Unt. Hypnokink Tumblr @itsredharris - Tumblr Blog

I am always at a crossroads/detours in the corner of my eye

I wrote a poem about maybe moving across the country

I am scared/of myself/of the plans my brain makes/while I watch helpless

A poem about my ideation.

I hear/my roommate laughing/in the next room./The sound is alien.

After a long, exhausting move, GenreQueering is back with a very on-brand poem about my depression.

Good times.

We are not the same./We tell as many stories/as the endless stars/we’ve heard so much about.

The second entry in my poem-story series Forward.

I'm having too shit a day to advertise organically, so please just give it a read.

The first part of an endless journey.

This is the first entry in a new weekly series I'm publishing called FORWARD. I've been writing Forward for a couple years now--it began as a single poem about a group of people on some unending, unnamed journey and then just kept going.

The best way I can describe this series is a mix between poetry and adventure serial, but I truly don't know what form or shape Forward will take going forward.

Right now, I'm just excited to start sharing it with you.

Little pills/with my future inside/the soft self/I traced in the mirror

I wrote a poem about transitioning, HRT, and how hope feels like myth after years of despair.

Aryeh/was an eggshell/holding a person/not allowed/to be born

In the trans community, "egg" is often used as slang for people who haven't realized or begun to explore their transness yet.

I wrote a poem about about how I see myself through that lens. I hope you like it!

eyes sharp/teeth out/high/drunk/self-medicating

I wrote this poem in the middle of a cPTSD flashback brought on by some really shitty parental behavior.

It's far from the best poem I've written, but I think its rough, jagged edges capture the psychological fragmentation of the disorder better than something more polished, at least as I experience it.

Light content warning for c/PTSD, but I stay away from the things that actually triggered the attack and focus more on the physical feeling of the episode itself.

As always, thank you for reading.

hypnoobiwan

Just so you know...

Nath has been banned from the Erotic Hypnosis group on Fetlife. Her crime is the unforgivable one: she spoke out openly against an abusive user, who is still a member of the group.

Choose your priorities carefully, my friends.

theblackmercy

Wow. That’s terrible. Thanks for the heads up.

xxmasterandmargaritaxx

Ugh, that sucks

deepsleeperhold

Removed myself from the group. Fuck anyone that wants to support abusers.

Transition is free-fall/eyes closed, praying for gravity/to deliver me safely.

itsredharris

You’ve told me things about your own parents, tiny anecdotes that point to a larger, darker picture you’re unwilling to see.

CW: Parental Abuse (non-graphic) Eighteen months ago, I sent my parents a letter that began the end of our relationship. Today, I wrote another letter, this time for my website. This was one of the most emotionally exhausting things I’ve ever written. Please give it a read if you feel up to it. And if you’ve got a family like mine, I hope you’ll get something out of it.

itsredharris

Reblogging for the daytime crew

You’ve told me things about your own parents, tiny anecdotes that point to a larger, darker picture you’re unwilling to see.

CW: Parental Abuse (non-graphic) Eighteen months ago, I sent my parents a letter that began the end of our relationship. Today, I wrote another letter, this time for my website. This was one of the most emotionally exhausting things I’ve ever written. Please give it a read if you feel up to it. And if you’ve got a family like mine, I hope you’ll get something out of it.

#abuse #family #letter #genrequeering

arihi

How would someone know they were abusing someone else and go about fixing that, just a question

Hello anon,

This is a good question that I’m afraid I don’t have the knowledge or capacity to fully answer from that perspective. The most I can say is to observe your reactions and how the other person reacts to you. Are you quick to anger, or are you reluctant to admit fault to things, instead putting it on the other person? Do they seem timid and visibly afraid to anger you? Are they overly-apologetic? Do you find that they get nervous and fall quiet every time you express the slightest annoyance or frustration? (There are so many more indicators of abuse - these are just the ones I notice in myself most often.)

Those are just a few things to look out for, and I do understand that it can be difficult to notice behaviors in yourself and in other people. As for going about fixing it, communication and meta talks about the relationship can be helpful - but again, it might not always work. Sometimes conversations don’t help, or can make things worse. Sometimes the best way to ‘fix’ it is to distance yourself and give them time to heal. Listen to the other person and first and foremost respect their input. It’s a complicated subject where every situation has a different answer. Ultimately, the people who know the relationship best are ones involved.

If anyone has resources or further advice/information to give, feel free to tack it onto this post. I wish I could answer this better.

itsredharris

Honestly I’ve been trying to think and write about abuse for so long now and this is a way better answer than I would have given. I think what I would add is that personal recovery work (meaning good therapy, lots of it) is really crucial. Like you said, repair of the relationship, if it’s possible at all, needs to be dictated by the victim. So you gotta work on yourself and sincerely make an effort to understand the roots of the behavior. You gotta change for the future, because the abuse that’s happened has already happened. There’s no undoing it. I will say this: most victims of abuse do not go on to abuse other people. The reverse is not true–most abusers were at some point victims of abuse themselves. This is not an excuse. It will not change what happened. But I think it’s the key for abusive people to find forward momentum and actually grow. One good movie for this is The Work, which is a documentary about non-inmates attending a prison therapy intensive. It’s a lot, and it really hones in hard on toxic masculinity in a way that would benefit many (but obviously not nearly all) abusers. From a fictional, family-oriented, and less-male perspective, Lady Bird is a pretty great instruction manual on how NOT to treat your child, and especially on how NOT to fix things (although I don’t think it was intended as such). I’ve also heard good things about A Better Man, which is a restorative justice doc about a woman and her abuser confronting their shared past, although I haven’t seen it yet myself. I plan on watching it soon via Hola (you have to be in Canada if you don’t use a proxy) so maybe I’ll write it up.

arihi

Thank you for the additions - and thank you for pointing towards some media that addressed it. I haven’t seen any of those, but may check them out.

Important things to also note and remember:

Abuse is done is done is done. Apologies won’t change that. ‘Forgiveness’ doesn’t change it, either. Always be aware and understanding of it. (Don’t be someone who goes ‘what, you’re STILL hung up on that?’)

There are people who won’t get along with one another, and shitty ways they interact. Not every bad relationship is an abusive one. You are still just as justified to remove yourself from one.

As @alaric1960 mentioned, some abusive relationships will accuse and have the victim believe that they are the abuser, that they are selfish and that they are nothing but a drain on them - and that they should be grateful that they still talk to them. Look for signs that try to make you reliant, dependent, or lesser than. (This is obviously a complicated thing to map out on an individual basis.)

There are such things as relationships that are unhealthy for both parties.

I can’t talk about all of the signs of abuse, from either way. I don’t think any post could do that. Abuse takes many forms. As @itsredharris has mentioned, it’s something best to deconstruct and go through your experiences with someone. Be kind to yourselves.

arihi

How would someone know they were abusing someone else and go about fixing that, just a question

Hello anon,

This is a good question that I’m afraid I don’t have the knowledge or capacity to fully answer from that perspective. The most I can say is to observe your reactions and how the other person reacts to you. Are you quick to anger, or are you reluctant to admit fault to things, instead putting it on the other person? Do they seem timid and visibly afraid to anger you? Are they overly-apologetic? Do you find that they get nervous and fall quiet every time you express the slightest annoyance or frustration? (There are so many more indicators of abuse - these are just the ones I notice in myself most often.)

Those are just a few things to look out for, and I do understand that it can be difficult to notice behaviors in yourself and in other people. As for going about fixing it, communication and meta talks about the relationship can be helpful - but again, it might not always work. Sometimes conversations don’t help, or can make things worse. Sometimes the best way to ‘fix’ it is to distance yourself and give them time to heal. Listen to the other person and first and foremost respect their input. It’s a complicated subject where every situation has a different answer. Ultimately, the people who know the relationship best are ones involved.

If anyone has resources or further advice/information to give, feel free to tack it onto this post. I wish I could answer this better.

itsredharris

Honestly I’ve been trying to think and write about abuse for so long now and this is a way better answer than I would have given. I think what I would add is that personal recovery work (meaning good therapy, lots of it) is really crucial. Like you said, repair of the relationship, if it’s possible at all, needs to be dictated by the victim. So you gotta work on yourself and sincerely make an effort to understand the roots of the behavior. You gotta change for the future, because the abuse that’s happened has already happened. There’s no undoing it. I will say this: most victims of abuse do not go on to abuse other people. The reverse is not true--most abusers were at some point victims of abuse themselves. This is not an excuse. It will not change what happened. But I think it’s the key for abusive people to find forward momentum and actually grow. One good movie for this is The Work, which is a documentary about non-inmates attending a prison therapy intensive. It’s a lot, and it really hones in hard on toxic masculinity in a way that would benefit many (but obviously not nearly all) abusers. From a fictional, family-oriented, and less-male perspective, Lady Bird is a pretty great instruction manual on how NOT to treat your child, and especially on how NOT to fix things (although I don’t think it was intended as such). I’ve also heard good things about A Better Man, which is a restorative justice doc about a woman and her abuser confronting their shared past, although I haven’t seen it yet myself. I plan on watching it soon via Hola (you have to be in Canada if you don’t use a proxy) so maybe I’ll write it up.

youngqueerwitch

I think, I think one of the worst things about realizing you’ve been abused is the actual realization. Slowly learning what’s normal and what isn’t. Having it smack you in the face that “oh god that wasn’t normal that’s not normal all” and it’s just this horrifying realization

And it gets worse. You remember more trauma. You remember more of the hell they put you through. You wonder how they still think they did nothing wrong?

You doubt. You refuse to doubt. You panic. You become this mess of “is this real” and “I know this is real” and “I don’t want this to be real”

arihi

Be kind to yourselves.

itsredharris

I remember this feeling. I was lucky enough to go through it while I was already in therapy. If this is you, please try to find someone to go through it with you, whether that’s an ethical, informed mental health professional or a trusted, willing friend.

Untangling the threads of self-denial that kept my trauma a secret from myself for so long brought a bunch of other stuff up too. I didn’t know I was trans until I cut my parents out of my life and really experienced self-validation for the first time.

It’s been about 18 months since I had my realization moment. That first year was one of the hardest years of my life. But I’ve experienced more love, connection, and support--both from others and myself--in the past six months than the 24 years that came before. I know how it feels to want to live now. The work is hard. It’s still hard. But it is worth it.

ms-mazarin

Words to replace said, except this actually helps

I got pretty fed up with looking for words to replace said because they weren’t sorted in a way I could easily use/find them for the right time. So I did some myself.

IN RESPONSE TO Acknowledged Answered Protested

INPUT/JOIN CONVERSATION/ASK Added Implored Inquired Insisted Proposed Queried Questioned Recommended Testified

GUILTY/RELUCTANCE/SORRY Admitted Apologized Conceded Confessed Professed

FOR SOMEONE ELSE Advised Criticized Suggested

JUST CHECKING Affirmed Agreed Alleged Confirmed

LOUD Announced Chanted Crowed

LEWD/CUTE/SECRET SPY FEEL Appealed Disclosed Moaned

ANGRY FUCK OFF MATE WANNA FIGHT Argued Barked Challenged Cursed Fumed Growled Hissed Roared Swore

SMARTASS Articulated Asserted Assured Avowed Claimed Commanded Cross-examined Demanded Digressed Directed Foretold Instructed Interrupted Predicted Proclaimed Quoted Theorized

ASSHOLE Bellowed Boasted Bragged

NERVOUS TRAINWRECK Babbled Bawled Mumbled Sputtered Stammered Stuttered

SUAVE MOTHERFUCKER Bargained Divulged Disclosed Exhorted

FIRST OFF Began

LASTLY Concluded Concurred

WEAK PUSY Begged Blurted Complained Cried Faltered Fretted

HAPPY/LOL Cajoled Exclaimed Gushed Jested Joked Laughed

WEIRDLY HAPPY/EXCITED Extolled Jabbered Raved

BRUH, CHILL Cautioned Warned

ACTUALLY, YOU’RE WRONG Chided Contended Corrected Countered Debated Elaborated Objected Ranted Retorted

CHILL SAVAGE Commented Continued Observed Surmised

LISTEN BUDDY Enunciated Explained Elaborated Hinted Implied Lectured Reiterated Recited Reminded Stressed

BRUH I NEED U AND U NEED ME Confided Offered Urged

FINE Consented Decided

TOO EMO FULL OF EMOTIONS Croaked Lamented Pledged Sobbed Sympathized Wailed Whimpered

JUST SAYING Declared Decreed Mentioned Noted Pointed out Postulated Speculated Stated Told Vouched

WASN’T ME Denied Lied

EVIL SMARTASS Dictated Equivocated Ordered Reprimanded Threatened

BORED Droned Sighed

SHHHH IT’S QUIET TIME Echoed Mumbled Murmured Muttered Uttered Whispered

DRAMA QUEEN Exaggerated Panted Pleaded Prayed Preached

OH SHIT Gasped Marveled Screamed Screeched Shouted Shrieked Yelped Yelled

ANNOYED Grumbled Grunted Jeered Quipped Scolded Snapped Snarled Sneered

ANNOYING Nagged

I DON’T REALLY CARE BUT WHATEVER Guessed Ventured

I’M DRUNK OR JUST BEING WEIRDLY EXPRESSIVE FOR A POINT/SARCASM Hooted Howled Yowled

I WONDER Pondered Voiced Wondered

OH, YEAH, WHOOPS Recalled Recited Remembered

SURPRISE BITCH Revealed

IT SEEMS FAKE BUT OKAY/HA ACTUALLY FUNNY BUT I DON’T WANT TO LAUGH OUT LOUD Scoffed Snickered Snorted

BITCHY Tattled Taunted Teased

writing-reigns-deactivated20200

reblog to save a writer

whispersandwhiskerburn

Reblog because the titles for each category are comedy gold.

starlingsongs-deactivated201608

Knowing that trans women of color started the movement in the united states and were literally immediately erased and excluded from what they started is the most deeply jading knowledge.

It is the original sin of the so-called queer community and it damns it from the cradle.

starlingsongs-deactivated201608

no white gay boy will ever reblog this, watch:

lesbian-mimikyu

no white gay will reblog this

queerfemme

no white lgb person will reblog this

lgbtqkidsrock

Without Stonewall, without the efforts of Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, the LGBTQ Community wouldn’t be where it is today. Don’t forget the roots, don’t forget the catalyst.

cyberlesbiab-deactivated2021052

and then TERFs wanna be like, “hmm well the LGBT community existed before Stonewall!”

but like…Becky, of course LGBTQ+ people existed before Stonewall. We’ve all existed since the beginning of time. But the movement got a shock to its senses, a jump-start, a rocket-into-space when that glass shattered via Marsha P. Johnson, and when Sylvia Rivera was up on-stage protesting guess who was on the sidelines heckling her?

The same fuckers who won’t ever reblog or acknowledge this

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