite understand how or why it had happened to her mother in the first place, this day felt like an actual nightmare.
Sometimes, children can be cruel and intrusive such as Danielle Pierce. She was quick to ask indiscreet questions about my mother’s death — which I didn’t manage to answer, too astonished by her behavior, quick to make a comment about her own parents — both alive and healthy, and to criticize my new dress.
The dress was indeed pretty bad — old-fashioned, slightly large and not my usual style, but it was my dad’s idea, an attempt to fill the void left by mom’s disappearance. Which meant I couldn’t say anything about it, because I didn’t want to hurt him.
I was alone, sitting on a bench on the playground — convinced that this day couldn’t get any better, when another nine-year-old kid, a boy with light hair and scraped knees, approached me.
At that moment — as children’s voices and screams echoed all around us, I was far from knowing that this child — Oscar Piastri, with rabbit teeth and brown eyes was going to become my best friend and tell me something that would change the course of my life, forever.
That’s how it all started — nine years of friendship, with one question, an idiotic game between two bored kids.
Oscar had dared me to do something completely stupid, to set Danielle Pierce’s hair on fire with his father’s lighter.
Which for some reason didn’t seem too dangerous to us at the time. And in return, I had challenged him to do something stupid — but less problematic, as well, to shout the word bitch in class.
And that’s how we both ended up in the principal’s office on my first day, with my dad and Oscar’s mother — Nicole, both shocked by our behavior.
I remember lowering my eyes as the confrontation started — ashamed and conflicted, unable to face the disappointment in my father’s eyes at that moment.
Of course, I knew that what we had done was wrong and that my father did not need any additional problems, he had enough things to deal with due to our current situation.
But on that day, for the first time in weeks, I had fun and felt like a normal kid again. For a few minutes, I was no longer an unfortunate and miserable child who had lost her mother.
I didn’t need to think about my actions and their consequences, I didn’t need to shut down my emotions to preserve someone else. I didn’t need to think more than I could tolerate it and understand it, at my age.
For a few minutes, I was a regular child misbehaving, having fun and acting dumb, just like the others do.
I remember a sigh escaping from my small chest as I cried silently, the adults talking about us, debating. Oscar grabbed my hand and leaned towards me, then whispered:
“Don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be alright, Y/N.”
At that moment — as silly as it sounds, I could already feel that we were about to become inseparable. And as the months went by that year, each time I looked at him, I hoped that nothing would ever come between us.
My father didn’t appreciate Oscar — my troublemaker companion, very much despite his charm and politeness, which was understandable due to the constant chaos surrounding us, I guess.
At fourteen, Oscar dared me to go to class with a dick drawn on my forehead. The school contacted my dad because I had refused to wash it off.
And on the next day, I dared Oscar to wear my bra over his t-shirt before our exam. This dickhead had claimed that the bra would’ve been useless on me anyway.
It was an endless game. By that point, our parents didn’t even know what to do or say anymore.
But from my dad’s perspective, the most concerning thing about Oscar wasn’t the boy’s bad influence on me, it was the fact that he was a boy.
A small detail that for a while did not seem to have much importance, until our adolescence. By then, Oscar had suddenly gone from a friend to a potential threat.
Of course, we’ve had to deal with a few comments from time to time throughout our many years of friendship — which as kids would gross us out, but nothing too serious and never with such insistence as the ones we started to hear after a certain age.
Around my sixteenth birthday, I think.
I remember my father’s constant embarrassing warnings, with his unconvincing authoritarian tone, every time Oscar would come sleep at home — I was not allowed to close my bedroom door anymore, and the disapproving looks whenever Oscar stood too close to me.
At the time, Oscar and I thought it was ridiculous and I found it mostly annoying because we had been friends for years, it was inconceivable for us to see each other in any other way.
That was until Oscar’s seventeenth birthday party though.
Until then, Oscar had always been the little boy I challenged to eat worms when we were children.
However, something changed that night.
I was sitting on the couch in Oscar’s living room, watching our birthday boy playing Beer Pong with some friends when Danielle Pierce — the one and only, sat next to me.
“Oscar’s really cute, don’t you think?.” I glanced at her, eyebrows furrowed. “I mean— Since you two are really close, I thought you would agree with me. Aren’t you guys together or something?”
Due to Danielle’s lack of subtlety, I knew that this insinuation disguised as a question was just a pretext in order to get some answers.
“We are friends.” I answered. “He’s not dating anyone.”
She nodded with a smile. “Oh, that’s good to know.” She sounded relieved, almost excited as we both glanced at the boy. “Well— Be a sweetheart and tell him that I have a special birthday present for him. I’ll wait upstairs.”
I blinked. “What’s that supposed to even mean, Danielle?”
Truth is — even though I would have preferred not to, I knew exactly what Danielle meant, of course I did. And for an unknown reason, it irritated me.
I watched her as she stood up to adjust her skirt and headed towards the stairs with confidence. A bit unsettled by Danielle’s sudden interest in Oscar, I sighed and looked back at him, the boy walking towards the couch as he noticed my discomfort.
“Hey, what did she want?” He asked, sitting next to me.
“Well—” I chuckled nervously. “You.” He frowned. “Our queen wanted me to let you know that she’ll be waiting upstairs with a very special birthday present for you.” I explained with an undissimulated disgust.
I waited and anticipated a reaction close to mine, but my stomach knotted as Oscar’s face lit up with a smile. I stared at him in dismay, my best friend chuckling.
“You think it’s funny—” I shook my head. “What are you on— What are you even smilin’ about, Oscar? She’s the worst, you shouldn’t be pleased.”
“You’re right, she’s mean.” He nodded. “But, come on—” He winked and nudged me. “She’s really hot and I’m a virgin.”
Oscar Piastri was indeed a boy, a dumb on.
“Girls like Danielle don’t usually pay attention to dorks like me.” I sighed, frustrated at the boy’s lack of seriousness. “It shouldn’t bother you so much.” He smirked. “Is someone jealous or something—”
We had never been in this situation until then. And for some reason the question and Oscar’s insolent tone really irritated me, it triggered.
I felt attacked and became defensive, right away.
“I’m not— Fuck off, Piastri!” I shouted at him, arms crossed. “I just don’t think she’s the right person for you. It’s not a good idea, that’s all. I’m trying to be a good friend.”
My face was hot as Oscar stared at me, I remember. I was agitated and astounded by my own emotions. And I knew that my explanation sounded unconvincing because it didn’t even convince me, at all.
Oscar was right, I was jealous and it felt inappropriate.
“You’re a really good friend, Y/N.” I hummed. “Actually—” Quickly, he kissed me on the cheek. You’re the best.”
I whined and wiped it. Oscar stood up from the couch, a strange feeling oppressing my chest as I watched him head for the stairs in a hurry.
I thought about Danielle’s question, again.
“Oscar’s really cute, don’t you think?”
I scratched my elbow with furrowed brows, uncomfortable.
All I could think about as Oscar walked away from me, was the surprising sadness overwhelming me and how much — for some reason, I wished he had stayed here.
It was only the beginning.
After this groundbreaking blowjob — Oscar’s exact words, the boy has never been the same and I never managed to perceive him as just a friend again.
From there, the slightest look, comment, gesture or the slightest touch triggered an unprecedented sensation in me, which could sometimes be very difficult to manage.
But as soon as the senior year started, Oscar and I began to spend less time together.
Sometimes due to my embarrassing inability to stay calm in Oscar’s presence, sometimes due to Oscar’s new found passion for sports, parties and women.
One Saturday, Oscar was supposed to come to our house to watch a movie with me. We hadn’t seen each other outside of school in weeks. I was really excited to see him — way too much, I had barely slept the night before.
However, I canceled at the last minute — for the dumbest reason, claiming to be ill.
Truth is, I had been circling around my room for an hour, trying to find something nice to wear, an outfit more feminine than my usual ones, to impress him. I wanted Oscar to see me differently, to notice that he wasn’t the only one who had grown up this year.
My dissatisfaction started to grow more and more as I tried different outfits. My tops were suddenly too tight for me, too itchy and the room’s atmosphere was heavy, making it hard to breathe.
So in the heat of the moment, completely submerged by anxiety, I canceled. And I’ve spent years regretting this decision.
Oscar called me the next day, to check on me and chat.
“Okay, I thought I could wait until tomorrow to say it, but I can’t. You’ll never guess where I was last night.” He teased as the conversation took an interesting turn.
We both waited, then I answered. “Come on, just say it.” I closed the bedroom door behind me as I walked in, my phone pressed against my ear.
“Well, since you decided to abandon me last night—” I rolled my eyes. “I needed to find something else to do. And thankfully, Danielle Pierce texted me.”
My heart stopped. “Oh.” I murmured as I decided to sit down, feeling quite unsteady. I swallowed hard while looking at the window, my thoughts racing and my inner voice murmuring: “Please, no.”
“The virgin boy—” He paused. “Is no longer!” Oscar blurted out with excitement. “Shit, dude— Thank you, thank you, thank you. I owe you!” He chuckled. “I mean— If you hadn’t cancelled, it probably would’ve never happened.”
“She invited me over, because her parents were out of town for the weekend. I can’t believe it, she’s so cool—”
Oscar’s next words never reached me. I couldn’t hear him anymore at this point as an unexpected ache emerged in my chest.
To this day, I can still remember the humiliation and the internal rage I felt.
First of all, I needed to digest the fact that it all happened because I had decided to cancel. But it hurt even more to have to accept the fact that I shouldn’t have bothered to cancel, let alone driven myself crazy for hours as I had done.
He wouldn’t have even cared about my clothes, about my hair, about me.
I had freaked out over nothing.
Apparently to Oscar, I was nothing more than Y/N, the childhood friend. And the realization hurt more than it should’ve had.
I had been controlled by my hormones and emotions, I had been sabotaged by mother nature.
Or at least, that’s what I told myself in order to tolerate it all.
I blamed it all on my wild imagination and my stubborn curiosity, I had decided to paint them all as the ones responsible for this disaster.
I desperately needed an excuse, an escape and mostly something to hate — to accuse, something that wasn’t me personally.
Or else, I would’ve caused a scene.
At that age, or more specifically, as a drama queen, this situation seemed to be the worst thing that could ever happen to me, the equivalent of the end of the world.
This moment made me realize that I was no longer a kid.
I was an emotional and dramatic teenager discovering the laws of attraction for the first time as she started to like the one person she shouldn’t have.
Oscar kept talking about it, unbothered by my quietness. “I— I don’t feel good.” I managed to tell him. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
I didn’t let him respond, I hung up fast.
Fuming, I kicked something impulsively and threw the phone away. I wasn’t mad at him, he hadn’t done anything wrong. I was annoyed at myself, because it shouldn’t have affected me so much.
If someone loses their virginity — to Danielle Pierce out of all people, they might wanna talk about it with their friends, it wasn’t an unusual situation.
And after all, that’s what Oscar and I were, friends.
A few weeks later I met a boy, or more exactly, we noticed each other for the first time in three years of high school, Lando Norris.
In the beginning, I wasn’t sure about his intentions.
We would smile at each other in the hallways, we’d look at each other from across the cafeteria at lunch. For some time everything was happening at a distance.
And then, one day, as I walked out of class, Lando was waiting for me by the lockers — with a nervous smile on his face, to ask me on a date.
I think it was the first time that a guy had shown so much interest in me or at least, so openly.
Back then, it felt flattering and almost empowering to be desired, to be seen as someone attractive, someone to date, for once.
Plus, I liked spending time with Lando. He was really funny and sweet, it was easy to be with him, without any constraints.
And it was going well at first, until something — rather someone, started to get in our way at the slightest opportunity.
But, surprisingly it wasn’t my father — still, he didn’t like Lando very much either, it was Oscar.
It all started at Danielle’s eighteenth birthday party.
Obviously, despite our common proximity with Oscar, she hadn’t invited me. But since she and Lando — unfortunately, were friends, he asked me to come with him.
The minute Lando and I arrived — hand in hand, my gaze met Oscar’s as he stood on the other side of the room with Danielle’s friends.
“I’m gonna get us something to drink.” Lando said before kissing my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
Oscar walked towards me as soon as Lando stepped away. “So— Lando Norris, huh?” He asked, without even bothering to greet me first. “And, you didn’t even tell me.”
“It’s nice to see you too, Oscar.” I replied, bitter. “Well— Maybe if you weren’t too busy having sex with Danielle, you would’ve answered my texts and calls this week.” He sighed. “We might've had the opportunity to talk about it.”
“It has nothing to do with Danielle.” He said. “Yes, we’ve been seeing each other a lot recently, but—” He sighed, once again. “I’ve been really busy with exams, admissions and stuff.” I nodded, unfazed. “But, come on, Y/N. You— You’ve never shown any interest in boys before and now you’re with Lando Norris, I don’t understand how—”
“Huh—” I huffed, annoyed. ”I don’t understand what's so difficult to understand. Is it so hard to believe that any guy could want me or something?”
Oscar opened his mouth to object but I was already too far gone due to my annoyance to let him respond to me.
“So, what—” I shrugged, arms crossed. “You can have sex with someone but when I kiss someone it’s unbelievable—”
“Wait.” He frowned. “You kissed him, but—” He chuckled lightly — clearly unamused, eyes narrowed as he shook his head. “You’ve met him, like—” He shrugged. “Five minutes ago.”
“You didn’t even wait five minutes to join Danielle upstairs at your birthday party.” I scoffed. “Whore.” Oscar rolled his eyes. “We— We shouldn’t even have this conversation. It’s none of your business. I’m not a child anymore and I can do whatever I want, Oscar.”
“I know, I know.” He answered rapidly as the conversation started to turn more and more into an argument. “It’s just— I don’t know, I’m just trying to protect you, trying to be a good friend, Y/N.”
I had heard that one before.
I didn’t quite understand Oscar’s reaction at the time but as much as it confused me when it happened, I won’t deny the fact that it did feel a bit good to see him so reactive.
I tried really hard not to think about it too much during the party. I didn’t want to waste any more time searching for signs in the wrong places.
So, I did not notice the panic in my best friend’s eyes once I told him I had kissed Lando — of course I did, nor the moment the boy’s smirked faded away as I walked away with my date.
I knew I shouldn’t have paid attention, or questioned it because it didn’t mean anything, we were just friends.
But still, I really wanted to know how Oscar felt, watching Lando and I from across the room as we chatted, laughed and danced together.
I wondered what it did to him to see me doing all the things I would’ve usually done with him, with someone else instead.
Oscar and I’s first serious argument happened shortly after. I will always remember that night, always.
From someone else’s perspective — especially Lando’s, it might have seemed disproportionate and suspicious. When Oscar and I stormed out the brown-haired boy’s house together, I knew I was fucked.
I’d have to have a conversation with Lando — an awful one, on the next day. I’d have to come up with some sort of explanation, something rational to tell him.
Otherwise, I was definitely going to lose my boyfriend.
However — as horrible as it sounds, I couldn’t care less about that when Oscar and I were walking down the streets together in silence, our argument still fresh in our minds.
It was already pretty late — probably around two in the morning, when we left Lando’s house. The neighborhood was quiet and peaceful, unlike my thoughts.
I had been ruminating for at least twenty minutes.
I knew it wasn’t a good idea. We were all drunk and tired. It all started in the same way it usually did with Oscar and I, with “truth or dare.”
But this time it wasn’t fun at all.
It awakened something unpredictable in us and turned our lives upside down, forever.
Maybe without the alcohol, Oscar wouldn’t have freaked out the moment Danielle asked Lando about our intimate life.
Sober, maybe Lando wouldn’t have called Oscar a dick and questioned his reaction.
If we hadn’t been drunk, maybe Oscar wouldn’t have called Lando an asshole as the brown-haired boy dared him to kiss me.
And perhaps, if I had stopped drinking earlier, I wouldn’t have started to cry as soon as Oscar refused to do it.
Yeah, Lando wasn’t the only one I needed to talk to.
But at that point, I was far too embarrassed and angry at myself — and a little bit at Oscar, to have a decent conversation. I would have regretted it immediately the next day, I knew that.
I had done enough already and didn’t need to embarrass myself even more.
“I’m pretty sure Lando thinks there’s something going on between us, Y/N.” Oscar said in the dead of the night. “That’s why he dared me to kiss you, to see our reaction.”
Lando had nothing against Oscar when we started to date.
In fact, I think he appreciated him. But, something switched the moment Oscar’s strange behavior caught my boyfriend’s attention.
Don’t get me wrong, Oscar’s always been nice to me. But it’s true, the moment I started to date Lando, something changed.
Oscar would come to my house uninvited — something he would’ve never done before, he usually called first, and ninety percent of the time Lando was already there.
One day, Oscar caught Lando and I making out on the couch — I was only wearing a bra & jeans, and my boyfriend freaked out.
He found reasons to touch me more often, leaning on me as we watched movies, touching my back as he walked by.
He would stare at me intensely from across the room whenever I’d be smiling at my phone and looked away once he got caught, pretending it never happened.
One time, I cut myself at school. And as soon as I whined in pain, they both rushed to my rescue, arguing over which one should take me to the infirmary.
Well, we ended up going all together as I couldn’t bear their immature bickering any longer and didn’t want to give any of them the satisfaction of being the chosen one.
It was one of the most awkward moments of my life.
“Talk to me, Y.N.” Oscar pleaded. “I— I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“You— You didn’t have to say it like that. You didn’t have to seem so disgusted about it. I didn’t know that the idea of kissing me could be so repulsive—”
“It’s not.” Oscar said. “It’s just— I didn’t want to do it, not like this, not with them in the room—”
“Don’t touch me!” I said as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, my best friend’s silhouette barely visible in the dark. “Just— Just shut up, Oscar.”
I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the walk until we reached my house. I glanced at the alley, then over at him with uncertainty as I didn’t know what I was supposed to say.
“This is awkward, but—” Oscar said, scratching his head. “I lied to my mom and told her I was sleeping at your house tonight.” I sighed. “I was supposed to stay at Danielle’s, but since we—”
“I can’t believe it.” I murmured to myself. “You’re insufferable, Piastri. You’re lucky, my father’s out of town.”
By the time I was starting to get undressed in the bedroom — while Oscar was in the bathroom, I had sobered up a bit.
My thoughts remained messy though.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Lando’s face — confused and worried, when I took my jacket and walked to the door with Oscar following me while asking me to wait over and over again.
Danielle’s high-pitched tone in the distance as she screamed the boy’s name once we both stepped outside mid argument.
I couldn’t believe we had acted like this in front of them.
The room was immersed in darkness, the moon vaguely visible behind the pink curtains. I turned around, sensing someone’s presence behind my back and noticed Oscar by the door, staring at me.
The atmosphere was heavy as the tension between us was. Still tough — thick and hot, an electric energy you could feel in the air right before a storm.
He approached carefully. “Should I—” He cleared his throat. “Should I sleep downstairs on the couch or—”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I responded abruptly. “I’ll sleep in my dad’s room. Take my bed.”
He nodded, arms crossed. “Okay.”
My pulse spiked. I could feel him watching me attentively while I moved around the room, quietly passing by him as I headed towards the hallway.
But then, I felt him grabbing my wrist to turn me around in order to face him.
I hesitated, blinking. “What’s wrong—” Oscar interrupted me in the most unexpected — unimaginable, way possible as he leaned in and kissed me for the first time.
It only lasted one second though as I pushed him away from me in panic, chest rising. It took me a moment to understand what had just happened.
“What the fuck?” I asked him. “You can’t just—” I moved my hands around, agitated. “You can’t do that, Oscar.”
“I know.” He murmured in the darkness, leaning against the wall as he took a step back. “I’m sorry.”
Quietly, we stared at each other, our eyes clearly tempted by each other’s mouths. I won’t lie, I enjoyed it. No matter how quick, unexpected and morally wrong it was.
“Say something.” Oscar said. “Or I’ll do it again.”
No words came out of me. I couldn’t find the strength to resist him or lie to him. No excuses, not even the existence of my own boyfriend — which I wasn’t even thinking about at this moment, nothing rational could reach my thoughts as I looked at Oscar.
I felt nothing besides an urge to kiss him again.
It was confusing though. Oscar had never shown any direct interest in me until tonight. He had even rejected me — and broke my heart at the same time, a few hours earlier, on the same day.
None of this made sense to me. But, I wasn’t gonna miss this opportunity, not after all these years.
“Oscar.” I pronounced the boy’s name more gently this time with a frightening vulnerability, as it wasn’t a warning anymore.
It was an invitation to do something forbidden.
He understood right away. In a heartbeat, Oscar threw himself at me with such haste, it made my knees buckle.
We chuckled quietly at the same time as our noses bumped into each other, our lips connecting once again. I sighed against him — more aroused than I had ever been before, my hands moving to Oscar’s chest, then his neck.
His own hands settled on my waist, his fingers almost bruising my skin as they disappeared among my clothes, the touch firm, possessive.
Both breathless, we pulled away from each other’s mouths slowly, still touching, our bodies still unbearably close to one another.
“See—” Oscar said. “This is the reason why I didn’t want to kiss you earlier tonight. Because, I wanted it to happen naturally, like this. I didn’t want it to be a fuckin’ dare with them in the same room to witness it.”
He stepped back, an indescribable emptiness filling me as I felt Oscar’s hands leave my waist.
“I’ll sleep downstairs, on the couch.” He continued. “Sleep in your own bed.”
We had crossed the line. I should’ve let him leave, I should’ve stopped there. But instead, I grabbed him the moment he turned around.
I remember pronouncing it with desperation as it carried an undeniable need for him. And, that’s all it took to convince him.
The third kiss was even more passionate than the second. We took our time, no matter how much we clearly both wanted to furiously devour each other. Our tongues danced together — slowly at first, the rhythm intensifying uncontrollably as we let ourselves sink deep into a common devotion.
Oscar’s mouth left mine, seeking air. “Shit.” He whispered against my neck. “I can’t think.” I chuckled as a response, my hands tugging at my best friend’s t-shirt. “Take it off.”
I let him touch me under mine, intoxicated by his smell, his warmth. I moaned, my head falling back in bliss as I closed my eyes and focused on each kiss Oscar pressed against my neck.
We fell on the mattress together, our mouths still connected, inseparable.
The next day, we didn’t talk about it.
In fact, we didn’t even talk at all. But we acted normally, sort of. I made breakfast around eleven, Oscar sitting at the counter and watching me quietly as I cooked.
My dad came home a few minutes later, walking in the kitchen right as we were about to start to eat.
Everything seemed fine between us, from the outside.
I had been pretending to be okay for the past thirty minutes as I watched Oscar and my dad talk casually. All I could think about while they were chatting about honey’s benefits was the events from the previous night.
Dad asked Oscar about the party, he answered calmly, unfazed.
I ate in silence as I started to relive every single moment. I caught myself staring at Oscar’s mouth, then looked down as I felt my cheeks burn. I could sense it again, this intense heat down my stomach.
I couldn’t believe how easily this guy right here, sitting in front of me — my childhood friend, could be talking with my dad about the most absurd things even though he had heard me moan a few hours back.
I had never been in such an uncomfortable situation. How was I supposed to behave normally? My body might have been at the table with them, but my mind wasn’t.
Oscar hadn’t looked at me once throughout their entire conversation.
It was starting to stress me out.
I was starting to worry about our friendship as I noticed how detached Oscar seemed to be. I needed something from him, a look, a word, anything to remind me that we were in this together.
Maybe — the possibility terrified me, Oscar regretted it.
“Y/N?” My dad called out with an uncertain tone, concerned by my lack of contribution in the conversation. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m tired.” I responded quietly. “Didn’t sleep much last night.” Oscar choked on something, my best friend coughing as my father glanced at him. “That’s all.”
I wanted to talk about what had happened. I wanted to confront Oscar, right now. But, I couldn’t tell him anything at the moment, it was torturing me.
I wished I could’ve said: “Listen, buddy. I’m still in shock after you moaned my name last night when I pressed my body against yours. I wanna know how you feel about it too, and about us.”
With my father seated at the table, it was impossible. I didn’t even want to admit out loud that after all these years, people — including him, had been right about Oscar and I.
“How’s Lando?” Dad asked.
My fork fell off my hand, a shrill sound echoing in the room as it landed against my plate. I knew it was supposed to be an innocent question — how could’ve he known, however it provoked an actual earthquake in my body.
Oscar and I glanced at each other.
Truth is, I hadn’t even thought about Lando, yet.
Because I was way too busy worrying about my relationship with Oscar. I hadn’t even thought about my own boyfriend, yet.
“I think it’s time for me to leave.” Oscar said, standing up. “Thank you for the food and—” He stopped himself. “I’ll see you later.”
He didn’t even look at me.
And I didn’t know how to react at the time, I just watched him leave, defeated. I remember the fear, the abandonment I felt as my inner voice was repeating the same words over and over again: “Please, please, please, don’t hate me.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing you’d like to tell me about?” My dad asked, eyebrows furrowed and sighing. The awkwardness of the situation was undeniable, I guess. “Did something happen—”
“Everything’s fine.” I lied, trying to reassure him. “Really.”
I felt myself disappearing among the guilt, thinking about Lando. I didn’t know what I was going to tell him, what I was supposed to do.
I wasn’t the only one concerned by this situation.
I wish Oscar and I could’ve talked about this but instead, as soon as Lando was mentioned, this idiot ran away and let me deal with our mess on my own.
No texts or calls, nothing. We hadn’t talked or seen each other — due to the holidays, in three days.
We had scheduled a studying session together at my house on Wednesday though. We thought it’d be fun, it was something we used to do a lot back in middle school.
And since we weren’t talking, we hadn’t bothered to cancel. So, due to the circumstances, I was genuinely shocked to see Oscar at my front door on Wednesday.
I hadn’t expected him to show up. I wasn’t expecting anything from him anymore at this point.
It was extremely awkward at first, we both didn’t know how to act around each other anymore.
To be with him was as painful as it was comforting.
I made some tea and a hot chocolate for him, we exchanged banalities in the most bland conversation we’ve ever had and sat at the kitchen table.
Oscar decided to sit next to me. Unbelievable, I thought. He didn’t seem to want to avoid me anymore. I did feel a bit uncomfortable by proximity though, it made me nervous.
I tried to remain focused on my homework but it was nearly impossible with him sitting there, so close to me. I didn’t know someone’s scent could be so distracting.
I flinched as our arms touched. “Shit— Sorry.” I murmured weakly.
Our eyes met and I felt it, the desire.
It was still there, still dangerously tempting. I swallowed hard as I noticed Oscar’s eyes lingering on my mouth. I wanted to touch this idiot and to feel his hands on me as much as I wanted to insult him.
“Do not look at me like that.” I warned quietly.
He smirked, cocky. “Or what?”
We both glanced at my phone — which was next to our cups, as a notification appeared on the screen. It was a text message from Lando.
The mood switched instantly.
“So—” Oscar started, looking away. “Have you guys talked about what happened at the party?”
I didn’t expect him to start this conversation. I thought we weren’t ever going to talk about it, at this point. I knew he had chosen his words wisely though — not mentioning the most important, I knew it was Oscar’s way to test the water.
“Sort of.” I responded, evasive.
Lando and I barely talked about it. He came to see me at home the next day a few hours after Oscar left, and I was a mess.
I remember pronouncing: “Sorry.” An enormous amount of times. Lando was genuinely confused, he couldn’t understand what I was truly apologizing for.
I told him I had too much to drink and needed some air. But then, I had decided to leave and Oscar walked me home.
After that, I tried to act as normal as possible with him but it hadn’t been easy because each touch or kiss made me think about someone else.
I felt guilty — almost sick, every time Lando looked at me with tenderness or said something sweet to me.
For now, Lando didn’t seem too worried or bothered by my sudden distance or my strange reactions. But, I knew it was a matter of time until he’d start to notice it.
“Danielle is mad at me.” Oscar said.
I couldn’t care less about him and his situationship.
“And I guess you're mad at me as well.” I looked at him. “We haven’t talked in days. But yesterday, I saw Lando at the grocery store and he didn’t try to run me over. Which meant, you hadn’t told him, yet. I was—”
“Lando’s not an aggressive person, Oscar.” I stopped him. “And, no. I still haven’t told him. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to tell him. ” I huffed hard. “God— You’re such an ass.” He raised his hands, astounded. “Have you talked to Danielle about it?”
“We’re not dating.” I rolled my eyes. “So, I don’t owe anyone anything. Also, I’d never say anything that could potentially hurt you. We both know she’d tell him right away. I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”
I snorted. “It’s a bit too late for that, don’t you think? Besides—” I leaned in. “You’re the one who left me and went radio silent for three days. So, I think it’s ridiculous to tell me you don’t want to hurt my feelings or whatever.”
“Wait, what—” Oscar frowned as his jaw dropped. “You didn’t text me either. And, what the fuck was I supposed to do, Y/N? Your dad was there, I couldn’t tell him to shut up and turn to you to talk about what happened between us.”
“Are you dumb or something, Piastri?” I asked in disbelief. “You could’ve texted me, called me, anything!” I shouted at him. “You abandoned me, I was scared and confused. I thought you didn’t want to talk to me anymore and hated me—”
I exhaled and looked away as I started to cry. “I could never hate you.” Oscar said, concerned. “Hey— Look at me.”
“Don’t touch me.” I warned him as soon as I felt the boy’s hand on my forearm. “I didn’t know what I was supposed to say or do. I needed my best friend.”
“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It felt too much and too real, I freaked out. I needed some time to think.”
He sounded sincere, which increased my annoyance as I didn’t have a reason to be mad at him anymore. I wanted someone else to blame, it would’ve made things easier.
Unfortunately, I was just as responsible as him for this mess.
Oscar sensed my distress as I remained silent. “We kissed.” He said. “It’s not that bad, it could’ve been worse.” I shot him an annoyed look. “Okay, okay. It was more than that, we did touch each other a little—”
“I was there, you don’t need to remind me.” I said abruptly with embarrassment as I thought about it again.
The bump in Oscar’s underwear. My fingers tracing the length over the fabric as he groaned against my ear, the way he rolled his hips, desperate.
“I know what dryhumping is.” I added.
“Yeah, I know.” I looked at him with a disapproving look as soon as I noticed the smug smile on his face. “Sorry.”
“It’s not funny, Oscar.” I told him, arms crossed. “I feel like shit all the time, ever since it happened. I can’t even look at my boyfriend anymore.”
“I see.” Oscar stated as we remained quiet for a time. My heart clenched as I saw the disappointment on the boy’s face. “You regret it.”
I couldn’t blame him entirely for it, it was our fault. He did try to leave the room though. But to be honest, it didn’t take much effort to convince him to stay. It all happened because we both wanted it.
I could’ve stopped him as we fell onto the mattress. I could’ve changed my mind the moment we started to touch each other inappropriately. I should’ve stopped him as soon as I felt him biting my shoulder.
Because, it was obvious that I didn’t want him to leave me. I didn’t even think about stopping, at any point. I wanted this moment to last forever. Because as much as I tried to erase them I couldn’t.
It was obvious, I knew exactly why I had done it.
However, I knew nothing about Oscar’s intentions or feelings. I wanted to know why he stayed and why he didn’t put an end to it. I seeked clarification, answers. I needed something to rely on, something to make this mess worth it somehow.
So — no matter how much fucked it was to admit, the answer was, no. I knew I should’ve regretted it, but that was not the case.
I just listened to my heart.
But the confusion it created was something that we needed to deal with as fast as possible, my situation with Lando as well.
“So, tell me—” I started. “I need to understand.” He nodded. “At first, you rejected me and then, you’re the one who kisses me out of nowhere even though you’re very much aware that I’m dating someone.”
“You’re right, I did.” He responded, confident.
“You could’ve stopped, you should’ve stopped. So, tell me the truth, Oscar.” I said, my heart racing as I did my best to remain calm. I hated how too serious it all sounded. “I need to know why you didn’t.”
He blinked. “I—” He stopped himself as we stared at each other deeply. Something switched behind the boy’s eyes, it made him look away. “I don’t know.”
I sighed as I fell back against the chair, disappointed. “You don’t know.” I repeated in the exact same bland tone Oscar had used. “You don’t know.” I said once more, this time more quietly with an ache in my chest.
He looked back at me. “Look, I—” He shrugged. “I don’t regret it, but—”
I thanked the universe as someone rang the bell, interrupting our conversation. I couldn’t bear to hear it, I had enough. I needed to step away from him as fast as I could.
I stood up and headed to the door, completely ignoring Oscar as he tried to hold me back, asking me to wait.
I did not expect to see my boyfriend — who urged to kiss me, as I opened the door. He walked in and I stood here stoic, unable to match the brunette’s excitement.
I couldn’t overcome my sorrow after this conversation.
“You don’t seem happy to see me.” Lando noted as I remained quiet. “I texted you thirty minutes ago, I don’t think you saw it. I remembered that your father was workin’ late tonight, I thought we could spend time together.”
“Oh.” I replied. “No, I did not. I was studying with—”
We both turned around as I heard Oscar’s voice, the boy greeting Lando down the hallway. “Hey, man.” The brown-haired boy said as Oscar approached us, ready to head out.
They looked at each other weirdly. Lando leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets, waiting.
“He was about to leave, as you can see.” I said as I looked at Lando. “Wait for me in the living room, I’ll be quick.”
I shot my best friend an annoyed look as I caught him rolling his eyes as Lando kissed me on the cheek.
“You’re insufferable.” I murmured to him discreetly, my boyfriend disappearing in the distance.
“He doesn’t like me very much.” I was too moody to bother reassuring him, ignoring him on purpose. “And, you don’t seem to like me very much either right now.” He sighed. “I don’t regret it, Y/N.”
My eyes snapped at him as I hurried to tell him to shut up. “What’s wrong with you?” I asked quietly. “He’s in the room down the hallway.”
“Relax, he’s not a bat.” Oscar joked, voice as quiet as mine. I shook my head, irritated. He tried to touch my arm, again. “Come on.” Oscar huffed as I shoved him. “Don’t be like that.”
“You’re the worst.” I answered through my teeth, jaw clenched. “You don’t get to tell me how to react.” I whispered, staring straight at him. “You can’t tell me that you don’t regret it. Not after telling me you don’t even fuckin’ know why it happened in the first place.”
The hallway suddenly felt too tight for us as we stood too close to each other.
The silence was as loud as the tension between us was, anyone could have sensed the storm we were both attempting to keep within ourselves
“You’re such a pain in the ass.” Oscar blurted out.
“I learned from the best.” I replied in a second, Oscar’s mouth curling into a smirk as I crossed my arms, determined. “Anyway, something’s waiting for me.”
He opened the door. “Shit— You could at least try to seem excited about it.” I shoved him outside as I groaned, Oscar chuckling like an idiot. “I’m just sayin—”
“You don’t take anything seriously.” I said. “Everything’s always a joke to you.” I was about to shut the door, when Oscar stopped me. “What now—”
He stared at me with an irritated expression on his face, his reaction catching me by surprise. I didn’t expect my words to affect him so much, in such a hard way.
“The other night wasn't a joke.” He repeated.
I sighed, leaning against the doorframe as I held the handle. “Whatever, Oscar.” I responded, my heart still aching. “Let’s pretend it didn’t happen.”
Right as Oscar was about to say something, Lando called out my name. I looked away and turned around as I closed the door on him, guilt washing over me once I started to walk to the living room.
I had cheated on my boyfriend, which was already making me feel terrible. And now as I sat down next to him, I also needed to digest the fact that what had happened between Oscar and I didn’t mean anything.
Naively, I thought that things couldn’t get any worse but as the weeks went by, the tension between Lando and Oscar became permanent.
It was almost unbearable to be in the same room as them some days.
Oscar’s always been annoying — in a playful way, but this was different. And at first, it mostly came from Lando’s side: comments, critics, mean words hidden behind supposed jokes.
And then Oscar, who had tried his best to ignore him, followed pretty quickly as he couldn’t handle it anymore.
Sometimes, it was hard to remember that both Lando and Oscar weren’t middle school boys but indeed eighteen year old boys graduating from high school in four months.
Lando, who turned out to be way more jealous than I thought, made sure Oscar — who would roll his eyes every time, could see us anytime he’d kiss me or touch me.
Oscar couldn’t resist the temptation to tease him in return, no matter how much he knew it annoyed me.
He would insist on driving me home after school, would talk about our shared memories, would tease me whenever Lando was close enough to see it.
It was a competition and it was ridiculous, really.
Oscar and I were still friends, not as close as we used to but we were okay, sort of.
We didn’t mention anything about what happened between us ever again after our conversation at my house. We tried to be alone in the same room as rarely as we could. We were both pretending it didn’t happen and I was pretending to have never caught feelings for him.
This situation was a real time bomb.
Lando’s behavior irritated me at times. However, each time I’d find myself judging him, I’d start to reminisce on my own actions and I would simply let it go.
Oscar’s behavior, on the other hand, tended to have a different effect on me. I tried my best not to read into it. He probably just wanted to mess with Lando’s nerves because he didn’t like him, it had nothing to do with me particularly.
“Nice hickey.” Oscar pointed out as he walked in the kitchen. “You know— Pissin’ on you would be just as subtle as this.”
“Shit— You scared me.” I said, turning around to face him. I leaned against the sink with my arms crossed, my hands still wet from washing the dishes. “You know, it’s common in relationships, it’s not necessarily about territory. Lando’s not like that—”
“Bullshit.” He said. “He’s doing this only to prove something to me, to piss me off and deep down you know it.”
I frowned. “Well in this case, judging by your reaction it seems like it’s working.” I shrugged. “You shouldn’t even care, it’s none—”
Oscar interrupted me by coming up to me unexpectedly, my hands automatically landing on his stomach as I gently — but firmly, pushed him back to keep a distance.
His eyes were darker than usual, a tormented spirit hidden behind them, challenging him to do something risky.
The others — Lando and some friends from school, were chatting in the next room, their voices and laughter echoing in the distance as we stared at each other.
“Don’t.” I repeated once more as I looked at him, my gaze — which kept lingering on his mouth, not as cold as I tried to seem.
We had managed to behave well for weeks, I couldn’t figure out why suddenly Oscar had decided to do something potentially problematic.
Until I smelled the alcohol in his breath.
“You’re drunk.” I noticed aloud.
“I hate it.” Delicately, Oscar touched the bruise on my throat — the contact sending shivers down my spine, then sighed. “I fuckin’ hate how this idiot thinks this is fair. You're not an object.”
“And, yet—” My pulse spiked as I felt Oscar’s thumb moving along my throat. His fingers settled around my neck as I looked up at him, the boy’s thumb moving forward to my jaw. “You’re always responding to his provocations, constantly messing with him. Does that mean I’m an object to you as well, Oscar?”
He shook his head. “You’re my best friend.” Oscar responded while still touching me, his thumb moving up to my cheekbone as he held my face. We hadn’t been this close to each other since that night. “I tried, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”
I blinked, my eyes bright. My heart was beating insanely fast underneath my ribs, it almost hurt. Oscar’s attitude shocked me, it was as attractive as revolting.
I knew I shouldn’t have let him touch me the way he did. I had someone in my life, someone I had already betrayed once because of Oscar.
But as always, I’ve let him do it. I’ve let him consume me some more, the desire to be close to him stronger than the guilt could ever be.
Oscar’s lips parted, my features tight with worry as I flinched and pushed away the boy’s hand, hearing someone coming our way, footsteps approaching.
“Am I interrupting something?” Lando asked us with an irritated tone, standing behind Oscar.
I shook my head as I tried to remain calm, scratching my elbow. “No.” Oscar responded with a sigh, still looking at me as he took a step back. “We were just talking.”
Lando approached, shoving Oscar — on purpose, on his way. The brown-haired boy leaned against the sink right next to me with an arm wrapped around my shoulders in a possessive way.
“I have some great news.” Lando said to me. “My parents are going away for the weekend, they’re leaving tomorrow in the morning. I thought, you know—” He winked. “You could come over and spend the night at my house.”
I understood the implication right away and so did Oscar, my face turning red as I glanced at my best friend — who seemed as preoccupied as me, with embarrassment.
I looked at my Lando in dismay. “What the fuck?” I asked. “Oscar, wait—” Lando and I watched as Oscar — without saying a single word, left the kitchen. “Seriously, Lando.“ I shifted, uncomfortable as I noticed my boyfriend’s satisfied smirk. “Did you really need to talk about this in front of him?”
“I don’t see anything wrong with that.” Lando answered, eyes narrowed. “He’s your friend, not your brother.”
“Yes, but—” Lando shrugged, unbothered. “Still, I don’t want anyone to know.” I explained. “It should stay between us, it’s private. You must have made him feel uncomfortable, I don’t know.”
“What was that all about, huh?” Lando asked. “You guys seemed pretty close when I walked in.” I took a deep breath. “Is there something you’d like to tell me, Y/N?”
He definitely could feel it. No matter how hard we had tried to remain distant recently, Lando was still suspicious.
Perhaps, I should’ve seen it as an opportunity to tell him the truth about what happened but instead I panicked.
“No, what— Of course not.” I laughed nervously. “Don’t be silly. We were just talking, that’s it.”
I could tell he wasn’t convinced in the slightest, blue eyes still narrowed, examining my features carefully and searching for any signs of weakness, arms crossed over his chest.
I didn’t want to hurt him, or to cause any more chaos.
“Shit— Lando.” I said, breath short. “I—” He was still looking at me attentively, which increased my anxiousness.
I gasped quietly as he pulled me closer to him effortlessly, leaning forward to kiss me. I kissed him back as a distraction — I hoped it could erase the boy’s doubts and maybe even mine, my hands settling on his shoulders, slowly moving down to his biceps as the kiss intensified.
However, something was missing.
I had been thinking about it for weeks. It was nice, yet different. It was good — it could even be a bit hot sometimes, but not as devastating and excruciatingly good as with him.
I swear, I liked Lando, I really did. And I genuinely thought I could learn to live without loving him, I really wanted to overcome it.
But, the heart wants what it wants.
“Will you stay at my house tomorrow night?” Lando asked a few moments later as I pulled back. “Please, Y/N.” Pushy, I thought. “Come on.”
It took me a second to process Lando’s question. I knew it implied something else, something important. I tried to really think about it, quite intimated by Lando’s lustful eyes as he stared at me while waiting for the answer, then nodded affirmatively, the pressure oppressing my thoughts.
“Huh— Yes.” I blurted out. “Yes, sure.”
Lando smiled and I attempted to do the same — mine must have looked weird and it vanished rapidly, as he kissed me on the cheek and headed back to the living room with a drink in hand.
All I could think about as I stood there all alone was Oscar, wondering what he couldn’t stop thinking about.
“Shit, shit.” I murmured to myself as my keys dropped to the floor. In the darkness, I looked behind my shoulder, eyeing the stairway. “Dumbass.”
I didn’t want to wake my father, he would’ve killed me.
I sighed and turned on the lights as I walked down the hallway quietly and stopped by the mirror next to the front door to look at myself.
Something felt off, I thought, my stomach hurting.
I lifted my shirt to touch it, the anticipation and the stress were starting to get to me. I was supposed to lose my virginity soon and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
Of course I had about this moment before. And I didn’t have many expectations back then besides one — as cliché as it was, I wanted to do it with someone I loved.
I wanted to be able to look back at this moment in the future and to see it as a soft memory.
And as much as I liked Lando, I wasn’t in love with him.
Yes, we both appreciated each other. Which was more than most people we knew could say about their own relationship. For someone else, it might've been good enough to convince them.
I wasn’t ready to share something so special with Lando.
I found myself rethinking about Oscar’s words from the previous night. “I fucking hate how this idiot thinks this is fair. You’re not an object.”
Until quite recently, Lando had never shown any particular interest in sex. We hadn’t even talked much about sex, yet. I didn’t even know if Lando was a virgin at the time, to be honest.
We’d make out sometimes but it only went as far as Lando touching my boobs over my bra. In fact, Oscar and I had done more together.
I frowned as I thought about the hickey, Lando had insisted.
It shouldn’t have unsettled me so much, Lando was an eighteen year old boy, after all. But it seemed so unlike him to behave this way.
I sighed as I remembered the way Lando had talked to me yesterday, in front of Oscar. Lando definitely wanted him to hear it, to know that we were about to have sex.
Now, I was even more confused and I had been five minutes ago. I feared that Lando wanted us to have sex for the wrong reasons.
I looked down at my phone as it started to vibrate. It was a text from Oscar — how convenient, a strange one.
I know it’s late, but I’m miles away from home and my car broke down. Mom’s not home, she’s not answering her phone. Please, I really need you, Y/N.
I agreed to help him in a heartbeat, and asked him to send me his location right away, even though I was about to leave the house to meet Lando.
To be honest — as shitty as it sounds, I was almost relieved to have found an excuse to cancel, I had way too many doubts.
I started the engine, the discomfort in my stomach long gone. I called Lando and told him I couldn’t make it. He sounded disappointed, I must have sounded unbothered in comparison.
And then as I explained to him what had happened to Oscar, something switched in the boy’s tone.
The disappointment left, the irritation came. Lando chuckled — low and dark, as his exasperation built up.
He called it a sweet coincidence.
And, I suddenly felt guilty and stupid as I thought how I should’ve been able to call his suspicions irrational.
I should’ve been able to reassure him but deep down, even though Lando knew nothing about what had happened between Oscar and I, I knew he was right to be worried and I hated it.
I promised to text him later before hanging up.
I arrived at the location forty minutes later, some random gas station on the highway, Oscar shielding his eyes from the lights as he stepped towards the car.
“You owe me one, Piastri.” I joked, watching him sitting down in the passenger. “I knew you enjoyed being the passenger princess.”
“Yeah, yeah— Try not to kill us.” He responded in the same amused tone. “Shit— I can’t believe you came here.” He told me, relieved. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
I snorted. “Don’t worry about it.” Both hands on the wheel, I looked around the empty parking lot. “Where’s your car? Shouldn’t we call someone or do something—”
“No, no, no— That won’t be necessary.” He shook his head. “It’s fine, it’s— Don’t worry about it.”
I narrowed my eyes, suspicious. “Okay…”
Oscar looked at the window, avoiding me. “I talked to my mother, it’s all good. I parked the car a little further away from here. We’ll get it back tomorrow. Let’s talk about something else—”
He sounded more and more nervous as the conversation kept going, speaking unevenly and hesitating between his words. Which was unusual for someone like him, who tended to remain composed and relaxed in most situations.
And then, as I pretended to listen to Oscar’s nonsense, I thought about the one time in the kitchen after we hooked up. Oscar had been able to remain calm until my dad mentioned Lando.
And the one time we talked about it, at my house. He ran away as soon as I confronted him.
Oscar could handle most situations until someone or something reminded him that he couldn’t always control everything.
I decided to interrupt him. “Is there something wrong?” I glanced at him. “Did something happen tonight, or—”
“Eyes on the road.” He reminded me as I sighed. “Everything’s fine.”
I frowned. “You don’t seem fine.” I remarked, unconvinced. “You’re agitated and— Wait a second. I thought you said Nicole wasn’t answering the phone.”
He looked away as soon as the words left my mouth. I glanced at him from time to time, waiting. As much as I didn’t want to bother him, I couldn’t tolerate it, Oscar’s behavior worried me too much.
“She called me twenty minutes ago.” He responded. “Don’t worry about it.” I rolled my eyes. “Everything’s fine.”
I could sense the annoyance creeping under Oscar’s skin as he tried to sound calm. “Focus on the road, Y/N.”
Fine, I thought, defeated.
It was awkward, the atmosphere heavy in the most unpleasant way. We didn’t talk to each other for some time, the radio keeping company to our silence. Oscar was still looking at the window, until my phone started ringing.
“Shit.” I said. “It’s Lando.”
Oscar looked at me as I declined the call. “Do you want me to—”
“Of course not.” I responded with precipitation, surprised. “He’s really mad at me. I don’t wanna make it worse. I’ll text him soon, we’re twenty minutes away.”
“I don’t mean to be annoying or whatever—” I licked my lips. “But, it's stressing me out.” I admitted, looking straight ahead. “I need to ask, aren’t you gonna explain to me what you were doing there, all alone, in the middle of nowhere?”
He scoffed. “What about you, huh?” I frowned. “Aren’t you gonna explain to me why you’ve decided to come rescue me even though you could’ve spent the night with your boyfriend instead?”
“What does that have to do with—” I shook my head, then glanced at him. “What are you talking about, Oscar? We’re friends, I would’ve never let you down. And, I can’t even believe you still remember that—”
“Lando talked about it five times yesterday.” Oscar said. “I think, the whole fuckin’ town probably know at this point.”
He was right, Lando hadn't been subtle about it. He insinuated it a few times during the evening. Which only increased my doubts regarding his intentions with me.
“He’s such an asshole sometimes.” Oscar added. “I don’t know what he was trying to prove tonight, but he’s clearly mistaken, anyway.”
I remained silent for a moment, then turned to look at him as soon as we approached a red light. “He’s clearly mistaken.” I repeated, hesitant. “What is that supposed to mean, I—”
“You know exactly what I mean.” Oscar said without looking at me. “He’s clearly mistaken about you.”
I stared at him in dismay. “Did you even really need me tonight, Oscar?” I waited, then smashed the wheel. “I asked you a question—”
“Yes, I did!” Oscar snapped, looking back at me. “Just as much as you needed me.” I scoffed at the boy’s audacity. “Oh, please— You responded to my text in one minute. You wanted a reason to cancel, we both know you didn’t want to be with him tonight.”
Someone honked at us. “You’re such—” I laughed nervously as I focused back on the road, my heart racing. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Your relationship is bullshit.” Oscar stated. “It’s bullshit.” I felt my blood boil as I noticed Oscar’s smirk. “Admit it.”
“What happened tonight, huh?” I asked once again. “Come on—” His arrogance vanished. “Tell me, or I swear I’ll drop you right here.”
We glanced at each other. “You’d never do that.” That was it, I hit the brake hard. “What the fuck, Y/N?” Oscar asked as we both trembled against our seats, eyes wide.
I ignored the honks and the insults from the cars passing us by as I turned to look at him. “Lando was right.” I said. “Nothing happened, you did it on purpose to mess with us. And, I accepted to come because I’m an idiot, who can’t say no to you.”
“Wow.” Oscar chuckled in disbelief. “That's not the truth. You came to me because you didn’t want to be with him.” He leaned forward. “Just, fuckin’, admit it.”
He stared at me, his eyes challenging me to say something, my heart tight as anger consumed me.
His attitude was as unbearable as the tension between us. He was right and he knew that, I hated it.
I hated him so much at this exact moment. Or at least, I tried hard to. Because I knew I’d never really be able to, which terrified me sometimes.
It genuinely was what I disliked the most about Oscar, my eternal and unconditional affection for him.
I was scared of how much Oscar knew me, how easily he could read into me. Because it meant that he must have known exactly how much I liked him. And yet, it didn’t stop him from treating me the way he did.
Oscar cracked first under the pressure as I remained stoic, eyes filled with hatred. “My mom’s home. My car’s fine too, nothing happened to me. I just—” He exhaled. “I lost my fuckin’ mind. I was on my way to this party out of town and I couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday and how he’s trying to prove something to me constantly—”
“Hold on.” I leaned back against my seat. “This isn’t about me potentially having sex with Lando, it’s about your ego—”
“No, it’s not just about that—”
“You wanted to prove something to him as well, didn’t you?” I touched my temples, then chuckled nervously. “Look at me, swear to me that you didn’t do this mainly because you wanted to annoy him.”
He looked away as soon as our eyes met. “I don’t know what I was thinking—”
“God— You’re right, Lando’s an ass sometimes but you might be even worse.” I laughed as I started to cry.
Oscar tried to reach for me as soon as he noticed that I was in tears and I flinched instinctively, my body trembling. “Let me explain—”
“You’ve never looked at me, until someone else started to do it.” I said. “I’m sure you know exactly how I feel and you’re still messing with me. I—” I sighed. “I had someone nice, I could’ve moved on but you ruined everything—”
Oscar snorted. “Please— You didn’t seem to care much about him that night.”
We were both stunned, my hand — tingling, as red as the boy’s cheek. I stared at him as my breath caught. I had never slapped anyone before.
“Okay.” Oscar touched his cheek, then grimaced. “It’s fine, I deserved it.”
At least, the pressure had dropped
“I’m so sorry, I—” I murmured through my tears, still in shock. “I should’ve never done that.” He shrugged. “I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”
Oscar’s eyes snapped at me instantly, my friend still touching his cheek. “Huh—” After staring at me for a moment, Oscar sat down properly, then cleared his throat. “You have freckles in the summer.” I frowned as I turned my head to look at him. “You always laugh at your dad’s jokes, even the worst ones, to make him feel good. Sometimes when you’re nervous, you scratch your elbow—”
“What are you doing?” I asked him in a whisper as tears rolled down my cheeks, my fits clenched against my thighs. “Why are you telling me this?”
He leaned closer. “The morning after we spent the night together, I woke up first. And, you were laying on my chest, still asleep. You looked so sweet and peaceful, I didn’t want to move. Because I didn’t want to stop looking at you.” He insisted on the last three words. “I’m looking at you, Y/N. All the fuckin’ time, you just haven’t noticed—”
I sniffed, bitter. “Yeah, okay.” I crossed my arms. “That doesn’t explain anything, that doesn’t explain what happened between us.”
Oscar sighed. “I might have wanted to prove something to him tonight.” I primmed my lips as I tried to contain my tears. “But, we both know that’s not the only reason why I’ve done this, the only reason why I've been losing my mind lately.”
“Words, Oscar.” I said, frustrated. “I want words, I— I’m sick of the innuendos and riddles.”
“You’re the one who said we should forget about it, pretend it didn’t happen.” He responded leaning back into his seat. “I never said anything about—”
“Right— You don’t say anything, that's the problem.” I sighed as I felt guilty for letting my frustration get to me. “I dare you to say it.” Oscar and I stared at each other, both waiting. “Tell me why you’ve been acting this way. Tell me about what you can’t stop thinking about, tell me why it happened, tell me anything about your feelings.”
“I— I can’t.” Oscar responded as I waited with my heart on my sleeve, Oscar crushing it an instant with his response. “It’s really complicated.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” I said, settling comfortably into my seat as I looked at myself in the rearview. “You know what— You’re right. I didn’t want to be with Lando tonight. And, I don’t wanna be with you either.”
“Don’t say that.” Oscar answered with his eyes filled with something I hadn’t seen in them before, sadness. “Please, let’s talk about this—”
I sniffed as I held back the tears, biting my lip. “We did.”
I still remember the atrocious sensation I had in my chest as I breathed in and grabbed the wheel, the pain flowing through my wounded chest.
“We can’t keep doing this. I meant what I said. I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore, at least for some time.”
I feared this day would come as soon as I started crushing on him. I corrupted our friendship the minute I had the misfortune to let my heart venture beyond what it could endure.
And as we drove back home in silence, I remember asking myself: “Why did it have to be him?”
I did everything I could to keep myself busy. I had been focusing on school ever since we stopped seeing each other — two weeks had already passed, and thankfully, I had barely seen him there.
I didn't trust my ability to stay calm in his presence, yet. I would probably have snapped in a few minutes.
I can’t count how many times I’ve looked at my phone during this week and almost cracked.
It took my father one week to — finally, stop asking me questions about Oscar and Lando.
He’d look at me with concern and shake his head whenever I’d shut down at the second the subject would be brung up. After our fifth argument over this, he just stopped asking.
Almost every room in my childhood home had something related to Oscar in it.
It was an actual nightmare some days.
As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, I would see pictures of him on the walls in my bedroom.
By opening the bathroom cupboard, I found myself face to face with Oscar’s toothbrush.
At dinner time, every time I would open the kitchen drawer, I would see the beautiful birthday candles we had used for my mother’s birthday last year.
Oscar and I had made a cake together.
“Y/N!” My dad had called from downstairs as I was sitting at my desk, finishing my homework. “Come down, someone’s here for you.”
Puzzled, I stepped down the stairs slowly, stopping once I heard the person’s laugh — it was a woman, and I sighed deeply as I recognized to whom it belonged instantly.
Nicole Piastri, Oscar’s mom.
I took a deep breath as my feet touched the ground.
I walked in the living room, accompanied by an immense weight on my shoulders as I wondered if Nicole knew what had happened between Oscar and I.
She smiled at me — Nicole always radiated such a loving and reassuring energy it was incredible, as soon as she saw me.
Dad nodded. “Okay— I’ve got things to deal with in town. I’ll be back in an hour.”
Nicole and I watched him walking out, then I focused back on her as I heard the door slamming shut. “Hey, it’s nice to see you, Nicole.” I said. “Is that—”
“Yes.” She agreed right away as I pointed at the box with my name on it, placed on the table. “I think it’s all the things you’ve left at home over the past few years.” I hummed faintly. “It wasn’t my idea.”
I didn’t even try to hide my disappointment, my face said it all. I stepped closer to the table to take a closer look at the closed box.
“I see.” I responded, my shoulders falling as I sighed.
Don’t cry, I repeated to myself as I realized it was over.
I couldn’t even blame him, it was his own way to deal with it, to deal with the chaos we had caused.
I had nothing though, no box or anything, to give to Nicole in return.
Because as much as it hurt me too — all these memories and things constantly bringing me back to him, I hadn’t found the courage to do it. I might have been the one to call it quits but I couldn’t bring myself to erase him from my life, not yet.
I touched the box, trying to picture Oscar, angry and disappointed as he gathered my things and put them away.
Our break was supposed to be temporary, not permanent.
“Sweetie.” Nicole said. “I don’t know what exactly happened between Oscar and you. I don’t understand how anything could come between you two.” She stepped closer. “I guess adolescence can be tough sometimes, it makes things difficult. You guys are so young, there’s so much more you need to learn in order to communicate better, to understand each other better. Whatever happened between you two, whatever the conflict was, I’m sure you two will figure it out. You’ve been friends for so long—“
“It’s really complicated, Nicole.” She sighed as she touched my shoulder. “We’re both idiots, I think.”
“He’s probably going to kill me for saying this, but—” She chuckled. “Well, he came straight into my room after you dropped him off and he collapsed into my arms.”
“Oh.” I murmured, surprised.
I had never seen him cry, not even as a kid when we’d watch the saddest movies. I’d always been the one to seek comfort in Oscar’s arms.
I thought about Oscar’s eyes back in the car, the way he had avoided mine the entire drive back to his house, the way he slammed the door shut behind him without looking back.
“Shit.” I murmured to myself, eyes closed. “He didn’t say anything to me on the drive back, I thought—” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t want to make him cry or anything, I—”
“I know, I know.” She assured me. “My son’s not good at expressing his emotions. But, I know how much you mean to him. You know—” She smiled. “You and Oscar caused quite a lot of troubles together. I can’t count how many times I’ve been in the principal’s office throughout the years.” We both chuckled. “But, I do think you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to him. I’m sure you feel the same way about him, as well.”
“I do.” I confirmed quickly. “But, I guess sometimes even the greatest things must come to an end.”
“Maybe.” She nodded. “But sometimes it’s necessary, in order to start on new bases, better ones.”
I was getting ready for prom, humming in rhythm to the music playing in the background as I walked around the room to sit at my desk.
My eyebrows furrowed together once I heard someone knocking on the door.
“I’m not ready.” I responded loudly as I thought it was my father.
However, the person kept knocking again, again and again. I moaned and then got up, frustrated. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before walking to the door.
“I thought, you—” I abruptly stopped myself as I opened it, my blood pressure dropping instantly. My mouth went dry and my breath caught as I recognized him. “Osc— Oscar. What are you—“
I remember feeling unsteady, my thoughts racing. I must have been in shock, my knee hitting the wooden door as I opened it wider to look at him.
Oscar wasn’t as agitated as me but just as stunned, looking at me with the sweetest eyes I had ever seen.
“Wow.” He murmured as he blinked rapidly, eyes lingering on my prom dress. “You— You’re so beautiful.”
I was an emotional wreck by that point. My brain was trying to process it all as the compliment reached my heart, my inner voice wondering if any of this was real or not.
“Huh—” I swallowed hard, then touched the fabric. “Thank you. That’s— You’re really sweet, Oscar.
Our eyes met as I pronounced his name softly with my flushed cheeks and an uncontrollable smile appearing on my face.
Oscar smirked. “I mean it.”
It was at that moment, as we looked at each other tenderly — as if the past few weeks had never existed, that I realized how much I had missed him.
He cleared his throat. “I— I came here to tell you something.” I nodded. “I got accepted, I’m going to Uni.”
My jaw dropped. “Oh my—” I threw myself at him impulsively — overwhelmed by joy, wrapping my arms around the boy’s shoulders. “Congratulations, that’s amazing.”
We both chuckled. “I really wanted to tell you. We were together at my house when I sent the application.” Oscar said as I smiled, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. “I haven’t even told my parents, yet.”
I held him as tight as I could. Oscar didn’t want to move, I could feel it, didn’t want to let me go. And I didn’t want him to move either.
We could’ve stayed like this, in this position, until the end of time.
And then, I sensed my entire body melting as I felt Oscar’s thumb caressing — so gently, my lower back.
Our embrace had gone from: “Congratulations.” to “I’ve missed you so much.” in a heartbeat.
Despite the circumstances, it didn’t even feel strange to be close to him again which made things even more difficult for me, it felt as natural as it always did.
“I’m really happy for you.” I repeated as I finally managed to find the strength to pull away a bit, Oscar’s arms still wrapped around me. I got nervous in the movement, our mouths dangerously close to each other. “I— Would you mind helping me with my necklace?”
He nodded, staring straight at me. He followed me to the desk without saying anything and took the necklace from my hands.
I huffed as I turned around and waited with my hair pulled to the side, my heart pounding shamelessly loud. Oscar stood behind me as I watched our reflection in the mirror, my impatience growing.
It was torturing me. I shouldn’t have asked him to do this.
I stopped thinking as I felt Oscar’s hot breath on my neck, it made my knees weak. Once done, he touched my bare back — I swear I was burning from the inside, then found my eyes through our reflection.
“You’re so beautiful.” He said, again. “Lando’s a lucky guy.” I frowned, slowly turning around to face him. “Did I said something wrong or—”
“We broke up.” I told him as our eyes met again. Suddenly, I couldn’t handle our proximity anymore, it was suffocating, the back of my thighs hitting the desk as I stepped backwards in precipitation. “I— I thought you knew.”
“No.” He responded in astonishment. “I didn’t know.” Thankfully, Oscar stepped back too. “I had no idea.”
He must not be talking to Danielle anymore, I thought.
“It happened that night, after our conversation in the car.” I explained to him. “It was doomed to happen.” I said as I crossed my arms, to shield myself. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”
I caught him staring at something on the left. I turned my head — noticing Oscar’s sweater on my bed, then looked back at him with embarrassment.
“Right.” I said. “You might wanna take it back.” He looked back at me, confused. “It’s yours, after all.”
“No.” He responded. “To be honest, I’m happy to know that you’re still wearing it.”
We stared at each other for a moment. I thought about Oscar’s box — untouched, hidden somewhere deep inside my closet. I hadn’t looked at the objects in it, I didn’t want to face the memories it contained.
“I guess—” I started. “You’re not going to prom.”
“Well— As you know, dancing’s not really my thing.” He told me, scratching his head. “Anyway, I should probably leave, I still have to tell my parents and you’re getting ready.”
I couldn’t force him to stay no matter how I wanted to. I could tell something had caught him off guard, his brown eyes fleeing mine and his body moving mechanically towards the exit with haste.
“Oscar.” I called weakly. “Please— Wait.”
I stopped by on the doorstep as he turned around in the hallway, ready to take the stairs. My mouth opened, a million thoughts racing in my head, most I would’ve never been able to say out loud.
And then, I said: “Truth or dare.”
Oscar frowned, then chuckled lightly. “Huh— Truth.”
“I miss you.” I replied in a heartbeat, completely missing — deliberately, the game’s point. But after all, it was the truth, my truth. “And, I’m really proud of you.”
He nodded, lips pressed together in a thin smile as we both stared at each other with tears in our eyes, my heart shattering once more as I watched him leave.
I closed the bedroom’s door behind me and sat down on my bed, covering my mouth as I cried silently.
My father called my name with an uncertain tone from behind the wooden door, knocking on it.
He came with a confused expression on his face as he saw me, asking me questions. I looked at him and choked on my words as soon as I tried to speak, the pain overwhelming my throat.
Dad sat down next to me and held me in his arms. I didn’t need to tell him, he had figured it all out the minute our eyes met.
My father — literally, forced me to attend some random guy's graduation party a few weeks later, which I had thought was pretty suspicious.
He insisted. “It’ll be fun, you’ll see, come on!” I remember looking at him with narrowed eyes as I left the car.
Maybe there was somebody coming at home to see him that night, I thought. Somebody special. After all, my dad had been going out so much lately.
I had never seen my father with anyone else since my mother died. I wouldn’t have minded — I think, sometimes it hurt me to see him alone on the couch on Saturday nights.
But this assumption quickly disappeared from my mind as soon as I bumped into Oscar Piastri, on my way to the bathroom.
How convenient, I thought.
And as we started talking, Oscar told me he didn’t even really want to come here as well. Until someone — Nicole, had forced him to leave the house.
We quickly came to the conclusion that our parents — the sneaks, had pushed us to come to this party so that we could see each other.
“I can’t believe it.” I said as we both laughed about the situation. “They’re really smart. But, I could tell something was weird though.”
“Me too.” Oscar said. “My mom asked me to switch shirts two times. She was all excited, giggling while she walked around the house.”
“I like it.” I said, glancing at the button shirt. He looked down abruptly, but I could’ve sworn that I saw him getting red. “So—“ I shrugged. “Any plans for the summer? Are you gonna visit the campus or—”
“My mother and I went last weekend.” I sighed as I nodded faintly. “I really wanted to talk to you about it but since we don’t talk anymore, I just—”
“It’s fine.” I assured him. “I understand. You don’t have to—” I shrugged again, biting on my lip. “I get it.”
It hurt even though it was mostly — sort of, my fault.
I knew I hadn’t chosen to like him, obviously. It just happened, inevitably. But still, due to my inability to see him as a friend anymore, we both had missed so many moments of each other’s lives.
I felt numb as I looked away, trying to ignore the increasing annoyance I felt towards myself.
Oscar noticed my discomfort. “Some friends and I are going to France this summer.” He said, trying to save our conversation. “We’re leaving in five days.”
“Wait—” I blinked. “France!” I repeated with excitement, Oscar chuckling as I nudged him gently. “Lucky bastard! You better send me some pictures and—” I paused. “I mean, if you want to.”
He smirked. “Of course I do.”
I remember my lips parting as I was about to tell him something until someone interrupted us by clapping.
“Adorable.” Someone said, standing behind me. Oscar’s eyes darkened as they settled on the person. “Look guys—” The guy chuckled. “It’s my favorite couple.”
Everyone started to look at us, murmuring vaguely as they tried to understand the context behind all this. It irritated me as much as it made me uncomfortable.
I rolled my eyes as I turned around to look at Lando, the brown-haired boy waving at me. “Please, Lando—”
“I knew it, I fuckin’ knew it.” He mumbled with hatred as his blue eyes wandered between Oscar and I. “I knew something was going on between you guys, I could feel it the entire time.”
He stepped closer. “Hey, hey, hey—” Oscar said as he raised a hand towards Lando in order to stop him. “You’re really drunk. I don’t think it’s the right time to—”
“Fuck off, Piastri!” Lando screamed, stumbling. “Don’t tell me what to do. This is all your—” He frowned, touching his chest. “You’re the reason why this bitch dumped me, man—”
“Shut up.” I blurted out as I felt Oscar’s arm wrapped around me to push me to the side, my best friend stepping up. “Don’t talk about me like that.”
Lando stepped closer, almost bumping into Oscar’s chest. “Back off, Norris.” Oscar warned calmly, protective. “I won’t say it again. Don’t start something you could regret.”
Lando scoffed. “She’s in love with you.” He said, staring straight at me. “I didn’t stand a chance, it was screwed from the start.” My breath caught. “But at least, I won—”
“Lando.” I warned him, voice trembling. “Shut up.”
“What—” He shot me another look, then smirked. “Don’t you want him to know how good you are in bed, Y/N?”
I felt mortified as I stood behind Oscar.
Lando’s statement hit me as violently as a slap, my face burning with shame as I felt everyone staring at us. I huffed once Oscar turned around, the boy’s eyes desperately seeking answers in mine.
I maintained eye-contact, no matter how hard it was. And then, Oscar touched my forearm gently, reassuring me with a compassionate nod.
“That’s right.” Lando continued. “I fucked her.”
Oscar sighed deeply. “Okay— That’s enough.”
But as soon as Oscar turned around, Lando punched him across the face, the boy grimacing right after the impact.
I didn’t see it coming, neither did Oscar.
“What the fuck, Lando?” I exclaimed as Oscar stepped back. Face down, Oscar whined and cursed Lando discreetly, while covering his cheek. “Shit— You’re okay?”
Lando stared at us as I examined my friend’s face, my eyes filled with worry. “You’ve never looked at me like that.” He said with disgust. “Never.”
I glanced at him, Oscar leaning against me. “I know you don’t want to hear it.” I said. “But I’m really sorry, Lando.”
The brown-haired boy turned around, bumping into a few people on his way to another room.
I accompanied Oscar into the bathroom, forcing him to sit on the edge of the bathtub, ignoring his complaints. And I told him I was sorry a thousand times as I took care of him.
At some point, Oscar asked me — kindly, to shut up.
I sighed deeply once I noticed the blood on his shirt.
“No— Shit.” I murmured as I scrubbed it. Oscar didn’t say anything, looking at me attentively, waiting. “I— I hooked up with him, after our fight in the car.”
“I see.” Oscar answered as I added alcohol to the pad, standing between his legs. “You don’t have to talk about it, unless you want to.”
“I don’t know what possessed me, to be honest.” I laughed nervously, glancing at the blood on his cheek. “I just— I was really angry and sad. I went there, I led him to his bedroom, my brain shut down completely.”
“And so—” He hissed as I touched the cut. “The sex was so bad that you decided to break up with him afterwards.”
I shoved him, my reaction making him laugh. “Dumbass.” I touched his cut once more on purpose, Oscar’s hands gripping on my thighs through another hiss.
I wish I could’ve pretended that it didn’t do anything to me. But the moment I felt his hands on me, butterflies emerged in my stomach.
I thought about Lando’s words: “She’s in love with you.”
I liked him, it was undeniable, for sure. My feelings for him were sincere and intense. And I knew I wasn’t able to feel that way about anyone else, I had tried.
But I still hadn’t uttered the word, love. I hadn’t dared to cross the line, to even really think about it. It might have been too concrete for me at the time, too real.
I think I knew I wouldn’t have been able to take it back afterwards.
It was such a scary conclusion to face.
Suddenly, I felt too seen, too vulnerable when Oscar’s eyes — soft and bright, and I swear I almost died as I noticed how much trust and affection they were filled with, opened and met my frightened ones.
Under the neon lights, Oscar stared at me as I looked down at him, my chest moving rapidly. I held my best friend’s face with a trembling hand, the second one settling on his shoulder as I lost balance, my knees weak.
“Is everything alright?” He asked calmly.
I silently damned the sweetness in Oscar’s voice, and the way my heart couldn’t stay calm near his.
And then, I damned myself for how much I wanted to kiss the wound on his cheekbone, how much I wanted to dive into his beautiful brown eyes as they stared at me with worry.
My mouth dropped as Oscar’s hands went up my hips, excruciatingly slowly. He smirked at my reaction, murmuring my name with an amused tone as I stepped back.
“You’re good at this.” He said. “Maybe, I don’t know—” He shrugged as I sat down next to him. “You could consider becoming a nurse or something. My personal nurse.” I smiled. “You could come with us this summer, we might need medical assistance.”
“Sounds nice.” I nodded, chuckling. “I’ll think about it. In case I change my mind about the east coast.” He frowned. “I got in.”
“Wait, what—” He blinked in disbelief. “Are you serious— That’s insane, I didn’t even know you applied there, I thought—” He shook his head, then hugged me. “Congratulations.”
“We haven’t really talked about our future in months. I applied months ago, I really wanted to tell you, but—” I pulled back to look at him. “You were hanging out with Danielle a lot back then. The circumstances weren’t good. There’s so many things I’ve been wanting to tell you lately.”
At the time, we both had been so focused on the potential romantic aspect of our relationship that we were barely even able to have a casual conversation anymore.
It would always end up getting out of hand.
Every time we were together, the moments we were sharing, the conversations we were having, everything always led us back to the undeniable tension between us, it was inevitable but overwhelming.
“I do think you were right though, we needed some time apart from each other. But, I’ll always be there for you, always.” Oscar told me. “You can call me, anytime.”
“Wow.” I murmured. “I didn’t know you could be so mature.” He rolled his eyes as I shoved him, chuckling.
“I miss you.” Oscar admitted as my laugh cooldown. I looked down at our hands, our fingers intertwined. “Now, I understand why our parents planned this.” He sighed. “We’re so stubborn sometimes.”
“Tell me about it.” I joked. “I almost called you a hundred times.” I admitted it. “It wasn’t easy—”
“I drove to your house two times last week.” Oscar blurted. We both started to laugh, my head resting against the boy’s shoulder. “I really wanna hang out with you, before I leave.”
“My mom’s making lasagna tomorrow night, I know how much you like it.” I sat down properly to look at him. “Please, come over for dinner.”
“Sure.” I smiled. “I would love that.”
Of course, we spent the next five days together.
Oscar and I were basically inseparable. During this week, we found each other again, reconnecting with our nine years old selves along the way.
And we made the most of it.
I still remember the distress in my father’s voice and the way he had tried really hard not to smirk, calling Oscar and us immature as we ran around the us with waterbombs. Both screaming and laughing hysterically for hours with Nicole watching us in awe.
Each day, the time went on terribly fast as the date approached, but thankfully, Oscar and I fell asleep next to each other during each one of them.
And I think — so did our parents, that we both needed this.
Oscar and I would’ve hated to remain on bad terms. Especially because we both had planned to move out in a few months. So, we didn’t even know when we’d be able to see each other again, yet.
Not knowing tormented me deeply at the time.
“Oh— Thanks.” Oscar told me as I handed him back the t-shirt I had worn the night before. “I— I’ll put it in the laundry basket.”
I hummed in agreement, watching him from the bed. I had been sitting here for the past forty minutes, my stomach knotted as Oscar ran around the room to finish packing.
But then, Oscar turned around briefly and I caught him sniffing the t-shirt right before tucking it into the suitcase rapidly, thinking I hadn’t noticed it.
“We’re leaving in twenty minutes, Oscar.” Nicole said from downstairs by the staircase. “Twenty minutes.”
Oscar and I walked out the bedroom together, my heart tight as the moment approached. Nicole rubbed my back affectionately as I walked by, following Oscar from the alley to the car.
I waited by the vehicle while Oscar closed the car’s trunk, Nicole talking to him about something related to the trip. He glanced at me with an amused look, Nicole was far more nervous than him, we thought it was cute.
“I’ll wait for you in the car.” She responded. “Five minutes.”
Oscar rolled his eyes. “Yes.”
We both chuckled as soon as we glanced at each other. With both hands in his pockets and an awkward smile on his face, Oscar approached me, carefully.
“So—” He started. “It’s time.”
I’m the one who looked away first, scratching my elbow discreetly as I felt my chest tightening. I didn’t want to cry, not again. I had been a mess the entire week, I couldn’t bear it anymore.
But it was impossible for me to contain my emotions.
“Hey— Don't cry.” I groaned as Oscar took my hand. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll talk everyday, I promise.”
I took a deep breath, looking at the sky. “Yeah, I know.” I smiled as I looked back at him, the tears coming. “But— I’m gonna miss you, that’s all. We knew this moment wouldn’t be fun.”
Oscar smirked. “Come here.” I held him tight against me, my face hidden in the boy’s neck as I savoured his comforting scent. “Don’t forget about me.”
I chuckled through my tears, my face hot. “Don’t be ridiculous, Piastri.” I slapped his chest, sniffing. “I could never, Idiot.”
I stepped back to look at him, my arms around the boy’s chest. I exhaled deeply as Oscar held my face, gently wiping away my tears.
My heart stopped for a second as I saw him glancing down at my lips with need while licking his, he then looked back at me, sighing.
“My mom’s definitely watching us right now.”
A warm sensation emerged from my chest as I stared longingly at him. It was insanely soft, almost blissful.
He hugged me again, tighter this time. “You better text me. I wanna know all about your summer, classes and campus.” Oscar told me as I struggled to breath, chuckling. “Don’t fuckin’ forget about me, Y/N.”
“Oscar.” I mumbled against him, the boy chuckling as well as I kicked him in the ribs. “Soon, I won’t even be able to do anything anymore, I can’t breathe.” He didn’t move. “Let me go.”
From a distance, I waved as I watched the car disappear from the driveway, Oscar heading towards Europe with my heart in the palm of his hands.
Surprisingly, I did not cry once I got back home — neither on the way back, rushing straight into my room. I exhaled in relief as I closed the door, leaning against it.
The room was illuminated by the sunset, a soft orange hue accentuating my feeling of nostalgia. It seemed empty now and was too quiet.
The sudden silence’s heaviness made me dizzy.
I almost pronounced Oscar’s name, expecting to see him arrive from the bathroom with his toothbrush at the edges of his lips.
I walked to the bed, scanning every corner of the room with my eyes, smiling as I appreciated how each one was filled with different versions of him, different versions of us.
I glanced at our new pictures on the wall fondly, the old ones with our little delighted faces still there, watching over me.
And as I was laying on the bed with my face plunged into the pillow on which Oscar had fallen asleep forty-eight hours ago, I felt my phone vibrate from the nightstand.
I hurried to take it, sitting down, my pulse accelerating as my fingers trembled while unlocking the phone.
But then, as I started to read the message, my smile faded away progressively. I touched my chest, my heart sick from nostalgia while looking at the screen, a tear rolling down my cheek as I read Oscar’s text over and over again.
“I should have kissed you.”
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