jaguarjazz

it is i she/her

[pop-punklouis]

me somehow functioning at work right now

[spice-vanilla-on-hiatus]

They were just normal guys, but terrible, terrible dancers.

[finelinelando]

Miss them with my whole heart

[finelinelando]

Hitting so much harder today. Shocked and devastated doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Rest in peace Liam Payne, you’ll you were so loved and you’ll never be forgotten 🕊️💔😭

[dhaaruni]

I used to watch and rewatch the One Direction video diaries from the X-Factor since they distracted me from my teen angst, and it's just so surreal that Liam is gone

[meltedwings]

i think like. we knew them when they were so young. and even as we’ve watched them grow up and reveal more of themselves and make mistakes and prove themselves fallible the way we didn’t see as starry eyed young fans. it’s really hard because there’s a facet of me that has immortalized them in my mind as the 15/17/18 year olds on the stairs on a tv show. really young faces and big dreams you know. and it’s like. now one of them is dead? he lived to be a really troubled man and now he’s dead? but i was just listening to him sing to me about first love

[hldailyupdate]

"I spoke to Harry, really lovely a call, he has a sixth sense for if I'm struggling or if one of us is in trouble, I spoke to him and it was a really lovely catch up. I have a lot of love for the man, he's really, really great."

-Liam talking about catching up with Harry recently. (2 June 2021)

[ziamln]

💔

[irinagudronchik]

[undisputedsami]

one direction has been my home since i was a child. they've always been my safe place to land. they're part of the foundation of who i am and who i was and who i will be. i don't know what to say other than this: i can never go home again.

[h0ezi3r]

The worst part about Liam Payne dying is that people are posting about “the switch up is crazy”

Like no. He was an abuser and made horrible decisions, but nobody wanted him to die. He was getting hate for an INCREDIBLY valid reason, but we all recognized that he needed mental and physical help. He needed to go to rehab. He needed to get away from drugs and alcohol and improve upon himself away from the public. No one wanted him to die.

We’re not mourning the life of an abuser, we are mourning the part of him that we adored and looked up to for a massive part of our childhood/ teenage years. He was a huge part of how I was introduced to my love of music. And yes, he did horrible things and made horrible decisions and over the last few years has been anything but admirable, but none of us wanted this.

Maya didn’t want this. And everyone saying that it’s her fault can actually go burn in hell. She likely already blames herself enough. She likely already wishes she hadn’t spoken up about it out of the guilt that she likely feels. You guys commenting all over the socials about how this is her fault and “are you happy now?” Are actually horrible people.

A 7 year old boy just lost his father. A woman just lost her long term boyfriend. Two parents just lost their son. Several young children just lost their uncle. Show some fucking respect. Joking about it and hating on people who had nothing to do with what happened is not doing anything but twist the knife for the people who this has ACTUALLY effected.

[alloutshirt]

seeing so many people who haven’t been here for a while . we’re all family and will always be . what we got to experience is rare and precious . hope time will allow us to look back at it with joy and peace again . hugging all of you tight

[aliensingucci]

it's crazy to think that memories you've had for years will just never look or feel the same again. all those memories from 2012 when i first got into 1D, all the concerts, all the songs and the first time hearing those songs, the first time watching music videos, the posts and memes here on tumblr... like none of it will ever feel the same. it'll always be tinged by loss and a degree of emptiness from here on out.

[meyhew]

i have no idea how to process this. it’s not unfathomable and it’s something i’ve thought about many times but i don’t actually know how to process it. what do you mean he was such an integral part of me growing up and he did some fucked up things in part bc of the fucked up environment he grew up in and now he’s DEAD and can’t do anything to try and make amends. what do u mean the boys now means harry louis liam niall zayn. what do you mean he left behind a child less than 10 years old. what the fuck do you mean

[meyhew]

i think part of it is just that i didn’t know him. he was in my phone and in my laptop singing in my ears for a decade but i didn’t know him. i never met him. i never spoke to him. how the hell am i supposed to grieve for someone so intangible when he will continue to be in my phone and in my laptop and continue to sing in my ears.

[jaguarjazz]

idk if its mercury in retrograde or the eclipse or what but the universal vibes are NOT being very nice to me. had a terrible interaction with my newish boss and ive never felt more disrespected and dismissed and gaslit in my professional life as i did with him today and he’s completely oblivious to his behavior. I have my annual review next week and I already know exactly what im gonna be told, the same shit as every other review (assume positive intent, have a better attitude, don’t question leadership so much, be more social with the larger team, don’t be so vocal, quit complaining so much, etc) because I’m surrounded by NT idiots who can’t comprehend that me asking questions and speaking up is because I’m trying really hard to understand them!! I run an entire department by myself and I’m not being dramatic when I say the business would crumble without me!! I’m under immense pressure at all times and have 0 support from anyone in the company so I’m SORRY if sometimes I’m not the nicest most friendly bubbly outgoing ass-kissing person and that i can’t always hide being upset when you treat me like shit!!! I’m in major major major burnout and there are no stressors left that I can realistically remove from my life without like, losing my house and independence. I’m TRAPPED!!! I need help and I don’t even know what I need help with! someone please just take over my entire life for like 6 months I’m beggginggggggg I don’t want to make a single decision anymore I cannot handle it!!!!

[jaguarjazz]

I AM BURNT THE FUCK OUT JUST PUT ME IN A FUCKING COMA ALREADY

[jaguarjazz]

what am I supposed to do when I can’t get myself to do anything

I’m bored to tears but when I think of all the things I could be doing (things I normally enjoy) or things I should be doing (things I don’t normally enjoy but will help Fix things), I cannot physically or mentally get myself to do them.

I WANT to play my video games and crochet and watch a movie and listen to music and read a book. I have desire to do those things. so what the fuck is stopping me

and I get stuck there. i get stuck desperately trying to figure out the barriers. but i cant. and i get frustrated that i cant. and i get frustrated that i get frustrated.

and it starts over. what can I do to get myself out of this spiral? things i enjoy doing because i don’t like doing whatever it is that im doing right now. but i cant.

and I see everyone else around me Doing Things. they have hobbies. they’re enjoying their time doing things they like to do. how do they do that? why can’t I do that?

something is wrong or something is missing but clearly I am inferior. so now I *really* need to get myself out of this pity party.

but I can’t

and I don’t know how else to try

[stigmatam4rtyr]

Saint Sebastian (c.1660, oil on canvas) | Mattia Preti