Dumb Bitch @jackthesage - Tumblr Blog

updated: july 9, 2023

below the "read more" is a long post about my gender and preferred terms. this is set up this way to help those with screenreaders. there are two photos, and both have alt text. please let me know if i need to add or change anything.

please ask if you would like clarification and/or more information. the blank copy will be below mine.

#gender #trans #transgender #nonbinary #queer #polygender #antigender

jewish-joy

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

dolcemisu

frat!kuna is a reward based learner (shy tutor!reader)

this was not how you normally held tutoring sessions: legs tangled in the sheets, sweat slick between your bodies, and not a single piece of clothing on. yeah, this had to be a first.

sukuna’s face was covered in your slick, and by the looks of it, he wanted even more. he buried his face between your thighs for the nth time, and you tugged at his hair in protest.

“no! you need to answer another question first!” you said sternly. or at least, you tried to. you felt the gentle kitten licks he was leaving on your cunt and you folded at his touch. within seconds, you forgot what you were scolding him about, and he forced your thighs apart once more. he mumbled something against your skin, before kissing your thigh.

“hit me.” he said with a smirk. he was doing this on purpose. ignoring your urges to get back on track, only entertaining them when he had you like this—melting like putty in his hands, completely out of it and with only him on your mind.

“t-the probably of the…” your mind went blank on the problem as he pressed a kiss to your pussy before diving in again. you cried his name out as he lapped at your wet folds, thighs trembling as another orgasm threatened to crash over you. he bullied your poor cunt with his tongue, grunting and groaning as if he was in your place. just as you were about to reach the edge, he pulled away and laid on his stomach before you.

“sorry you know me, i tend to get distracted easily… you were saying?” sukuna took in your current state: pupils blown wide, chest heaving, and a look of hurt and confusion crossing your cute face. he immediately felt guilty and apologized.

“i’m sorry, that was fucked up of me. do you want me to keep going?” his eyes searched yours frantically, like he was panicking.

you averted your eyes. you were torn. you needed to actually make use of this session so it wouldn’t be all for nothing…but the way he went down on you felt heavenly. he was scarily good at it, making you feel so good, reaching places you didn’t even know existed, all with just his tongue.

“no pressure, we can go back to studying too. i’m fine with whatever.” he reassured you.

maybe it was the denial of orgasm. maybe you just weren’t in the best position to be responsible right now. whatever it was, you leaned forward and pulled him closer with smile.

“one more. just one ‘kuna.” you cupped his cheek, narrowing your eyes at him. he grinned and raised an eyebrow at you.

“you wanna ask me a question first, don’t you…” he asked reluctantly, leaning into your touch. you giggled and nodded.

“mhm!” he was catching on quite fast. at this rate, he could be the tutor next…

he groaned, but the smile never left face. “alright, ask me it.”

“is weight qualitative or quantitative data?”

“obviously it’s quantitative,” it was his turn to narrow his eyes at you, “did you seriously ask me an easy one on purpose?”

“err… maybe?” you replied all innocently, already spreading your legs wider for him.

“that’s cheating.” he scoffed, but inched forward anyway.

“nuh uh! it’s not cheating if i make the rules!”

series m.list

viralfrog

ssaalexblake

The Thirteenth Doctor in a selection of outfits she 100% should have worn on the show because I say so

(click to see the writing at a proper size. Tumblr is evil)

thememedaddy

c0ulrophilia

I try not to be the twitter reposter but like. yeah.

cumchiato

୨୧ — "Tooojiii~", you chime, skipping up to him before wrapping your arms around one of his massive biceps. The sheer size difference making you look even smaller.

He arches an eyebrow, that smirk you adore so much playing at his lips, "what're you plotting?"

"Nothing at all," you say sweetly, your finger tracing the defined muscles of his arm, "Juuuust taking in the view~."

He snorts, but there's amusement in those sharp Zenin eyes, "The view, huh? Sure it's not just an excuse to cop a feel?"

"M’nope! I was just admiring how the sunrise today makes you look extra dangerous~"

"Dangerous, huh?" The big bad Toji Zenin grins, amused by how you can make even that sound like a compliment, "Most people don't say that while grinning like they've found a puppy."

"Well, I'm not most people," you giggle while pressing your cheek against the warmth of his arm, "And your arms are way better than any puppy. Now up, please ~!" you can’t stop the dumb grin on your face when he flexes his bicep deliberately under your grip.

"Tch. You're worse than a kid." He grumbles as he effortlessly hoists you up with his arm, your feet dangling. Toji huffs, but there's no hiding the flush creeping up his neck, "And flattery will get you nowhere."

Despite his gruff demeanor, you know he secretly loves how you get all stary eyed at his strength.

You grin cheekily, "i dunno, I think it’s gotten me pretty fa-."

"Papa! UP!" A tiny voice suddenly demands. You both look down to see little Megumi- the very proof of how far your flattery has gotten you with Toji Zenin. Your sons arms were stretched high above his head in a perfect mirror of your earlier pose.

Toji's expression softens gradually as he looks at his son. Without putting you down, he easily scoops up Megumi with his free arm, holding both of you aloft like you weigh nothing.

"Great… now I've got two clingy brats," he complains, but his eyes are warm as Megumi squeals in delight, tiny hands patting his father's muscled shoulder.

"Strong papa!" Megumi declares proudly, making Toji's ears turn slightly pink.

You catch this and grin, "That’s right sweetie, daddy’s the strongest," you agree, pressing a kiss to his bicep that makes him roll his eyes.

"And you’re my biggest brat," he mutters, but he doesn't put either of you down, secretly basking in the adoration from his two favorite people.

the-depressed-comedic-relief

So since the fandom has come the the (correct) conclusion that Samwise Gamgee is the absolute height of hobbit attractiveness standards, it only follows logically that hobbits see Sam working for Frodo as the middle earth equivalent of your weird eccentric rich neighbor having a hot pool boy. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

batsandbirdbrains

Dick, eight years old, immediately stomping over to Bruce’s room when he hears Talia’s voice coming from his room:

“Open the door or I’m gonna throw rocks through your windows, you dumb whore!”

Bruce, voice frantic and muffled from the other side of the door, “Who taught you that word!”

“I HEARD IT ON TV!”

“WHAT TV SHOWS ARE YOU WATCHING?”

“You’d know if you weren’t so busy with TALIA!”

miyoria

duckduckgo fuck yourself

miyoria

trying to search for like the one thing that treats us like any other girl for once!! only to be met with a reminder that we are considered a porn category first. it makes me so very sad and upset.

miyoria

you can have this it is real

jasontoddscrowbars

Jason: *sniffs Dick*

Jason: are you wearing bath and body works warm vanilla sugar?

Dick:

Dick: how?

Dick: yes?

Dick: I heard spiders hate vanilla.

Tim: spiders hate basic bitches because basic bitches wear vanilla.

Bonus:

Bruce passing Jason’s room. Is assaulted by the smell of vanilla. Opens the door seeing ten scent diffusers, a bunch of wax melters and he’s spraying vanilla room spray as he stands on his bed.

Bruce: why.

Jason: spiders.

Bruce:

Bruce, quickly shutting the door: oh my god ones hanging from the ceiling above you!

Jason screams and falls with a clatter and thud.

Bruce, chuckling turns into Alfred.

Alfred:

Bruce: I’m sorry.