Ok, so its the grand time to make this mess of blog somewhat organized. My brain canāt function in messy spaces. So letās get to business, shall we?
ā¢ lexie: I am an avid admirer of @goldeneyedgirl Lexieās vision when its comes to Jalice, so any posts I repost from her blog are all under this tag. God Hail The Queenš.
ā¢ twilightimagery: art, aesthetics, gifs, any imagery I associate with twilight.
ā¢ ficmasterlist: all fanfiction (not wips) I find noteworthy will be posted under this tag. If you want to find stuff to read, go there. If I find it appropriate, I will also attach a PDF file of the fic, because there are some very old ones, which may not be as easily available to read. I donāt want to lose anything I love, ever, so I make sure to have a copy of it in some form. And why not share it? The main difference between this tag and the wip one is the works posted here are not available to read on Tumblr/or/they are the lengthy ones. Basically, its posted works, not just works in progress.
ā¢ lexieās wip masterlist: click here to find a specific wip I reposted. Mainly, its for my own navigation. Will be edited as my reading collection is expanding.
first base is ripping each other's throats out second base is fucking and then pretending it didn't happen after it's over. third base is falling unconscious from blood loss in the other's arms
the "my favorite character did nothing wrong" mindset is completely unappealing to me because i love thinking about all the things my favorite characters did wrong
Whatās so fun abt the character is that sheās incredibly viciously independent (and this is a direct response to her traumatic childhood) and simultaneously she is desperately embarrassingly heartbreakingly dependent (and this is also a direct result of her traumatic childhood).
What if a few decades down the line, Bella would resent Renesmeeās existence?
It wouldnāt be a loud process, - more a gradual, quiet thought, that keeps nagging.
A) Bella never lamented the impossibility (as she knew it) of being a mother, or having a child with Edward. I never thought that motherhood is something she is interested in at all. Understandable, seeing as she had been essentially a parentified child her whole life.
Honestly, I think part of Edwardās appeal to her is how removed he/the Cullens are from the monotony of her own life (aka being a āresponsibleā one in her family dynamic), and how itās allows her to escape the burden, loneliness and monotony of it all. How removed they all from humanity, while maintaining enough of it to have all the accommodations of comfort humans (Bella) would find appealing.
B) Resume, on the other hand, is a piece of āhumanā world, arguably. Her birth allows Edward and Bella play at an Average Nuclear Family, just without all the hard parts. I would argue, that itās the hard parts (baby colic, sleepless nights, puking etc) that make you really grow to see yourself as someone who is bonded with the child. Iām not saying, that itās should be all hard; Iām just saying, that the childhood aspect of it makes you endeared to the child, because they rely on you for existing, these first years of their life.
So, Bella doesnāt experience it with Resume, because Resume is so developed, she is basically an adult in child body. And sure, itās might make Bella love her more for it, because her offspring is special enough to feed into the Specialness of the Cullens and Edward, which in turn makes her even more happy, because now she is a part of it, too.
But it also may grow old very fast. Like, after a few decades, when Resume is just an adult, and Bella having no memories of being her mother in a sense, that she is a caretaker of this new life, itās becomes harder for Bella to see Resume as a perfect, special fruit of her & Edwardās love. Her perfect child is an actual adult person, and itās makes her seem soā¦human. And why would Bella, whose identity as a vampire is so intertwined with Edwardās, want Resume between them in the first place?
C) Bella, never wanting to be a caretaker after forced into it her whole life, almost DIED for this baby. Died, because she couldnāt voice the truth at the time. That the baby is something she never wanted, and doesnāt need as long as she has Edward. But to say it out loud, would mean admitting to selfishness, and to denying Edward his fatherhood; something impossible that she āgiftedā him (them)
Iām curious, how things would have gone in Alice and Jasperās first meeting in Anathema, if Alice didnāt have a severe vision? I would not in a million years change any batshit insane shit that have happened in Anathemaās LEGENDARY first meeting, but like, would Jasper be so overwhelmed with awe that he just leans in and kisses her? I mean, she did say it what she saw.
Just IMAGINE the chaos.
I can, I did, and you're getting that version some time this weekend.
this has not turned out how my brain envisaged it, but listen, it's a good start. BUT if Jasper had made different choices during the meeting theme in Anathema...
āYour family has grown.ā Billyās voice was accusing, and I turned to look at his stern expression.
āMy son, Jasper, joined us in 1965,ā Carlisle Cullen said politely, āLooking for a different lifestyle. We have abided by your terms, and would not have returned to this area if we were not prepared to continue to do so.ā
The Quiluetes werenāt thrilled with that news, and Charlie just looked kind of tired. Freddie was taking notes on his phone, and I was just cold and getting bored againā¦ until I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye.
Jasper was watching me. His eyes were like liquid amber, and I finally got a good look at him. His expression was oddly soft as he stared.
Jasper was Him. The boy kissing my scars and sliding in behind me in the shower. The boy that had hovered at the edges of my visions and dreams since I was young, with adoration in his eyes and gentle touches. All those wretched cliches that terrible books write about happened at that moment. I was enchanted, besotted, and absolutely irrevocably attached to this Jasper Cullen. He was mine.
And I did what Dulcie would say was something 'very Alice' - I smiled brightly at him. "Hi," I said, ignoring the conversation Dr Cullen was having with Harry and Billy.
Jasper Cullen flinched, angling away from me immediately and looking away before meeting my gaze again. "Hello." His voice was rough and unused, and he looked so uncomfortable. His gaze darted over to the rest of his family, who were absorbed in whatever debate everyone was invested in.
"I'm Alice," I said, trying again. There was nothing in his body language that implied he was going to harm me, but he looked so ā¦ hunted. Like the ground was about to open up and drag him down. And all I could see when I looked at him was the boy from my visions, the one who laughed and teased me, who held me so tired and kissed me like it was the first time and the last time all at once.
"Jasper, ma'am." He was watching me again, waiting for something.
I looked over to see Freddie and Sue arguing with Dr Cullen and turned back to Jasper. I motioned towards a row of boulders and walked over, taking the lead. He moved slowly and stiffly, watching me as I jumped up to take a seat. He leans against the boulder next to me, out of reach, so awkwardly. The boy is so tall, I almost feel a little giddy. Freddie has always told me that I'm fully grown, and there is zero chance of me getting taller but a girl can dream.
"They'll be at it for a while," I said cheerfully, nodding towards the vigorous debate in front of me. "I swear, they can't even agree on where to get coffee most days."
Jasper eyed the gathering. "We didn't want to cause trouble," he says uneasily.
"It'll be fine, I promise," I said, leaning back on my hands. "Are you okay?"
He whips around to look at me. "Why would you ask that?"
"You look worried. We all know that none of us can hurt you. A sternly worded email is about the extend of our powers right now," I swung my legs. "The Cullens are kind to you? You don't have to go with them if you don't want to. We have some places up the coast you can useā¦"
Jasper stared at me again. "Why would you care about any of that?" he asked, moving closer to me.
I bit my lip as I flipped through my options. Freddie would ream me out for giving up my gift to the Cullens, but I was already working with information that no one else had.
"I'm 'gifted'," I said quietly. "Proven track record of accuracy. I think you and I are supposed to be friends." Friends was a start. I didn't want to spook him, and frankly describing the gurney appointment we both had probably would have sent this poor boy bald.
"Friends," Jasper repeated. He got closer again, and this time hoisted himself up to sit beside me.
"Friends," I pulled off my glove and held out my hand. "Mary-Alice Brandon, it's nice to meet you. I live at the funeral home."
He stared at my hand. "I don't have friends," he said.
"Neither do I, so I guess we need each other."
His eyes were back on me. "Jasper Whitlock ma'am." And he very gently shook my hand. "ā¦The Cullens are good to me, you don't need to worry about them."
"But are you okay?" I pushed.
"This is my okay." His voice is low. "Canā¦ Can I ask what you know about me? With your gift?"
I glanced over at the gathering in front of us; still bickering. "You have this amazing laugh that lights up a room, and a wicked sense of humour. You're incredibly smart and loyal. Still old-fashioned enough that I tease you about it. And that everything is going to get better now you're here."
"Alice!"
Damnit; the look on his face when I told him all of that was one I wanted to savour. Like I'd offered him some kind of treasure.
But everyone was staring at us now - Freddie and Sue looked alarmed, Billy was grim, and the Cullens were all looking stern.
"Jasper," Dr Cullen began, his hands held up in peace. "We're almost done here."
Jasper was still watching me.
"Alice, come over here," Freddie's voice is firm, but I know the tells. He's afraid that I'm so close to Jasper.
"I want to keep talking to Alice," Jasper said in a reasonable tone, and Sue gripped Harry's arm.
"Bro," the big guy sighed.
"Jasper, it's time to go." Mrs Cullen steps closer, and a flash of annoyance moves across Jasper's face but when he stands, he turns to help me down. I ignore the hisses of protest from my people, and the fact that the big guy and Edward have appeared behind Jasper like twin parole officers. I just focus on the feeling of his hand on mine and the way he makes sure that I'm steady before he pulls away.
"We'll talk soon," I promise impulsively, and there's genuine warmth in his eyes when he looks at me. I can see the ghost of his future self in that look. Edward is looking at me like I've sprouted antenna, but says nothing.
Jasper moves back towards the Cullens, the big guy's hand clamped on his shoulder and I wish there was something I could say or do so that everyone here was on the same page.
Idiots in fandoms will see a man and a woman openly express romantic feelings for each other and be like "omg they're besties." while two men will look at each other for 5 seconds without even speaking to each other and hordes of fangirls will spam you with anon hate calling you a homophobe if you don't ship the two guys together.
Hi! I'm a psych student who just saw your post about raped/sa victims coping using dark fictions. You are PERFECTLY correct by the way! Psychologist recommend writing of all forms including creative writing to cope! This means putting yourself in your blorbo's shoes, making whump of them, non-con fics, etc., are eligible for this. Do NOT make yourself digestible for other people when you yourself cannot digest what happened to YOU.
āyou cannot ship these two fictional characters becauseāā actually I can because they are not real people. they are just toys I play with. you cannot apply real-world morality to fiction or how strangers play with their imaginary toys in their imaginary sandboxes.
you can, however, curate your own internet experience by minding your own business, muting/blocking/scrolling past what upsets you but does not hurt anyone in real life in any way, shape or form.
āship whatever you want except xyz. there is a limitā so you miss the entire point of what I just said šš»
there is, in fact, no limit. I may be uncomfortable with it, I may even find it unpleasant/disturbing, but my personal feelings are not rules that can be applied to other people, and they absolutely do not justify shaming or harassing other people.
i have a very important question: do you think alice is more witchcore lace thighs 70s groupie kind of girl or preppy mini skirts tweed and chanel tops kind of girl????? or something else????
I have a WHOLE fashion post the second I get my Polyvore invite (it's BACK and I am going to be a menace.) It's a whole damn essay, so I will give you some crib notes.
Alice always loose stylish, not necessarily trendy. Yes, there is a difference.
I think Alice would have worn both those styles when they were fashionable but...
I think Alice's personal style leans very feminine and playful.
When this goddamn paper is finished, I will break out the powerpoint essay post with images.
Iām curious, how things would have gone in Alice and Jasperās first meeting in Anathema, if Alice didnāt have a severe vision? I would not in a million years change any batshit insane shit that have happened in Anathemaās LEGENDARY first meeting, but like, would Jasper be so overwhelmed with awe that he just leans in and kisses her? I mean, she did say it what she saw.
Just IMAGINE the chaos.
I can, I did, and you're getting that version some time this weekend.
not to be dramatic but I'd actually kill for an update in The Lost Ones verse
!!!! Anon, how did you know I was working on the outline?
The sequel will be called Brave New World. I'm unsure if I'll be making it longer than The Lost Ones, or if there will be a third in the sequence. We have a lot to unpack - Alice remembering Jasper's 'betrayal', the two of them healing, moving to Forks and blending in. And they might have some unfinished business with Stefan and Vladimir.
There's some snippets below, and hopefully I'll have a full chapter after everything is updated!
brave new world.
It is a long, slow walk away from the wreckage of the Dacian castle, to the new residence. Aliceās knees buckle and bend like a fawn trying to walk for the first time, and Jasper keeps looking back, making him stumble.
Alice is easily distracted by the simplicity of wild flowers, of stars and the breeze and the smell of fresh air. Maybe it would be irritating if it wasnāt so clear the girl hadnāt thought she would see any of the world again and maybe still feared she never would again.
But they finally made it into the gully, where the new house sat. New to them, at least. The Romanian farmhouse is remote, in the middle of the forest, and Esme has hurriedly made it habitable. Made of grey stone and wood, it is two floors with a well-built cellar.
Carlisle is privately amazed Esme has managed to clean the entire building, to find and build four bedrooms and three common rooms with appropriate furniture, not to mention fill the cellar with the medical equipment he will be repurposing for Alice and Jasper. The wiring is barely existent, and that will be Rosalieās chore over the next few days.
The plan is solid. They will remain in Romania until they are convinced Alice and Jasper are healed and understand the foreign world they have found themselves in - the laws, how to stay safe. If they wish to remain in Romania, the farmhouse will be their home.
//
Their stories come out slowly, in bits and pieces. Neither of them are eager to confide in the family of what came before, but sometimes they offer pieces.
Alice was less forthcoming than Jasper, with vague comments and a refusal to answer questions; though she had confirmed she was nearly seventy years younger than Jasper - she had arrived at court decades before him.
Jasperās revelation that he was apart of the infamous coven of Barcelona would have made Carlisle spit out his drink, had he had one. Maria is infamous, and the last Carlisle heard, was still stalking the streets of Barcelona.
But one thing turns up in many of Jasperās stories, once he learns to trust them enough to stop guarding what he says, is the two vampires he created - Petyr and Carlota. He speaks of them with affection and longing and sadness.
And that lingers in Esmeās mind - and Carlisleās.
Itās Eleazar that Carlisle mentions the pair to - Spanish vampires, over twenty-five hundred years old. Itās a ridiculous, really; trying to find two vampires that could be long dead.
Heās not expecting Eleazar to know how to find them.
Or to actually find them.
The phone call comes during one of Alice and Jasperās school lessons - Esme has become a capable and compassionate teacher as they learn English. Alice is quick to complete the lessons, searching for the correct answers within her visions, but Jasper is faster to become fluent.
(Edward was their first teacher, and almost immediately insisted on the pair speaking English - and only English - in the house. It had backfired in that both remained entirely and stubbornly silent.)
//
Charlotte and Peter arrived during one of Alice and Jasperās solo hunting trips. Resisting human blood seemed to be easier on them than Carlisle anticipated, but in broken English, Jasper had explained that anything after waiting so long to feed was good, better than he remembered. They would be tempted, and they were still being taught strict control, but it seemed the pair had stumbled upon the most horrific, torturous way to desensitize a vampire to human blood.
They had quickly earned some privacy during hunts, and then solo trips. Edward claimed they did little more than talk in Dacian; they did not touch often outside of Jasper supporting Alice walk. Even in the months since their discovery, Alice was still weak but improving. The cracks were sealed, and the grey markings with fading slowly.
Charlotte was roughly Esmeās height, with long wavy, strawberry-blonde hair. She looks no more remarkable than any college student in her coat and dress. Peter was lanky, only a few inches shorter than Jasper, with light brown hair that looked almost as out of control as Edwardās, and rough stubble on his face. He looked roughly the same biological age as Charlotte, and both of them looked curious as Eleazer motioned for them to follow him.
āEleazer said you have found someone that knew us?ā Charlotteās voice was soft, and did have an indistinguishable European lilt, like she could burst into a chatter of French or Italian in any second. āFrom a long time ago?ā
āYes. Itās a very long story, but we found two vampires in Romania during our recent travels.ā Carlisle said carefully.
//
His hand lingers at the small of her back. A habit now, after watching her relearn to walk. Sheās still not back at full strength, but itāll happen.
He might enjoy taking care of her now, more than he should. Back then, he was a shadow and a companion, a sharpened blade. But now, now she reaches for him when she is unsteady, wordlessly asks him to help her pin her hair and button her dresses. He helps her practice her English, just the two of them, because she would hate these people, their new masters, ever seeing her weaknesses.
But he misses her. That bold, sly, funny woman. This is another side of her, that he understands. But he wants that lost part of her back, the one that seemed like she could take on the world right up until the fall. He hopes she can be that version of herself again, but heāll love every version of her.
āThere are guests,ā Alice looks towards the house, curiously. She looks like a picture, in a lemon-coloured dress that falls above her ankles. Heās getting better at pinning her hair, but it still doesnāt look entirely like the way she does it.
āEnglish, Alice,ā he says gently, teasingly, and she scowls at him.
āWhy canāt they learn how to speak with us?ā she mumbles. āWhy must we learn their language?ā
āBecause then we would not be able to have privacy between us,ā he replies.
āThat is true,ā she smiles at him, and her English is still accented but much smoother.
//
They emerge from the woods to find the Cullens standing in the garden with their guests. He isnāt really paying attention until the breeze brings their scent.
And then he is a million miles away, twenty-five lifetimes away. The smell of the pyres, Mariaās red lips curving upwards as she left them, left him, to face her penance. The feeling of the earth beneath his feet as they fled Barcelona, fled Spain for help, for intervention. He had tried to untangle a way out, the key to their freedom. The Orient was no more friendly than the Dacians, even more vicious than Maria and the covens of Spain.
There had been one way out.
It had been the right way. He knew that now, seeing them stand there with the Cullens.
His. Carlota and Petyr. They were alive, alive and here. Ivan had never gotten to them, never laid his despicable hands on them. And that is one of his greatest victories.
āThey are your people?ā Alice asks curiously.
āYes,ā he croaks. āIvan didnātā¦ā If his heart was still beating, it would be pounding its way out of his chest. They are here. For every second of pain in his stone prison, they were living.
āGo,ā Alice smiles at him, pulling her hand free. āThey have come here to find you.ā
Itās exactly the reunion the Cullens would have expected, but perhaps not from the restrained man. He pulls away from Alice, and moves faster towards Peter and Charlotte. Charlotteās eyes light up as soon as she glances him and lets out a gasp-sob.
āIt is. Itās him, itās him. Jesper! Jesper!ā Charlotte tears off, Peter only a step behind.
The trio half-crash into each other
āIs there anyone we can find for you, Miss Alice?ā Eleazer asks warmly as they watch Jasper try to explain everything to Charlotte and Peter, switching between Latin, Dacian, and English as needed.
Alice shook her head, smiling at the scene. āNo,ā she said simply. āI did not have anyone - except for Jasper.ā
There is something extremely sad about the small girl standing there, the ghosts of her scars still lining her limbs.
i think we should stop calling them baby names so people remember theyāre not just naming a baby but also a future twenty seven year old with a resume
I still maintain that it would be the funniest (and saddest) thing, to have Tanya or Kate (or both?) flirt with Mary-Alice to make Jasper jealous.
She becomes aware about how beautiful the women around Jasper are; they are unscarred and have long hair and beautiful clothing, and know how to ābe humanā, which Alice Cullen would have been, if things turned out differently. You said that MA wouldnāt be jealous if they went after Jasper, because she shared him with Maria, being uncomfortable with it is not something she understands. I think she sees Major as hers no matter what,
So it makes her BEWILDERED when these women, beautiful and sophisticated and kind, want her company. They compliment her, give her pretty things and are curious about her history. And they seem so friendly? And why is Kate wants to go hunting with her? And why her and Major bicker (politely) about it? Should they just all go together?
And there is the Major, who looks so worried? Why is he glowering and seems so on edge? Was there some problem between him and the sisters?
I just think itās 1000% more unexpected for MA to be the center of attention of three blonde vampires, two of which are women who look like angels. And the third is her scary husband.
And I think it would make Jasper more uncomfortable, but also embarrassed, because he knows Tanya/Kate are good people, and MA deserves to have friends and be included. But he would certainly be on edge and annoyed, trying to say to himself itās because he is worried MA would get spooked (and itās a part of it, honestly), while we know (and he knows, just wonāt admit to it) that itās because he selfishly wants MA attention on him only.
I just think Garett would be too obvious. AND him being a man, Jasper might get so worked up about MA being potentially uncomfortable, that he might deck him in the faceš
The sisters, though, are a wildcard. He should have stayed in Forks with Mary Alice. Or they should have gone to Oregon to see the snow instead. š
Thatās FUNNY cāmon.
OH, I am *fully* on board with Kate or flirting with Mary-Alice and Mary-Alice being so bewildered because this is the first real socializing she's done since meeting the Cullens, and she wants to make a good impression because the Cullens have been very generous to her.
She just wasn't expecting all the unsolicited, casual touching. None of the Cullens touch her as much as Kate does, and Esme helps her alter her clothing. Kate's touching her leg, her arm, her hair. And keeps offering to give her a tour?
And the Major is tense which is strange because he was encouraging her, that the sisters were friends. Rosalie keeps sitting with her and Kate, but she doesn't seem upset. Kate and Irina dragging Mary-Alice and Rose upstairs to play dress up, and Kate getting very close to Mary-Alice to do her make up and Rosalie just wishing Kate wasn't being Kate and that she didn't have to play chaperone because Mary-Alice's no one needs Mary-Alice having a flashback and lashing out in the middle of the very nice Alaskan house.
Jasper just being stressed the fuck out, this is NOT the wholesome social exercise he was planning. Emmett thinks its funny because he knows how insulated Jasper and Mary-Alice are, and how much Jasper loves that he gets to be Mary-Alice's protector and bodyguard.
Mary-Alice finally realising that Kate and Jasper are bickering over her, and being stunned. No one has ever fought over her in her entire life.
Garrett is a non-starter. It's too similar to other fics, and I need more ways to use the Denali girls. He's just an example of the first red-eyed male vampire Mary-Alice meets after finding Jasper, and he brings up a lot of complicated feelings around single, red-eyed male vampires, and strangers, and that's a threat. I feel like Garrett would think she's funny and serious and maybe tease-flirt with her, which just causes Mary-Alice to retreat entirely. She's not going to pick a fight with one of Carlisle's friends, but without the potential of a fight there's a lot of intrusive thoughts which are best dealt with by seeking out the Major.
I'm wildly amused by the use of 'husband' in reference to Jasper as well.
