this is the shape and the point of the tooth

i'm kv (she/her) & i'm in my 20s.

[slapandticklelol]

“This poem doesn’t rhyme.”

Dude about to make haikus:

“Oh you haven’t heard?”

[matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll]

fuck you

[curiooftheheart]

The first line is six syllables.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

THIS

POEM

DOES-N’T

RHYME

That’s 5 syllables

[curiooftheheart]

Poem is two syllables. Po-em.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Poem is ONE syllable, who the fuck uses two syllables to say poem?

[curiooftheheart]

What the fuck are you on about? Literally just say it out loud. Po-em. One syllable would be like Pome.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

“Pome” IS how you say it you neanderthal. Who the fuck says PO-EM?

[haiku-robot]

“pome” is how you say it you neanderthal who the fuck says po-em

^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. Disappointing each other includes you. | PayPal | Patreon

[zoanzon]

[elibunnn]

moreee umistage

[perfectgreed]

[anawkwardlady]

[poketcg-art]

Chikorita -- kamonabe

[etirabys]

probably no one else finds this funny and I’m driving away my friends a fraction of a percent at a time every time I do it, but I think the height of comedy is when you react to an emoji with the same emoji in a chat medium that permits this

[sinnahsaint]

[targetedknowledge]

[txttletale]

THE GAME OF THE BALL

(this parable was originally posted on my patreon) On a summer’s day an alien lands in Buenos Aires. He steps out of his spaceship, conical and rough like a snail’s shell, and speaks through a glistening translation bubble. He says to the bewildered boy in front of him, “I have heard of your great game, fútbol, and I want to see it.”  

So the boy nods, because he is an enterprising sort who has been taught to always be polite to strangers, and he leads the alien back to his home. He kicks off his shoes, sits on the couch, and switches the channel to today’s match. Uruguay is playing Chile in the Copa América. The alien watches for some time, but does not seem pleased. 

“This is a broadcast signal being displayed to me on a screen, child. This is not fútbol: I want to see fútbol.” 

So the boy, who is of course familiar with the nuanced differences between representation and reality says, “I understand. The television is only an object which can mediate the images produced by fútbol to me. Follow me.” 

And so the two of them walk to the stadium in the center of town, and they sneak in without paying, and the boy says, “This is the Estadio Monumental. This is where Maradona and Pele played, some of the greatest players of all time.” 

And the alien shakes one of his heads, more frustrated now. “Nonsense! This is not fútbol! Fútbol is a game, not a big building, or a field with goals on it.” 

“I get it!” says the boy. “These are merely the instruments of play for fútbol, its toys and stage. If you want the thing itself, then follow me.” 

And so the two of them go out behind the boy’s house, and walk down the street to where some of his friends are playing among themselves. “Come on, join us, Felipe!” shouts one, but Felipe shakes his head. 

“I am too busy illustrating a parable,” he says meekly, before turning to the alien. “See, here it is: real fútbol.” 

The alien, however, shakes all of his heads at once. “No, boy. These are only people playing fútbol. The game itself is nowhere to be found, and I need a sample of it for my library of specimens.” 

“Oh,” says the boy, and then laughs. “Silly alien! Fútbol is a set of procedures which can be instantiated at any moment. It is a socially mediated cultural object, and not a physical one!” 

The alien frowns. He is very confused. “Why are you calling me an alien?” he asks. “You’re an alien!” 

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[sugarcoatednightshade]

Holy shit

[monchursouls]

How could I NOT reblog this? It’s AMAZING!!!

[lightbearers]

#ikora rey my beloved

[tarakanpaintedpurple]

[karvina]

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

[tarragonthedragon]

irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*

[parkchanwoohoo]

This was already fucking impressive but then he started making electric guitar noises and I recreated this image in my bedroom

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

OP: Her voice is as powerful as a Ferrari's roar (Her name is wulanlan吴兰兰)

[sigmaleph]

Today, in honour of the death of Pope Francis, I would like to recall his tireless struggle to make my life worse.

Both the same-sex marriage and gender identity laws in Argentina passed while he was Archbishop of Buenos Aires, which is to say the most prominent religious figure in the country, and he fiercely opposed them (famously calling the former a plot by the devil to destroy God's plan).

As a transgender lesbian in Argentina, having legally changed my name and gender and being married to my wife, things that have made my life enormously better and would not have been possible if he'd had his way, I can only say this: fuck you, you piece of shit. We won, you lost.

The next pope will probably also be a terrible person, because that's a requirement for the job of head of the Catholic Church. May it fade into irrelevance in my lifetime.