GENRE/WARNINGS: comfort(?), angst if you squint hard enough, mild swearing
NOTES: i will literally offer my hand in marriage if you reblog. and thank you to @/sugawaaras for giving me the idea for mattsun’s <33
━━ OIKAWA
even though he tried to be confident, in reality, his self confidence sat on a throne built from things he told himself in the mirror and compliments he never believed
so its not a surprise that his first reaction just... isn’t one. he’ll stop and replay it over and over again in his head to make sure he’d heard you correctly
and then his heart breaks — it actually hurts him, makes him feel like he can’t breath, and before he even knows it theres tears in his eyes
of course, he knows you’re never supposed to let the reason you’re crying see you crying
so he attempts to act like he’s more annoyed than that he just had his heart just obliterated
it’s not a secret though. through the pain in his eyes, anyone can see the shattered remnants of what was once his heart
“ru, can you grab my phone for me?” you called to your boyfriend from the couch, remembering that you’d left your phone in the other room.
it was quiet for a moment; not long enough for you to ask if he was okay, but long enough that the silence was odd. you heard heavy footfalls again, then saw oikawa standing just inside the room with a clear look of betrayal on his face.
“what?” you asked him, wondering if he was kidding around. you hadn’t done anything, there was no reason why he’d actually be upset with you.
as he stepped closer to you, you could see the tears whelling up in his eyes, and you were left to wonder what was wrong.
“what’s wrong? tooru, hey, are you ok?” your voice was much softer when you spoke this time. your heart dropped when you saw him step back at your step forward.
“so now you can call me by my name?” you think his voice was meant to be low and hostile, but in his struggle not to cry it came out strangled and cracked.
“what did... do you mean ‘ru?”
“yes! who the hell is that? if you wanted to-“
“no no, babe, your name is tooru. the last syllable of your name is ru. it’s just a shortening of your name, not someone else’s.”
you watched his lips form a smile and he let out something like a laugh, seemingly at his own confusion, and then the tears finally fell.
he’d walked into your arms soon after, with his arms wrapped tightly around you and his face buried in the crook of your neck
“sorry... sorry for not trust- trusting you, i just-” his sentence was cut through with sharp breaths and hiccups, and then finally stopped with your own voice.
“it’s alright, i didn’t mean to scare you. we can cuddle if you want, hm?”
he was already struggling to keep himself from fully breaking down. but when one of your hands came up to pet his hair, a whine left him — you think it was supposed to be an ‘mhm’ to your offer — and his hands gripped tightly at your shirt, his arms around you getting tighter.
━━ BOKUTO
he doesn’t miss a beat, immediately looking up at you to wonder if he’d heard you correctly
it’s just a small spike of anxiety at first, but the more he lets the foreign name resonate with him, the more it makes him worry
he has to build up the courage to ask you who the other guy is, because he can’t do it right away, he’s way too nervous
he looks so sad as well, puppy dog eyes looking at you, seemingly just slightly worried
unbeknownst to you, his heart is pounding in is chest and with each passing second, it runs the risk of shattering
“‘taro!” your voice was a giggle as he left little kisses all over you. they weren’t nearly enough to leave hickeys, just little pecks across your face, your neck, your chest.
as soon as the name left your lips though, he stopped, golden eyes snapping up to look at you with a pain you’d never seen in them before.
you could tell he was definitely upset about something, but you had no idea what it could be. hell, the way he looked at you, it was almost as though you were the reason.
of course, you were unaware that bokuto’s first thoughts went to rintaro, middle blocker from the famed inarizaki. suddenly he was thinking of every time you’d ever spoken about the team, said how many fan girls they had, how many games they’d won.
he wanted to say something. he really wanted to ask what you’d meant. but the words seemed caught in his throat.
it wasn’t long before he couldn’t take it though, and he pushed the words out, despite the alarms going off in his head and his heart immediately jumping to his throat.
“who is ‘taro?” you didnt think you’d ever heard him sound so small. so timid, so close to his voice cracking with the tears he was holding back, so... scared.
“you? who else? i can call you kou if you’d prefer that though. you don’t have to look so upset.”
bokuto smiled then, relaxing the weight on his arms enough so he was on top of you. he supported himself enough not to crush you, but there was nothing more he wanted in the world right now than to be held by you.
━━ ATSUMU
he liked to consider himself a tough guy. he liked to.
but there were times whenever his support fell, leaving his world to crumble in his hands, slipping through his fingers no matter how hard he tried to hold it all together
and when thought he heard a guy’s name that isn’t his own come from you, it felt just like one of those times
he was asking what you’d meant before his mind could even properly register your words
and by that point he didn’t care enough to replay the name in his head, his mind already caught up looking for the things he’d done wrong, the things he hadn’t done.
“oh, ‘umi, if you want to we can go to th-”
“what the hell?”
it surprised you how much venom laced his words, despite the fact that you’d done nothing wrong. the thought that he was being sarcastic or joking with you crossed your mind, but atsumu wasn’t exactly the best actor.
he couldn’t fake the look on his face, couldn’t fake how his heart had seemingly stopped just from the look in his eyes.
“what do you mean?” your voice was soft when you spoke now, no longer so nonchalant.
he lips pressed into a thin line and he set his jaw in frustration. it took him taking a deep breath to finally say, “you called me ‘omi.’ if you like-”
“tsumu.”
“no, i heard you, you called me omi. if- if theres...” he never finished his sentence. there was already a lump in his throat and he knew that if he were to say anything more, he’d cry.
“no, no. i called you umi. like your name just a little bit different.”
his face was drawn in a look on confusion. his eyes studied you, trying to look for any sign of you lying. but he trusted you, of course he trusted you.
he came over to hug you, his arms wrapped tightly around you. you heard him sniff, but you knew he’d deny crying if you asked him.
“i love you,” his voice made him sound so small, it was a level of weak and vulnerable you’d not seen from him.
“i love you too.”
━━ SUNA
the words “stay calm” had never been repeated in his head to himself so much
well, it was more like a string of curse words with “stay calm” thrown in occasionally, but he’d never felt so scared
the look on his face is annoyed at first, but it quickly starts to shift into one with a little more worry
he’s terrified, in all honesty. but he’s already told himself he’s not going to let you see that
“taro, can we stop by a corner store on the way home? i need something.”
your voice had been so calm. so why did it feel like his heart had just been ripped out of his chest?
he knew you hadn’t meant to. but why you’d even slipped and call him by another name in the first place worried him. it took him only a few seconds for his mind to land on bokuto koutarou.
bokuto koutarou, one of the top aces.
“well fuck you too i guess.” his tone may have been confused with one of anger at first, but you could tell that wasnt it. anger is a secondary emotion, you knew in reality he was hurt.
the only problem is, you didn’t know what. from his words you knew it was something you’d done. but there was nothing that came to mind.
“sorry? what did i do?”
suna hesitated for only a second before asking why you’d called him by another name. he took a deep breath immediately after speaking, your silence only breaking his heart more. as though it wasn’t already destroyed.
but your silence was born from shock and confusion, not being caught like suna had assumed.
“taro. like rintarou. like your name. who else would i be talking about?”
“uhm. koutarou? i don’t know, forget about it.” he’d never felt like a bigger jackass before; he never swore at you.
you smiled a little at his words and walked over to hug him. he hummed at that and pressed a small kiss to your temple, then buried his face into the crook of your neck.
“i didn’t mean to-”
“it’s ok, rin.”
━━ MATTSUN
he had to stop for a moment let it sink in before he could react
after that there were too many emotions rushing through him to do anything for another few moments
in fact, his silence coupled with the distant, betrayed look on his face was somewhat unsettling
it takes him longer than he would like to question you, but it’s because he’s already preparing to collect his shattered heart after one of his worst fears becomes true
“why are you here?” mattsun heard iwaizumi’s voice and he smiled a little to himself, knowing that he must have been talking to you.
he’d been waiting for you all day, it seemed like forever since he’d last seen you. the only thing he wanted right now was to hold you.
“oh, i’m here to see ‘kawa!” you said happily. mattsun could hear the smile in your voice without even seeing you.
you were here for oikawa. of course you were here for starboy oikawa tooru, of course your boyfriend was just a stepping stone.
he was still frozen when you rounded the corner. the look on his face was concerning, you couldn’t remember the last time — if there ever was one — he’d looked absolutely terrified, the last time he looked so hurt.
“mattsun... are you ok?”
he didn’t answer you. it took him a few moments before he could finally speak, and even then his voice was different than it usually was. it was... pained? betrayed? whatever it was, you knew it wasn’t mattsun.
“did you really come here just to see oikawa? what happened to me being your boyfriend?”
it took you a few moments to try and understand what he was talking about. you’d never said that. hell, you always came for mattsun, not once had you ever spared oikawa a thought.
“no, babe. i said ‘kawa’, as in matsukawa.”
he seemed to melt at your words. that expression disappeared from his face, his body untensing. he moved to pull you into his arms, holding you close to himself with a desperation he’d not had before.
him thumb rubbed soothing circles on your back. you could tell he wanted to say something. but then he stopped right before the words left him, instead opting to make a joke to lift the mood.
if anyones actually wondering bc i have seen many ppl have the reaction "oh that sounds like a slur":
twitch has an emote called pogchamp that looks like this
and its basically used to say like "goddamn, holy shit, that was awesome" and whatever. theres also an emote called "poggers" which is basically the same thing except its pepe making the pogchamp face. theres a lot of emotes that are just people "pogging".
in case ur wondering yes the pog part is derived from pogs, those cardboard circles that drove everyone bonkers in ye olden days
TLDR no poggers is not a slur its just a gamer thing that i guess became more prevalent during These Trying Times as people stuck in quarantine watched streamers more and which is sorta pog i guess
I just laughed at this thinking ‘man how could you not realize your following them!’ Then I realized I’m not following you either but I always thought I was.
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