Don't report please just block

TW ED/disordered eating, suicidal ideation, self harm don't click if you are in recovery

[sadandsmilling]

A part of suicidal ideation or self harm no one talks about is the numbness to the subject that comes with it. I sit and scroll through pages and pages of cries for help, suicide notes and plans and feel nothing. No worry, no concern, no crushing feeling in my chest. Nothing. Those familiar feelings are now replaced with a strange familiarity, a kind of comfort that it’s not just me.

Fuck. When did it get to this

[dankmemeuniversity]

[briarquartz]

Bruno + tweets (1/?)

Image descriptions under the cut

Keep reading

[devildykewashere]

one of my friends found radiooooo which is a site that streams music from any country from any decade (well, most countries/decade combos work) and we’ve been digging going on a quest to find what is rad

so far the following is good

50s/60s/70s/80s russia

70s cambodia

20s japan

80s ethiopia

80s india

[spacedumpster]

let’s add 70s armenia and 70s japan to this list

actually im willing to bet 70s *any country will be amazing, it’s all been really good so far

and if you go for 90s india fast music you might get hit in the face with tunak tunak tun right away so get your meme groove on

[devildykewashere]

one of my moms recommended 70s east germany and this proves true, this is weird and amazing in a good way

also set the mood to “weird” for maximum fun, it enhances literally every station

[missingvibrance]

something about being traumatized and mentally ill for years on end without any help is that it alters your brain and messes with how it processes memories and data. this becomes really inconvenient especially during fights or stressful events because your brain will be aware that something happened but it won't be able to pinpoint what exactly happened down to specific details or what was exactly said. this sucks because it makes you more vulnerable to manipulation and being gaslit. you're easily convinced that you're in the wrong and that you're a bad person simply because of the unreliability your memories provide. i want you to know that you aren't a bad person and i'm so sorry there are people out there who have taken advantage of your incapability to have a reliable memory.

[klng-n0thlng]

Thought yall on here may appreciate my new rule for myself

[livefitdiefit]

Note to self:

work fucking harder. suffer in silence and let your success do the talking

[peonies-slim]

When I saw I lost a total of…

5 lbs, my wrists seemed less chunky

10 lbs, the back of my shoulders seemed less round

15 lbs, I had lost the hunch behind my back and my stomach had gotten smaller, plus my jawline started showing

20 lbs, my collarbones and the ribs above my breasts started showing, my neck had gotten smaller and my cheekbones started showing

25 lbs, my hipbones were visible when I layed on my bed, and my thighs so tinier when I sat on the shower floor

30 lbs, my arms seemed thinner. I could see bones, nerves and muscle working under layers of fat that had vanished

35 lbs, my calves seemed much more toned than before, and my stomach got even smaller, to the point where I could see my ribs instead of a roll

40 lbs, I became more confident when trying on clothes while shopping

45 lbs, my breasts started shrinking fast, I hadn’t lost in that zone yet

50 lbs, my boss noticed my weight loss and said “wow, is it me or everytime I see you, you’ve gotten smaller?”

55 lbs, I went through my clothes and sent more than half of them to thrift stores

60 lbs, I took a look in the mirror and saw no double chin, no back rolls and no round tummy

At first, you don’t notice the changes. After a year, you’ve forgotten where you even started. But once you start paying attention, you see the results of all those times you cried, starved, overworked yourself or purged. I swear, one day I’ll extend this list to 95 lbs.

[furiousgoldfish]

The memory loss as a feature of ptsd and dissociative disorder is rarely talked about. It’s not only ‘big holes in memories’ or ‘blank periods of time’, though of course that happens too. But you lose people from your memory too.

Relationships, friendships. People who once meant everything to you, you can’t recall their names anymore. People you only casually knew during a period of trauma can fade from your mind completely. You can’t remember what you said to someone, what conversations you had together, even the fights and the lows, it all becomes a blur, and then completely fades away.

Your life is sorted into periods of whatever trauma was going on at the moment, but you can’t recall what else took place. What you learned, what experiences you had, the normal things you did that later feel bizzare for a person in your situation to do, to be able to do. Or you don’t remember the trauma, and it’s difficult to put things into any kind of context.

And for your childhood, it’s impossible to make a timeline out of it. Events mesh together, there’s no before or after, to link an event to a year is almost impossible, for any event you can’t tell if you were 5 or 8 or 14, you try and make sense based on what else was going on in your life, except you can’t quite remember what it was. You lived one life at home, a whole another life in school or public space, another one online, and they don’t seem to be connected at any point, and to link it all in a timeline feels impossible.

The memories that don’t hold strong emotions fade first, but eventually, the ones with strong emotions fade too.

Your short term memory becomes difficult as well, it feels like an incredible strain to remember anything you did 2 weeks ago, or 2 days ago, or yesterday. If you’re reminded of something that went on a year ago, it’s a shock because you no longer remember it as something that happened at all. Your brain erases anything that ended as something that never happened, or isn’t worth recalling, or would only stress you out to think about, so you don’t, and it goes away.

Having a memory surge back is stressful, because you realize you never thought about this event, or this person, for years, and this meant something to you, it formed you and shaped your life, it made you feel something. But it was gone for so long, and probably, the second you forget it, it will be gone again. It’s hard to see who you are when you no longer know who you were. You don’t know how anyone perceives you because you don’t recall your experience together.

[furiousgoldfish]

I MISSED MY CHANCE GODDAMIT

[tobi-with-an-i-deactivated20220]

What are some things you weren't expecting with your ed?

Here are a few of mine:

Shit ass nails

Wonk anxiety

Hair that grows fast, but is super fucking brittle

Being cold all the time even though i'm at a normal weight?

Peach fuzz on my face like no ones deal

Isolating myself without realizing it

Grades are slowly, but progressively going down

MoOd FuCkInG sWiNgS

[iwanttokillmyself]

for me I wasn’t expecting that it would be harder for me to breath

also I’m angry 24/7

weirdly enough the my eating disorder makes me a bit less sewerslidal

[afronerdism]

One of the things that’s already begun to happen is the mass exodus of white people from affluent cities and neighborhoods into the hood due to covid unemployment. And thus the mass gentrification process has begun.

[afronerdism]

And it is gentrification by the way. Y’all have to kill this idea that white people who’ve fallen on harder times aren’t gentrifiers. They absolutely are.

[afronerdism]

Look at the asks I’m getting. You can litterally see where the gentrification starts.

The framing of everything is “why are you being mean to these poor, sad, destitute, white people!? They have no choice but to move into these poor neighborhoods!” The expectation is for me to feel sorry for white people who are coming to live....in a place I already live.

Once again, the neighborhoods y’all move into when you struggle are the neighborhoods we grow up in. My neighborhood is so black, dominoes won’t deliver after the sun goes down. But you know what? We’re happy and feel lucky to be here. You know why? Because we know what you don’t know and that’s that 2 streets down is the hood. And 4 streets down from that is the projects. So we’re happy to be in our little black neighborhood.

But you? You move in full of despair. You hate being here. You feel at a disadvantage to be here. You hate our culture. You hate our cookouts, our loud music, the bass at 4 am rolling through, the weed smell, the fact that we leave our dogs chained up outside, the fact that we have pitbulls, the fact that we don’t really cut the grass like that, you bemoan everything about us.

And as more of your cracker friends move in you cling together. You don’t know our names but you look at us like we’re the intruders in our own neighborhoods, you start talking shit, you start wanting to “make improvements”, and worst of all you start calling the fucking police.

So we start getting arrested, assaulted, more of you move in, our rent goes up, we move out, you’re building a “home owners association,” you’ve got us all too scared to listen to our music or cook out anymore, the rent goes up some more, we leave, more of you move in, and suddenly our little black neighborhood that wasn’t the nicest but not the worst is full of white faces. White faces that peer at the few black people left. You make them so miserable they’ll leave anyway.

And all of this? Big money hasn’t even touched it yet. You bring gentrification with you as a poor white because you bring racism with you. You bring your privilege and upwards mobility with you. You bring your “improvement” mindset with you.

So no. I don’t feel sorry for poor white people at all.

Fuck y’all. Stay out of my neighborhood and go live with the white trash.

[afronerdism]

Wow white gentrification tumblr is really upset about this. This is why I don’t believe in this “anti-racist” movement because y’all want to say blm but not examine the ways you participate in structural racism.

[afronerdism]

[blackfilmmakers]

Europeans: colonize, steal, destroy resources and kill off entire populations of people

Y’all I’m sure: But you have to understand, they had no where else to go!!! What could they’ve done!?!

[tobi-with-an-i-deactivated20220]

White ppl be destroying culture like no ones deal. As a white person, I am sorry for what my dick head bastard species has done to you all.

[saintacephale]

the sexual tension between a healthy portrayal of emotions vs me saying “i think i am going to die” everytime i feel a strong emotion

[transstuffandmore]

Please Reblog is Your Blog is Safe for Non-Binary People.

[bees-and-voids-deactivated20210]

If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals

[felicitypdf]

ibuprofen and sink water is the midnight version of coffee and a cigarette…

[aflo]

im starting to think some of you guys might not be okay

[ipunchmen]

please respect european cultural dishes

[tobi-with-an-i-deactivated20220]

I think vape and monster is mentally ill version of coffee and cigarettes

[iwanttokillmyself]

tea and panadol

[sairitaikutsu]

guys, what do you think about the current Dream controversy?

there's this thing going on in twitter called #dreamOUT and basically dream said that doxxing isn't a big deal if you have very little followers (which is NOT true, it is a serious matter) and that was the last straw for everyone else. there's even a petition to get him deplatformed.

i wanna know what you think.

my thoughts below cut:

Personally, i support the LITERAL HELL out of #dreamOUT. I always thought Dream was kinda ok, just not my type of MCYTber and that his stans just make him look bad. Now, looking at this made me go "What in the diddly goddamn!?". This man needs to look back at EVERYTHING controversial he said, play them back on his head SLOWLY, and realize what he just said. It made me want to make an alt account on twitter for the sole purpose of correcting him, not like it's gonna work, but I'd get doxxed anyway, probably.

Dream, how can you say that doxxing isn't a big deal for people with very little followers when you have THOUSANDS of fatherless children who can dox anyone who says "dream bad" in the span of a split second? People who have been doxxed had bad things happen to them like break-ins and having random strangers call their loved ones. This isn't even the first time you said something controversial.

If doxxing isn't a bad deal, how would you like your face leaked online? How would you like to wake up one day to find some guy outside with a cannon aimed right at your house, ready to blow up before you'll even escape?

Also, don't get us all started on the whole responsibility thing. As a MASSIVELY famous content creator, you have more power over your fanbase than you actually have. You can tell them a certain ship is canon and they'll believe you. stop saying you have no control over your fanbase whatsoever. Not to compare people, but look at the Septiplier situation, for example. Markiplier and Jacksepticeye told their fans to stop taking the ship too far because it was getting uncomfortable for them, and it worked!

Dream, you not only do nothing about the toxicity of your stans, but you ALSO ENCOURAGE their behavior.

Anyways, in short, saying that doxxing people isn't a big deal is the LAST STRAW, that petition MUST succeed, and Dream doesn't deserve a platform. This is more of a rant that I needed to get out of my chest before I actually make an alt account to DM him and risk getting doxxed...

[screnarchive-deactivated2022042]

If you guys are like me, and you struggle a little with describing locations, can I suggest…

as a lifesaver.

[whats-amata-you]

There is a WHOLE SERIES of these!! Amazon has like half the series under Ackerman, Angela and the other half under Puglisi, Becca, but both authors worked on all of them. The Emotion Thesaurus has done SO MUCH to help me improve my writing of body language and such too. And they’re each like $5-6 for the Kindle version with quick links in the table of contents and everything. I cannot recommend these enough, they’re super special awesome.

An example of how this has helped me was in this section here; the first photo is the first draft and the second is the final version of this scene. I mostly used The Emotion Thesaurus for this; the emotion being conveyed here is relief and relaxing after suppressing stress for a long time, but S himself isn’t really aware of his own emotional state here and I could not use those words to describe what he was feeling inwardly. So instead I used what he feels in his body and his surface rationalization, and it just reads so nicely this way imo.

[seven-oomen]

These are also on Zlibrary for people who do not want to support amazon.

Link

[ghostonly]

Alright y'all I finally switched back to Firefox

I've been growing increasingly stressed about how poorly firefox is doing in terms of how many people use it over Chrome and I'm generally a huge supporter of Firefox, the only reason I haven't been using it the past couple years is because offline google docs and sheets is only available on Chrome, but I finally said fuck it and switched back

If I need to use docs or sheets offline I can use Chrome, but I want to support Firefox as much as possible

And When I Tell You

I forgot what it's like to have a responsive browser that doesn't lag constantly

Go get Firefox, you will be Alarmed at how fast it is