vents and trying to get better

BPD diary 20 they them

[myceyelium]

every time i feel slightly ok about myself my brain reminds me that i left the person i cared the most because I'm a selfish asshole and I'm not going to feel that way about anyone again. no one is gonna care about me like that again

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

me except they left me cus i’m a selfish asshole

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

i don’t want to do this anymore

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

my school is so fucking transphobic but i can’t tell anyone or yikyak about it bc i get harassed every time

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

if foot in mouth disease was a real diagnosis id have it

[dirty]

idk but being equally obsessed with each other sounds hot to me

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

moved into school today and it was a good distraction till everyone went to bed and all i can think about is how my fp dumped me bc i’m evil

[terminally-unlikable]

I wanna feel loved rn so bad like…. I’m begging the universe to give me someone who’s in love with me

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

i just wanna love myself so bad i’m begging the universe to let my brain give me a break and love myself

[godyoupeopleareannoying-deactiv]

im tired of being mean its bad for my health i want to be nice now so no one be stupid ever again so i dont have to be mean to you

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

NO GLORIFICATION ON THIS PAGE

there will be NO notification of SH or BPD on this page, the only mentions of SH will be about how disappointed and angry I am that I can’t stop and it will always come w a TW

[shuaaflower]

If you have me in your life, I’m really really sorry.

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

luckily everyone left so i’ve stopped burdening them

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

my ex fp left a long letter about all the ways in which i am manipulative and bad after i split on them once (1time) in the 4 years of friendship. it’s both great and terrible because it’s an instruction manual on how to better myself and also a paper to obsess over every reason to hate myself.

[lanaknowsitried0]

The moment I’m all alone and have nothing to distract me is when I fall apart and I give in to self destructive behavior

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

how to: face that i’m manipulative and toxic without literally killing myself from the guilt

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

see also: how to share the blame of a relationships problems and not think it’s entirely my fault or their fault

[iwillgetbetteripromise]

how to: face that i’m manipulative and toxic without literally killing myself from the guilt

[cedar2bug]

[persephon3schild]

that shit never ends