JakeTheImmortal

How interesting is your life? How interesting is mine?

[camocuties]

[jaketheimmortal]

I’m not officially a terrorist. Send her in to capture me.

[jaketheimmortal]

Christmas Joke

Discover Christmas Joke Tank Top, a custom product made just for you by Teespring. With world-class production and customer support, your satisfaction is guaranteed. - I never saw the Joker movie till after my...

Use Promo codes 10JOKES for 10% off JOKER30 for 30% off or MOVINGJ for free shipping.

I’m doing it heath ledger style, pick one to save on, or loose. Promo ends on the last day of the year, so take your time.

[icardamome]

[jaketheimmortal]

When someone said shit and didn’t realize you are a religious, master fighter, boxer, martial arts inventor insect but they are bigger than you so you just stare.

[jaketheimmortal]

If your body fat won’t kill you, then you are sexy and I would smash. If your body fat could kill you, then you need to reduce it so it won’t kill you.

[jaketheimmortal]

Cat Universe

Made this teeshirt in memory of my cat, who my mom gave away for no reason. Also for all the cat lovers out there who think there cats are their universe.

Made this teeshirt in memory of my cat, who my mom gave away for no reason. Also for all the cat lovers out there who think there cats are their universe

Also, buy it if you like it. Here’s the original.

[jaketheimmortal]

You know who really keeps the world going? Those people that post the names of the pornstar in the comment section. You are literal life savers.

[jaketheimmortal]

Gf: *wears clothes*

Me: *get's erection*

Gf: *walks around naked*

Me: *get's erection*

Gf: *walks around naked but covers nipples*

.

.

.

Me: Erection averted.

[jaketheimmortal]

Gf: I'm majestic, yet feisty.

Me: Is that so?

Gf: Yeah, like a horse, but with horns.

Me: Oh! You mean a cow.

Gf: What?

Me: What?

[jaketheimmortal]

LGBTQute

Discover Lgbtqute T-Shirt, a custom product made just for you by Teespring. With world-class production and customer support, your satisfaction is guaranteed. - It's understandable how the Lgbtq community...

So, created this for all those lgbtquties out ther, for whatever reason.

Maybe I’m just mad.

[just-shower-thoughts]

If IRL is “In Real Life” then URL on the internet is “Un Real Life”

[jaketheimmortal]

Who writes this stuff? Did you live in the devils balls.

[jaketheimmortal]

To all the ugly people in the world, I just want you to know, that no matter how beautiful someone is... Their ass still stinks!

My Brain

[jaketheimmortal]

God:Africans, make everything bigger.

Gabriel: I know right. I went to get food in my human form and the sheer amount was glorious. almost as glorious as our kingdom.

God: Our Kingdom isn't that small.

Gabriel: No but the food was that big.

God: Jesus Christ.

[Jesus walks in]

Jesus: Yeah

God: Nothing.

Jesus: What are you guys talking about?

Gabriel: African food.

Jesus: Jesus Christ! Oh wait, that's me.

God: All of you shut up. That's not what I am talking about.

[jaketheimmortal]

How to win a staring contest

Step 1: Find someone to stare with. Open your eyes.

Step 2: Think about stuff that makes you cry.

Step 3: ... Win!

[jaketheimmortal]

Those who broke the balls or eunuchs so they could become eunuchs are basically nut crackers.

[just-shower-thoughts]

The term nerf used in video games will probably outlive the brand NERF

[jaketheimmortal]

The fact that I know what the term means and didn’t know there was a brand with thesame name. Is proof.

[just-shower-thoughts]

If you were to suddenly scream “FUUUCK!!” there’s a very good chance it would be in perfect sync with someone else in the world also screaming “FUUUCK!!” - consequently, this person could be considered your fuck buddy.

[jaketheimmortal]

Jesus glorious Christ people.

[jaketheimmortal]

The hardest part of tumblr is finding people to follow. Not the people with really engaging quality content... But the savages, so we can become memes.