Lol, I don't mind long messages at all ;) Anyway, I wanted to request snapshots of Jihoon's perspective. You know how you rewrote the major scenes in Yoongi's perspective? I was wondering like, what was Jihoon thinking when he suggested that Jimin should date Yoongi, when he saw Yoongi come home crying, when they got married, etc. Thank you! ;) (Also I literally just read so many of your Yoonmins and I love your angst so much, I recced your fics on bantanficrecs, I don't know if you saw. xD)
does anyone even follow me anymore? i know it's been literal years since you asked this and unfortunately, i don't know that i'll follow through and finish all the scenes, but i did in the past couple years write a solid 6k of jihoon perspective so i thought i'd post a little bit just to honor this very very old request! and who knows. i miss writing a lot and even though i'm not really on the rpf/kpop fic train anymore, i love the relationships i created with jihoon as an oc so it's not impossible i finish this as a whole story one day soon ;)
you definitely need to read the original when you're in love all the lines get blurred for this one to make sense
i.
Jihoon is fourteen when he answers the phone, Jimin already partway through whining a complaint as the connection completes. Thereâs the rough crackle of static that heâs gotten used to from his old, hand-me down flip phone and then he hears, â⊠that Iâm gay and she laughed at me!â
Itâs said with that can you even believe it! kind of tone that makes it seem like Jihoon should know whatâs going on and he should be on Jiminâs side. Jihoon, as is usually true, does not know whatâs going on, and probably wouldnât even if heâd caught the first half of Jiminâs sentence, but, as is always true, he is on Jiminâs side.
He tucks away Jiminâs casual announcement away to consider later, if he can remember to, and focuses on the more pressing issue: âShe laughed at you?â Jimin makes an enthusiastic noise, which Jihoon hears clearly as thank god, you understand, before launching back into a rant about his mom and not being taken seriously. It gives Jihoon the same sense of pride he feels when a teacher calls on him because they know he isnât paying attention and he gets the answer right anyways.
Jihoon follows the conversation, making vague sounds to express outrage and sympathy at all the right points until he hears a faint knocking through the line and Jimin hurries to end the call with a grateful and cheery, âlove you, bye!â
Jihoon does not, in fact, remember to address the part where Jimin just came out to him. Â
ii.
Jihoon is sixteen when he has to spend half a week needling Jimin to find out why heâs been using every free period to pout and stare longingly out windows like a weekday drama character. When he finally does get Jimin to cop to marathon moping, the two of them slumped against each other on Jihoonâs bed with their backs against the wall, Jimin still tries to get away with mumbling, âItâs nothing, just a⊠little argument with my mom.â
âOh,â Jihoon says, because Jimin never fights with his mom, or anyone, really, and he canât remember the last time Jimin was even annoyed with her. Until he does, and he says, a little too excited, âOh! Did you try to tell her youâre gay again?â
Jimin blanches, immediately, and Jihoon canât fathom why heâs got that wide-eyed, stricken look on his face. Itâs not like Jihoon cares. Heâs never thought twice about it, not once in the years since he found out, not even long enough to tease Jimin about how much he blushed and stammered when that one handsome teacher from the dance studio complimented him on his improving skill.
âI-I-I,â He stutters, and Jihoon briefly wants to make the joke about how nervous that guy makes Jimin now, but he waits, because he lives mostly to embarrass Jimin but thereâs a time and a place and this probably isnât it. Jimin abruptly scrambles away from Jihoon, nearly falling off the bed in his rush to create some distance, âHow did you know?â
âWhat do you mean, how did I know? You told me!â It never occurred to Jihoon that it might be a big deal. The first time, Jihoon had accepted it just as casually and easily as Jimin had said it. If Jimin had sat him down to have a big coming out moment like they sometimes do in American movies, Jihoon probably wouldâve said something at least vaguely nice to fit the moment. âDid you forget?â
âYou never said anything!â Jimin accuses instead of admitting he totally forgot he came out to his best friend in the middle of complaining about his mom one time, like, two years ago.
âWhy would I say anything? Youâre the one whoâs gay!â
âStop saying that,â Jimin demands. Jihoon swallows back a petulant âbut you areâ. No one is home, Jihoon knows, and Jimin probably does too, but he still glances furtively towards the door like someone might hear. Thereâs another sarcastic comment, as there usually is, on the tip of Jihoonâs tongue â something disparaging about his older brother, no doubt.
Probably also thinking about Yoongi, Jimin suddenly asks, without looking at Jihoon, âDid you tell anyone?â Heâs so tense it seems painful, hands closing into fists around Jihoonâs wrinkled bed spread, smoothing Jihoonâs own defensive edge into something more sympathetic.
âWho would I tell?â Jihoon replies softly. Sure, heâll whine and argue when Yoongi makes some passing comment about Jihoon only having one friend because Yoongi sucks, but itâs not like heâs wrong. Heâll pretend to be bitter about it, but, in reality, Jimin and Jihoon have been friends for sixteen years and Jihoonâs never seen the need for anyone else. And, contrary to popular (read: Yoongiâs) belief, Jihoon isnât a huge asshole. If he did have someone worth telling, even if he thought Jimin wouldnât care who knows, he wouldnât have.
Jimin accepts this without further argument, maybe because heâs acknowledging that Jihoon is a better friend than that and wouldnât spill secrets that arenât his to share, but probably because he also knows they are an exclusive duo.
They fall into a long silence, Jimin panicking while Jihoon sits very still and hopes Jimin will come to his own conclusions. The facts are obvious â Jihoon has known for two years, and Jihoon has known while believing Jimin wanted Jihoon to know, and absolutely nothing about their friendship has changed. If Jihoon was going to care, if Jihoon was going to spread rumors and turn his back on his best friend, he wouldâve done it by now.
Jimin seems to get there, eventually, but he still whispers, too full of doubt, âyou really donât care?
Jihoon drags Jimin back into his side by grabbing him loosely around his neck and yanking him into a headlock. He rests his cheek against the top of Jiminâs head, keeping him close, and promises, âYou are the same person youâve always been.â
iii.
Jihoon is eighteen when he gets a text from his best friend saying, apropos of nothing, âIâm an idiot.â
He doesnât ask why. Jimin doesnât explain.
Jihoon texts back, âi think you meant âa dumbassâ but ok.â
iv.
Jihoon isnât sure exactly how long Jiminâs been lying next to his bed. He didnât pay much attention when Jimin came in and shut the door with an irritated huff. In fact, Jihoon didnât even look up from his phone, recognizing the sound of Jiminâs heavy footfalls on the steps leading up to his bedroom before the door opened. Jimin might have texted to say he was coming, the message buried somewhere in any number of notifications Jihoon has been ignoring for the sake of doing nothing else, but itâs just as likely he showed up unannounced.
Heâs been sighing at freakishly perfect one minute and forty second intervals â Jihoon counted the time between five in a row after the first dozen before getting bored â since he arrived and threw himself bodily onto the floor of Jihoonâs bedroom, which is certainly unclean.
Jimin will keep sighing and Jihoon will keep pretending he doesnât notice, not because he doesnât care, but because he knows better. If he tries to ask whatâs wrong, Jimin will insist itâs nothing, and then worry about why Jihoon thought something was wrong, and then heâll get self-conscious about how his face looks and what his voice sounds like and act weird and robotic because heâs trying so hard to make it seem like everything is fine and then itâll take an extra three days for Jimin to actually talk about whatever it is heâs sighing about. Itâs better to let Jimin huff and puff until heâs built up enough steam to bring it up himself.
The rhythm of Jiminâs angst becomes strangely soothing, turning into such a relaxing backdrop to Jihoonâs mindless scrolling that heâs somewhere near half-asleep by the time Jimin speaks.
âWhat am I gonna do?â The question prompts Jihoon closer to consciousness. Jimin keeps talking, but Jihoon only has the chance to process the word âboyfriendâ before heâs dropping his phone and rolling away from the wall to glare at Jimin.
âYou got a boyfriend?â Jihoon feels a genuine hurt, thinking that Jimin, who Jihoon has always supported without question and very few (genuine) complaints, would keep secrets from him.
âNo,â Jihoon is pleased to see that Jimin looks as scandalized as he feels. âThatâs the whole problem,â he continues, and then asks again, because it apparently wasnât rhetorical, âwhat am I going to do?â
Jihoon suggests he fake a breakup, the easiest solution, but Jimin is right that it wonât work. Ending the life of a lie quickly is, of course, ideal, but lies are best when there are some messy loose ends that just canât be tied up or explained away. Having a few holes in your story can make it more believable, as long as youâre careful about where you leave them.
Jihoon also suggests Jimin gets a boyfriend, which is a win-win. Maybe even a win-win-win. Jiminâs mom believes heâs gay, win. Jimin has a boyfriend, big win. Â Jihoonâs best friend is happy, the biggest win of them all.
And, sure, Jimin has a point. If it were that easy to find someone to date, Jimin would have brought one home back when he was fourteen and his mom laughed at him, and Jihoon would not be counting the seconds between Jiminâs exhales at three in the afternoon on a beautiful spring Saturday, and Yoongi would have something to do other than sleep for twelve hours at a time and somehow still be the crankiest man alive.
Jimin visibly gives up when Jihoon declines to be Jiminâs fake boyfriend, easily the worst idea either of them has ever suggested. What should happen is Jihoon should be sympathetic and comforting, while they conclude Jimin will admit he lied and continue to live his life as he has been. If the two of them thought about it for maybe, like, fifteen more minutes they would realize that Jiminâs mom refusing to accept his identity is unfair and hurtful but ultimately inconsequential. That, eventually, Jimin will naturally find a genuine relationship and he will introduce that person to his mom because he wants to share his life with them, not because he wants this specific acknowledgment from his otherwise loving mother.
However, what actually happens, because Jihoon does not believe in thinking about things for more than one minute, and because Jimin looks kind of pathetic and more importantly, sad, and Jihoon simply will not stand for that, is Jihoon grapples for any other plan, just anything to get Jiminâs enthusiasm back. What actually happens is, Jihoon says, âMy brotherâs gay!â
Jimin doesnât look like he believes Jihoon, even when Jihoon lays out his very strong evidence of Yoongi kissing boys sometimes like, five years ago. Yoongi never said he was gay, sure, but in Jihoonâs defense, Yoongi didnât say much of anything, especially not to him, and especially not when Yoongi was in high school. The most they ever talked about it, Jihoon thinks, is after the third time when Yoongi came inside after saying goodbye to his friend and found Jihoon staring at him over the back of the couch. Theyâd held silent eye contact until Jihoon had pursed his lips to make kissy noises and Yoongi, before Jihoon could follow through, told him to shut up and left the room.
So, maybe Yoongi never said heâs gay, but he also never said he wasnât gay, and thatâs about as close to Jiminâs type as theyâre going to get in the next sixty seconds â and as established, Jihoon does not plan farther ahead than that â so he suggests him.
Itâs only meant to be that â a suggestion. Something that will get Jiminâs spirit back for a few more minutes until the new plan is inevitably foiled. Jihoon gives it, at best, a two percent chance Yoongi even entertains the idea. If it were him, ignoring the deeply problematic nature of asking your own brother to fake date you to fool your mom, heâd give it a solid zero. The odds of Yoongi doing something for another person are, by Jihoonâs estimation, astronomically low. The odds of Yoongi doing something for him are lower. But, in his roughly fifteen years of observation, Jihoonâs noticed that Yoongi has what one may call, if they were being generous, a bit of a soft spot for Jimin. Jihoon does not blame him. Jimin is very hard not to adore.
âYou want me to date your brother?â Jimin asks, and that is not what Jihoon said. He gags, only a little on purpose, at the idea. Itâs not clear if heâs more disgusted at the idea of Jimin dating his brother, or Jimin dating his brother, and heâs not going to consider it long enough to figure it out.
âI want you to fake date him,â Jihoon clarifies, and he doesnât dwell on how, nothing better to do or not, Yoongi probably isnât going to help. And he doesnât dwell on how the entire charade is definitely dumb and unnecessary, because Jimin doesnât need to prove anything to anyone but himself. And he doesnât dwell on the mounting swell of unease when Jimin peeks his head around the open doorway to say, full of disbelief, âuh, he said yes, so Iâm going to talk to him for a while.â
v.
âStop telling people Iâm gay,â Jihoon is startled but forces himself not to flinch when Yoongi suddenly speaks, catching Jihoon as he passes Yoongiâs bedroom to get to the bathroom.
Jihoon manages to take it in stride and says without looking, âThen stop doing gay shit.â
vi.
In a truly delightful turn of events, Jihoon catches Yoongi talking to himself in front of a pile of black t-shirts several hours before heâs supposed to fake meet Jiminâs mom for not the first time. Itâs been a long time since Jihoon has seen Yoongi flustered and off-kilter like this and heâs going to enjoy it as much as he can.
âArenât you going to Jiminâs today?â Jihoon asks, squinting at the pile to try and see if he can guess what Yoongiâs current contenders are. Itâs a pointless question. There are roughly two hundred anxious, nonsensical text messages clogging his inbox making him damn certain Yoongi is, unless Jiminâs clearly
unfounded fears that Yoongi suddenly changes his mind come true. Well, maybe not entirely unfounded, Jihoon thinks. Perhaps Yoongi wonât be able to pick a shirt and will cancel to avoid the shame.
Jihoon is not one to let such a wonderful opportunity go to waste, so he takes his time teasing Yoongi until Yoongi has physically removed him and slammed his bedroom door completely shut. Heâs also not one to let Yoongi have the last word, making sure to yell back through the wall that Yoongiâs ridiculous.
Halfway through making good on his promise to tell Jimin that Yoongi spent all morning picking an outfit, standing in the middle of his room because he couldnât hold it in long enough to flop back onto his bed, Jihoon pauses. Itâs been a long time since Jihoon has seen Yoongi flustered and off-kilter.
The harder he tries to remember, the more he realizes heâs never seen Yoongi that flustered and off-kilter.
Jihoon erases the message and heads to his closet.
vii.
Jihoon isnât waiting for Yoongi. He just happens to be downstairs. Did he watch Yoongi nitpick at his clothes through the window until he had walked out of sight? Itâs possible. Has he spent the past two and a half flipping anxiously between channels because he canât focus on any one show? Maybe. Is he waiting for Yoongi to come back from his first fake date? Absolutely not.
He does, when he hears the sound of a key in the front door, suddenly rearrange himself from his stiff, upright position into a (hopefully) casual-looking slouch and try to appear extremely invested in the baseball game he hasnât been watching. Since he wasnât waiting for Yoongi, he doesnât look up when the front door opens and shuts, or when he hears Yoongi puttering around in the entryway.
After changing his shoes and hanging up his coat, Yoongi comes to stand behind the couch. Jihoon doesnât really care, of course, but it seems impolite not to, so he asks, âHow was your date?â
âFake date,â Yoongi corrects absently, weirdly focused on the tv while Jihoon stares up at his chin. It seems like itâs all heâs going to say, which should not surprise or disappoint Jihoon, but kind of does. They donât really talk, about anything. Yoongi doesnât talk much to anyone, and they arenât close, and Jihoon has learned to be okay with the ever-widening distance between them.
But, maybe Jihoon was waiting, and maybe Jihoon did think it would be different this time. Even though theyâre brothers, it was starting to feel like Jimin was something they could have in common. Yoongi did agree to Jiminâs insane fake dating scheme, and if Jimin can be trusted, Yoongi did most of the actual planning. In the back of his mind, Jihoon thought, maybe if Yoongi was opening up to Jimin, and Jimin is an extension of Jihoon, then Yoongi could let Jihoon in too.
âHow was your fake date?â Jihoon sighs, long-suffering, and hopes it hides any desperation.
Almost on cue, Jihoonâs phone vibrates noisily from where itâs fallen between the couch cushions. They both know, without looking, exactly who the message is from. Yoongi snorts before asking, âHasnât Jimin already told you?â
They both know the message is from Jimin, and they both know Jimin has been messaging consistently for the past three hours, and Jihoon could let this go. He could let it go like he always does. He can pretend he wasnât waiting, and he can pretend he doesnât care. Instead, Jihoon says, a touch too softly, âYeah, but Iâm asking you.â
The silence goes on long enough that Jihoon thinks Yoongi might really ignore him, which isnât that strange, but normally he at least has the decency to leave a room if heâs going to act like Jihoon isnât there.
Just before Jihoon gets uncomfortable enough to exit the conversation himself, Yoongi says, âYou donât like baseball.â
âYes,â Jihoon agrees. Heâs been staring up at Yoongiâs chin, watching Yoongi not-watch the game, Unexpectedly, Yoongi glances down and meets his eyes. Jihoon would feel exposed, but Yoongi doesnât look long.
âIt was fine,â Yoongi says.
viii.
Jihoon isnât jealous. He totally doesnât care that his best friend, his only friend, if you ask anyone, is suddenly spending his free time with Jihoonâs brother. Jihoon definitely doesnât think theyâre being excessive, with how much theyâre suddenly hanging around Jiminâs house, even though Jiminâs mom has a job and probably isnât even there half the time. Itâs not like Jihoon wants to hang out with both of them and watch them do weird, fake couple stuff, either.
Jihoon isnât mad. It doesnât matter to him that his brother, the same brother that once took every opportunity to complain about the general existence of Jihoon as a person and Jimin as a permanent fixture, has all the time in the world to play happy couple with someone he acted like he hated three weeks ago. He definitely doesnât want Yoongi to suddenly decide heâs worth his time and start playing happy big brother.
Jihoon isnât disappointed. He doesnât care that his best friend seems to have forgotten he exists, and it doesnât matter that his brother chose his best friend over him. Itâs not like he thought maybe the three of them would bond, like they would all laugh about Jihoonâs great idea and what a success it was, and Jihoon could fake third wheel until the three of them together wasnât so pretend anymore.
Jihoonâs fine.
ix.
About a month after the whole stupid charade started, and no, Jihoon is not acknowledging that it was, technically, his idea, Jiminâs over for the first time in a couple weeks. Heâs sitting on the floor next to the couch while Jihoon is stretched out across the cushions. A movie theyâve both seen about one hundred times is playing on the tv, so neither of them is paying much attention, but itâs nice. Jihoon thinks they should probably be talking more, given how little they have been lately, but thereâs something to be said about companionable silence. Every five minutes or so, Jimin will lean back enough that the back of his head will press into the soft dip below Jihoonâs ribs and it feels familiar, like home. It makes Jihoon wonder if Jimin has been missing him just as much. On one of the touches, Jihoon reaches out to affectionately ruffle up Jiminâs hair.
Jimin shifts, pushing into the contact, so Jihoon leaves his hand there. He wants to say something, talk about how heâs doing, but heâs afraid itâll all come out too honest â itâs been lonely, I wish Iâd been more included, I wish things could be different between me and Yoongi, I wish I could be close to Yoongi like you seem to be. He wants to ask what itâs like, when he and Yoongi are together, what do they talk about, is he nice, does he talk about me.
He doesnât say those things, but he does ask, hopeful things will go back to normal soon, âdid you two fake break up yet?â
Unexpectedly, Jimin seems a little surprised by the question, even though Jihoon was pretty sure thatâs why Yoongi went to Jiminâs house all weird and morose the morning before. Predictably, when he came back in the afternoon, he didnât say anything, but he seemed normal, at the least, if not a bit happy. Jihoon hadnât known if he should take it as the breakup being successful, or nothing happening at all, but heâd assumed the former.
Jihoon tries not to read into what Yoongiâs moods before and after may have meant, as Jimin tells him, âoh, um, no, we decided to continuing faking for a while longer.â
When Jihoon asks why, Jimin says, âWell, itâs not like thereâs any reason we have to stop now, and, my mom seems to be really getting used to the idea, you know, so I think with some more time sheâll really accept it, and, Yoongi agreed we should continue, soâŠâ
Jimin trails off and Jihoon lets him. None of it is quite a lie, but itâs not the truth either. Jihoon knows Jimin better than he knows himself, can hear him scrambling for another excuse, something to prove that he believes in what heâs saying, something to make it make sense to himself. Itâs obvious that Jimin has no idea why, but Jihoon doesnât call him on it.
Theyâre both idiots, Jihoon thinks. Theyâre both idiots, but they probably know what theyâre doing.
Probably.
Right?
x.
They do this now, sometimes, have conversations. Itâs not like Yoongi is spilling his darkest secrets and asking Jihoon about his and thereâs no brotherly bonding but it is a step up from passing each other like strangers in the hallway or only communicating through insults across the dinner table.
He can ask âhow was your dayâ and Yoongi will respond with something vague and uninformative but not overtly negative and let them lapse back into silence. Jihoon can then, in an intentionally bad approximation of his brother, say, âWow, Jihoon, thank you for asking, how was your day?â And Yoongi will give him the stink-eye, and he wonât say the words, but heâll wait around and actually listen when Jihoon does tell him. Itâs progress.
Today, Jihoon finds Yoongi drinking juice straight out of the shared carton and calls him a heathen. Itâs a Sunday, and its only early afternoon, so Jihoon is surprised to find him out of his room at all. In a big step up from their normal routine, when Jihoon asks what heâs up to, Yoongi says, âI went for lunch with Jimin and some other people.â
Jihoon knows âsome other peopleâ canât be âsome other people Jimin knowsâ, because heâs the only other people Jimin knows. By process of elimination, then, these must be people Yoongi knows, and shocked, he says âYou have friends?â
This earns him a very familiar dirty look, Yoongi mumbling something about how alike he and Jimin are before replying clearly, âI have more friends than you and Jimin combined.â
With a thoughtful hum, Jihoon asks, âCombined, do we have one friend or two friends?â
Yoongi smiles, really smiles, genuinely, and Jihoon has to tense up his whole body to keep from physically pumping his fist into the air at his success.
If they were any two other people, that wouldnât be the end of the conversation, but they are who they are, so it is.
Progress is progress.
xi.
âThat was nice of you.â
âWhat?â
âWhat you said to Jimin â it was nice.â
âI can be nice.â
âBut you arenât.â
âAre you picking a fight?â
âIâm just saying. You can be nice, but it seems like you only are nice to one person.â
âIt sounds like youâre not saying anything.â
âI meant â â
âJihoon, just drop it.â
Jihoon, in a rare show of magnanimity, does.
xii.
Jihoon swallows back the hurt, and the jealousy, and the anger, and the disappointment, just like he swallows back his desperate questions, why did you stop following us around back then and are you teasing, or do you really mean those things and what did I do wrong and can I fix it?
xiii.
Itâs been at least thirty minutes since Jimin stammered out an excuse about needing to âask Yoongi uh, something, about the, you know, fake boyfriend⊠thing.â Jihoon isnât sure what they could possibly have to talk about. First of all, theyâve had plenty of time outside of the few precious hours Jihoon has convinced Jimin to finally pay attention to him. Secondly, how difficult can it be to pretend to be in a relationship for a few months. Has Jiminâs mom really not gotten it, yet? She seemed pretty convinced when Jihoon saw the three of them after Jiminâs last showcase, but what would he know.
Part of him hopes that theyâre up there discussing how to break up, because then Jimin wonât do things like disappear mid-game to talk to Yoongi, or stop coming over for a week at a time because heâs hanging out with Yoongi at his own house, and he wonât get so distracted responding to texts that he doesnât even notice Jihoon needling him about some handsome actor or another. That hope placates him for another fifteen minutes of getting angry at pre-teens who are much better at video games than he is, but Jihoon can only handle so much x-box live before he wants Jimin to be the one kicking his ass.
After almost an hour of waiting, Jihoonâs patience reaches its limit, and he tilts his head back to yell Jiminâs name at the ceiling. Nothing happens for another several minutes, not even a shout back or an irritated âshut upâ from Yoongi. He pauses the game to hear better and tries again. This time, immediately, thereâs a heavy thud of something hitting the floor and a short burst of footsteps. Jihoon waits for the sound of the door creaking open, but it doesnât come.
He presses his head back against the couch cushions until he can almost see the stairs and calls, âIf you donât come down, Iâll come up there!â
Itâs supposed to be a benign, meaningless threat. In part because he wonât, Jihoonâs laziness outweighing his desire for Jimin to rejoin the game, in part because there shouldnât be any real consequence if he does go to see whatâs taking so long.
Apparently, there couldâve been, because Jimin comes rushing down the stairs already spilling out apologies. As he comes around the couch, Jihoon notices that Jiminâs face is flushed pink and his hair is unusually disheveled and his bottom lip is just a little swollen and startingly red and, âoh my god, did you just make out with my brother?â
âWhat?â Jimin is immediately too defensive, looking anywhere but at Jihoon, and, because he is a lying liar who lies, he says, âno!â
âYou just made out with my brother!â Jihoon repeats, âYou left me down here to go and make out with my brother! For an hour!â
âWe didnât make out for an hour,â it takes Jimin ten seconds too long to realize that his argument only proves Jihoon right. He looks sheepish, briefly, before falling back into defensive, âIt doesnât matter, anyways! You know weâre only faking dating.â
âYou canât fake kiss!â Jihoon bursts, incredulous and furious and disgusted. It doesnât help that Jimin looks, behind the bravado, lost and a little helpless.
âIt doesnât matter, okay?â He insists, âIt didnât mean anything.â
Jihoon makes a high-pitched, frustrated noise meant to convey are you sure and does he know that and why would you kiss him and why would he kiss you and I donât even know who Iâm angrier at.
Apparently, Jimin is not so attuned to Jihoon these days, because he doesnât get it, and he just says, quick and dismissive even though heâs still clearly anxious, âReally, donât worry about it.â
Jihoon is well-versed in not worrying about it. Jihoon worries about very little. Jihoon lets things go, all the time, easy as breathing.
Jihoon is, whether heâll admit it or not, a little worried.
xiv.
The first thing Jihoon thinks, when Jimin tells him he has a boyfriend, is that Jimin should probably sound happier about it. His whole story comes out uncharacteristically stilted and flat, Jiminâs smile looking so forced while he recounts the first date and jokes about some kiss they almost got seen having last weekend. Itâs not like Jimin, excitedly recounting some fake couple outing he and Yoongi had under the guise of updating Jihoon on how successful the plan was going. Or when Jihoon caught on to his impromptu make-out with Yoongi, where Jimin was flushed and stuttering and embarrassed and every few minutes Jihoon would catch him fighting a smile in his peripherals.
Thatâs the second thing Jihoon thinks, what about Yoongi? He wonders idly if Yoongi knew. If thatâs what that look Yoongiâs been giving him lately is for. Yoongi never intentionally seeks him out, but when they do cross paths in their shared house, Yoongi will stare at him, uncomfortably long and searching, like Jihoon knows something he doesnât. The likelihood would normally be low, because Jihoon is not one for knowing things. However, the things Jihoon does know are usually about Jimin, and the things Yoongi cares about these days are also usually about Jimin, an unexpected venn diagram. So, in this one case, thereâs a fair chance Jihoon has whatever information Yoongi is silently looking for.
Was this what Yoongi was waiting for him to know?
âSo, you and Yoongi are over, or whatever?â Jihoon asks, a little nonsensically, but thereâs a quiet bitterness that Yoongi never said anything. Sure, Yoongi doesnât say much of substance to him, but he was starting to. And those looks â did Jimin tell Yoongi first? Â
âWe were never together,â Jimin replies stiffly, and Jihoon has that thought again â shouldnât he be happier about this?
Before he can ask, Jihoon is struck with a terrible realization.
He and Yoongi were almost getting closer, because Jimin was a tether between them. If their thing is done, the progress Jihoon made will go too.
xv.
Itâs pure chance that Jihoon runs into Yoongi. The shine of loitering around waiting for him after every visit to Jiminâs for the chance to pry into what the two of them could possibly talk about all those hours they spend together has long worn off, in part because the answer typically turned out to be we sat in silence like absolute freaks for most of it.
So, this time, Jihoon really isnât waiting for Yoongi. Heâs got his knee bent at an awkward angle so he can press his shoe, sole first, against the wall. Yoongi opens the door just as heâs leaning forward against his own thigh to adjust the laces and Jihoon immediately prepares to argue, because Yoongi hates when he doesnât just sit down on the bench to tie his shoes, and always nags about how thatâs what itâs there for  and youâre going to scuff up the walls and Jihoon finds great joy in how much Yoongi seems to care about something so inconsequential. The anticipation for the pointless but familiar routine is quickly curbed by Yoongi not acknowledging Jihoonâs presence at all.
Yoongi kicks his own shoes off roughly, throwing them into the normally pristine line of other pairs so that shoes scatter and knock noisily against the wall. Itâs so deeply out of character, Jihoon doesnât even think to take the opportunity to call him out on the hypocrisy. Heâs not looking at Jihoon, either, and not in that usual youâre-not-worth-my-attention kind of way, or like heâs just so distracted by his own bullshit heâs genuinely not noticed Jihoon. The not-looking is intentional, like heâs trying to hide something. Jihoon leans so far back he almost falls on his ass, trying to look, thinking maybe heâs gotten a secret face piercing, or someone gave him a black eye.
What Jihoon sees, when he manages to peek at Yoongiâs face before Yoongi can rush himself up the stairs, is much worse.







