don't mind me. I'm just screaming into the void @izzy-with2zs - Tumblr Blog

I wish I only needed to worry about what I know and not what I don't know.

#I wanna read everyone's mind #or maybe just his #I hate not knowing shit #personal text post #anxiety #autism #adhd

I'm just so deeply unhappy.

#it's hard to find something positive in my existence #not edgy #just depressed #personal text post #mentally ill #depression #anxiety #adhd #autism

It might be time to accept..

..that that's really it. Deleted me on everything. Burned every bridge. Except for the literal one, that connects over the river "between" us.

And I just had to look that up on christmas eve. Couldn't wait to get my heart shattered. Or what's left of it at least.

Well, you know the drill. Put on a facade and if it slips, I'm just tired.

#too tired to tag

Everything I wanna say right now, but shouldn't, cause I might not actually mean it...

Fuck yourself.

Go to hell.

You didn't even have the balls to tell me outright, I had to ask first. Just to get humiliated like this.

Why would you let me wait this long?

I'm so glad I didn't tell you how I felt in the last weeks and months.

I wish you had known sooner, so we didn't have to go through all this and waste both our times.

Now I have yet another reason to not be myself, as it seems to be the root of all my problems.

I trusted you.

"emotionally dependant", I just thought I finally found a real friend.

I don't believe you came up with that all on your own. I can't.

The embarrassment of explaining that we're no longer friends, the next time someone will inevitably ask.

I can't believe I lost you again.

"You'll eventually forget about him" I haven't for the last 10+ years, why would it be any different now? I wish I would. I hope I will.

#you were him #I just wasn't her #I am fucking pathetic #personal text post #losing a friend

Forced to look at a couple in love, while on the way home from my FWB and I'm just so pissed rn

#barely joking #I'm not jealous at all #not bitter either #you're bitter #mind your business #personal text post #relationship #single #lonely

Depression: You're sad now. Me: Oh ok.. anything I can do about that, so I feel better?. Depression: Like what, for example?. Me: idk, maybe do something that's fun. Depression: Can't do that. Nothing is fun anymore. Me: Ok, how about eating?. That often helps and it's certainly time to do that again. Depression: Nope, too much effort, no food today. Me: Great. I could text someone about how I'm feeling. Depression: Already talked to people today, can't have another conversation. Me: Awesome. So doom scrollig on the couch it is...

#I tried fighting it #but I don't have energy left #adhd is also acting up on the food situation #apparently there is no good food in the fridge #can't argue with that #maybe if I give in now I can do stuff again later #personal text post #actually mentally ill #adhd #autism #depression #tired

What a sick fucking joke

On the day I find myself to have the energy to take a shower, there's no warm fucking water!? I haven't showered in [redacted] and now that I finally have a bit of energy, I can't actually do it, because of things outside of my control.

I don't know what to do. I already cried, didn't help. I think I might sit here in my towel for a while..

#tiny mental breakdown #personal text post #actually mentally ill #adhd #autism #depression

Spent the majority of last night on the verge of tears. I think I might have made a big mistake, but it felt so good in the moment.

I hoped this would get him out of my system. Obviously it didn't, who could've guessed.

I really don't know,

if I regret this

what this means

if it even means anything to him

what I should do about how I feel

#at the very least #I know I'm overwhelmed #and still a bit sore #putting these feelings on hold #for now #personal text post #heartbreak #adhd #autism #depression #actually mentally ill

ENOUGH!

It is official now, too much has happened.

#what's next?#it better be fuckin nothing #cause I can't comprehend any more changes #all the people are going crazy #am I wrong?#personal text post #overwhelming news #autism #mental health #adhd #actually mentally ill

found out, I can only really cry in my dreams.

#sick #literally #personal text post #actually mentally ill #depression #adhd #autism #mental health

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria...

I hate it so much. 'Cause am I just feeling like I am being rejected, or is this person actually rejecting me?.

On top of that, people don't often clarify exactly what they mean. And I know, I can't police how other people choose to communicate, but please consider;

"No, I don't wanna do this with you." "I'd like to do that with you, But that doesn't fit in my schedule. How about [another more or less specific time]?."

That would be really fucking helpful!