James Potter

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

dolly--umbridge​:

It was nice of her to do. That was a strange comment. It had never really felt like a choice, let alone a good deed. It was just what she had to do for her family to get by. Either that or leave her toddler brother unsupervised. She couldn’t imagine ever having said no - it hadn’t even occurred as a possibility at the time. They were family, they had to stick together. It was her duty. 

It had stunted her in some ways though. There were so many things she’d missed out on, things as small as meeting up with her friends after school, but they mattered. She’d resented her parents for it, just as she resented them for sending her off to school in hand-me-downs, but she had never voiced it before in fear that her brother might think she resented him. 

“I didn’t realise I could pitch a fit about it. Maybe if I had a time machine I would.” It felt like an awful thing to say. “Not that I didn’t want to care for him. He’s a great kid really. Made the job easy.” She didn’t know if she’d revealed to much, happy to change the topic to the present.

“Oh, I think he’s listening to records at a friend’s house, but he came home smelling like cigarettes last time. He swears he didn’t touch them, and maybe I’m the fool, but I do believe him. Kids start to become such good liars at that age though - I know I was.” She was not about to admit to her employer about the time she found a wallet and took all the cash from it to buy something for herself, but she had to offer something she lied about now she’d said it or he’d come up with something worse in his head. “Sneaking out. That kind of thing.”

.

James laughed, although he wasn’t sure if she’d necessarily meant it as a joke. “I think I get what you mean,” he said, although James didn’t. Not really. He was an only child, and he’d never had people in his life close enough to even approximate that kind of sibling dynamic. But he could appreciate how close they always seemed to be, the way they cared about each other. Dolly’s joke seemed perfectly in line with that love and the feisty edge that always seemed to go with it.

As she kept talking, James hummed in acknowledgement. “I admit I wasn’t much of a troublemaker--not that kind anyway.” He’d gotten in trouble some at school, but it was usually because he couldn’t pick his battles or at least was bad at not picking other people’s. Sometimes James had sat at home trying to imagine being the type going out and about on a Friday night, but aside from the occasional family event or group outings with other Socs, James never did. 

“Did you sneak out much then?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t an inappropriate conversation topic. Dolly had brought it up, so he hoped she wasn’t offended by it. James didn’t really know what to say to back out of it if she was. It wasn’t like he could bring up his own stories in return to trade back. He didn’t have any.

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

ameliajbones​:

When: April 15 Where: Outside the Black Accounting Office Tagging: @jameslivinguptoexpectations​

Amelia still felt as if her shoulder ached, as if the pain she’d felt in that vision had been real. She’d cleaned up the coffee that she’d spilled, set all the papers to right, and hoped that the cleaner that the Black’s hired would do a better job of cleaning the carpet than she had. That was not her job, she thought decidedly, and she wasn’t about to be on her hands and knees scrubbing it clean like a Greaser or something.

Instead, she decided she needed to take a break from work at the moment. Maybe if she went on a walk, it would clear her head and maybe make her forget the pain. Anything to get her mind off of what had just happened, if she were truthful. The whole thing made her mind feel muddy, and she just tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other on solid ground as she made her way out towards the exit.

“Oh! Mr. Potter, hello,” She stated as she stepped outside, pausing at seeing him and raising an eyebrow. “Here to get some work done, or waiting outside to bother my boss a bit more with your being here?” She teased him faintly then, though her voice was a little softer than her usual, off.

.

James never closed the store early. Ever. His parents never did when they were there, and James knew they expected him to follow that same level of consistency. 

But he just couldn’t.

The very real grief he’d felt, the worry that it was a premonition of some sort-- it was too much to stand there and help people fill prescriptions. He’d put a note of apology on the door that said to come back tomorrow. Hopefully people would understand.

To be fair, James hadn’t really been conscious of where he was going. It wasn’t until Amelia was there in front of him that he realized he’d been heading toward her in hopes of comfort. It was silly, but something in him felt like if it was something still to come, she had to be the person who’d comforted him. No one else made sense.

“Hoping to see you actually,” James said, ducking his head. Normally Amelia was so take-charge, and he couldn’t decide if it was good or bad that she was being so gentle with him. 

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

“i don’t mean to pry. i’m just worried.”

Peter's face always made James feel guilty when he was frowning like that. It wasn't fair. "I don't mean to pry. I'm just worried."

"Look," James snapped, knowing he wasn't being nice. "You don't need to worry about me or concern yourself at all really. We're just two guys who graduated together. I appreciate you checking in, but I'm not interested in talking."

It was his own fault for seeking Peter out, for wanting to see if that look in his eyes was the same as the one that had flashed into his mind on Sunday. Like they were friends. Like James was someone worth caring about.

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

“i’ve never seen you off your game like this.”

James took a deep breath as he tried to get his bearings or at least look like he had them. "Hey," he said, attempting his usual smile. It felt hollow even to him.

He let it fall under the scrutiny of Amelia's gaze. "I've never seen you off your game like this."

"Yeah, well," James grumbled. "I'm working a lot and... not sleeping well." He didn't tell her it was because of the confusion and sorrow that filled his dreams, nor the red hair filtering through it.

He waved his hand as she opened her mouth to argue. "I'm fine. Or at least, I'll be fine."

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

“i wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, or anything, but the door was wide open.”

"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, or anything, but the door was wide open."

James let his head fall back scrubbing his hands over it buy himself time before answering. "Sorry you had the hear that."

He didn't argue with his parents often, but naturally it would happen when he'd finally talked Amelia into joining him for dinner. He should have known better than to bring her here, even if he had wanted to cook for her.

James looked at her directly. "I'm sorry you heard them say all that. Look, I know things are a little tense with your family, but I can't believe my mother would be that judgmental about it. She has no right to care about someone else's business like that."

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

∞

Haze by Tessa Violet

I'll be your empathetic savior / Call me up, I'll meet you later

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

∞

LANY's if this is the last time

I love you with all my heart, you know

I don't wanna cry, I'm bad at goodbye

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

“if things get really dicey, i can lend you enough to get you through the week.”

[This one didn't specify who was saying it, so I went with James.]

"It doesn't have to be this way," James said again. He carefully placed the jewelry box back up on the mantle where it belonged. It was just Dolly's luck there wasn't anything in it anyway. "If things get really dicey, I can lead you enough to get you through the week."

He winced. It was the wrong thing to say, and James knew it was the wrong thing. Dolly was too proud to take that as it was.

"Not because I think you can't," he said quickly, taking a step forward as she took one back. "I want to. If it matters that much, you can pay me back later, when things have settled. I just... You've got more options. I need you to believe me."

[mylove-isnot-fragile]

put a "∞" in my ask box and I'll shuffle my music player and give you my favorite lyric from the song that comes up.

[stellarhub]

★; addressing the elephant in the room sentence starters.

—  “i didn’t mean to look, but you left your phone unlocked and—” — “so… are we not gonna talk about whatever you just nudged under the bed?” — “you have enough for food, right?” — “if things get really dicey, i can lend you enough to get you through the week.” — “promise me you won’t go looking for work in unsavory places.” — “really? [name], of all people?” — “you two were a thing?” — “how come i’ve never met your parents?” — “have you told your parents?” — “have you told [name]?” — “i’m not about to interrogate you, but whatever you’re getting up to… it’s nothing you can’t handle, right?” — “are those bruises?” — “first, we’re going to dress that wound. then you’re going to tell me what—or who—gave it to you.” — “lately, you’ve seemed a little… off.” — “i get that you’re upset, but i think you need to take it down a notch.” — “what happened back there?” — “that wasn’t like you at all.” — “just because someone hurt you doesn’t mean you get to turn around and hurt other people.” — “it might be time to call it quits.” — “don’t take this the wrong way, but you aren’t looking too good.” — “have you always been this pale?” — “did you sleep a wink last night?” — “when’s the last time you ate?” — “you were right to say something, but you didn’t need to pile it on like that.” — “you don’t think you took that way too far?” — “whose ashes are these?” — “whose shrine is this?” — “who’s standing next to you in this picture?” — “did the guest room belong to somebody?” — “i know this is uncomfortable for you, but that’s no reason to treat everyone the way you have been.” — “that smell… you’re not back to your old habits, are you?” — “is everything okay? i’m hearing lots of background noise.” — “what happened to that ring you always used to wear?” — “it’s sweltering. what’s with the long sleeves?” — “was this broken the last time i came over?” — “where’d this hole in the wall come from?” — “i wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, or anything, but the door was wide open.” — “were you crying?” — “you never mentioned having a sibling.” — “[name] used to be all you talked about.” — “[name]’s still got your heart in a vice grip, huh?” — “i don’t stand a chance against [name], do i?” — “was it something i said?” — “you know i’m always going to be on your side, but you’re not making it easy.” — “i don’t mean to pry. i’m just worried.” — “i didn’t realize you’d have such a strong reaction.” — “the fact that you were feeling angry is a reason. it’s not an excuse.” — “this isn’t working.” — “you know this isn’t sustainable, don’t you?” — “i didn’t want to say anything when it happened, but i noticed [pronoun] used a different name for you.” — “should i use those pronouns around other people too?” — “are they cool with you know what?” — “what prompted the wardrobe flush?” — “i’ve never seen you off your game like this.” — “rooting through your garbage honestly wasn’t on my itinerary, but… did you mean to toss this?” — “who was that, anyway?” — “what did [pronoun] say to you?” — “what did [pronoun] do?” — “is [pronoun] treating you right?” — “did you mean it when you said you were okay with this? because it doesn’t really seem like you are.” — “that wasn’t very mature of you.” — “so you lied.” — “why are you so afraid of being honest with me?” — “did i do something to make you feel like you can’t set any boundaries? or was it someone else?” — “trust doesn’t come easy for you, does it?” — “no one can help if you don’t let them.” — “change doesn’t necessarily need to be a bad thing, you know.” — “maybe it’s for the best.”

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

Date: April 20 Location: Pharmacy Starter: @lupinnrxmus

James stretched his arms up over his head, relishing the pressure build and release in his shoulder. He’d been at work all day, and with only half an hour left until closing, the time felt endless. Things were slow, had been most of the afternoon, and he now hoped that it could stay that way if he’d had to deal with so much boredom already. He’d even reorganized his shelves.

His eyes opened as the door chimed, signaling that no, he could not do nothing. “Welcome,” James said as he let his hands back down to his sides. The guy was vaguely familiar. “Can I help you with something?”

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

ofevcns​:

A small shake of her head followed his question, although Lily felt curiosity settle in her stomach. It was rare that a Soc cared so much about cutting into their wages; taking time away from them getting paid. Kindness, rare as it was, still gave her hope for a world outside this town. “Oh, no, at least I don’t think so.” A little laugh fell from her lips. “Truth be told, I’m starving and the help is very appreciated.”

Her eyes flitted over his face, wondering, carefully, why she’d never noticed him before. Or, rarely. His smile was bright, warm and friendly, even in as it appeared in it’s half-form. Lily found herself holding onto his hand for one moment too long, and she quickly pulled away as he did, turning her cheek to look at the ground (and so he couldn’t see the blush that formed there).

“Oh, right,” she said brightly, smile wide as she looked up at him with a glimmer in her eyes. “I thought you looked familiar.” A pause as she found a piece of trash hidden in the grass. “You took over the pharmacy, right? My mom couldn’t stop talking about it… They were all excited to see it stay in the family.” And she distinctly remembered her mother trying to set up a few of the other Greaser girls with the new, handsome Soc pharmacist. She couldn’t tell him that, of course.

Twinkle in her eyes, Lily stood, pointing at him playfully as she explained, “If it’s chocolate you’re after, I may or may not have direct access to the remaining bags. You’re already helping so, it’s the least I could do.” 

.

James smiled. “Then I’m happy to help.” He wasn’t too good for it, no matter what others of his social standing said. James wasn’t about to feel bad that he had the privilege of money and connections, but that didn’t meant he had to be rude about it either. The situation was what it was; he might as well ease her burden a little when he was here anyway.

He added another wrapper to his pile as she spoke. Yeah, he should be familiar, but James knew compared to someone like Sirius, he just didn’t stand out as much. He didn’t want to. “Not fully yet,” he admitted. “My parents still own it and make most of the big decisions, but I’m there, yeah. And somebody it’s mine.” For better or for worse. James wavered based on the day and how shitty the customers were. He tried to always be pleasant to them, but oof, he did not get the same curtesy. 

Sometimes people were nice. People his age tended to be. Younger men were usually bored and in a hurry but not as rude about it as their parents. Younger women tended to be patient and sometimes even sweet, as long as they didn’t have a toddler waiting in the car. James had noticed the pattern, but aside from generational generalizations, he didn’t have much to say about it.

He jerked his head up hopefully. “Well now you’ve made a promise,” he said. “You better not be kidding. I’ll be crushed if you dangle chocolate before my face and take it away like a dangling carrot never to be.” James offered her a crooked grin, the one older ladies at work always called charming. He didn’t know that it would work on someone like Lily, but if chocolate was on the line, he had to at least attempt a little charm.

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

Pacing in a cold, sterile hallway, anxiety and fear choking him. Glancing at the door to the outside, as if waiting on someone. Then, a door from the inside opens, and a doctor steps out, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry, Mr. Potter. Your parents are no longer with us.” Pain, grief, and then suddenly arms around him from behind, comforting, but who?

James wanted to call it a dream after it happened, but he'd been taking a mid-afternoon nap. He'd been peacefully dreaming--something about floating cows?--when something else gripped him, and he bolted upright in his chair. His knuckles went white from how tightly he squeezed his fists against the onslaught of emotion.

His parents. Fuck, his parents. He'd always had them. He'd always been able to rely on them. Every complaint, every dream, every moment of need: he'd always been able to go to them and know that between his mother and his father, someone would give comfort or whatever else he needed.

The arms around him felt like warm relief tethering him to reality before James could drown in his grief.

Except no.

Because suddenly he felt himself shift back to reality, became very aware that all he felt was a chair against his back, not arms around his body.

Still, the tears that streamed down his face were incredibly real. As was the urge to go make sure his parents were fine. The loss had felt so real. What could it be? A premonition? God, he hoped not. He couldn't lose them.

They weren't always perfect and didn't necessarily understand them, but James couldn't do this alone.

He didn't have any arms to find comfort in.

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

dolly--umbridge​:

He was polite about it - not wanting to step on toes. Internally she was searching for a reason to be annoyed at this, trying to find any sense that he was looking down on her or her mother. The paranoia was a hangover from her school days when it felt like all of the Socs looked down their noses at her second hand clothes that never fit right. She wanted to be proved right about James so she could just write him off, but just like he’d done at school her exceeded her expectations.

“I’m sure no one will mind you throwing away what you find. Means they can get home earlier at least.” It came out almost begrudging, even though she hadn’t intended that. Her reservations about him oozed out of her even if she tried to hide them.

There was a sense that he had the same melancholy that she did, watching the children run around hunting for eggs. He was an only child, she knew that much. No cousins around, no nieces and nephews, so certainly not the same reason as Dolores. It was curious, but she couldn’t ask him directly.

“Oh, no, not anymore. I used to take my little brother to these kinds of things.” she left out the reason. The long hours that both of her parents worked meant that Dolores was often in charge of care for her little brother. A big responsibility, one that she resented, but oddly missed. “He’s too old now though for that. He would rather be with his own friends.” Her explanation came with a slight laugh and a roll of her eyes as if to say “teenagers”. “I’m sure he’s getting up to no good.”

.

James shrugged, not quite sure how to read Dolores’ tone. He tried not to pay too close of attention to it. He was wrong half the time anyway. “Well, hopefully they can have a little of their holiday evening then.”

He cleared his throat, turning his attention to the scrap of story she’d offered. “That was nice of you to do,” he said. “I’m sure plenty of older siblings would have pitched a fit at such things. I can’t help suspecting I would have when I was his age.” It was always a shame--the attitude of teens. They never seemed to understand that no matter how uncool things seemed in the moment, they’d miss them immensely someday. But one of those things was listening to anyone older, so James planned to keep that to himself if he talked to any teenagers in the near future.

“What does his brand of no good look like?” James asked. “Not trying to get him into trouble, I swear. I’m just curious how things have changed, even in a few short years. We’re practically ancient now, you know.”

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

ofevcns​:

Lily’s stomach was growling.

It gurgled now as she stooped down to pick up a wayward egg, carefully tossing it into the bag she’d been using to pick up the other droppings. The field was still strewn with candy wrappers and tiny little toys, forgotten in the rush to the other events happening around the festival. Lily was rushing, she knew, to get the work done. The extra pay would help pay for some more supplies in the office; a few more coloring books for the kids to share next week.

The thought made her smile, that was, until she stood up to see just who was reaching for the same piece of trash as she was. James, she believed, the Potter’s son if she remembered correctly. A flash of confusion fell on her face, and she quickly shook her head. “Sorry… I just, didn’t expect to see someone volunteering,” she said, offering him a small smile. “Nice of you.”

And she meant it. It was nice, and while a part of her didn’t want to trust it, the kinder side of her hoped it was true. Not all Soc’s could be evil, after all. “Honestly? It’s been hot as hell, and I can’t wait to absolutely devour a plate of food but… I always love watching the kids get so excited over their little finds. It’s sweet.”

Putting down the bag, Lily wiped her hands on her dress and offered one to him. “I’m Lily, by the way,” she said, waiting for him to shake her hand before asking. “And you? Finding any hidden treasures in this mess?”

.

James stepped back, giving her space. She seemed familiar, but it took a moment for him to place her as that outspoken greaser girl in his class in school. He’d always thought she seemed rather fearless in ways that he couldn’t imagine being. James knew he was many things, but courageous had never been one of them.

He shrugged awkwardly, especially as he put the pieces together that she was being paid. “I’m not cutting into your wages by helping, am I?” he asked. He didn’t know if this was some kind of hourly situation. He hoped not. She deserved to be done as quick as possible, especially if food was on his mind. 

“I’m sure they’ll be happy to show off for ages,” he said with a ruefully smile. “Everything’s exciting at that age.”

He took her hand, automatically answering, “I know.” James flushed as he realized how that sounded. “I mean, uh, I remember you from school. I was in your class.”

As he dropped her hand and shoved both of his in his pockets, James surveyed the ground around them. “Not yet, but I suppose the day’s still young. Well, young enough. And the young ones certainly did a thorough job gathering their goodies. Not so much as a half-eaten nibble of chocolate.”

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

dolly--umbridge​:

There was a twisted satisfaction in watching a Soc that she worked for cleaning up. It would have been better if it wasn’t James, she actually liked him, but Dol would take what she could get. Her walk slowed and her eyes lingered as she tried to unpick what was going on in his mind. Her opinion of his side of town was so low, that her first thought wasn’t the simplest one - that it was just a kind thing to do. Maybe it was some kind of act, to show how virtuous he was. He didn’t seem like the type… He might just genuinely not view it as Greaser work that was beneath him. 

It was an interesting thought, but one she’d been thinking about for far too long as he caught her watching him. 

“They’ve hired clean up, you know. My mother is helping with it but well-” there was no real excuse for not taking the extra shift except she’d wanted to spend the day with her little brother as they always used to. Shame that hadn’t panned out given his age and new found want for freedom away from his sister. “-I wanted the day off.” 

“Yes, it’s been pleasant enough.” Dolores often found herself talking in this slightly stilted tone when around her employers. Always trying to make a good impression. “Are there any children in your family you brought today?” She asked gesturing around at the remains of the egg hunt, trying to make at least some small talk, feeling exceptionally awkward and trying to cover for her staring. “Nieces? Nephews?”

.

“Oh,” James said, straightening up and glancing around. “I guess... Yeah, that makes sense. Of course it’s provided for already. I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes by doing their work for them.” Still, he took what he had over to the closest garbage can. Perhaps he didn’t need to clean, but that didn’t mean James could just drop it back on the ground. That seemed impolite.

“A day off is good,” he agreed. 

When she mentioned children, James’ face fell. He didn’t know how to put into words the longing and sadness he felt seeing littles running around. It’s not like he’d spend any time around them. Fixing his face as quickly as he could, James offered her what he knew was an awkward smile. “Just me,” he said. “No cousins to have nieces or nephews in the area.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, willing a more natural smile onto his face. James didn’t want to look like he wanted a pity party or anything. “What about you? Spend your day chasing after any littles?”

[jameslivinguptoexpectations]

Date: April 9, as people start gathering for dinner Location: Easter Egg Hunt grounds Starter: Open

James knew it was silly not to go straight to dinner. His parents had already gone, having briefly touched based with him to make sure he was content and planned to sit with some friends. What a laugh. James’d had plenty of stilted conversation together, but he wasn’t sure whether he considered any of it catching up with friends. He’d been busy at the pharmacy lately, but that didn’t give him much to add to conversation. He’s make it work, find some acquaintances to sit with, and get through dinner.

Perhaps he was dragging his feet now, but James preferred to focus instead on his helpfulness instead of what he was avoiding. Yes, plenty of greasers were probably being paid for the cleanup efforts, but it seemed like a shame not to help. So many children had left candy leftovers and other bits of their prizes just strewn about. He felt that if he was a parent, James would have been a little more aware of the mess his child made.

No matter, he was content to pickup after others.

As he straightened up and immediately made eye contact, James offered a small smile. “Someone has to do it,” he said by way of explanation. “Have you, ah, had a good day?”